Hasta La Gadget!

Generally, it’s not a good idea for playwrights to direct their own work–or maybe anyone else’s, for that matter. One of the few exceptions is Alan Ayckbourn, who almost always directs the first production of anything he writes.

That may be because, as he’s said, he thinks of himself as a director first and a playwright second. This is a result of his spending more time on the directing than on the writing of his now 78 works. This, of course, says something eye-popping and jaw-dropping about how long he takes to turn out his consecutive hits.

As his own director, Ayckbourn can be considered the best he can find. But there’s someone else putting in an impressive bid to be the best Ayckbourn director when the man himself is not available: John Tillinger.

Veteran helmer Tillinger has been earning his Ayckbourn credentials at the Westport Country Playhouse over several summers with How the Other Half Loves, Relatively Speaking and Time of My Life. (He directed Absurd Person Singular for the Manhattan Theatre Club.)

Now he’s notched another first-rate production with Things We Do for Love, a 1997 Ayckbourn tense comedy that’s little known here. The best I could work out was that the American premiere was a 1998 Buffalo event. Evidently, the hilarious play, rife with underpinnings of intense anxiety, hasn’t been seen in these parts ever since.

Thanks to the benevolent theater gods it’s back now–and under Tillinger’s sure hand. So Ayckbourn fan’s had better scoot to Westport by September 7 on the assumption that too few of the offerings there transfer to Manhattan these days, even with Mark Lamos almost always artistically directing the seasons for maximum pleasure.

The plot?: After discussing plumbing problems with postman/downstairs renter Gilbert (Michael Mastro), Barbara (Geneva Carr, quickly becoming a top-drawer Ayckbourn interpreter), is just renting her upstairs London flat to old school chum Nikki (Sarah Manton) as a temporary measure. That’s when Nikki’s fiancé Hamish (Matthew Greer), a buff vegetarian, arrives straight from his most recent visit to the couple’s currently unfinished home.

Within seconds, Barbara, who’s harbored a passion for her boss, and Hamish take the kind of dislike to each other–only a few scenes later he calls her an un-Ayckbourn-like obscenity–that audience members will recognize as a lead-up to an eventual two-sided thaw. Needless to say complications arise when this happens for Barbara–who’s thought of herself as a life-long spinster–and for Hamish–who’s been soldiering on with the sexually repressed Nikki. Pulled into the ensuing romantic-comedy vortex is Gilbert, whose admiration for his landlady is revealed to be more than gentlemanly admiration.

Usually, Ayckbourn looks closely (and never through rose-colored glasses) at marriage as a complex institution and at very specific marriages as stage-worthy specimens. Not the case here. Barbara has never married. Nikki is divorced from a batterer. Hamish left his wife for Nikki and may not be far from thinking about leaving Nikki. Gilbert’s wife died some time earlier and he’s carried on solo.

On Ayckbourn’s mind is the consuming desire for love, mental and physical, and how that might play out. He’s intrigued by the mental and physical tangles that ensue. Never at a loss getting laughs, Ayckbourn also has a master’s knack for implying the nagging uncertainties that the search for love involves. It’s his notable achievement that the feelings stirred up in the circumstances not only affect the characters but the spectators as well. You laugh at the shenanigans while experiencing stomach knots.

Ayckbourn fans know that a standard setting is a house, whether populated by couples, singles or family members. A Small Family Business calls for a three-story abode, and so does Things We Do for Love. To satisfy the requirement, James Noone expertly presents the three stories.

Only Barbara’s living room, dining nook, the entry hall and a stairway going to the second-story flat are shown floor to ceiling. The second-story flat is cut-off at about the four-foot mark so that only the lower portions of occupying bodies appear–unless those busy bodies are prone, supine or otherwise on the bed. Part of the stairway to recreational painter Gilbert’s flat is on display, and the top two or so feet of his modest dwelling can be made out. Not his ceiling, however, a ceiling that comes in for some surprising badinage.

It may be that what ultimately transpires between Barbara and Hamish will strike some viewers as credulity-straining, but Carr and Greer are so committed that they put dismissed to any qualms. Playing a Scot, Greer keeps his accent throughout, and that includes during a leading-to-denouement battle with Barbara, for which fight director Robert Westley also deserves congratulations.

Manton plays Nikki’s innocence and rude awakening with perfection and does especially well in a sequence that explains the production’s logo: a tie from which the bottom half has been cut off. Mastro takes full advantage of the several opportunities he has for scene-stealing.

All four actors look right in the costumes Laurie Churba Kohn has given them. One particular number–a supposed Stella McCartney design–is part of Barbara’s wardrobe. That doesn’t mean she’s the one who gets to wear it.

Before the lights go up on the opening and between-scene breaks (there’s an intermission), sound designer Scott Killian plays the 1977 10cc hit “The Things We Do for Love.” Smart move. It has to do with the same conflicted behaviors Ayckbourn confronts so bluntly and wisely. The things we should do for love of Ayckbourn is get to this one.

For most of us, we need to take a hard look at our married life and reflect on how to grow passion and energy. In most cases, how to put it back in again. The stresses and strains of life such as career, raising kids and growing older, can deplete us — or at the very least, distract us from the goal of sustaining an intimate, dynamic connection with our life partner. Then as the months and years go by, we find ourselves struggling with the very person we fell deeply in love with and wonder what to do.

We had the fun of hosting the premier of Sex Tapes in early July. This couple decided to tape themselves in a variety of sexual positions as a way to bring life and energy back into the marriage — like they used to have when dating and before kids. As you may know, the video was saved to “the cloud” and a myriad of friends came into possession of the prurient and steamy love life they managed to film.

So our recommendations on ways to spice up your marriage don’t involve HD videos that may leak to viewers you never intended. We’re pretty sure that watching yourselves have sex wouldn’t do the trick anyway. So here are some thoughts and ideas that may get you going — only between you and your lover.

1. Let down your guard and let each other in again. If you are really disconnected and passion has waned for sometime, defensiveness and anger may well have taken loving connections place. Surrender your toughness and soften up to each other.
2. Create a “rekindle” attitude. Make reaching out and pursuing each other your priority and being playful and flirtatious as you once were your focus. So many couples have seemingly forgotten how to flirt and inject energy into the relationship — that once upon a time came so easily.
3. Identify “passion builders” together that keep positive, exciting energy alive with your lover. Certainly a vibrant sex life helps, but so does positive communication, attention to each other’s wants and needs on a daily basis and having fun together with your clothes on. As far as the sex goes, change it up with novelty — perhaps sex with your socks and hat on, or going out on a date pretending you’ve never met — where you go all out in seducing one another.
4. Construct a calendar that honors the need to keep love and passion alive. Don’t let kids or anything interfere with keeping your marriage the number 1 priority and growing and deepening your love life. Get your plan in writing and convert it to a weekly, calendared commitment.
5. Think of your marriage as a “tepee” where you grow and protect love. Don’t let anything or anyone in your tee pee that could get in the way of your sacred connection to each other! Keep your love out of the “cloud.”

So if you’re bound and determined to film yourselves naked, try these ideas out anyway. These create memories and deepen connections with your lover that end up saved in the cloud — your brain and heart where they keep love alive, sustain excitement and grow back the love you once had.

The day has finally arrived. My “baby boy,” the youngest of three, has started high school. I envisioned this as a poignant time full of back-to-school shopping, lively discussions of his fall schedule and teachers, and bittersweet musings of how do the years pass so quickly.

And it was. Until last week when I learned that police had thwarted an alleged planned mass shooting plot at South Pasadena High School in South Pasadena, CA where my son began his freshman year last Thursday. Two students with a credible plan wanted to “kill as many people as possible,” according to local police.

Quickly my feelings of anticipation for the school year morphed into fear and worry. More importantly, my son is shaken. “What if they let the kids back in school?” he asked me. He also had second thoughts about his cross country workouts at 5:45 a.m. because the pre-dawn hour when the team gathers is “dark and creepy,” he said.

The two students accused of plotting the shootings were arrested. The system in place to red-flag and avert such tragedies worked. Yet the anxieties and uncertainties linger. How can I — and other parents — confronting this or similar scares reassure our children as they return to the classroom? Staff from Hillsides, a Pasadena-headquartered non-profit serving vulnerable children, young, and families in Los Angels County, offers these tips:

Listen to your kids. Allow your children to talk about their fears, concerns, and feelings, recommends Hillsides Education Center counselor Jill Anderson. “They may be surprised, angry, upset or afraid. They want someone to listen to them and acknowledge what they are feeling.”

Be open and honest. “Help kids feel empowered by providing them with age-appropriate information,” says Cindy Real, director of Hillsides Pasadena Family Resource Center. Limit their exposure to any media coverage of the event, however, which can exacerbate fears. Instead, she suggests, “Make plans to do something as a family that feels good and is enjoyable versus watching the news repeatedly.”

Stress the positive. “Let kids know that the whole community (parents, school, and police) is working very hard to keep students safe. Keep reminding them that their safety is a priority,” says Anderson.

Develop a safety plan. Figure out a designated “go to” person at school, home, or in the community your child can talk to if he or she suspects anything in the future, recommends Real. Children will find this empowering because it gives them a sense of control.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression may be common following a traumatic event. “Turn to professionals a (school counselor, local mental health services, a pediatrician) for assistance if your child or family members are experiencing symptoms of anxiety or difficulty coping,” advises Anderson. There is also a Disaster Distress Helpline that is free and confidential. Call 1-800-985-5990 or text 66746.

Be alert to the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Here are some symptoms to look for that may require professional help, says Real: Intense fear, helplessness, nightmares, confusion, disorganized or agitated behavior, difficulty concentrating, recurrent and intrusive distressing thoughts, avoidance of thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma, avoidance of people or places, irritability, or hypervigilance.

Note: This post was originally posted in a modified version on Hillsides wellness blog.

For more information on Hillsides, please visit www.hillsides.org.

We’ve all been there — examining the mound of mush in a takeout container at the way back of the fridge, questioning whether it is edible. Or worse, cramming in dinner’s leftovers only to find yourself with no way to close the fridge. It’s food, and money, wasted. An organized refrigerator can change all that.

Click Here to See the Complete List of How Your Fridge Can Save You Thousands of Dollars

According to Marisa Moore, RD, a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, the average American wastes up to $600 a year on spoiled food. The NRDC reported that an average American family of four ends up throwing away an equivalent of up to $2,275 every year. That is money you can save just by organizing your fridge. Donna Smallin Kuper, author of How to Declutter and Make Money Now, suggests totally overhauling your fridge. “Start with the top and work your way down,” she says. “Be sure to open and unwrap everything to see what you have. Check expiration dates and throw out anything that is clearly bad or questionable.”

In general, the door of the fridge is the warmest. Then comes the top of the fridge, making the bottom the coldest. Restaurants take advantage of that fact by keeping foods that don’t require cooking on top shelves. At home, that means keeping items like condiments, salad dressings and garnishes on the door, and things like yogurt, leftovers, and ready-to-eat meals and deli cuts are best stored on the top shelf. Since the bottom of the fridge is coldest, uses this space for things like seafood and meat that need to be kept coldest and cooked at higher temperatures. Crisper drawers hold a lot of humidity, so they are ideal for storing fruits and veggies.

It might seem like a daunting task at first, but once you’ve dedicated the time and planning to organizing your fridge properly, you’ll find you not only saved yourself some money but lots of time where dinner is concerned.

Click Here to see the Original Story on The Daily Meal

-Fabiana Santana, The Daily Meal

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Most people are pretty content with the fact that the ’50s are over, given that civil rights, equal(ish) pay for women and not being institutionalized for homosexuality are all good things. But there’s a subculture of people who have attached themselves to the more positive aspects of the past. Referred to as “vintage enthusiasts,” these individuals have adorned their bodies, furnished their houses and styled their lives after the ’40s, ’50s and early ’60s. It’s not some hobby, either, as thrift shopping is for so many other, less extreme people; they’re committed to keeping up a retro veneer at all times. I spoke with three women who are active in Los Angeles’ vintage scene: Doris Mayday, who was featured on TLC’s My Crazy Obsession and currently models for Pinup Girl Clothing; Dollie DeVille, who was on the TLC special Wives with Beehives and runs the popular blog The Rockabilly Socialite; and Melissa Lokos, whose Etsy shop and Instagram have amassed her hundreds of followers.

Doris refers to herself as a “vintage enthusiast,” saying that other people use terms like “rockabilly” and “pinup.” I asked her if she feels that people are co-opting her lifestyle when they wear things from the Pinup Girl Clothing shop where she works. “You’ve got to accept that not everyone knows every Johnny Burnette song or can pick out a Mercury from a Cadillac,” she said. “Some people just want to look pretty.”

But some people want to do more than just look pretty. They want to really live the lifestyle. “There’s a joke that me and my friends have — I’m so rockabilly I sh*t with vintage toilet paper,” Dollie said. “Some people look for vintage sanitary napkins. Me, I’m crazy. I might go on eBay and buy a vintage shower curtain. I’m painting my house, and I can’t just go get any color paint I like. I have to use vintage paint samples and get reproduction colors.”

Melissa owns 11 catsuits, one costing over $1,000. Doris wears vintage undergarments — girdles, stockings, garters (and bullet-point bras, the wires of which Dollie told me can stab you in the arm and leave scars.) She’s travelled to other countries to go to rockabilly festivals, where she stays with people from the scene. There’s a real closeness among vintage fanatics. “You all know the same bands and designers, and you collect the same stuff,” she said. “It’s a great community.”

They came to the subculture in a variety of ways, but there’s a thread running though all of their stories: they didn’t fit into modern-day life, and the past just seemed better. Melissa said she feels most like herself when wearing vintage, and Doris described growing up immersed in ’50s culture, with a hot rod mechanic dad and former-DJ babysitter, plus her mom’s old rock and roll movies. But for Dollie, the connection runs deeper. She spent much of her childhood living with her grandparents, and “they’d fill the house with old music, really treasure their old things, old china, old paintings.” Collecting vintage clothing and furniture and turning her life into a living museum, is a way to connect her not just to some abstract past, but to something that comforted her as a child.

So what is the real appeal of the past, beyond the aesthetic? It’s one thing to own a few vintage dresses or a retro couch, but to devote your entire lifestyle to the ’50s is a completely different animal. Melissa noted that there’s more adventure and versatility to the style and suggested that people are attracted to both the simplicity and complexity of the ’50s. Which struck me as odd, initially: why this desire to go back to a time pre-second wave feminism, pre-Civil Rights, pre-sexual revolution?

I spoke to Dollie about this. “People have a fondness for the ’50s,” she said. “It’s the Greatest Generation. There were things that were wrong with the ’50s, but it was a time in America where people had a lot of hope. Things were finally starting to look up. We consider it the happy days.” She told me that older men often stop her on the street to say that she reminds them of their high school sweethearts; sentimentality, she said, is a very strong force.

I asked Doris what exactly attracts her to the past, and she said it was difficult to pinpoint, but that:

I love the energy of that time. Post-war was filled with the idea of endless possibilities, and there was an excitement. From the clothes being bolder, music being louder… that hope is attractive. On the other hand, there is a charming simplicity of it. Without modern amenities and the distraction and mess of social media, life seems like it was simpler, genuine, and heartfelt.

To Dollie, Melissa and Doris, the ’50s weren’t some buttoned-down hellhole of repression. It was instead a decade of hope, of something sunnier and optimistic. Because in the ’50s, no one knew what madness was going to hit the fan in the next few decades: no one predicted the Kennedy assassination, or Vietnam, or Watergate, or AIDS. It was an era where things seemed like they could only get better; the American dream mythology had never been stronger.

There’s a passion for the past that goes far beyond having a soft spot for Rebel Without a Cause or a nice sweater set. By reveling in the past, these women have found themselves saving it. “Any substantial piece I buy, I ask if [the owners] know the backstory. If you know the story of something, that makes it even more of a treasure to you. You feel like you’re preserving it,” Dollie said. She told me about the china that her grandfather bought for his mother in Japan during World War II that was passed down to her. “Maybe it isn’t my favorite pattern, but I appreciate it so much because I know the history of it. I’m still going to love it, because it’s old.”
Doris agreed that it’s something of a treasure hunt. “Collecting vintage, everyone remembers where they bought their dress or lamp or sofa, and how much it cost, and the story behind it. It begins a hunt to get the stuff. There’s a lot of heart and passion. It’s like finding a treasure,” Doris said.

Melissa listed her gold lamé sequined Ceeb cat suit as her “absolute favorite,” and remembered the exact price, place and time of day that she found it. There’s something almost savant-like to their ability to remember every detail of every piece that they own. It connects them to their clothes and their furniture and, by extent, brings them closer to the era that they love so much.
The goal here is not to shun modernity and revert to the past — the women all have phones and computers — but to recreate as much of the ’50s as is possible. It’s all about spirit and passion; little details are forgiven, such as Doris’ vegetarian spin on her grandmother’s old recipes, or Dollie’s modern-day backpacking gear.

There’s also interplay between personality and persona. “I do feel I’ve adopted a persona,” Melissa said. “In my youth, I wanted to be the best, always dressed as if I were going to meet Elvis for a cocktail party.” I asked Doris if she ever feels the need to suppress parts of herself for not aligning with the “Doris Mayday” brand, and she told me that this isn’t the case. “I decided early on that I couldn’t really suppress myself and try to dress like everyone else,” she told me, saying that dressing like everyone else makes her feel disheveled and unattractive. She’s just so drawn to the vintage style that it’s become a part of her. She did say that, with pin-up modeling, there is a character, but that, “I still wear those clothes. Maybe not smile as big. It’s just an extension of myself.”

Dollie said that a persona, to her, would be “more like a model who just dresses that way for a photo shoot,” and then sheds the wiggle dress and updo and goes back to a different life. She also told me, though, that there are some personality traits that she recognizes as important for living this lifestyle. “You need to have an appreciation for the past. People who are vintage collectors collect [the items] because they don’t want other people to have them. We’re saving a piece of history.”