Hasta La Gadget!

On June 30, the Supreme Court released its ruling in favor of Hobby Lobby in the case Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc. On a 5-4 decision, the SCOTUS ruled that it is constitutional for corporations to “opt out” of providing their employees with certain components of healthcare if it conflicts with employers’ religious interests (in this case, female contraceptives). This is wrong on so many levels, a few of which are explained below.

1. Separation of church and state: What is the point of having laws, or healthcare, in a religiously diverse country if religion can override it? This ruling violates all principles of the separation of church and state, a vital part of American democracy. Laws, such as the Affordable Care Act, are universal for a reason. When a party, such as a corporation, is exempted, there is no point in having laws.

2. “But it’s religious freedom!”: Most pro-Hobby Lobbyers declared this ruling a win for religious freedom because employers no longer have to provide contraceptives that are against their religion. Under this logic, it is just for a Jewish employer to force all of their employees to fast on Yom Kippur. Religion should inform choice, not restrict it. A ruling that limits emplyees’ freedom to needed healthcare is not a win for freedom, especially because employees will always outnumber employers.

3. An employee’s right to their body: What someone should or should not do for their health is between them and their physician, not their boss. This also specifically targets female workers’ rights to their bodies, as Hobby Lobby exclusively refuses to pay for female contraceptives. (Extra misogyny bonus points that they pay for vasectomies. Only women aren’t allowed to have say over their reproduction.)

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote in her dissent, “It bears note in this regard that the cost of an IUD is nearly equivalent to a month’s full-time pay for workers earning the minimum wage.” If women lose cost-free access to contraceptives from their employers, it is likely that they will lose all access to effective, but unaffordable, forms of contraceptives. Instead of prioritizing employers’ religious freedoms, which should not be able to override law in the first place, perhaps the SCOTUS should have considered the rights of thousands of American women. (Note: Not a single female Justice voted in favor of Hobby Lobby, a perfect example of why we need more women in government.)

4. It opens the floodgates for religious exemptions: If pro-life Christians don’t have to pay for contraceptives, according to Ginsburg then Scientologists shouldn’t have to pay for antidepressants. Certain Hindus, Jews and Muslims shouldn’t have to pay for medicines from pigs including anesthesia and pills coated with gelatin. Courts will have to decide if some exemptions are lawful, especially in life-threatening cases.

After this 4th of July weekend, it is ironic that the majority of SCOTUS has failed to acknowledge employees’ rights to choose their own healthcare, free of a religious standard that is not their own.

Son, we called this family meeting — excuse me, this ZULGPARENTS MAN-HERD (did I say that right?) — because we need to talk about something serious. It’s about your decision to go paleo.

Your mother and I were 100 percent on board when you said you wanted to change your lifestyle. Of course, we were a bit surprised to find you in the gully behind our home, living your new life as Zulg of Clan Bone Fang, eating half-rancid bacon off the shells of scooped out turtles. Still, we said, at least he’s finally motivated! You know, getting off the couch, giving up highly processed wheat, corn, and soy products, culling the excess turtle population. Maybe the transition from grad student to meat-obsessed protoperson seemed, I don’t know, sudden? Gosh, we sure admired your zeal though.

But now comes this business with the saber-toothed tiger.

Look, your mother and I can be some pretty “hip cats” ourselves. Not like those other parents in Open Acres (A Gated Community.) Not a bunch of square-ents ha ha. It doesn’t matter a lick to us whether you’re gay, bi, queer, trans, or simply some kind of mindless, rapacious neander-you. Weren’t we down to the gully last week to show our Paleo Pride? Didn’t we try the grilled opossum after you grunted and leveled your spear at us? We’re always open to learning about low-lectin foods – -even when we’re not being held at sharpened rockpoint.

Look me in the eyes, Zulg. Focus.

You’re our caveson, and we love you. We would never, ever want to undermine your perfectly valid choice to cut carbohydrates from your diet, and then use your advanced doctorate in evolutionary biology to bring back a bloodthirsty apex predator because you think hunting alongside it will give you magical powers. It’s just the neighbors, they’re getting… upset.

Turns out, and I was surprised about this too, keeping or resurrecting a long-dead super predator violates quite a few provisions of the Open Acres Community Charter. We live with others, Zulg. To put it in your language, ZULGPARENTS IN OPEN ACRES CLAN.

It’s unfortunate, but even in a neighborhood as forward-thinking as ours, some small, tiny people will shut their hearts against anyone different — even those who just want to live healthier, gluten-free, saber-toothed-tiger-riding lives.

We really did fight for you, son. Your mother stood up at that Bi-Monthly Meeting, looked Dorris Miller straight in the eye and told her all about the lovely porch paintings you’ve been making from goose dung and avocado oil, and how man is meant to worship and revere his saber-toothed feline masters, and how peanuts are not actually nuts, but legumes, and are therefore “poison” to the human digestive track.

No point in beating around the bush, son: we lost the vote. All those ugly rumors going around since the neighborhood pets started disappearing didn’t help. You’ll have to abandon your research turning big cats into bigger, meaner, toothier ones. What’s worse, they revoked your pass to the Open Acres Fun & Aquatics Center because, and I’m quoting here, “it is not a watering hole.”

Just want to make sure we’re on the same page here: ZULGPARENTS NO HATE DEMON-TOOTHED-ONE. NO BLAME ZULPARENTS. NO CLUB ZULGPARENTS.

I tell you, no one’s more disappointed in this than we are. I’m just plain torn up that you’re not going to be able to keep a voracious man-eater a few hundred yards from the patio where I grill. Shoot. Darn. That’s life, I guess. But just like your mother and I’ve adjusted to getting clubbed for buying Cheerios, you’ll get used to living without a tiger. We promise. I know, it’s tough.

We would never tell you what to do, but have you considered, maybe, bringing back a giant sloth? Big claws. Delicious slothy taste. You could still ride it into battle, albeit slowly. You’d probably just have to promise to keep it off people’s lawns. Or — wait. Here’s an idea. What if — this just occurred to me. What if, you know, we started eating pasta once a week? Or a Triscuit. A few Triscuits wouldn’t —

Zulg? Wait. Where are you going? Zulg? No reason to be upset! I’m sure it was just the chronic hunger-based fatigue talking! I’m glad we had this talk, son! And if you happen to see the Millers’ Fluffy around, could you make sure she gets home? No questions asked!

At kickoff, there was hope and ambition in Brazil. By halftime, there was shock and grief. In between, there were a historic amount of Germany goals.

In less than a half hour of play in their World Cup semifinal clash, Germany built an astounding 5-0 lead over Brazil at Estadio Mineirao in Belo Horizonte on Tuesday. This was just the second time any team had ever scored five goals in the first 30 minutes of a match ever in the World Cup, according to ESPN Stats & Info.

“This is utterly beyond belief,” ESPN commentator Ian Darke exclaimed after Sami Khedira scored Germany’s fifth goal of the first half in the 29th minute.

As Germany racked up those five first-half goals during a frenzied 18-minute span, the reactions of Brazil’s fans shifted from shock to grief.

(GIFs via @cjzero)

There is no place like New York City. In the middle of that enormity, there is Central Park. Today encompassing 843 acres, it was originally established as a permanent park in 1857, with the gentry class believing that urban dwellers needed a refuge in nature. Apparently, they were correct, and that was made apparent with the Fania Records 50th Anniversary concert celebration at Central Park’s SummerStage. For those unaware of Fania Records — or rather, for those without a need for the elementally rhythmic, mesmerizing and infectious grooves of Afro-Latino music — while you’re advised to read on, you may be excused. I, like the New Yorkers of yore, have needs. On this day, the needs were filled by the three very different Latin music acts on the bill, and the boisterous crowd that was there to cheer them on: Little Louie Vega, La Mecánica Popular, and the legendary Roberto Roena y Su Apollo Sound.

First, a primer. As most people know, New York City is a grand melting pot. Out of that gumbo has been produced myriad cultural exports, and among New York’s many contributions, there is salsa music. It can be defined as combining elements of various styles of Latin music, jazz, African and rock, and all of those ingredients were found in the Big Apple. Starting in 1964, the label was created, showcasing the music of one of it’s founders, Johnny Pacheco, and other well known greats such as Celia Cruz, Ray Barretto, Cheo Feliciano, Rubén Blades, and of course, Hector Lavoe. Such was the success of the label, the music and sound grew outward, picking up adherents throughout the Spanish speaking world, as well as those mentioned having poly-rhythmic needs. Fania Records grew in popularity with the renown of it’s Fania All-Stars bands, and after the release of the 1972 Leon Gast directed documentary film, Our Latin Thing. The label eventually disbanded, while the All-Stars, and other artists continued to perform, spread the love of the music through live performances. Generations of New Yorkers and others grew up with the music, the Fania sound, as the soundtrack to their lives.

Which brings us back to Central Park. The opening set for the afternoon would seem unlikely to some. Little Louie Vega, el Maestro, the well-known, Grammy-winning DJ/producer of Masters at Work, has been a staple in his native New York’s dance music scene for over 20 years. His many fans have always marveled at his ability to combine whatever is popular in contemporary and classic dance music with the foundations of his musical upbringing: salsa, and Fania. His latest effort, Elements of Life is a prime example for doing just that. His DJ set on this sunny Saturday afternoon would bring the same feeling as at any of the hundreds of nights he’d spin worldwide. This day, he’d be accompanied by vocalist, Josh Milan, performing hits, such as their “Children of the World” and “Celebrate”: modern dance hits with Vega’s signature multi-layered and orchestral sound. The audience, as always, danced energetically to his selections, only the house lights were the sunshine. Everybody loves the sunshine.

The second act was a local secret. Sort of. La Mecánica Popular is made up of eight members, hailing from Peru, Colombia, Venezuela and the U.S., but they all met in the mighty borough of Brooklyn. As an audience member, one could place a lot of faith in the history of the label, so my lacking knowledge of the band was bolstered by the buzzing of the crowd and the waving of the national flags (the World Cup was underway). There was no need to be swayed by the swell of people after the first notes were played, however. How to describe…? The band is obviously a “Latin” band, but their mix of influences is such that their provenance is hard to pin down. Much like Carlos Santana’s bands of the early to mid-seventies incorporated Latin and African percussion, and drew heavily from the psychedelic fusion jazz of the day, La Mecánica Popular finds a common language for all music listeners. Part of this simply includes the propensity for inducing dance moves effected by the intense electronic amplification and manipulation of traditional instruments. They rock. Their roughly seventy five minute set consisted of meaty instrumental grooves, and solo vocals by three of the members of the band, searing guitar solos and, what appeared to be, live beat-making through an iPad. A soaring highlight was a salsa/techno cover of The Doors’ “Riders of the Storm.” What a treat this was for the excited crowd. No doubt they made a lot of new fans this day.

The headliner of the day was the legendary salsero Roberto Roena. Having been around for about as long as the term salsa had been coined, and one of the original signings to the Fania label, the audience was not only ready and waiting for the elder statesman — they were practically levitating. As a listener of many kinds of music, but a master of none, this performance was a veritable clinic on what a Latin music showcase should include. In so many ways, his nearly two-hour set was filled with seemingly boundless energy, stage presence and showmanship — and an abundance of everything that comes to mind when one thinks of the swagger of Latin music in a New York summer. His performance touched everyone in the huge, excited crowd. After five or six songs, about 70 percent of the audience, no longer content with just dancing, started a waving hands sing-along. This was a sight to behold because, among the flags waving in the crowd, one could spot Colombia (who’d won their soccer match earlier in the day), Puerto Rico, El Salvador and several others. It seemed the whole Latin diaspora was there adding their voices with Su Apollo Sound. One of the songs eliciting the biggest response was “Marejada Feliz”, which means, “a happy tide.” It was most appropriate, as there was unbridled joy pulsing through the crowd — as if Central Park had become New York’s block party for the afternoon. The movement that at one time was “Our Latin Thing,” was now everyone’s Latin thing. Apparently, the gentry class of the 19th century knew what they were thinking, with regard to the needs of New Yorkers. They were justo al punto. Con su són!

Fania Records will be celebrating their 50th Anniversary throughout the summer, including, The Fania All-Stars at Central Park SummerStage on August 24th.

One thing about the gun debate I find interesting is how quickly and easily gun owners get riled up when politicians, or anyone else for that matter, begin talking about taking away their guns. From the way they talk, you’d think the world was about to come to an end. What was Heston’s famous line? “From my cold, dead hands.” Heston made more forgettable movies than anyone could ever remember, but five words uttered at the NRA convention and he’s immortalized forevermore.

I see the same intensity of feelings in comments on my blog. “You’re a traitor,” is one of the less-angry ones; “Mike the Gun Guy is Enemy #1,” crops up from time to time. I have never once advocated any legislative or legal response to gun violence, but God forbid I say that maybe some of what the NRA claims to be true isn’t so true and you’d think I was calling for the confiscation of every, single gun.

Maybe I just don’t appreciate how gun owners think about their guns. So I decided to get a better understanding of the average gun owner by conducting a survey on how frequently gun guys (and gals) actually walk around with a gun. After all, if you listen to the NRA, you quickly learn that nobody understands the problems faced by gun owners like they do, and nothing is more important to gun owners than being able to protect themselves and their loved ones by walking around with a gun.

Yesterday I sat down and sent an email to 650 men and women who took the required safety course from me that my state requires for issuance of the LTC. If they had, in fact, received their LTC, I asked them to tell me how often they carried a concealed weapon with the choices being: always, usually, sometimes, frequently or never at all. Obviously, the folks who said they always or usually carried a concealed weapon were embodying Wayne LaPierre’s “good guys” dictum. The rest? “Pussies” or worse.

Within 24 hours I got back more than 130 responses, of whom 103 stated they had their LTC. And how did the NRA do in convincing them that they would be fulfilling a sacred trust by walking around with a gun? Not very well, I’m afraid. Only 29 of 102 LTC-holders reported that they ‘always’ or ‘usually’ carried a gun, of whom 23 were guys and 6 were gals. The rest just weren’t convinced that they needed to carry a gun, and 54 of the respondents, 44 men and 10 women reported that they ‘rarely’ or ‘never’ carried a concealed weapon at all.

Now don’t get me wrong. The latest numbers indicate that there are roughly 8 million active concealed-carry permits in the United States, so if the results of my poll are representative, that means there may be about 2 million people walking the highways and byways of our beloved country ready at any moment to yank out and use their guns. But 2 million doesn’t even represent 1% of the country’s population so it’s not like there’s some huge, gun-toting army out there just waiting to protect the rest of us from the criminal hordes.

On the other hand, a couple of million people who believe that something’s about to happen in DC that will directly affect them can make a lot of noise. They can contact their Representatives, or make a telephone call, or send a nasty email to me. I have never done any of those things because I can’t recall that Congress ever debated a law which would have any direct impact on me. But the NRA, to their credit, has managed to make its membership feel that any discussion about gun control is a discussion about them. Why pass up the opportunity to let everyone know what’s the most important thing to you? I wouldn’t, that’s for damn sure.