Hasta La Gadget!

I almost called this piece “Girlfriends, Slutdom and Mom” because they’re all of a piece, a patchwork perhaps, that once assembled became me.

Boys were always easier for me. We liked being outside and played rough, whereas I was never sure how to engage girls in anything beyond dolls, which didn’t interest me. They also tended to stay in the kitchen with their moms.

Mom proudly announced that she’d been a tomboy, too, and followed her twin brother in his rough and tumble play. As she grew older, mom embraced the “sexy” Latina image. I think it gave a boost to her self-esteem, but it meant that her goal was to get a man which invited competition from other females. At her core she embraced a ’40s cinematic femme fatale role model and distrusted all women . . . possibly even me. A girlfriend who is of my mother’s vintage recently gave me advice on how to deal with my husband over some petty argument. “Have great sex and then do what you want anyway.” Manipulative, I said. She expressed no distaste for that word, “There’s a long line of women just waiting to steal him from you.”

She reminded me so much of my mom that I only felt affection and pity for her generation. And wonder. Could she be right? I’ve seen that certain look — threatened, possessive, and defensive — on other women’s faces when they’ve watched their husband’s reaction to a beautiful woman standing in front of them. No, the beauty wasn’t me. My preferred role is observer, and I love women, need them even.

Women take the lead in The Sandoval Sisters’ Secret of Old Blood, and sisterhood is explored in all its contexts: childhood friends, lovers, girlfriends who think nothing of cheating with your husband, a sinister mother-in-law, witchy ex-girlfriends, daughters, blood sisters, maidens, mothers and crones.

I’ve written previously of the bullying I experienced in elementary and middle-school (Bullied: Diversity, Differentiation, Distinction). That experience effectively isolated me and I stopped trying to make girlfriends. I had a brief respite in 9th grade when I lived with my father and stepmother in East Texas. A few girls in my neighborhood actually seemed to like me and we rode the bus to school together. No one was really dating then, but there was adolescent flirtation.

Back to New Mexico for high school and the pressure was on to date. Fortunately, I liked nerdy boys with a sense of humor. An assortment of males liked me; the girl’s locker room became hazardous when a boy sought after by one of the “popular” girls asked me to prom. Sometime in the 10th grade I was labeled a slut and I don’t think the slur came from a boy. It was the girls who shunned me.

The irony is that even though I’m now an outspoken feminist and embrace my inner slut, I remained a virgin all through high school. I refused to French kiss until I’d cleared it with the nun who taught an after-school religion class. “No it’s not a mortal sin,” she said. I’m forever grateful that she didn’t follow up that statement with what it could lead to. Perhaps she didn’t know, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway because I wouldn’t allow my boyfriend to touch my emergent breasts because of the pimples on my chest.

The slut-shaming worked. I wasn’t sure what I’d done wrong, but in order to remedy the situation I let down all the hems on my skirts, stopped dating, and stayed home from school as much as possible. The problem with that was 1) my mother’s fear — not that I might not graduate — that I might not get in enough practice to find my future husband. “You’ve got sex appeal,” she said, which only terrified me more. The second part of that phrase was fine, nothing wrong with appeal. But the “sex” part was a problem made all the more complicated by 2) my extreme horniness and guilt over it.

What to do?

Fortunately, I got to go to college in the late ’60s. The Second Wave ruled! Birth control was readily available and there were savvy girls from all over the world at UNM. What was even better, they knew nothing about me. Sure, I was a little weird, but weird was in. I could blend. Somewhat.

I’d always had opinions, but had feared speaking out. My task was to overcome that sense of powerlessness, to embrace outcast status and make it work for me. Learning to do that was huge and the women’s movement helped me. Not only were there plenty of outspoken women from whom to learn, but I recognized the other me, before emergence, in women who came to consciousness-raising meetings. I could help them.

In grad school, my girlfriends and I had brunch every Sunday and read women’s sexual fantasies out of Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden. Our laughter could be heard from down the street and we could have written our own book of sexual exploits, real and imagined. Peggy, one of the brunchers, met me recently in Venice Beach (A 70’s Redux.)

Santa Monica Beach, 1977, with my friend Annie (the other bruncher.)

When I started a business, almost all of my clients were male. Female friends were rare. If it hadn’t been for my friend Susan, I wouldn’t have had a baby shower for my first child or a partner in my new business. More women entered the workforce. Now I had female employees and a new challenge balancing friendship and business: I didn’t always make the right decision.

Girlfriends are still not easy. More often than not, I let them pick me. As often happens, friendships with women grew easier when I entered my 50s. I’d relaxed, accepted that some women were not going to like me, and that it wouldn’t hold me back from expressing myself or reaching out to them. Older women have experience, both good and bad, and we all just want to have a good time. Here are some vintage thoughts from some of my girlfriends. They reflect my experience now. I’m so grateful to have arrived at this point, something I don’t think my mom ever achieved:

Susan: “My women friends have outlasted everything in this life: husbands, parents, youth, and now . . . Even if we’re not together, our laughter still rings in my ear.”

Bonnie: “No matter what I was slogging thru in terms of family stuff, work, life in general, girl friends sustained and supported me more than any other relationships.”

Melody: “Laughter; tears; support; brutal honesty; fun; sharing of wisdom; gossip; fashion help; basic survival; boy-friend hating; physical, mental & spiritual healing; having someone really listen to our story-telling without judgment; reminders that we are worth loving, even if we do not love ourselves at times!”

Me and Anna, Runyon Canyon, 2012

Cindy, Missy, me: Cuba, 2012

Happy and peaceful women.

Quintana Blas Olleras,1851-1919

This piece also here and inspired by Viva la Feminista

Dr. Matthew Valente has seen his share of sticky situations in his years as a Chicago-based emergency room physicians, but none were as weird as the man who superglued his hand to his penis.

“The night before, [the patient’ was fixing his lamp next to his bed and he left the superglue tube on the nightstand,” Valente explained on an episode of “Sex Sent Me To The E.R.” airing Saturday on TLC.

The glue tube just happened to be next to a tube of lubrication he kept on hand for when he and his wife were in the mood for love.

Some time in the middle of the night, the unidentified male and his wife decided to have sex and he reached for what he thought was the lubricant.

“Only he went a little too fast, and — voila! — his hand became stuck to his penis,” Valente said.

It was a sight to behold, according to the good doctor.

“This was a large amount of skin that was affixed together,” Valente said. “There wasn’t just a small amount of glue. It wasn’t just one finger. It was, in fact, his entire palm and all his fingers, which were tightly affixed to his genitals.”

The patient’s wife was impatient for the man to get his hand off his sex organs, so Dr. Valente started researching ways to remove superglue.

The most popular suggestion was nail polish remover, a solution that presented certain risks.

“The problem with that is when you dump acetone on top of a wound that is partially open, it’s incredibly painful,” Valente said. “Just the look in his eyes when I told him that, I could tell he didn’t want to go down that route.”

Other options included applying hot, almost scalding water to the glue or simply waiting for the outer layer of skin to fall off — a process that might take two to three days.

Valente says the patient’s wife wanted the quickest option possible and didn’t seem concerned about how her hubby might feel.

“She was more concerned about making the dinner than his level of comfort or the fact that he’s in excruciating pain because he superglued his penis,” Valente said.

The story about how the man finally got unglued won’t be revealed until Saturday, but since the show isn’t titled “Sex Sent Me To The Morgue,” it’s a good chance he survived.

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Each week, the HuffPost Entertainment team will compile and share some of our favorite tracks discovered across the web, whether they are brand new tunes, new music videos or newly discovered artists.

Viceroy – “The Life” ft. Penguin Prison

Viceroy’s “The Life” is about as poppy as can be, but that isn’t a bad thing. While the track may not be prime off-summer material, try not to imagine yourself drinking the finest liquor out of some awesome giant fruit you’ve never heard of in some tropical haven, having the best time with all of your friends. You can’t, because “The Life” is that scenario.

Vic Mensa – “Feel That”

Vic Mensa dropped the audio for “Feel That” back in February, and now he adds some tripped out visuals paired with a cameo appearance by his Save Money buddy, Chance The Rapper. If the rest of his “Street Lights” EP is as good as this track and “Down On My Luck,” it will be more than a dose of fun.

From Indian Lakes – “Sleeping Limbs”

From Indian Lakes’ “Able Bodies” was one of the most passionate, unique entrances to the indie rock scene in years. “Sleeping Limbs,” the first release from the group’s upcoming record, “Absent Sounds,” proves again that the band can’t write a bad song.

Bad Rabbits – “Can’t Back Down”

We didn’t think it was possible for Bad Rabbits to be any more rousing, and then they go and release the “Dusted” EP, reimagining several of their songs in acoustic fashion.

There For Tomorrow – “Racing Blood”

There For Tomorrow is the band that you listened to several years back and then randomly remembered one day. While 2011’s “The Verge” felt like they just hadn’t fully found their sound, singles “Racing Blood” and “Dark Purple Sky” showcase a band that is ready to make the jump to a much wider audience.

B.o.B. – “Drunk AF” ft. Ty Dolla $ign

B.o.B. did not disappoint with his “No Genre 2” mixtape, and one of the best cuts being the string-and-piano laden “Drunk AF,” the beat courtesy of Ty Dolla $ign.

Skrizzly Adams – “Me and You”

While hick-hop (aka country rap) just sounds like the most awful idea to have ever been introduced to music, Skrizzly Adams finds a balance that takes the best of both sounds and produces some extremely catchy tunes.

PARTYNEXTDOOR – “Recognize” ft. Drake

PARTYNEXTDOOR is less than two weeks from dropping his second album, and who better to recruit on his latest offering than his OVO Sound boss, Drake.

Doley Bernays – “Prey”

Doley Bernays is a rapper who you may not be familiar with, but with tracks like “Prey,” the struggle will soon be over for this Bronx native.

Becky Hill – “Caution To The Wind”

After making her mark on “The Voice UK” back in 2012, Becky Hill is working hard to keep the buzz alive. “Caution To The Wind” has it all: powerful vocals, a danceable beat (one that is just begging to be remixed) and lyrics that can relate to everyone.

Detroit will mark the first anniversary of its bankruptcy filing this Friday, and across the country, people are watching the city to see how it has survived the upheaval.

Despite pending cuts for pensioners, as well as widespread poverty, sobering health and violence statistics and a declining population, Detroiters have expressed cautious optimism about recent changes, which include greater investments in development, promises to improve city services and an ambitious plan to eliminate urban blight.

The largest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history has also stirred up interest in success stories. Though no one person will fix Detroit, some people have received well-deserved attention for their work to improve the city. A New York Times article last month highlighted hot spots in the Corktown neighborhood, and a story in the same paper earlier this year heralded small businesses.

But something’s missing from those pieces, and from many other articles that examine the city’s resurgence: black Detroiters, who make up 83 percent of the population.

Stories that claim entrepreneurs are building, revitalizing and even saving Detroit focus primarily on white professionals, often younger and new transplants to the city, a trend that’s palpable and frustrating for locals. When journalists and readers criticized the Times for leaving blacks out of its Corktown story, the paper’s public editor addressed the lack of diversity in a follow-up, and the writer said she regretted not including a black-owned business. (A more recent Times story takes a wider-ranging view.)

It’s not difficult to find a black business owner to speak with, though. There are more than 32,000 in the city, according to U.S. Census Bureau figures from 2007. Many, particularly those who have kept their businesses going on shoestring budgets, feel excluded from conversations about Detroit’s revival and overlooked when it comes to getting access to funds and resources.

“I think, for the most part, black-owned businesses are not getting a piece of the pie,” bookstore owner Janet Jones told The Huffington Post. “What about people who have been doing the hard work of living and working and having business in Detroit for the last 20 years?”

Despite difficulties, many business owners have had their doors open for decades, something local developer George Stewart, 77, traces back to historical segregation that had white business owners refusing service to black customers.

“During the good times and the bad times, black-owned businesses have been around, primarily serving their community,” said Stewart, who moved to Detroit from Baton Rouge, Louisiana in the 1960s. Such businesses, Stewart said, have long been “circulating resources, building wealth [and] opening doors to other opportunities, such as higher education and lifestyle.”

Below are just a few of the successful black business owners contributing to Detroit’s resurgence, including young entrepreneurs newly investing in the city and locals who have stuck with it for years.

Hamilton Anderson Associates has been designing Detroit’s future for decades.

Rainy Hamilton. Photo courtesy Hamilton Anderson Associates.

After working for others, Rainy Hamilton started his own company out of his home 20 years ago with co-founder Kent Anderson. Since then, the 50-person firm (with 20 percent minority staff) has grown to include offices in Las Vegas, New Orleans and Detroit’s Harmonie Park, and has been involved with a range of projects that have contributed to Detroit’s development, including work on schools, community centers, the MGM Grand casino and a light rail line now under construction, as well as Detroit Future City, a book-length urban planning document released last year.

Hamilton took cues from his dad, a Ford employee with a landscaping business on the side.

“My first job was working for him when I was barely big enough to handle a pair of gardening shears,” Hamilton said. “Being an entrepreneur is somewhat in my spirit.” Hamilton also opened a hobby shop in a nearby suburb several years ago.

Despite his relative success, Hamilton said he’s experienced challenges getting work as a black architect. He suggested implementing policy in Detroit that would help long-standing businesses within city limits.

Textures by Nefertiti nurtures women’s outer beauty — as well as their minds and spirits.

Nefertiti Harris with her two children. Photo courtesy Textures by Nefertiti.

The historic Cass Corridor neighborhood in greater Midtown is now a development hot spot, but when Nefertiti Harris started her business there 13 years ago, she “was literally chasing prostitutes off the street corner.”

Harris first called her space a “non-salon,” because of her focus on natural hair and her emphasis on caring for women’s inner selves.

“If a woman wants to make a change and comes into the salon,” she said, “it’s usually not just about the hair, but about really getting free in her life.”

Last year, Harris also opened Tarot and Tea in West Village, where she focuses on her customers’ inner lives with spiritual readings, a cafe and a small boutique.

Detroit Vegan Soul helps Detroiters expand their horizons with a healthy spin on comfort food.

Erika Boyd and Kirsten Ussery-Boyd. Photo courtesy Detroit Vegan Soul.

Erika Boyd and Kirsten Ussery-Boyd both left careers in other fields to open a restaurant in West Village last year, serving soul food classics like collard greens, barbecue and mac-n-cheese — all vegan. They took the leap after watching loved ones and the broader African-American community struggle with diet-related illnesses. Together they crafted a menu that’s both delicious and healthy.

Ali Sandifer Studio brings its modern style to Detroit’s design community.

Andre Sandifer of Ali Sandifer Studio. Photo by Jill Ladelle.

Husband-and-wife team Andre Sandifer and Abir Ali are the founders of Ali Sandifer Studio in Detroit’s Russell Industrial Center. There, they make modern furniture with cleverly camouflaged storage compartments out of sustainably harvested domestic hardwoods.

Sandifer told HuffPost that there are few minority-owned furniture design studios in the country, and that his and Ali’s presence in Detroit contributes to a larger legacy of design talent in the city.

Thrift on the Avenue sells style with a mission.

Jessica Glen, R. Christoper Prater and TaNisha Prater. Photo by Crystal Baskin.

R. Christopher Prater and TaNisha Prater, who recently moved back to their native Detroit from Atlanta, opened their boutique in Midtown this year with partner Jessica Glen. They sell secondhand women’s clothing — TaNisha is a third-generation retailer, and her husband has always been a thrift shopper, a necessity in his family of 13 siblings.

The Praters say style is a secondary priority for the shop, which donates 30 percent of its proceeds to Coalition of Temporary Shelter, a nearby residence for homeless Detroiters. Thrift on the Avenue has started a recurring event to give full makeovers to women at COTS and raise awareness of the circumstances that lead to homelessness.

“If we can help people transition from homeless shelters and put them in a position where they can land a job and provide for their families, that’s worth way more than the couple bucks we make from a pair of jeans,” R. Christopher said.

Sweet Potato Sensations turned a unique family recipe into a brick-and-mortar bakery.

Sisters Jennifer and Charice “Espy” Thomas. Photo courtesy Sweet Potato Sensations.

Sisters Jennifer and Charice “Espy” Thomas run Sweet Potato Sensations with their parents Jeff and Cassandra, who started the business in 1987. Their bakery in the Redford neighborhood takes the sweet potato to new heights, using it to make pies, ice cream, cheesecake, waffles and more. Cassandra’s recipe for sweet potato cookies quickly became a favorite among friends and eventually led to the cafe staffed with local residents.

Hair Wars turns one of Detroit’s big businesses into an art form.

David Humphries with a Hair Wars model. Photo by Star, courtesy Hair Wars.

Back in the ’80s, David Humphries was a club promoter looking to add a twist to Detroit nightlife. On a whim, he started Hair Wars as a place for stylists to show off their work.

“I soon realized I had tapped into the biggest black entrepreneurial business in America,” Humphries said.

Decades later, the annual show draws big crowds and features some of the most outlandish and exciting coiffures imaginable — many of them more art than hair.

Detroit Dirt is creating a sustainable future for the city from the ground up.

Pashon Murray appeared in a Ford commercial earlier this year.

Not many people are passionate about the manure of exotic herbivores, but that’s what Pashon Murray collects from the giraffes, rhinos and zebras at the Detroit Zoo as part of her larger plan for sustainable urban farming and gardening. Detroit Dirt sells compost that Murray makes in a Corktown field with waste from local restaurants, breweries and company cafeterias.

After experimenting with soil blends, Murray plans to expand her business and hire several people next year.

“As a black woman, I feel like I’m obligated for our youth and community to set a standard,” she said. “I would like the black community to get more involved in agriculture … Sustainability is not a black and white thing. It’s an all-inclusive thing.”

Source Booksellers fosters a literary community.

Photo courtesy Source Booksellers.

Janet Jones started selling books in 1989, first as a small vendor at events, then as part of a collective. Last year, she opened a stand-alone shop in Midtown. Her curated selection of nonfiction books on history, culture and spirituality, among other topics, are chosen with an eye toward educating people and enhancing their lives. So are the events and classes held in the bookstore’s community space.

The Social Club Grooming Company brings sustainability and inclusiveness to the barbershop.

Photo by Brian Kelly.

Sebastian Jackson’s first three business plans were rejected, but in 2012, he and his wife Gabrielle eventually succeeded in opening the Social Club Grooming Company, built with reclaimed lumber from blighted Detroit homes, on Wayne State University’s campus. They’ve partnered with a local park to build a greener city. Already, clippings of cut hair have been used as fertilizer for 200 new trees.

While Jackson takes pride in the diversity of both his staff and his clientele, he notes that barbershops have historically served as a black community hub, and aims to recreate that experience for all Social Club customers.

“We need to create and support more businesses that cater to the predominant Detroit experience,” he said.

The Woodward Garden Block Development revitalized a Detroit block without wiping out its history.

Photo courtesy Woodward Garden Block Development.

George Stewart and his partner Michael Byrd have worked since 2000 to transform a once-dilapidated block of Woodward Avenue. Today, the $53 million Midtown development includes office space, apartments, parking, a coffee shop, a restaurant and the Garden Theater, restored from a century-old movie palace.

“It took five times longer than any other project of its kind,” Stewart said. “When we first started, doing business in Detroit was not easy … We had to have a lot of patience and be creative in how we acquired resources to fund our dream.”

Savvy Chic serves up Parisian style to Detroiters.

Photo courtesy Savvy Chic.

Eastern Market is now known for its shops, galleries and farmers market, but when Karen Brown opened her boutique, her street was known more for its meat wholesalers. Brown never wrote a business plan, but she has kept Savvy Chic open for 14 years, selling home goods, antiques and clothing. Entrepreneurship runs in the family: Brown’s mother has owned a flower shop in northwest Detroit since the 1980s.

The N’Namdi Center for Contemporary Art sustains Detroit’s creative legacy and builds momentum for the future.

Photo courtesy The N’Namdi Center for Contemporary Art.

After running other galleries, George N’Namdi opened the nonprofit N’Namdi Center for Contemporary Art in 2010 in the Sugar Hill Arts district. The Center includes exhibition spaces, indoor and outdoor performance areas, a gift shop and a separate vegetarian restaurant. N’Namdi showcases Detroit artists, aiming to propel them to national recognition, and supports other local galleries.

N’Namdi said it’s important for Detroit’s development to occur organically, rather than at the cost of “sanitizing” the city.

“I think we have to make sure we do not lose the soul of Detroit or that Detroit spirit,” he said. “People can move here because of the inexpensive real estate, but they stay because of the soul.”

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