Hasta La Gadget!

WILMINGTON, Ohio (AP) — Police have charged 14 people with participating in a fraternity hazing incident that ended with a southwest Ohio college student requiring surgery.

Police made the arrests Thursday after an investigation into the Halloween incident at Wilmington College’s Gamma Phi Gamma house. Court records said a fraternity pledge was injured when he was struck with a towel “fashioned as a weapon” and then needed surgery to have a testicle removed. Jim Reynolds, president of the Quaker college of about 1,000 students southeast of Dayton, says the conduct is unacceptable. The fraternity has been kicked off campus until at least 2019.

The Clinton County prosecutor’s office says each suspect is charged with either misdemeanor assault or hazing.

This past weekend I attended International Mr. Leather, one of the biggest leather and fetish events in the world, held every year in downtown Chicago. I was in attendance both as a member of the media and as curious spectator. IML had granted me media passes for Full Disclosure, the sex-positive podcast I host, meaning I was granted a lot “behind the scenes” access to events.

If you’ve never been to IML, it’s a four-day long event that features kink-friendly parties and social gatherings, culminating in a beauty pageant-esque competition of leather title holders from across the world to be International Mr. Leather.

Much like the leather community in general, IML is overwhelmingly represented by gay males. While leather fetishes are by no means exclusive to gay men, the amount of women I encountered at the event could more or less be counted on two hands, as compared to the thousands of men I saw.

But the more time that I spent at the event, the more I had to question whether or not the ratio of men to women I saw was truly representative of those within the leather community, or whether or not there was some sort of institutionalized segregation of women.

The majority of the events at IML were headquartered at the Marriot’s downtown Chicago location. Security was positioned at every entrance to the hotel along with signs that warned any passerby that the hotel was closed for a private event. As many of us stepped outside during the weekend to use our cellphones, at no point did I ever see security stop a man, be he dressed in a leather harness, t-shirt or peacoat.

But I did very clearly see security stop a woman, admonishing her that this was a private adult event taking place.

“Yeah, I know. That’s exactly what I’m here for,” she replied.

Most of the debauchery doesn’t take place at the IML-sponsored events, but rather in the private hotel rooms of guests at the Marriot. While some of the parties I was invited to were private, closed-door events, others literally had an open door policy, allowing people to wander in and out of the room freely.

I was with my female friend at the time when we were invited to one such party on the 46th floor (the top floor) in a massive suite. Upon entering we found encompassed in near complete darkness, illuminated only by the glow of the city night’s lights which the room overlooked. It was also exceptionally humid — I’d estimate there were about 150 bodies crammed into the suite, doing pretty much everything your imagination will let you.

But despite the relative anonymity that darkness afforded, it only took five minutes before my friend was asked to leave.

“You can’t be here. You’re a woman,” she was told.

My friend is a naturally shy and reserved person who’s recently expressed an interest in the kink and BDSM community. While IML seemed like an opportune time to explore these interests, she was nervous about doing so — intimidation, internal struggle and fear of rejection are frequent barriers when it comes to people openly exploring their own sexuality.

I stepped in, approaching the man who was kicking her out. It was unclear whether this man was the actual tenant of the suite or one of the hundred-plus strangers who had entered into the room and felt threatened by the presence of a woman.

“She’s not causing any trouble. She’s with me,” I said.

“This is a party for men. Women aren’t allowed,” he retorted.

“We’ll leave. But I’m just curious — how do you define a man?”

“Someone who’s obviously a man.”

“What about gender queer people? What about trans people? What about femme men?”

“This isn’t a party for trans people or anything in between, it’s a party for men.”

As we left, several men inside the room apologized on behalf of the man who had kicked her out, and several outside the room refused to go in as a result of it. It was clear that in this particular instance, the presence of my female friend was not upsetting to most of the men who noticed her. Still, it was a private party, and if the tenant of the suite didn’t want a guest in their room they had every right to ask someone to leave.

But a conflict exists in the leather scene and within the LGBT community as a whole: How do groups that have traditionally been marginalized create a safe-space for themselves without simultaneously enacting the same exclusionary policies they’ve been fighting against?

The man who kicked my friend out of the party said that only people who were “obviously men” were allowed inside. How was he defining what makes an “obvious man” and how was he planning to enforce it? Was he proposing a gender police that went around examining the genitals of the attendees? As our country is making phenomenal strides in the fight for LGBT rights and understanding of queer identity, to proceed with a policy of stringent gender binary seems exceptionally dangerous.

“Misogyny is a real part of the gay community, and it’s really exemplified within the gay leather community. It’s always been a problem for those of us who don’t adhere to binary sexual orientation dichotomies,” said queer-identifying dominatrix Miss Erin Black.

Black goes on, “In male culture as a whole, if you’re not worthy of being fucked, you’re not worthy of much.”

It’s a conflict that’s rearing its head more and more as the fight for LGBT inclusion progresses. Most queer individuals have spent their entire lives trying to assimilate to heteronormative culture. What happens when suddenly a queer individual has straight friends that are willing to accompany them to a gay bar for a change? Are queer people “allowed” to socialize with their straight ally friends?

We are at a pivotal moment in history in the struggle for equal representation and protection under the law. It’s a time when unity, inclusion, and understanding are paramount.

“I believe anyone is allowed to define the terms of their gatherings in any way they want. But those terms aren’t immune to critique. What makes a space safe for one person may make it unsafe for another. In defining ‘safe space’ we must get crystal clear on what defines safety and for whom,” said feminist author and queer-identifying sex educator Allison Moon.

What happens to my friend who was kicked out of the party? What message does it send to potential allies both outside and within the LGBT community that your place within that community is directly related to your gender, sexuality, or what’s between your legs?

Right now we need people like my friend.

Moon continues, “Solidarity isn’t about genitals, it’s about how we move through the world, how we experience discrimination, and how we support one another.”

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For more from Eric Barry, follow him on Twitter or Facebook, and be sure to listen to the Full Disclosure sex podcast. This week’s episode features IML 2013 winner Andy Cross, International Mr. Leather and bad rap lyrics.

Summer’s coming, so naturally you’re getting ready for some beach time. You’ve found all of the beach gear in the garage and practiced your best gut suck in front of the mirror, determining it’s passably deceptive (it’s not). Now if you’re a parent, planning for a day on the shore includes buckets, pails, extra clothes for the kids, oil drums of SPF 4,974 sunscreen, snacks and everything that you need to avoid meltdowns. Remembering all of that is great, but the thing you need to keep in mind above all of the others is water safety for you and for your children.

Allow me to tell you about the angriest I’ve ever been in my life. I was a lifeguard in Long Beach, NY and the ocean was particularly rough on this day. (I know you’re thinking, But it’s NY! How rough can the ocean really get there?? Well, click on this link to have a look. http://youtu.be/PiPNAeo-174 That’s about 100 yards from the spot I worked, so lesson one is don’t underestimate any body of water you plan on entering.)

On this particular day I had a rescue when a riptide eroded a sandbar that a large group of people had gathered on. Almost everyone made it to the shore on their own except for the two small children I pulled out. They were brother and sister. He was 8 or 9 and she was maybe 11. When I returned them to land, I had expected to see mom or dad waiting to hug them; relieved that their children were safe. They weren’t there. As a matter of fact, I had the kids take me all the way to the back of the beach where I found the mom sleeping… with headphones on! She was completely oblivious to the fact that she had almost lost both of her children while she worked on her tan. Please don’t think I’m exaggerating. Her kids were at the very end of their struggle to stay afloat when I got to them. They were going to die. I was furious at this person for being so careless when it came to the safety of her kids and I made sure that she knew it.

When you go to the beach (or anywhere) with your kids, YOU are the first and most important line of defense when it comes to their safety. Gone are the days when the beach meant that you can sit in a chair and read a book, or take a nice nap in the sun. You now have to be constantly on guard. If your child is near the water, you need to be near the water too. If your child is in the water, you should be ankle-deep right behind them at the absolute minimum. You’d be shocked at how quickly a small child can go from wetting his or her toes to being knocked over and washed out with a surprise wave. A 10-second glance away could be all it takes. Consider the lifeguards a final option when all you have done to keep them safe has failed. Do not rely on them or anyone else when it comes to the safety of your kiddos.

Here is a list of things to run through before you head to big blue with the kids:

1. Know your swimming limitations

Please take note that I’m not saying “DISCOVER your limitations.” If you think the water might be too rough for you, then I assure you that you are right. Err on the side of caution always. Don’t put yourself into a dangerous situation, especially when you are with your kids.

2. Be especially cautious in unfamiliar waters

By most standards, I am an excellent swimmer. However, new bodies of water present new challenges that I might not know about and don’t want to discover when I’m in it. Always investigate the place you’re entering first. Ask locals, scope out potential problems and stay out if you’re unsure. If it’s a hot day and you see a delightful-looking area of water that is free of other swimmers, assume there is a reason for it. There might be a riptide, polluted waters or it might be off-limits for some other reason you are not aware of.

3. Recognize a Riptide

Riptides (sometimes called “undertows”) are channels of water that flow from the beach out to sea. You have all of these waves coming in and they have to go back out to sea somewhere. The water is pushed to the side by the waves that are behind it until it finds an exit. This is usually in a spot that’s deeper than the surrounding areas and when the water rushes out, it forms a channel and makes it even deeper. Take a second to watch the water before you go in. Is there a section of the beach where the waves just aren’t breaking? Does the whitewater that’s rolling in mysteriously disappear in a section? That is the deeper water. Waves break where the water gets shallow. If they aren’t breaking, it’s deeper there and you should move your kids somewhere well away from it because chances are, that’s the spot that’s pulling out to sea. What looks to you like the most serene patch of water can very well be the most dangerous. Also, don’t swim very close to jetties or piers. Riptides often form next to them as water is forced out to sea.

4. Know how to get out of a riptide

Riptides can be very scary if you’re in one. You swim and swim and swim towards shore, but either make no progress, or get farther and farther away. If you’ve never been in a riptide, imagine swimming to the end riptide-diagramof your pool, only you’re swimming uphill and the water is pushing you back. There is a very simple solution to this. Swim parallel to the shore, not towards it. The riptide might only be a few yards wide. Once you’re out of it, getting to shore will be relatively easy again.

5. Talk to the lifeguards before you go in

This is a surprisingly simple thing to do that most people overlook. You might be looking at the lifeguard and think to yourself, Pffff… That kid is 19 years old, tops. What can he/she tell me that I don’t already know… Well, when it comes to the ocean, I guarantee you that they know more than you might ever know. In one summer, it’s very likely that those “kids” will spend more time on the beach and in the ocean than most people will in their entire lives. They are the experts and you should respect that. Ask them where the safest place is for you and the kids. Have them point out dangerous spots (they’ll know where they are and where they form with changing tides). If you’re not a strong swimmer, let them know and ask them to keep a particular eye out for your children. I promise you that if you show them that you are making an effort, they will make an effort for you as well.

6. Recognize when someone is in trouble

I strongly recommend that everyone read this article and share it with everyone you know. “Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning”http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/. It gives you a very real description of what to look for and recognize when someone is in desperate need of help. They cannot call out, they cannot scream. They simply go under. I’ll leave this quote from it here: “Children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.”

7. Assign a guardian when you are away

There are obviously going to be times that you can’t watch the kids. You might have to go to the bathroom or feed a parking meter. A mistake that many people (especially those in groups) make is assuming someone else is watching the kids. They are there with eight other adults, so someone is looking out while you’re away, right?? The problem that arises is that every other parent is also assuming someone else has their eyes on your kids. When you need to leave, assign someone specific to watch your children. Tell them “You are in charge of them until I come back. DO NOT STOP WATCHING THEM UNTIL THEN.” Be firm about it. If you don’t give someone this responsibility, you can’t assume that someone is going to just naturally take over.

So please take caution this summer. Watch your kids at the beach, at the pool, heck, even near the mall fountain. Once you know what to look for and what to look out for, you can spend time on the beach passing that knowledge on to your children. They will be safe while you’re with them and armed with the lessons you give them, they’ll be safe in the future when they are on their own.

How does an adult woman go her entire life without seeing her vagina?

Well, that’s largely a technical issue — but the more interesting question might be why, as YouTuber Davey Wavey discovered when he posted an ad on Craigslist seeking women who had never seen their vaginas. Wavey’s recruits would be part of a video showing women discussing why they hadn’t seen their vaginas — and then finally taking a look.

The women who answered the ad had a variety of reasons for never having explored their vaginas, ranging from body image struggles, religion, and insensitive remarks from former partners, to worrying that it wasn’t “normal” to look and dealing with the psychological trauma of sexual assault.

“I’m afraid it’s going to be ugly,” says one woman featured in the video. “I’ve not seen my vagina because my stomach is covering it,” says another.

When escorted into the “Vagina Booth” and offered a hand mirror to take a long-awaited peek, the women seem most shocked by their lack of shock at their lady bits. Our favorite response is from a former aspiring nun: “Awww.”

The project shows a wide audience that there is no such thing as a “normal” looking vulva. No matter what, a vagina is worth celebrating — or at least looking at.

We’ve already seen a couple of fan-made LEGO versions of Charizard, but if you’d rather have a ready to assemble kit from the company check out lizardman’s proposal. It consists of a very manageable 337 pieces and has lots of joints, making it very poseable.

Evolve into a browser and head to LEGO Ideas to vote for the concept. I think lizardman should take notes from Zane_Houston’s Mecha Charizard though, particularly the monster’s head and body. As it is he looks a bit more like a tortoise than a dragon-like beast.

Thanks Christian!