Flight MH17 Crash Photos Show Absolute Destruction (GRAPHIC)

A Malaysia Airlines flight carrying 295 passengers crashed in eastern Ukraine on Thursday while traveling from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur. A Ukrainian official said the plane was shot down, the Associated Press reports.

Malaysia Airlines said the plane’s last position was over Ukrainian airspace.

A group that’s part of the Ukranian resistance movement posted a video that allegedly shows the site of the crash. See below for images of the wreckage.

WARNING: This post includes graphic photos that may be disturbing.

dominique faget
A man wearing military fatigues stands next to the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner on July 17, 2014, after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A picture taken on July 17, 2014, shows the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A picture taken on July 17, 2014, shows the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A picture taken on July 17, 2014, shows the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A man wearing military fatigues stands next to the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed on July 17, 2014, near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A man wearing military fatigues points to the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A picture taken on July 17, 2014, shows bodies among the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

dominique faget
A picture taken on July 17, 2014, shows bodies among the wreckage of the Malaysian airliner after it crashed near the town of Shaktarsk in rebel-held eastern Ukraine. (DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)

Women in Business Q&A: Jess Lee, CEO and Co-Founder of Polyvore

Jess Lee is Polyvore’s CEO. Prior to co-founding Polyvore, Jess was a product manager at Google, where she worked on Google Maps and launched features like My Maps and draggable driving directions. After four years at Google, Jess became hopelessly addicted to making Polyvore sets and decided the only cure was to join the Polyvore team to help build the company. Jess has a degree in computer science from Stanford University.

How has your life experience made you the leader you are today?
When I was growing up, my mom ran her own small business out of our apartment. Because of that, it never occurred to me that women weren’t commonly CEOs.

When I was in high school, I ran for student council and won. My win was surprising because I was an awkward nerd and our student council was mostly popular kids. The experience forced me to come out of my shell and lead at school events. It taught me that putting yourself in an uncomfortable position can be a good thing.

When I was in college, I studied abroad in Japan and learned to be self-sufficient in a foreign country. I recommend that all college students who have the opportunity try studying abroad! It’s eye-opening and forces you to be independent.

How has your previous employment experience aided your position at Polyvore?
I was at Google from 2004-2008. Google has a great company culture specifically designed to attract smart people. Smart people want to be challenged with big, complex problems and be given autonomy to create interesting solutions. I’ve tried to replicate that aspect of Google’s culture here at Polyvore, which has in turn attracted an amazing team of talented people.

What have the highlights and challenges been during your tenure at Polyvore?
The highlight for me has been the evolution of the people at Polyvore, both our employees and our community. I’ve watched engineers grow from great coders into great product visionaries and team leads. I’ve seen teammates go on to start their own companies. I’ve seen the Polyvore community become highly influential, get invited to Fashion Week, open their own boutiques, and design their own lines. It’s rewarding to see that growth and to have been a small part of it.

The biggest challenge for me is that this is my first time as an entrepreneur and a CEO. The CEO role is constantly evolving as the company evolves. Just when I finally get good at my job, it changes underneath me!

How is Polyvore transforming the world of social commerce?
Polyvore is unique in how we approach shopping. We empower a passionate community of tastemakers around the world to influence trends and drive shopping. We use technology to mine the data that our community generates in order to build what we call the taste graph. The taste graph is a mapping of people’s taste in products and brands, as related to other people around the world. This allows us to create a personalized shopping experience that caters to your taste.

What advice can you offer women who want to create a social media site?
Don’t give up. Startups require an irrational amount of faith.

Don’t do it alone. Find a great co-founder. It takes a team.

Don’t start a company until you have an idea you’re truly passionate about. In the meantime, work at places that will teach you the skills you need to run a company.

How do you maintain a work/life balance?
One of Polyvore’s core values is to do a few things well. In other words, only work on the things that actually matter and do them exceptionally well. Be disciplined about saying no to things. Saying yes to everything is what leads to people becoming overcommitted, stretched thin, and pulling crazy hours to get it all done.

What do you think is the biggest issue for women in the workplace?
It’s human nature to learn by observing and copying other people’s behaviors. You learn from role models. In tech there aren’t as many female role models, which in turn affects the number of women entering computer science, becoming engineers, or becoming leaders of tech companies. Would be great to see more role models.

How has mentorship made a difference in your professional and personal life?
I don’t have any official mentors, but I’ve always tried to surround myself with talented people that I could learn from. My first boss Marissa Mayer taught me the importance of simple product design. My Google co-worker Bret Taylor (now CEO of Quip and formerly CTO of Facebook) taught me to win the respect of engineers by writing code. My co-founder Pasha taught me the importance of doing just a few things well.

Which other female leaders do you admire and why?
I love seeing female leaders who are comfortable in their own skin. Someone once told me that the most confident people are the most humble ones, because arrogance stems from insecurity. I love seeing funny, authentic female leaders who are just as willing to talk about their successes as their failures, and who don’t feel any need to put on a false show of bravado.

One female leader who fits this bill is Cheryl Dalrymple, Polyvore’s CFO. Prior to Polyvore, she was the CFO of AdMob, Digital Chocolate, Nextance, Oblix and Lexis Nexis. She’s had an amazing career, has been game-changing for Polyvore and has even climbed Mt. Everest, yet she’s so down to earth about it. She’s also hilarious and fun to work with. She taught me you can be a great leader without sacrificing your personality or your humility.

What are your hopes for the future of Polyvore?
I hope Polyvore can help democratize the way trendsetting happens across fashion, home, beauty and other lifestyle categories. I’d love to make it so anyone anywhere with great taste can be influential, even if they’re not located in New York, Paris or Milan. I hope Polyvore becomes known as a great consumer brand and a starting point for lifestyle shopping. I hope Polyvore’s amazing team goes on to create more amazing products and companies.

Guess Who Was Chosen To Sing The Songs For Whitney's Biopic

As plans for the Whitney Houston biopic continue to develop, fans have already gotten exciting updates about what the film will have to offer. And now, there’s even more!

On the heels of a photo released last week that gave a first look at Yaya DaCosta done up as the late-singer, comes news that singer Deborah Cox is set to lay down the vocals.

The film, which will focus on the renowned singer’s relationship with her ex-husband Bobby Brown, will be directed by Angela Bassett and is set to premiere in 2015. Houston’s family has had no involvement in the making of the movie, and her daughter Bobbi Kristina’s has openly criticized the production.

[h/t E! Online]

Michael Sam's Courageous Tears Were Real, and So Were Yours

When I first heard in March that Michael Sam was going to be awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPYs, I didn’t understand the power of that decision. I knew it was “cool,” I knew it was “great recognition.” What I didn’t understand was how perfectly the presentation of that award was going to set the stage for the final act of this transformative year in sports, and how clearly that award would reflect the journey Michael and the entire professional sports world has embarked on since he shared himself fully with the rest of the world.

This is the year of Michael Sam. I said it in February, and I’ll say it again: When we look back at 2014, Michael’s journey will have been the seminal American story that defines the year. It started with a decision by Michael to come out, followed by a whirlwind of media, the Combine, the Pro Day, the Draft, the kiss, the cake, Oprah, OTAs…. It has been Michael’s journey, but we have all been right there with him like few athletes before him. All of it has led to these next six weeks that will decide in large part how this story ends.

That presentation Wednesday night on ESPN was extraordinary. The network went to painstaking lengths to tell his story in a rich and powerful way. What many people don’t understand is the tedious dedication it takes to create a five-minute video about someone’s life. I felt honored to be in 10 seconds of that video; That flash on the screen took two hours in my home to film. To build a story like ESPN did, with visits to Michael’s hometown, the Univ. of Missouri, St. Louis, his draft “party,” and all of the other little details, it took an exemplary crew with a powerful vision and untold resources to build. ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports, was dedicated and proud to tell that story of a gay man and acknowledge the role Michael has played in shifting our culture with his bravery.

At the ESPYs, Sam was surrounded by his team. Agents Cameron Weiss and Joe Barkett were there. St. Louis Rams head coach Jeff Fisher hugged Michael when it was time for him to accept the award, as did Rams general manager Les Snead. The legendary Jim Brown embraced Michael. Robin Roberts, last year’s Arthur Ashe Award winner, gave him a kiss. Kevin Durant in his green jacket in the front row, along with the rest of the crowd, gave the historic figure a standing ovation.

Think about that. The NBA’s MVP and one of the NFL’s great running backs stood and applauded – and in one case embraced – an openly gay NFL player as the nation’s leading sports media outlet gave him their highest honor.

This was supposed to be impossible.

I remember after the NFL Draft some people asking me if Michael’s tears were real, if his whole reaction was a big act for the cameras. As I watched his acceptance speech Wednesday night and saw the tears not just in his eyes, but in the eyes of so many others listening to his story and what he’s learned on this journey, as I received text messages from around the country from people who had been moved by what they saw, the answer to the question about Michael’s draft-day tears could never have been more self-evident.

Everything isn’t suddenly better in sports for gay men like Michael. There is still a wall around conversations and banter. There are still those in sports who oppose men like Michael simply because he’s gay. Two hours before Michael accepted that award on stage, an athlete refused an interview by me because I simply wanted to talk about gay men in his sport. There is still a long way to go. We must do better.

Yet Wednesday night was about courage. Whether you’re for or against gay people, whether you believe Michael should be able to marry his boyfriend if he so chooses, there is no denying that Michael is a man of great courage and was the right person to accept that award on that stage. That courage will help lead us to a day – sooner than later – when bias against an entire class of people is in the distant past. That courage not only inspires LGBT athletes to be themselves, but it inspires straight NFL players who see Michael’s inner strength and are moved by it. Don’t think for a second that that was lost on many in the ESPYs audience.

I’ve disagreed with Michael on just one thing since I met him six months ago. He has said all along that he’s just a football player. He’s not. Michael Sam represents the hopes and dreams of that entire class of people who have been waiting for someone to set them free from our society’s last closet. When history looks back, it will look back at Michael Sam, a deeply courageous man who changed the face of professional sports. Forever.

In the coming weeks, with his Arthur Ashe Courage Award sitting on his mantle, I can’t wait to see how he fulfills his transformative destiny.

Michael Urie Says Coming Out Is Still Something Actors 'Have To Think About' In Hollywood

Michael Urie looked back on his early experiences as a gay actor in Hollywood in a new interview with Frontiers.

The 33-year-old actor, who is currently starring in the Los Angeles production of “Buyer & Cellar,” told the publication that “things were very different” when he began his seminal stint on “Ugly Betty” in 2006.

I was encouraged to stay in the closet,” he recalled. “This was before Neil Patrick Harris had come out. Even though I was playing an openly gay character, we thought we might want to keep the mystery of what I do behind closed doors.”

Urie, who has since turned in acclaimed performances in “The Temperamentals” as well as “Angels in America” and “How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying” on Broadway, said that coming out “has only aided my career.”

“It might not be good for everyone, but I have gotten to play so many wonderful roles,” he said. “If I at any point decide not to play gay characters anymore, I would work a lot less. To me, it’s way better to have jobs and get great parts.”

Still, he added: “Unfortunately, I think coming out is still something actors known for certain kinds of roles have to think about. Audiences sometimes have a better sense of suspension of disbelief than people making the casting decisions do, though I can’t blame them for not taking big risks.”

Urie offered similar sentiments in a 2011 interview with HuffPost Gay Voices.

“Every time another high-profile person comes out, it becomes less and less of a burden for actors,” he said at the time,” he said. “Sometimes I play gay characters, sometimes I play straight characters…I just think of myself as playing awesome characters.”

Check out the full Frontiers interview with Michael Urie here.

The Doctor Is Out, But the Advanced Practice Provider Can See You Now

People trust nurses: they were again voted the most honest and ethical profession. Yet, buoyed by typecasting, there are challenges to expanding their roles as the Affordable Care Act is implemented. Nurses’ image as handmaidens to physicians persists, despite the Institute of Medicine’s recommendations that they should “practice to the full extent of their education and training.” That span can be especially broad for nurse practitioners.

They and physician assistants are rising in numbers and ranks to augment patient care, especially in underserved communities. A study published last year illustrated that increased use of nurse practitioners and physician assistants could significantly lessen the projected primary care physician shortage. Their expanded roles could also dramatically reduce costs, according to a recent report.

But many patients do not know what nurse practitioners and physician assistants do. In addition to examining and educating patients, they order and interpret laboratory tests, and some prescribe medications. Nurse practitioners receive advanced degrees and clinical training, and physician assistants complete two-year programs modeled on medical school. Still, they are often disparagingly called “mid-level providers.” That term is falling out of favor but its continued use contributes to the notion that these advanced practice providers do not provide high-level care.

In fact, a review of studies spanning 18 years showed that care provided by nurse practitioners in concert with physicians is comparable and sometimes better than care solely by physicians. Further, research has indicated that nurse practitioners and physician assistants tend to provide more patient education than do physicians.

What do patients think?

Nearly half of the health care consumers in a 2012 survey endorsed that nurse practitioners or physician assistants can provide comparable care to physicians, but only 8 percent reported using one as their primary care provider. When wait time is a factor, things change. Half of the consumers in an Association of American Medical Colleges survey preferred physicians for primary care but 60 percent were willing to be treated sooner by an advanced practice provider.

Working as an academic researcher in oncology, another area bracing for physician shortage, I study ways advanced practice providers can deliver care to the unprecedented and growing number of cancer survivors. The oncologists and advanced practice providers with whom I collaborate report that patients react positively to nurse practitioners and physician assistants when their care expectations have been managed properly. This is particularly the case when trusted oncologists introduce advanced practice providers.

Not all physicians are as supportive. Two-thirds of respondents in a survey of over 500 primary care physicians believed they provide better service than nurse practitioners. Despite lack of clear evidence, the American Medical Association and other physician groups cite safety concerns along with their profession’s additional training in their lobbying against independent practice by nurse practitioners. Perhaps obviously, they favor them working in physician-led teams.

Physician shortages and the Affordable Care Act are pushing state legislatures and health insurance providers to consider scope of practice and reimbursement for advanced practice providers. Certainly, physicians will continue to play principal roles with the benefit of their extensive training, and efforts to attract medical students to specialties facing shortages should continue. But it is likely that advanced practice clinicians will prosper given they are more affordable and can fill shortages more quickly because their training is shorter.

The reality is that 19 states allow independent practice by nurse practitioners. New legislation in Kentucky, Texas and Ohio has broadened their duties and that of physician assistants. This affords great opportunity to gather data on the quality of care they provide. It is incumbent on those determining these providers’ roles to do so based on available evidence rather than stereotypes, biases, and turf-war or solely fiscal arguments.

As health care transitions to new delivery models, providers from different professions must educate patients about the services they are regulated to safely and effectively provide. Concurrently, all of us as patients would do well to make informed decisions about the providers we see based on the fit between their established qualifications and our needs — not knee-jerk reactions to their titles.

Share Your Birth Story

By Avital Norman Nathman

My book, The Good Mother Myth, came out earlier this year. It’s a collection of essays from a variety of women, all helping me break down the stereotype of what it means to be a “good” mother. Not long after the new year, I set out on a cross-country book tour – one where I would connect with some of my contributors and we’d sit in cozy (and sometimes large!) independent bookstores, and read from our essays. Each of these events was always followed up with a Q&A with the audience.

I never knew what to expect during these Q&A sessions. Some folks were interested in the book creating process. Others wanted to know why I chose the essays I did. Yet, time and time again I kept hearing from folks who just wanted to share their stories, who wanted to be a part of the mix. While most of the stories surrounded parenting, I also took note of the parents who wanted to share birth stories. After all, like I shared in the intro of the book, the myth of the “good mother” starts even earlier now, sometimes from the moment of conception!

Our society can be a mixture of contradictions, especially when it comes to anything related to motherhood or parenting. We get a lot of messages about how to be a so-called perfect parent, but at the same time, much of our country is lacking the resources or support to even reach those high standards. The same can be said for birth in this country.

These are the facts: The United States currently ranks 60th out of 180 countries when it comes to maternal mortality rates. In fact, we’re one of just eight countries to see our maternal death rates go up in the last ten years. Yet at the same time, the US has the costliest maternal health care in the world. This disconnect is astounding.

It’s also no surprise that with a birth industry steeped in conditions like these, women are crying out to share their stories. And, that’s where I come in. Along with my colleague Deborah Wage, CNM, we want to look at the intersection of birth experiences and the current state of the birth industry in the US. How do women’s vision of birth compare with the reality, and what factors play into that? We’re curious about the pressure surrounding various birth choices, and whether they’re choices at all. Through investigative research, interviews, and story-telling, our aim is to paint an in-depth picture of what birth looks like in our country today.

In order to start getting a better idea of the variety of birth experiences in this country, we’ve created a short questionnaire for those who have given birth in the US at least once since 2005. We’ll keep the questionnaire open until August 24th, and you can access it via Google forms or a tumblr. Because we are interested in gathering inclusive birth experience stories, we highly encourage people of color and LGBT folks to submit their responses.

While both Deborah and I have varied, but in depth, backgrounds in pregnancy and birth, and are each attached to different universities for work, this project is one we’re embarking on by ourselves and it is not connected or affiliated with any university or organization. This is, for lack of a better term, a labor of love that is one of the first steps toward our new book, which will be a narrative-driven investigation into the current US birth industry and culture. And, perhaps along the way we’ll dispel a few more myths. We hope you take this opportunity to help us get started.

2014-07-17-headshot_AvitalNormanNathman.jpgAvital Norman Nathman is freelance writer whose work places a feminist lens on a variety of topics, including motherhood, maternal health, gender, and reproductive rights. She has been featured in Bitch magazine, Cosmopolitan.com, CNN, Every Mother Counts, The New York Times, RH Reality Check, Offbeat Mama, and more. In addition to her blog, The Mamafesto, Avital has a regular feminist parenting column, “Mommie Dearest,” for The Frisky. Her first book, The Good Mother Myth: Redefining Motherhood To Fit Realityhttp://goodmothermyth.com, came out in January 2014 from Seal Press. Find her on Twitter: @TheMamafesto.

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How <em>Orange Is The New Black</em> Stole My Daughter's Innocence

By Elisa Roland for KnowMore.tv

When the second season of Orange Is The New Black debuted recently on Netflix, I thought I would be really excited. But then I discovered that instead of reading Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume like I did when I was her age, my sixth grader watched the entire first season. How, you ask? We failed to properly password protect our account so she couldn’t get in to the shows we watched. Somehow she stumbled upon it… or more likely it beckoned her from the loading screen.

Parenting fail

Call it bad parenting. Poor judgment. Just plain old technical duh. Here we were busily monitoring her Vine, Instagram and OoVoo accounts, reading her text messages and setting rules about using social media while she was learning a whole new way to get social. Orange Is The New Black is a great show, but drug trafficking, corrupt security guards and graphic sex are prominent storylines. We’ve gone straight from reading the American Girl puberty bible, The Body Book For Girls, to watching Orange Is The New Black, a.k.a. bad girl bible. Perhaps I can chalk it up to a life lesson — thirteen episodes on why you should stay out of prison?

It reminded me that at the same age my daughter is now, my friends and I discovered porn magazines in the woods that abutted our school playground. I don’t know where the teacher on duty was during that recess, but no one discovered our secret. Those magazines were not Playboy or even a Hustler. They were hard core.

Innocence lost

Up until then, my only definition for sex was of the birds and the bees kind. In one recess, that definition was stripped away and replaced by stripped women in compromising positions. Yet I continued watching Little House On The Prairie without wondering what Ma and Pa were up to under the covers. I still hung out with my friends and talked about boys we liked, not about having sex with them. So unless you count a little tryst with spin the bottle later that year on that same playground, I think my friends and my brief encounter with porn did not turn us into sexual deviants, but not everyone would agree.

Good Morning America quoted Diane Levin, author of Remote Control Childhood? Combating the Hazards of Media Culture, “The kind of increased sexual images that children are seeing in the media and in their toys has a parallel with when they get a little older. They start becoming sexually active earlier.”

Good Morning America also stated, “Research shows that during the 1970s and ’80s, an increasing proportion of kids were having sex in their early teens. By the mid-’90s, more than 24 percent of girls and 27 percent of boys had had intercourse by age 15.”

What really influences our kids?

When I finally gave my virginity up at age 17, I don’t think those revealing porn mags in the woods had anything to do with it. It was a combination of love and not having the same taboos about sex before marriage that my mother might have had. And although it may have been movies like Risky Business or music videos like Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” that helped those taboos disappear, watching them didn’t make me run out and jump my boyfriend any faster.

Recently, a school in New Jersey discovered two kindergartners stripped down naked in the bathroom claiming to have had sex. Immediately, there was an outcry. First, for the teacher to be dismissed. How could she leave two children unattended long enough for that to happen? Second, to identify the outlet responsible for putting it in their heads in the first place. Was it television? The Internet? The scarier question, who exposed them to that outlet? A parent? A caregiver? And more seriously, was it sexual abuse?

Looking back at what happened to me

No one touched us, but someone left those magazines behind. Someone put those images in our head. It’s especially scary to me now as a parent because we didn’t tell anyone what we found. Was there a pedophile watching us play? Did he take pleasure as we read his stash? Maybe it didn’t give us the inclination to go out and actually do what was in those photos, but it certainly made us aware of them.

Unfortunately, no matter how vigilant we are as parents, some sexual messages are going to creep through. It may not be as graphic as reading porn, but it’s bound to happen. So even if I’m a bad parent for inadvertently exposing my kid to what goes on under the prison covers, I’m happy she told me and we were able to talk about it. The key is to make sure she keeps talking because technology is the new pedophile in the woods and there are a lot more places to hide.

More from KnowMore

How Many Teens Have Sex Before 15?

3 Ways to Instill A Healthy Body Image in Your Child

Kids Still Getting too Much ‘Screen Time’ CDC

How to Know When Teen Dating Turns Violent

Srebrenica Genocide: 19 Years After

“The Scorpions: The Design of Crime” — preface to the book

I never had a homeland, I never had a mother language, I never believed in God. I grew up as a pumpkin on the garbage, as my mother used to say…

I grew up between countries, languages, customs. In my various schools I spoke English, Italian, Serbian… I borrowed other people’s troubles to write about.

I wrote, emoted, wept, with all the empathy of a mockingbird.

In fifth grade, in a Yugoslav school under Tito, I received a homework assignment to write about the glorious battles of the Yugoslav communist army. I knew about English Tudors and Stuarts, the French revolution, the American Civil War… but none of those grand narratives had mentioned any communist glory. So I asked my father, a native from Herzegovina, for a schoolgirl digest version of the good guys beating the bad guys in World War II.

And my father told me a terrible story, cruel and heroic with him as an actor. That was the first time that I heard the term “mass graves.” Serbian people in Herzegovina were seized by Nazi occupiers and lashed together with knotted ropes, three in a bunch. Then one victim was shot and other two tumbled together into a common trench. Hundreds were killed in rows in this fashion before the death squads left.

Once the killers disappeared, my father and other teenagers from the town dug for the whole day trying to save survivors. Some few unearthed victims did survive, enough to tell the tale. So I wrote that, exact place and date, and I won a literary prize in the Yugoslav school. A couple of weeks later I was publicly deprived of my prize: my dates didn’t match the official history of the Resistance. The struggle I described had occurred a month or more before the official communist uprising, led in that part of the country by a Comrade So-and-so. This apparatchik, still alive and in power at that time, was making it his business to control the local history for both the dead and the living.

I never asked my parents what nationality we were: We were Yugoslavs, I knew that. We had the best passport in the world: I heard that. My mother was small and dark and my father was tall and blond. They named me “Jasmina” because of a folk song. So things stood until the early ’90s: Then something happened in the air, on the ground, in people’s minds. Especially in Serbia, where I happened to live at the time.

My mother started speaking about Kosovo as if it were her homeland. My father talked in much the same way about Bosnia. As a couple, they had both lived in Belgrade since 1941. We had never bothered to visit their native lands. Then dark stories emerged of war crimes from Serbs in Bosnia and Kosovo. I told those stories to my parents. They didn’t want to believe me. My mother died with Kosovo on her lips and my father, still alive, does not speak to me of such things anymore. In June 1995, I was writing a book on refugees from former Yugoslavia, The Suitcase, (University Press of California), and interviewing local women and men of various ethnicities who’d been displaced all over the world.

One of my contacts was a young man from Srebrenica: displaced in Vienna. He was a Muslim, very polite and kind to me, as a Serb writing for American publishers. He invited me to his flat, offered me dinner and told me how he fled the troubled country through the Red Cross in Belgrade. He considered himself a Yugoslav and loathed the wars, according to him made by remote politicians, not the people like himself.

And at the end, he said something I will never forget, a sentence that at the time sounded creepy and muddy: If something happens to my family back there in Srebrenica, which is a Muslim enclave protected by UN troops, I swear to God that I will kill with my own hands the first Serb I come across here, and I don’t care that he is not guilty, I don’t care if I go to prison forever…

He meant, presumably, his Serbian co-worker, a fellow refugee in Vienna whom he saw most every day. A few weeks later, the massacre happened in Srebrenica; more than 8,000 people were executed in by the army of Bosnian Serbs led by General Mladic. UN troops looked the other way. Bodies were buried all over the region, some in Serbia proper, with an unprecedented efficiency.

Today, 19 years after, some people, in Serbia and all over the world still look away from Srebrenica. In Serbia, the claim of the silent majority is that crimes were equal on all sides and should therefore be systematically obscured and forgotten. In the larger global world, itself increasingly terrorized, militarized, and extra-legalized, the justification for such an attitude is: let the violent local tribes fight it out in the Balkans.

This is the splendid isolation of those who imagine that they can afford isolation. I don’t know if that man’s family was killed in the Srebrenica massacre, and I don’t know if he killed his neighbor the Serb. I have never heard from him since. After the Srebrenica massacre of July 11-14, the Croats bombed Krajina in the beginning of August. Two hundred fifty thousand Serbs fled Croatia.

A few months later, in Dayton, a peace treaty was signed between the three warring sides, (Serbs, Muslims and Croats). I remember waiting awake all night in order to see if they reached an agreement. I remember my 11-year-old daughter coming every few hours out of her bed to ask me: DID THEY? When finally I said yes, she went to sleep and I started crying. Those were not tears of relief but of despair.

The Dayton treaty was signed by Milosevic and Karadzic. They shook hands with Bill Clinton, they publicly performed as peace makers, and I immediately knew that the eight thousand bodies from Srebrenica’s mass graves would return someday, as sure as Hamlet’s father, because there would be no reconciliation and peace without truth and justice.

In December 2005, I first went to the Srebrenica trial of the Scorpion paramilitaries. I went to support our women friends from Bosnia, who came to testify at the war crimes tribunal, to identify their murdered loved ones. I went as a member of the Non-Governmental Organization, Women in Black.

When I first heard the Scorpions speak publicly, these men who had secretly participated in Srebrenica as well as other, lesser massacres, I decided to stay until the trial’s very end. Not merely for the sake of the victims, but because of the criminals.

These people spoke in my own language, they had the body-language of my own neighbors, and the reasoning of my own family. They were part of my family story and history, the part which went bad, went astray, committed crimes, killed and obscured the killing. My duty and my privilege was to hear them at first hand, to take notes and try to convey the historical truth.

What kind of obscurantism and denial could make eight thousand victims vanish? In three mere days? All “operated,” all killed? What design could execute such a crime? Looking at and listening to the Scorpions, these heroes in their own minds, whose turbulent war years passed as common looters, killers of their neighbors, who then sank into frustrated years of peace as an aging brotherhood-in-blood, a small-scale, patriarchal mafia… I wrote these pages struggling to make sense of that, to respect the words and thoughts of the actors in the court, and to convey a bigger picture to the world.

In Jerusalem after World War II, Hannah Arendt followed the trial of Adolf Eichmann. Some of her fellow Jews were offended and appalled that Eichmann was given the right to speak in his own defense after 6 million Jews were denied any due process and executed. And yet it was her presence in his court that allowed Hannah Arendt to understand and describe the banality of evil. Historical crimes are designed. The dead are silent but their legal ghosts are loud. Their best port-parole is sometimes the voices of their executors.

Chris Christie Aide Says She Deleted Texts To Governor Amid Bridge Scandal

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — An aide to Gov. Chris Christie says she texted him her thoughts about testimony on the closure of traffic lanes near the George Washington Bridge but later deleted the messages.

The aide, Regina Egea (eh-JEE’-uh), testified Thursday before lawmakers who continue to probe the lane closures, which appear to have been politically motivated.

She says she was inconsistent with which texts she kept and which she deleted. She says she believes the dumped the messages before the story erupted into a major distraction for Christie but can’t be certain.

Egea says some of the messages complimented a Port Authority of New York and New Jersey employee for his “professionalism” testimony on Dec. 9.