I didn’t understand why my divorced friend was throwing the remote at her DVR. I was standing in front of her as she started crying.
“What’s wrong? I’m confused.”
“I have all of these shows saved for me and (her ex-husband should remain nameless, unfortunately.) I realize I have to watch our shows by myself; he’s not coming back.”
True Blood and Game of Thrones made her cry, and I had no idea what to do. So I told her to turn to Say Yes To Dress (irony at its finest) because she loves those “girly” shows her ex-husband hated.
I realized then it’s not always the big things in life that make a person realize their relationship and/or marriage is over. It’s the little things listed below that you have to go through to separate your life as a we to a ME.
1. Like I mentioned previously, the DVR: the worst invention ever after a divorce to remind you of all the things you DIDN’T get to finish together. Asshole DVR. But now you can watch what you want, when you want. Reality TV, here I come! Now where is the remote?
2. If nothing else will hit you like being a ME instead of a WE, it’s cooking. No longer are you thinking about their dietary needs or what they like. You are making dinner (if at all) for yourself. Single serving size please! *Granted: unless you have kids
3. There is no arguing about who showers first.
4. His clothes… where are all his clothes I argued about being on the floor? Why is my house clean? This is weird…
5. There are no sides on the bed. The side that was reserved for you and the side that was reserved for him doesn’t exist anymore. Now this can be a good or bad thing. One, you can jump on the bed or do a snow angel (why not?) but on the other side it reminds you that they’re not there.
6. You can smile at that guy in Shoprite. Through this discussion with my friend I never thought of this (good) one! “When you are married if there is a cute guy that made eye contact, I would avoid it or do a polite smile, but it’s abnormal to realize you are now able to have a conversation with this person.”
7. You don’t have to think about the other person. As another divorced friend told me, “You know when your divorced when you are no longer stumbling down the stairs to set his suit, shirt and tie out for work.”
8. You can ignore their phone calls. Granted, if you have kids there are logistics to figure out. But if your ex-husband (when he was your husband) used to call you until you answered, well you answered eventually. But now that he is your ex, you really don’t have too. Send a text. Fine, call my mother if it’s important (ha!)
9. Lastly, the unknown freedom. To sum it up: “You know you’re divorced when you get up from bed when you want to, eat what you want and, most of all, when you don’t have to take his phone calls five times a day.”
My friend gave me this quote going forward:
“D=destiny, I=intuition, V=victory, O=originality, R=respect, C=creativity, E=energy. All the things you forgot were possible”
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