Tariq Abu Khdeir, American Teen Allegedly Beaten By Israeli Authorities, Returns To Florida

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — The Palestinian-American teenager who relatives allege was beaten by Israeli authorities returned home to Florida late Wednesday, saying he will never think of freedom in the same way again.

Tariq Abu Khdeir, 15, and his mother flew back to Tampa on a flight arriving from New York and were greeted by about 50 cheering supporters waving American and Palestinian flags. The Khdeirs had flown out of Israel earlier in the day. “I am only 15 but I will never think of freedom the same as I did two months ago,” Tariq said upon arrival at Tampa International Airport. “No child, Palestinian or Israeli, deserves to be killed.”

The teenager, who spoke only a few minutes, said prayers had helped him through his ordeal. He also said he can’t wait to see his friends and go fishing.

Hassan Shibly, the teen’s attorney and the executive director of the Florida chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, had said Tariq suffered head trauma and had to receive stitches on his face when beaten two weeks ago as he was arrested during a protest. Supporters say Tariq’s beating was videotaped. The Israeli justice ministry has said an investigation has been opened into the footage.

There were no immediately apparent signs of injuries to Khdeir on his arrival.

Israeli authorities released Tariq shortly after his arrest and sentenced him to nine days of house arrest while they investigated what they say was his participation in violent protests over the death of Tariq’s cousin, 16-year-old Mohammed Abu Khdeir. His family denied that he participated in the protests. Palestinians suspect Mohammed Abu Khdeir was killed by Israeli extremists exacting revenge for the abduction and killings of three Israeli teens in the West Bank last month. 

His mother, Suha Khdeir, said Wednesday in Tampa that the last two weeks had been a “nightmare.” She wiped tears from her eyes as she spoke.

Friends and family have said Tariq went on a vacation to visit relatives he hadn’t seen in about 10 years — not to be part of a conflict. They have described him as a good student who likes basketball, soccer and video games.

Tariq’s arrest happened shortly before Israel attacked Gaza to stop Hamas members from launching rockets into its territory. Earlier Wednesday, Israel and Hamas agreed to a five-hour U.N. brokered “humanitarian” pause to their 9-day-long battle, offering the most encouraging sign yet that the fierce fighting could come to an end. Israel’s bombardment of Gaza has killed more than 200 Palestinians, including four boys struck on a beach Wednesday by shells fired from a navy ship.

Cheney Never Shoots Straight

Former Vice President Dick Cheney is trying hard to salvage his legacy, so he is resorting to spin, distortion and lies. By why is the media paying attention to him? Not even Cheney himself could erase from history the devastating record he has amassed, especially working with President George W. Bush.

A 2012 New York Times report revealed all of the warnings the Bush/Cheney administration received in the spring and summer of 2001 of a terrorist threat against the United States from within. On May 1, 2001, the CIA warned Bush a “group presently in the United States” was planning an attack. In July, the CIA warned that the attacks could be “imminent.” On August 6, Bush received a classified document entitled, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” None of the dots were connected by the White House, which dismissed criticism by saying they were not told when or where the attacks would occur. The attacks occurred on September 11, with devastating consequences.

In response, The Bush/Cheney White House targeted Iraq and its ruthless leader, Saddam Hussein. They built their case around alleged links between al Qaeda and Hussein, as well as allegations that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction (WMD’s). While Hussein was a brutal dictator, his government held together Iraq’s various religious factions and served as a balance against a restive Iran.

Cheney was among those from the administration who were speaking out publicly about WMD’s in Iraq. In August 2002, Cheney told a VFW convention, “Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons.” Of course, there were no WMD’s in Iraq. The administration had misled the American people.

Just before the U.S. invaded Iraq, Cheney was asked on NBC’s Meet the Press how long a U.S. invasion would take. He responded, “My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators…I think it will go relatively quickly…weeks rather than months.” The U.S. was not greeted as liberators, and the invasion proved to be poorly planned by the Pentagon and Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

In September 2003, six months after the invasion, Cheney said, “If we’re successful in Iraq..we will have struck a major blow right at the heart of the base, if you will, the geographic base of the terrorists who have us under assault now for many years, but most especially on 9/11.” But no link between Hussein and the terrorists was ever found, and Osama bin Laden was based in Afghanistan. The Bush/Cheney administration failed to focus on the war in Afghanistan.

Following the invasion, the administration implemented a policy of de-ba’athification, which rid the Iraqi government of Hussein’s Ba’ath party supporters. As a result, an estimated 50,000 civil government employees were removed from their positions and the military’s officer ranks were depleted. The Bush/Cheney operatives had failed to fully understand the possible implications of their policy, so the result in Iraq was chaos. Meanwhile, the Bush/Cheney White House backed a government supported by hard line Shiite religious organizations, which included now Prime Minister Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. The Sunnis, who are about 20% of the population, were squeezed out, as were the Kurds.

Today’s civil war involving ISIS is largely a result of Bush/Cheney policies. The Iraq War has cost U.S. taxpayers more than $2 trillion dollars and 4,000 American lives. More than 100,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed. And to what end?

In 2005, The Washington Post editorial page dubbed Cheney “The Vice President for Torture.” Cheney initiated and defended the use of torture on terrorism suspects, a violation of human rights and the Geneva Convention. In 2011 he defended the policy in an appearance at the American Enterprise Institute. “The notion that somehow the United States was wildly torturing anybody is not true,” he said. “One of the most controversial techniques is waterboarding … Three people were waterboarded. Not dozens, not hundreds. Three. And the one who was subjected the most often to that was Khaled Sheikh Mohammed, and it produced phenomenal results for us.” Of course, he lied about the “phenomenal results” too.

Cheney was also behind an NSA operation to monitor the phone calls and emails of U.S. citizens without warrant, which would later become known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program. After two years of going along with “the vice president’s special program” the Justice Department decided that parts of it were illegal.

The Bush/Cheney team allowed Russian President Vladimir Putin to invade Georgia and take control of two of its regions. And the Bush/Cheney team is responsible for not reining in Iran early on. Ari Shavit, an Israeli author and columnist, wrote, “The Bush administration didn’t initiate a political-economic siege on Iran when it was weak, and Mr. Bush weakened America by exhausting its economic power and military might in a futile war.”

On domestic policy, the Bush/Cheney team led this country into the worst recession since the Great Depression, yet Cheney refuses to take any responsibility for the policies that nearly destroyed the world’s economy. They added billions to the U.S. deficit, but Cheney once said, “deficits don’t matter.”

Now Dick Cheney is defending his legacy and bitterly attacking President Barack Obama. For instance, Cheney took to CNN Wednesday to say that Obama is “the worst president of my lifetime.” But President George W. Bush left office in January 2009 as one of the most unpopular presidents in history. According to a CBS News/New York Times poll at the time, 73 percent of Americans surveyed said they disapproved of the way Bush handled his presidency.

Ever since Dick Cheney shot his friend in a 2006 duck hunting accident Americans have known that Cheney just doesn’t shoot straight.

Athletes Dressed Up For ESPY Awards Red Carpet On A Night Off For Sports (PHOTOS)

It’s the slowest sports night of the year and that means two things: Sports fans get back to their real lives for a few fleeting hours and many of the world’s best athletes get all dressed up for the ESPY awards.

As has become tradition, ESPN holds its annual sports award show on the night after Major League Baseball’s All-Star game. With no MLB, NFL, NBA and NHL games being played on that night, ESPN needs the programming and plenty of sports stars don’t have any other pressing plans. They trade in their uniforms for suits and gowns and their cleats for dress shoes and high heels.

The 22nd annual ESPY Awards were held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on Wednesday night with Drake presiding as the host. In attendance were some of the biggest names and most dynamic performers from the wide world of sports. There were football stars from the NFL and World Cup heroes who play the world’s football mingling with Olympians, NBA stars, college athletes and just about anyone who might ever find themselves on “SportsCenter.”

Flapple Bird: a Flappy Bird clone for the Apple IIc

Can’t get enough Flappy Bird in your life (or perhaps weep inside every time a clone appears)? If you’ve got an old Apple IIc sitting around going to waste, you can turn it into a dedicated gaming machine with Flapple Bird. The game is available through Dagen Brock’s website. The version demo’d in the video below is the latest update, … Continue reading

4 Things Your Dog Can Teach You About Customer Retention

When I take my dog for a walk, he may be the one on the leash, but he’s definitely the one who walks me. He decides where we go, how fast we get there and when it’s time to go home.

Marketing professionals are used to this. While it may seem like we have the power because we hold the leash — we have the ability to dictate our brand’s content, strategy and channels — it’s really the customers who are in control, and it’s our job (with the help of sales and customer service representatives) to nurture our relationships with them.

Like being a dog owner, managing relationships with your customers is a huge responsibility. It takes a whole lot of time and effort. But transfer these four pillars of pet ownership to your relationships with your customers, and you can retain customers who will be very loyal to your brand. Dog might be man’s best friend, but the customer is brand’s best friend.

1. Give them attention.
If you’ve ever come home from an eight-hour workday to a big slobbery dog kiss, you’re probably aware of how much attention you need to give your four-legged friends. Engaging your customers also requires being attentive. That means when they have an issue, you listen to their concerns, care about their dissatisfaction and do everything in your power to reach a solution. Has a customer let you know that he/she is dissatisfied with your product or service? Figure out where that dissatisfaction stems from and take the necessary steps to correct it.

If you don’t give your dissatisfied customers the attention they need, they’ll get that attention elsewhere — likely by bashing your brand to anyone else who will listen. (I suppose it’s better than peeing on your carpet.) Also, keep in mind that preventive maintenance is just as important (if not more important) than solving problems after they occur, so make sure to check in with all your customers — not just the unhappy ones.

2. Train them.
You don’t need to carry a bag of treats around for every time your customers do something right. (We’ll assume they’re already housebroken.) However, you can train your customers, in a way, by rewarding positive behavior that could result in brand loyalty. If you sell a product, thank them for making a purchase by offering discounts or other rewards to encourage them to keep buying or provide them with a value not offered by your competitors.

It’s also important to remember that, much like training a pet, reacting negatively in any situation can damage any strides made in strengthening a relationship between your brand and your brand’s ambassadors. Yelling at or becoming frustrated with your dog is not going to make him more loyal — just more scared. Likewise, treating your customers poorly when they have a complaint is the quickest way to make them run the other direction.

3. Approach change slowly.
You can’t teach old customers new tricks. Isn’t that how the saying goes? Basically, humans (like dogs) are creatures of habit, and they aren’t always the most receptive to change. On the bright side, this means if you can form a strong relationship with your customers, they will be more likely to stick with your brand habitually. On the not-so-bright side, it means your customers may be turned off by the changes you make as your brand evolves.

Think about the ever-changing look of Facebook and the backlash you hear each time a redesign occurs. Innovation is essential to keeping your brand current, but you also have to make sure you aren’t leaving your customers behind in the process. Make changes gradually, or allow your customers to opt in or out of the changes so they can evolve with you.

4. Read their behaviors.
When your dog whines next to his food dish or scratches at the screen door, you can make fairly sound assumptions about what those behaviors mean, despite the lack of direct communication spelling it out for you. Similarly, your customers might not always write you a heated email or leave you a nasty voicemail venting about why they’re dissatisfied. Much like our dogs, we can often learn more from customer behaviors than we can from their direct communication with us.

Customer surveys and social media/web analytics are great ways to monitor these behaviors. Surveys allow you to ask your customers direct questions about their behaviors, while analytics let you monitor consumer behaviors firsthand. No matter what method you use to find the information, understanding your customers’ behaviors is critical to knowing how to best interact with them to keep them interested in your brand.

Summer Is Also for Learning

Summer vacation is well upon us. We waited so long for perhaps the greatest perk of teaching and are delighted to be far removed from many of the challenges associated with our craft, such as lesson planning, continued assessment, classroom management, faculty meetings and administrative demands.

Because of the “shut down” nature of the school calendar, it is easy for us to quickly engage in similar mental cessation at this time. In fact, many of our colleagues seek to completely shift out of teacher mode during the summer. In my humble view, this is a mistake. We just experienced 10 months — breaks and vacations not withstanding — of continued work and engagement. There were great moments and lesser ones. We succeeded in some — hopefully most — cases to engage our students and foster a controlled, supportive learning environment for our students. But there were also times when we failed to do just that. And who wouldn’t want to have those moments back for a chance to try again?

Of all the letters in the alphabet, perhaps none is more associated with education as the letter “R” (as in reading, (w)riting and (a)rithmetic). The 4 R’s below can help us stay fine-tuned over the summer and launch us into the next school year primed and ready to go.

  1. Reflect. The summer gives us a great opportunity to reflect. We can detail our highs and lows — privately or with a supportive peer or mentor — and brainstorm for continued growth. We can take the time to measure ourselves against last year’s goals and set new ones for the fall. We can read, research, dialogue and attend classes and workshops that can help us further hone our craft.
  2. Read. As noted above, the summer is a great time to read. While some of the reading can certainly be recreational, there should also be some learning-related reading occurring. Set goals for yourself. Perhaps create a small book club with peers that will create accountability and opportunity for dialogue. We know how important reading is to our children. It is no less significant for us, particularly in an educational environment that is continually shifting and evolving.
  3. Re-imagine. Teachers are notorious for operating in a “if it worked well until now…” mindset. Who likes to redo lesson plans or update materials? Most of us don’t and are oftentimes willing to engage today’s students with the same approaches that we used for their older siblings, if not their parents. The summer is a great time to surf the web or visit a library for new ideas and forms of engagement. In many cases, the material already exists and can be obtained for free or a small charge. No need to reinvent the wheel, but there is a definite need to reinvent ourselves from time to time.
  4. Return (the favor; paying it forward). Undoubtedly there was at least one person who took you under her wing when you first got started. She helped you navigate through the complexities of the school schedule, professional responsibilities and the like. In all likelihood, there is at least one rookie — or at least one inexperienced — teacher entering your school or district in the fall. Volunteer to help her out and show her the ropes. Become her mentor and guide. Not only will she thank you for your graciousness and magnanimity, but you will also develop a deep sense of fulfillment knowing that you made yet another difference in the lives of children (and the adult that teaches them).

Of course we need to rest, relax, refresh and perhaps even run away. We also need to remember how brief and fleeting a summer can be if not well utilized and how rotten we would feel if we entered the next year no different in terms of ideas, tools and engagement than when we walked out in June.

Naphtali Hoff (@impactfulcoach) served as an educator and school administrator for over 15 years before becoming an executive coach and consultant. Read his blog at impactfulcoaching.com/blog.

Everything Must Be Queered… or Gayified, or Lavenderized, or Bent

For many years I have been thinking more and more that everything must be, should be, and can be queered, or gayified, or lavenderized, or bent. At conferences, or in classes, or during conversations, I consistently say that I am only interested in queering things, which usually refers to queering literature. But I also mean that I am only interested in queering ideas. Of course, I am not saying that I refuse to read straight literature. That would be stupid. But I am saying that I want to read as much gay literature as straight. And I truly only want to write gay literature. If I offend people, or make them feel uncomfortable, when I say that I am only interested in queering things, then that’s good, and I truly don’t care; it means that I am shaking their comfortable status quo.

I wish to share an excerpt from an essay I wrote. It was published in the second issue of the fourth volume of The Blue Notebook: The Journal for Artists’ Books (April 2010). The title is “Queering Artists’ Books: A Queer Critical Analysis of Artists’ Books,” and I did exactly that: I queered the genre of artists’ books. I wrote it for a class on the history of artists’ books that I took for my degree in library and information science. And the kind editors at The Blue Notebook happily chose to publish it.

Queering Artists’ Books: A Queer Critical Analysis of Artists’ Books

“Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.”
–Immanuel Kant

The purpose of this essay is to queer the art form of artists’ books, by examining the relationship between artists’ books and the queer sensibility and the community of queer writers and artists who create them, and also the members of the queer community who read and collect them. This essay will also show the similarity between artists’ books and the queer community with regards to the marginalisation of both. By queer, I mean members of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersexed, Questioning, and Queer — or GLBTIQ — community. I propose to investigate the intersection and correlation of the following entities: artists’ books, zines, the book arts, book artists, queer book artists, queer artists’ books, queer zines, queer literature, queer readers, queer theory, queer studies, queer culture, the queer sensibility, and the queer community.

I am not proposing to define or re-define artists’ books, nor to analyse a collection of artists’ books with queer themes, nor those created by queer book artists. Instead, with a queer critical lens, I want to apply a queer analysis, perspective, sensibility, and voice to the artform of artists’ books. I wish to create a queer discourse that will add to the examination of artists’ books, bringing more approaches to how we discuss and analyse the field and artform of artists’ books.

From the Beginning

Twelve years ago, in 1998, I attended a workshop at the Center for Book Arts in New York City. I was teaching high school English at the time, so I chose to attend a workshop on incorporating artists’ books into English classes. That day, I learned much about artists’ books and made my own, not a complete book, but the front and back covers, with blank sheets of paper in between.

I observed something that I considered to be fascinating: I observed that I was not the only gay man present, or for that matter the only queer person or member of the GLBT community in the room. It was an interesting observation, but not something that I wished to pursue further at that time.

However, it was the beginning of an idea (or theory), that there is something queer about artists’ books and that there is a relationship between artists’ books and the queer community. I thought (and still think) that, both artists’ books and the queer community are marginalised. In addition, I noted that artists’ books and the queer community both have roots and histories in the 1960s, New York City, San Francisco, and the Feminist Movement (or Women’s Movement). Also, artists’ books and the queer community use new, different, unconventional, nontraditional, odd, and/or “queer” ways to integrate their existence and to have their voices heard, within the larger communities, societies, or worlds in which they belong.

Now, twelve years later, remembering that day and thinking about my queer observation during the workshop, I feel this idea deserves further thought, analysis, and attention.

What Does It Mean to Be Queer?

As a gay man, I have my own definition of the word “queer.” For me, a person who wishes to identify as queer is one who wishes not to conform to the status quo; is one who sees himself/herself/itself as different with regards to the mainstream society; is one who does not fit in with the norms of society, which is most likely the sexual and gender norms of the society. However, I do not think that one has to be homosexual in order to identify as queer; heterosexual individuals can also identify as queer. Being queer is being different. In her book, Queer Theory: An Introduction, Annamarie Jagose explains the meaning of the word “queer”: Once the term ‘queer’ was, at best, slang for homosexual, at worst a term of homophobic abuse. In recent years ‘queer’ has come to be used differently, sometimes as an umbrella term for a coalition of culturally marginal sexual self-identifications and at other times to describe a nascent theoretical model, which has developed out of more traditional lesbian and gay studies.

However, in her essay, “A Man Who Wants to Be a Woman” Queerness as/and Healing Practices in Michelle Cliff’s No Telephone to Heaven”, Nada Elia explains that “queers will name but not ‘define’ themselves, because no definition can encompass the multiplicity of queer experiences and practices”.

Queer Literature: A Queer Aesthetic

If artists’ books are to be considered as artistic and literary, then queer artists’ books can be a part of the history and tradition of queer literature. On the queer aesthetic in/of queer literature, the New York Public Library’s Gay and Lesbian Collections and AIDS/HIV Collections’ Gay and Lesbian Studies Research Guide states: “Throughout the centuries, homosexual literature has remained hidden in plain sight, never far from view but elusive to all except those who created and read it. Thus ghettoised, gay literature was the furtive province of imagined moral guilt and perceived deviant sexuality, inhabited by doomed homosexuals and social outcasts.” Thus, both artists’ books (as literature) and queer literature are similar in that they are not popular literatures within mainstream society — they have been “hidden” from the general public. This is another aspect that they share. This also adds to their relationship.

The Relationship Between Artists’ Books and the Queer Community

I have been researching and writing about marginalised groups, such as Italian Americans and members of the GLBTQ community, especially as writers, in literature, and within the literary community. I wrote my thesis for my Master of Arts degree in English on the marginalisation of Italian American writers and Italian American literature. As I was conducting the research for my thesis, I discovered another topic that interested me even more: the marginalisation of Queer Italian American writers and their literature, and the rejection of Gay Italian Americans in society. I noticed the lack of Queer Italian American writers, and the lack of reference to them. I noticed that their stories were not told, their voices not heard, their existence ignored. In my thesis, I devoted a section to GLBTQ Italian American writers. I have always been fascinated by marginalities and the varied levels of discrimination in any society. I am particularly interested in how marginalised people live, survive, and thrive, creating their own fulfilled lives, creating their own art, and adding value to their communities and societies, while overcoming adversity. Always feeling like an outcast myself, I am captivated by the perseverance of the “other” and the non-conformist in any society. As a Gay Italian-American male, I never saw my life depicted in the books that I read, especially the books that I was assigned to read in school. This is debilitating for the growth of one’s own identity.

The art form of artists’ books is marginalised within the larger, prevailing artistic community of other more popular artforms. The queer community is marginalised within the larger, dominant heterosexual community. Both exist on the fringes of larger communities. Both exist in the periphery of predominant cultures and communities, and I am interested in investigating whether or not a relationship exists between these two marginalised entities.

Joanna Drucker, in her essay, Critical Issues/Exemplary Works, writes: “For years, artists’ books have remained one of the last zones of artistic production that doesn’t have an organized culture of gate-keeping…. Because the field of artists’ books suffers from being under-theorized, under-historicized, under-studied, and under-discussed, it isn’t taken very seriously”.

Zines, the Zine Movement, and the Queer Community

In her essay, Artists, Books, Zines, Janet Zweig explains the zine movement: “While book artists were either abandoning or fetishising the form in the ’80s, there was a burgeoning underground zine movement that fulfilled many of the promises made for the artist’s book a decade before…. Zines have succeeded with those ambitions connected to audience and communication where most artists’ books have failed”.

In Queer Zines, Chris Wilde explains the importance of queer zines: Queer zines have helped [to] liberate and transform several generations, from the political newsletters of our lesbian sisters and gay brothers in the 1970s and 1980s, to the queer manifestos and transgender resource guides of today. They documented and demonstrated the life, love, politics, camp, gender-bending, writhing, and spurting of a queer revolution. Queer zine preservationists help [to] propagate the cultures of rebellion that have formed on the fringes of sexual, gender, racial, cultural, and class minorities by insuring those voices are preserved and heard. We defend the place of queer zines in the context of history and use them as a counterbalance to mainstream gay and lesbian assimilationist thought.

Final Queer Thoughts on Artists’ Books

I feel that there is definitely something queer about artists’ books. In writing this essay and creating my own artist’s book, I once again discovered my own queer voice, which proves that artists’ books can help someone, whether queer or not, to find his/her own voice, self-worth, and place in the world.

William Faulkner wrote: “Some things you must always be unable to bear — injustice and outrage and dishonor and shame — just refuse to bear them.” I can no longer bear being rejected, marginalised, ignored, silenced, and invisible. No one should have to. And as a gay man, I do not want to. I hope that this essay — and my work in the future — will prove meaningful; informing and enhancing society, and effect some positive change for the lives of those who are members of sexual minority groups, bringing them from the margins to the centre.

Gunmen Attack Kabul International Airport In Afghanistan

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Gunmen used rockets to attack the Kabul International Airport in the Afghan capital Thursday, a senior military official said.

The gunmen occupied two buildings, which were under construction, 700 meters (yards) north of the airport, and were using them as a base to fire rockets and gunfire toward the airport and ISAF jet fighters flying over Kabul, said Afzal Aman, a general in the Afghan army in Kabul.

The predawn attack comes during a tense time in Afghanistan as a recount is underway from the second round of a disputed presidential election.

Aman said several rockets hit the airport but no planes had been damaged so far. He said two attackers had been killed by Afghan forces.

Besides civilian traffic, the airport is used as a base for NATO-led forces that have been fighting for more than a decade against Taliban and others. Rocket attacks near the airport are not rare, but are not usually this close.

Aman said the fighting was going on and that the gunmen had been surrounded by Afghan forces. Alarms had also sounded at the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, as they usually do when there is an attack in the city. ISAF jet fighters were also patrolling over the city.

Interior Ministry spokesman Sediq Sediqqi says the gunmen who captured the building have been surrounded by the police. He did not have any other immediate details.

The attack also comes after a suicide bomber blew up a car packed with explosives near a busy market and a mosque in eastern Afghanistan on Tuesday, killing at least 89 people in the deadliest insurgent attack on civilians since the 2001 U.S.-led invasion.

Your Customers Deserve the Best, So Take Care of Yourself

We all know what it’s like to chug along on fumes: not much fun. The added problem is that our clients, customers and colleagues also know when we’re exhausted, stressed and hungry. Our diminished condition almost certainly detracts from the work we do.

I want to talk for a moment about taking care of ourselves. I’m going to tear through some of the more obvious ways to do that: get enough sleep, exercise, eat right, don’t smoke, drink a lot of water and not much alcohol. We can’t cheat on these rules for very long without consequences.

I want to suggest another rule, though, that is not so obvious, specifically for us as salon professionals, but anyone devoted to service and the quality of their work could fall prey. It is an ironic hazard of any such profession, I think, that when we spend so much time and attention making our clients beautiful, on making them feel great, that we sometimes neglect ourselves.

We’re certainly not oblivious to our own appearance and happiness but these are probably not our focus. Our clients and our work matter so much that we sometimes overlook our own needs. We see their smiles and that is a terrific source of personal satisfaction. Our own appearance may not seem near so important as the service or product we provide but it certainly sets a tone that translates into value and reputation. That appearance not only affects the experience of our clients but also how we feel about ourselves.

I am not suggesting that we ‘get all dolled up’ for work every day, like we’re headed for the red carpet. I do know, though, that we feel better if we look great and our clients certainly notice.

Try this: Take the time to do something more or different with your appearance some day this week. Step up your clothes or change your makeup. Buy a new pair of really comfortable yet fashionable work shoes that will make standing a lot easier on your body. Some of us already provide our clients with a hand massage while their color is processing. Do that for yourself after work. Run a soothing hot bath and pamper yourself with these same products you so diligently pamper your clients with. Set aside 10 minutes a day to meditate. This is about elevating ourselves at work and at home which results in being happier and healthier overall.

We should regularly make the effort to look great for our clients and for ourselves, but a one-day experiment will highlight the effect. Monitor the outcome. Take note of how other people act toward you. More importantly, reflect on how you feel.

As always, be open to change.

In Italy, Adoption by Gay Couples Is Still Illegal

In Italy there are showgirls arriving from abroad only to be finished after one program for kids; there are countless journalists, writing about the World Cup, feminism, and sex, dropping their handbags in the bleachers; and there are newborns who, after three or four months, leave the world and their mothers forever. Goodbye. There are thugs, dangerous neighborhoods, old people who have nothing, endless hospital corridors. In Italy there’s the Senate, where the Democratic Party’s proposal on civil unions is set for its nth discussion. Civil unions; no one speaks of gay marriage. Can you imagine? In Italy, practically speaking, adoption does not exist (according to the text of Senator Monica Cirinnà, “all the laws, decrees, and regulations in place regarding marriage apply to civil union, except for adoption, for which see article 6, 4 May 1983, point 184”).

And I am in, and not in, Italy. I haven’t been in Italy for a year. It’s a simple choice of mine. I am not there, after cruel mornings like the ones I’ve spent reading attacks on my sexuality (I was gay at the age of 3 and a half), and on The Huffington Post: Ma basta con questo inno alla gaytudine quotidiana, cinque articoli al giorno sui gay e zero sul Darfur (“Enough of this hymn to gay life, five articles every day on gays and none on Darfur”); Ma puoi guarire! (“But you can be cured!”); A me piace la figa, ma a tre anni non me ne rendevo conto (“I like pussy, but I didn’t know it when I was three”); Questa è tutta propaganda LGBT della peggior specie … strumentalizzazioni da parte di Goldman Sachs e di un manipolo di gay i cui capi sono anche per la pedofilia (“This is all LGBT propaganda of the worst kind … manipulations by Goldman Sachs and a bunch of gays whose bosses also support pedophilia”); Meglio andare in edicola a comprare Mickey Mouse (“You’re better off going to the newsstand to buy Mickey Mouse”); Ma a noi che ce ne frega? Cazzi — è il caso di dirlo — suoi! (“What does this have to do with us? This fucking business — pun intended — is your own”); I finanziatori del ‘genderismo’ alimentano l’equivoco presso le masse (“The financiers of ‘gender identity’ promote this confusion among the masses”). Yes, in Italy there are those who — on social media, above all — speak of curing the gays when they read a statement like “I was gay, at the age of three and a half.” There is someone who would still like to cure me. Words are thrown about, curses, laughter. And encouragement. From some of you good angels. And I thank you.

Once in his life, even the most secure person of all asks himself whether what he is doing is so wonderful. If it resembles nothing else. The other night in New York the moon was exploding with blinding white light. And it reminded me that what I am doing is, perhaps, a little depressing, not entirely welcoming, and bittersweet, but genuine. It was like being in a coma and waking the next morning feeling that one was still out walking at night. I was close to going into hiding. I was afraid. A rushed phone call to say to those who had believed in me, “Cursed be the day that I told my story to Gay Voices. Cursed be the days when I spent so much time alone. Cursed be anger. And courage. Even friends.” Since I first felt this pain, no one had been close to me. But at a moment when all help was gone, the greatest friend in the world returned. My friend, and Stella‘s. My friend. Guide. And poet. Angelina returned. She who has always accepted me and my imaginary girlfriend. She who saw Stella with her own eyes when she was small, and who told me that the air was full of magical wings. This week Angelina sang me a song and said Let Your Heart Be Mine. I’m beginning again from here. I have a new heart, and one day other hearts will come.

Filippo is an Italian journalist who wanted to become a wizard. Stella is his imaginary friend. Filippo and Stella live in New York after having escaped from Italy. These are their adventures in the Big Apple.

Stella #3:Hey Sister, Go Sister!

Stella #2:The Little (Gay) Prince Who Wanted to Commit Suicide

Stella #1:How I Escaped Italy’s Homophobia With My Imaginary Friend