T-Mobile Offers Quadruple LTE Data On Simple Starter Plans

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In its bid to get a leg up on the other three nationwide carriers T-Mobile has kicked off yet another promotion. Recently the company started a promotion which promises a year’s worth of LTE data for those who convince their friends to switch from their current carriers to Magenta. The latest promotion is aimed at those subscribers who are using T-Mobile Simple Starter plans, for just an additional $5 per month the carrier will offer them quadruple LTE data.

T-Mobile announced the Simple Starter plan back in May. Apart from offering unlimited talk and text it gives subscribers 500MB of LTE data for $40 per month. Starting September 3rd, these customers can get 2GB of LTE data for just $5 extra per month.

John Legere, the president and CEO of T-Mobile, claims that “people who use loads of data use T-Mobile.” He also criticized the other nationwide carriers for charging overage and other fees when people use more data on their networks. Legere cited Verizon’s $50 plan, “use just on gig more data, and the price jumps to $65. It’s crazy,” he says.

The carrier has pointed out though that this promotion is being run for a limited time, so if you’re interested in 2GB LTE data on your $40 T-Mobile plan, it would be best to add the extra data for just $5 per month before the promotion ends.

T-Mobile Offers Quadruple LTE Data On Simple Starter Plans

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The Kickball Ice Cream Maker will give you sweets if you play ball

Kickball Ice Cream Maker

It’s hard to balance eating the things we want with moving our bodies enough to work off what we consume. In the summer we want to keep cool, and it is very easy to eat lots of the sugar-filled fat bomb known as ice cream. Instead of shoveling this delicious treat into our faces without trying to fend off consequences, we often wallow in our inability to head to the gym instead (maybe that’s just me).

If you’d prefer to earn this treat through participating in some physical activity, then why not play a little kickball while making it? In fact, why don’t you make the ball the method of making your dessert? The Kickball Ice Cream Maker is just like many ice cream makers we’ve seen in the past, but this one has a twist. Load your cream, sugar, vanilla, and any other flavor-inducing ingredients into the food-safe sealed compartment, put rock salt and ice into the second compartment, and kick it around for 20 minutes. After you’re tired of playing ball, there will be plenty of creamed ice for you to enjoy.

In reality, this would probably just get your adrenaline going to the point that you would actually want to keep playing. If you don’t think you feel like being that active and just want to have some ice cream without the use of electricity, you can just shake this or poke it around the house with your feet for 20 minutes. This is a $35 purchase that has the potential to be fun and rewarding, though it may up your intake of ice cream.

Available for purchase on HammacherSchlemmer

 
[ The Kickball Ice Cream Maker will give you sweets if you play ball copyright by Coolest Gadgets ]

The QBracelet – the Snazzy Charger you’ll Want to Wear!

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Let’s face it, theres a special kind of agony reserved for those of us with a dwindling cell phone battery. We estimate the precious moments that remain, and some of us desperately try to make the most of them by turning the phone off, or setting it to airplane mode, it never works, and to our horror, we finish out the rest of the day phones-less.

Sure, there are back-up chargers out there, but they’re just another thing to carry, but now a new startup company called Q Designs is making a wearable self contained charging device that you might actually want to wear. In the form of a (fairly thick) but still rather attractive, 1.8 ounce bangle bracelet. This stylish bangle simply unhooks to reveal the charging connection, and it can charge your dying phone to about 60 percent of its capacity. Phew!

So if you’d like to stop worrying about your battery life, the Q Bracelet might be for you. The Q Bracelet is available for both your Android or iOS devices, and includes a Micro-USB or Apple Lightening connector. QDesigns is currently taking pre-orders for 79 bucks, but the bracelet will eventually be retailing for around 20 dollars more if you wait. QBracelet is available in polished, or matte silver, polished gold, and brushed, or matte black in sizes S,M and L and it is for both men, and women. Shipping in mid December.
[ The QBracelet – the Snazzy Charger you’ll Want to Wear! copyright by Coolest Gadgets ]

Michael Brown Funeral Filled With Cries For Justice

ST. LOUIS — A massive crowd gathered at the Friendly Temple Missionary Baptist Church on this brilliantly sunny day to grieve an 18-year-old they called “Mike Mike,” whose death at the hands of a police officer has sparked huge protests in the small city of Ferguson over the past two weeks.

Michael Brown, who was black and unarmed, was shot by Police Officer Darren Wilson, 28, on Aug. 9. Brown’s death and the protests that followed have put a spotlight on police violence, militarization of local law enforcement and racial profiling. The calls for justice for Brown have been folded into a broader movement in the greater Saint Louis area — and around the country — for improved relationships between police and the communities they are supposed to protect.

Brown’s father, Michael Brown Sr., asked protesters to pause demonstrations Monday, requesting instead a “day of silence” as his family laid the teenager to rest. Rev. Al Sharpton, who has been assisting Brown’s family, also requested a day of peace.

“We don’t want anything tomorrow to happen that might defile the name of Michael Brown,” Sharpton said on Sunday. “This is not about our rage tomorrow. It’s about the legacy and memory of his son.”

Inside the church on Monday, the pulpit was flanked by floral displays and photographs of Brown. Nearly all of the mourners at the service were African-American, and at least 600 members of Brown’s extended family were reportedly in attendance. So too were Sharpton, filmmaker Spike Lee, officials from the White House and a plethora of local politicians.

Just after 11:30 a.m., after remembrances by several family members and a reading of Psalms 27 (“The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear?”) — Charles Ewing, Brown’s great uncle and a pastor in nearby Jennings, took the pulpit.

“We called him the gentle giant. We called him Big Mike. We called him Mike Mike,” Ewing said. “Michael Brown’s blood is crying from the ground, crying for vengeance, crying for justice.”

Ewing referenced Trayvon Martin, the shooting victims of Sandy Hook Elementary School and Columbine High School, and the victims of “black-on-black crime.”

“There is a cry being made from the ground!” he said.

Attorney Benjamin Crump, who is working on behalf of Brown’s family, assured the crowd he’d keep fighting for justice.

“We will not accept three-fifths justice,” Crump said, referencing the Three-Fifths Compromise. “We will demand equal justice for Mike Brown Jr.”

Gov. Jay Nixon had planned to attend the funeral, but released a statement on Monday morning saying he would not, “out of respect for the family, who deserve time to focus on remembering Michael and grieving their loss.”

Security for the event was being handled by the St. Louis Metropolitan Police.

Matt Sledge reported from St. Louis. Ryan J. Reilly and Paige Lavender reported from Washington, D.C.

My Wife Used To Go Down On Me a Lot, and Now, Nothing

Reader No Oral writes:

I’ve been married for five years, and gradually, my wife stopped performing oral sex on me. I feel like this was a bait and switch because she used to love doing this. I’ve asked her to do it, and she says she’s not in the mood, or some other excuse. What should I do?

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some men think you’d have better luck finding me than finding a woman who gives oral sex long term
zombiefun.com

Dear NO,

Well your question was brief so I think you’re a practical, no-nonsense kind of dude. I will be to the point as well.

1. When women are in a new relationship their sex drive dramatically increases, hormonally.

2. When their sex drive is up and/or they are very aroused, they are less inhibited. So that’s when you get all the oral sex.

3. As the relationship continues, their sex drive tanks. (I’m coining the word monotogamy for this boredom in monogamous relationships. Good, right?)

4. Thus they no longer want to do the stuff they used to want to do, like oral sex.

5. For tips on how to get her sex drive back up and why she should go down on you even though she wouldn’t pick it over a trip to the dentist, see my article here.

Here are some other tips, this time to help you communicate more effectively:

1. Be direct. Say that you miss oral sex and you’re sad and angry that she won’t do it.

2. Go as deep as you can into the underlying feelings here. I know you miss oral sex but do you also miss her WANTING to give you oral sex, i.e. do you miss her finding you so sexy and attractive that she felt aroused by you? Do you miss her wanting to make you happy, with oral sex and in general? If you can state this, she may understand your perspective better.

3. Think deeply about your own contribution to this issue. She may feel that you are dismissive of her feelings, and continue to pressure her without caring that she no longer enjoys this activity. Do you badger her, nag her, make snide remarks? This will all make her feel distant and that she is only a source of sexual gratification to you, like a Real Doll. Maybe you’re one of those head-pushers. DON’T BE A HEAD PUSHER. (If you don’t know how to get her to realize you want oral sex without head pushing, here are two key points: 1. She is not stupid and she knows, even if you’re in a coma and your dog just died, you want oral sex, and 2. ASK HER what you can do besides head pushing as a signal. If she likes head pushing though, keep on keeping on.) If you have been engaging in these sorts of behaviors, and realize how you’ve been making things worse, a heartfelt apology may make her more willing to examine her own part in the problem.

4. Is she happy within the marriage otherwise? Are you connecting with her, talking on a deep level, taking her out on dates? Ask her openly if she feels happy with you. If she feels bitter, resentful, lonely, or any other negative emotion more often than not within the marriage, she is going to feel completely put off by the idea of sex with you, of any variety, especially something she may not like as much as regular sex. If this is the case, seek couples counseling, stat.

5. If it turns out she says she is happy in the marriage, but just hates oral sex more than the Westboro Baptist Church hates liberals, you must DETACH EMOTIONALLY from this outcome. She doesn’t not love you. She doesn’t love oral sex within monogamy. If she were married to anyone else, including Brad Pitt, she still wouldn’t be giving him head after a few years. This emotional detachment will allow you to view this issue as a problem for THE TEAM (your marriage = a team, ideally) and think of ways to solve this issue without acting rude, passive aggressive, and personally attacked by your wife’s oral sex aversion.

6. Relatedly, you must realize that the lack of sex drive I am talking about is no joke. Going down on you, as handsome a devil as you may be, is probably in the best case scenario, a boring neutral activity for her, e.g. laundry, and in the worst case scenario, something as vile to imagine as eating a live grasshopper (DON’T HATE MAIL ME IF YOU LOVE TO EAT LIVE BUGS. I’M COOL WITH THIS. IT’S AN ANALOGY.) So, if she’s going to do this, then it’s ONLY because she loves you. So, be nice about it. What if someone told you to eat a live grasshopper to save your marriage? Or a pile of dirt, or whatever you find repugnant, and the argument for you doing so was that, when brainwashed in an earlier phase of life by a Bug Eating Cult, you did it happily? (Bug Eating Cult here is analogous to being crazed with new relationship hormones.) You can read more about low libido in couples in the book Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage by Laurie Watson.

7. You should empathize and validate your wife’s perspective, by saying things like, “I know you really don’t want to do this anymore. So I know I’m asking you to go outside your comfort zone.” Also, make sure you ask her curious, not attacking, questions to assess the extent of her aversion, so that you can better understand and empathize with her feelings. Ask, “So, on a scale from 1 of eating a grasshopper, to 10 of you can’t live without it, how do you feel about going down on me?”

8. Don’t get sucked in to the unhelpful mind set of she has to WANT to give you oral sex. You cannot make anyone want anything. But, we are working on having her DO it, not WANT TO DO it.

9. Try to problem solve together. Tell her you know she doesn’t like it, but it’s still very important to you that she tries it, and that Dr. Psych Mom says she should try it after she is already excited, not before. (She is going to tell you, F Dr. Psych Mom. But stay strong.) The worst thing you can do here is try to put your penis in her face when she is not excited at all. Thus, oral sex shouldn’t be foreplay anymore. Try oral sex halfway through sex, when she is excited. In general, when women are not feeling much sexual desire, a good thing to try is stopping and starting sexual activity, exactly as is recommended to address premature ejaculation in men. Women often best respond to gradually building sexual stimulation, that starts and stops in a more teasing way (see Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy and a lot of erotica for women). If she is more excited, her inhibitions will loosen, and she may find it easier and even pleasurable to go down on you (analogy: eating grasshopper when you’re drunk).

10. Adjust your expectations. Expecting oral sex three times a week is setting yourself and your marriage, and your wife, up to fail. How about 1-2 times a month? That would be lovely.

So, you’re asking, A. what happened to this being a brief answer, and B. what if she still won’t do it? Well, sorry about the first. I got aHEAD of myself. Ha ha! Moving on. If your wife still says no to oral sex, and no to couples counseling to address deeper issues as well, then it’s your call here. If you do not want to be in the relationship without either oral sex or more sex or better sex or whatever, be direct. Do not be passive aggressive, stay in the relationship and be bitter and resentful, or, worst, be unfaithful. It makes sense to me that if this is important to you, and you used to get it from her, then you would currently still want it from her. If you are trying your best to be a supportive and loving partner to her, and communicate lovingly and directly, and offer to go to counseling, and she still cannot try and suck it up, no pun intended (well I guess it was half intended) and give you oral sex every so often, with a semblance of enthusiasm, I would say she is not terribly committed to your happiness.

Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Hopes Your Partner Can Get Out Of Her Own Head And Give You Some Head (this topic is rife for puns, I apologize).

For more tips on sex and relationships, visit Dr. Psych Mom on her blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

Earthquake, Worry and Family

It’s been a great week. I’m vacationing at home and dog-sitting while my sister and her family are traveling. Consequently, I slept in this morning. I usually awaken at 6 a.m., have my coffee, 1/4 cup of Greek yogurt, 1/2 a banana, sign on to my laptop for a few minutes then head out to the health club.

Today was different. I stayed up late writing a new article for HP and didn’t hit the sheets until 4 a.m.. I can only say how glad I am that I didn’t follow my usual routine.

My phone is on 24/7 and is always by my bedside. At 7:40 a.m. I received a text from the youngest (now 20) saying “We are totally OK…” Since we had arranged that I would be texted late at night just as a check in, I was a little annoyed.

I replied with a terse “OK” I had been tempted to add “I appreciate the wake-up call,” but I refrained and went back to sleep. At 8:59 a.m. I received another text… “still totally OK Love You.” Gee, I guess they miss me, ran through my mind. It’s great when you have a wonderful sibling family relationship. I didn’t think anything more about it, got up, took the dogs out and then fed them.

I wasn’t ready for breakfast yet so I hit the computer to check for emails and to see if people were reading my latest HP/50 article on dating. Heck, most bloggers like to see if their articles are being well-received.

I was just about to move onto the news headlines when my cell phone rang. It was my Sister informing me they were fine and not to worry. “About what?” I innocently asked.

“The earthquake,” she replied. “It’s the largest in 25 years and it hit in the Napa Valley area. We were in a hotel four miles from the epicenter. We’re lucky we were in bed although it shook violently. The TV fell off the wall, all the dresser drawers contents were strewn on the floor, the bathroom was filled with broken glass and the power went out.”

‘Holy sh*t” I replied, and then was filled in on more of the details. They were very lucky and already headed out of town and going to return home a day early. My sister said she’d call a bit later, as she needed to resume driving and concentrate on the road.

Momentarily, my mind retreated to 25 years ago when my Brother lived in Oakland and the huge earthquake hit. He daily traveled the bridge that collapsed with lives lost and the ensuing utter devastation. I’d been in a bar and saw it happening on the screen. It was a moment I’ll never forget… frantic calls were made and 45 minutes later, I learned my brother was fine.

I don’t even want to imagine if I’d gotten up at my usual 6:00 a.m. and checked the news, since the first text received was an hour and forty minutes later.

My sister is younger than me and I babysat and have looked out for her as long as I can remember. The same is true with my niece, so between the two of them I’ve compiled a whole lifetime of overseeing, babysitting, loving, caring and worrying since I was 8 years old.

The reality is all the worrying in the world doesn’t change the outcome one bit. And it generally irritates the one being worried about and weakens the immune system of the “worrier,” in this case, me.

I write a lot about living a peaceful, minimized stress and mindful life. I do my best to walk the talk and wring the most out of every moment. I perform at least one Mind Acrobatics™ exercise daily.

Yet the truth is, as much as all of us who have loved ones try to let them live their lives, not be intrusive and remain above the daily fray, we can’t help a certain amount of worrying and stress over their well-being.

However, this earthquake is also a rude reminder that we don’t have control over acts of G-d. No amount of worrying and stressing will change the course of a natural disaster.

Those we care about are aware of our love, so we need to modify how we demonstrate our tendency to show it. Now to the reality of life.

This is the main point of my narrative. Most Baby Boomers have loved ones they care about deeply. However, the combined amount of time caught up in petty disagreements and all the daily stresses of living pale in comparison to what’s really most important.

Working with clients, I hear so much about the tension and problems that exist in families. Very little is mentioned about the bottom line reason that all this goes on. It’s caring and love. Unfortunately somehow, it gets transformed or should I say degenerates and morphs into petty squabbles.

Perhaps it’s a great time to think about what’s really important in your life and how deeply you care for your loved ones. It will serve as a motivator to put a halt to complaints and the dissatisfaction that seems to arise on a daily basis.

Take a few moments now to think about how you’d feel if you lost your closest family members. Then decide to take affirmative action.

Make a pledge to actively look for ways you can positively interact with those that mean the most to you. The next time a sharp word is rolling around your tongue, swallow it and put a big smile on your face.

Enjoy your family and seize every opportunity to create positive moments and eliminate as much negativity as possible.

As the song goes, “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative…”

Of course none of us will ever stop worrying about those we care about, but we can take action to increase the amount and more importantly the quality of time we spend with those who mean the world to us. Create opportunity… be the facilitator of enhanced relationships all around!

Make every effort to spend happy, peaceful and relaxed moments with your family. The years fly by so quickly. You’ll be glad you did. Now’s a great time. Call a loved one and say hello!

Postscript: Get over the kids and grand kids lack of face time and incessant texting. That’s not going to change until the newest digital form of communication arrives… probably in less than a year 🙂

Contact Dave Kanegis at: hpbloggerdave@gmail.com

If you’re looking for a great assortment of interesting articles while browsing Facebook remember to check out the Huff/Post 50 Facebook page!

I'm a Domestic Disaster: Does That Make Me a Bad Woman?

Yesterday, it happened again: While attempting to make breakfast, the kitchen transformed into a stage for my latest unintended slapstick routine.

It all devolved so quickly: While changing out the coffee grounds in my Keurig machine, the filter slipped through my fingers, unleashing a smattering of grounds to the floor. As I got down to mop them up with a paper towel, the oil that I’d been pre-cooking in the pan for eggs started sizzling. I left my coffee-cleaning duty to pour eggs into the pan; they immediately crackled and darkened, leaving a waft of smoke in their wake. As I madly waved away the plumes, I felt the remaining coffee grounds crunch beneath my feet. Meanwhile, the slice of bread in the toaster was quickly growing cold.

Burnt eggs, stale toast, a floor covered in coffee grounds and stinking billows of smoke . . . all before 9 a.m. Welcome to my life as a domestic disaster.

I should say now that I believe I have many good qualities: I’m kind to others, I work hard, I’m a master of puns, I can usually sing in key. It’s just that domesticity, in any manifestation, is not on my list of winning qualities. I can’t cook, I don’t garden, and I’ve never delineated my laundry into piles by color. I don’t throw those weird laundry sheet things into the dryer, and I can’t put on a fitted sheet without it slipping from place, leaving me cursing the bed corner as if it could hear me. (In fact, I just had to Google the correct name for “the sheet that goes on bottom.”)

I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a superbly tended-to home where both my mom and stepdad were so tidy, they would try to clear my plates away before I was done eating; a home where, if I removed something from the fridge, it was immediately returned before I could even use it. Their obsession with a perfect home both coddled me and, perhaps, inspired a rebellion. (There’s also the fact that I have a curious lack of smell–which prevents me from, say, noticing the stench of rotting food in the fridge–and that I’m just generally really laid-back.)

For a long time, this flaw hasn’t posed much of a problem; making my way through a series of apartments, the bare minimum of domesticity (do dishes, do laundry) has served me, more or less, just fine.

But recently, I moved into a house — like, an actual three-bedroom house — with my boyfriend. And suddenly, I’ve been feeling both distinctly out of place and deeply anxious about my conventional failings as a woman.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been gently reminded to hold the new toilet flusher down longer (for reasons you can imagine); to clean out the coffee filter more carefully, so as to avoid grounds scattering on the floor; and to put dishes on the right side of the sink rather than the left, in order to easily get rid of food scraps in the disposal. I hadn’t even noticed that the toilet wasn’t flushing all the way, or that I was littering our sparkling new floor with some regularity. And since when do we have a garbage disposal?!

There was a time when I owned this domestic haplessness in relationships as something distinctive, even charming. After all, I’ve never nagged my partners because I can honestly never think of anything to nag about. “You want to watch The Sopranos and open up a six-pack instead of do the laundry tonight? Me too! In fact, I already have two cold PBRs cracked open and the PirateBay queued up; that overflowing basket of dirty clothes can wait.”

I think I’m a pretty fun girl to have around. 

Yet on some level, despite my progressive ideals, I’ve always feared that my domestic inadequacies will prevent any man from wanting a real future with me — when there are, presumably, Martha Stewart minions just waiting in the wings. That anxiety, once latent, has started to plague me. I wonder if my exes are all dating apron-clad domestic wunderkinds who know how to cook a pot roast until it’s tender. Do they marvel at how bad the cuisine was when they dated me — and all I “cooked” for them was my “specialty” of pasta with cheddar cheese microwave-melted on top, which they dutifully choked down? 

I worry that my partner will one day come home to a smearing of peanut butter on the counter, a bowl of microwaved frozen shrimp for dinner, and a stinking balled-up towel on the floor, and decide right then and there to head back to OKCupid, where he will promptly search the terms “cooking,” “cleaning” and “not a total sh*t-show.”

And the thing is, I don’t think it’s entirely unfair to expect more from me. My boyfriend, after all, knows how to cook, clean and garden, but can also fix the dresser drawers when they’ve slid off the hinges, kill giant spiders as I cower in the other room, and reboot the Internet connection when it crashes. And anytime I see him tooling around with a wrench, or rejiggering the router with his sleeves rolled up, I turn into a proto-cavewoman, practically panting with feminine appreciation for his masculine ways. Don’t I owe him a bit of conventional femininity in return?

For this reason — but more so because I really do care about this new home of mine–I’m trying to be better at this whole domestic thing. I will hold down that flusher for five full seconds. I will dispose of food on the right-hand side of the sink. Maybe I’ll even go crazy and buy a box of dryer sheets. But I’ll also have to make peace with the fact that I’ll never be a domestic goddess, spatula and Windex in hand, ready to cook a pot roast until it falls off the bone. (Or whatever it’s supposed to do.)

And maybe that’s OK; after all, in my opinion, that pasta with cheddar cheese microwave-melted on top actually tastes pretty damn good.

This story first appeared at Ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture women’s website.

 

Whose Story is It, Anyway?

By Lynne McIntyre

Last month, I appeared on a national radio news show to talk about my experience with postpartum depression and anxiety. During the lengthy pre-interview, the producer asked me if there was any part of my story that I would not be comfortable sharing on the air. My immediate and unequivocal response was “No.” I am someone who has always been “out there with my stuff,” as they say. And as a clinical social worker, I see it as an integral part of my job to advocate for better recognition and treatment of the emotional complications that women experience in pregnancy and after childbirth. I have given countless talks and presentations on the subject, and have never shied away from speaking my truth or answering personal questions.

After the pre-interview, I began to wonder, whose truth is it that am I telling? In other words, whose story is it, anyway? My “PPD baby,” as we survivors often say amongst ourselves, is now nine years old. He is a sweet and sensitive child, and is particularly attuned to my moods. If I am upset, he wants to make sure it’s not his fault. If I am happy, he is thrilled if he had something to do with my joy.

So how on earth could I go on national media and say that I was suicidal after his birth? How much of the story is it my right to share? After all, it’s really our story, and not just “mine.” In the days leading up to the show, I was feeling pressure – both internal and external – to make some kind of decision: Share. Don’t share. Address it head on. Demur and change the subject. These were not, however, new issues for me. The opportunity to speak to a national audience, and to have my son listen in on that conversation, had simply brought them into stark relief.
All mothers who experience significant mental health issues struggle with how much to share with our children, and when. We struggle to acknowledge the truth that our illness, something that is surely not our fault, could hurt our children in some way. We struggle with believing that it’s entirely possible to be a good mother and still experience depression and anxiety. And, like all parents, we struggle to achieve the balance between protecting our children while still exposing them to the full spectrum of life, from good to bad and everything in between.

My friends and colleagues at MotherWoman know very well about these struggles. And it is in large part because of their bravery, and the bravery of the many women who have attended their groups and participated in their programs, that I feel safe enough to commit the revolutionary act of speaking my truth.

In the end, my husband and I decided that our son would not listen to the show live. We will allow him to listen to a clip of it later on, so that he can share in the excitement and the accomplishment. We will also let him ask questions, which he will invariably do. And they will be many and detailed and precocious, because that’s the kind of kid he is. Some will come immediately, others after a few days. Still more, I am sure, will come years from now. Each conversation between us will be different. And all along the way, I will do my best to share our story with him in the best way I know how – by telling him the truth.

2014-08-25-LynneMcIntyre.JPGLynne McIntyre, MSW is the Mid-Atlantic Regional Coordinator for Postpartum Support International, and a clinical social worker at Mary’s Center for Maternal and Child Care in Washington, DC. Her work with PSI includes leading a bi-monthly support group, providing training and education to health care providers, and advocating for the awareness, prevention and treatment of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. At Mary’s Center, Lynne provides psychotherapy in English and Spanish to a wide range of clients, including pregnant women, new mothers and their families. Prior to her career in social work, Lynne was a freelance documentary producer in Toronto, Cape Town, and Washington, DC. She also served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Guinea in the late 1990s. Lynne’s experience as a new mother with postpartum depression and anxiety led her to return to school, and she received her Master’s degree in Social Work from Catholic University in May 2011. She lives in Washington, DC with her husband and two young sons.

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Bob McDonnell Trial Enters Fifth Week With Sharp Questions From Prosecutors

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) — Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell faced sharp questions Monday from prosecutors about details of his personal finances at his public corruption trial.

As the trial entered its fifth week, prosecutors began their cross-examination of McDonnell. He and his wife, Maureen, are charged with providing special favors to a wealthy businessman, former Star Scientific Inc. CEO Jonnie Williams, in exchange for more than $165,000 in gifts and loans while McDonnell was in office. The pointed questions prompted long pauses and lengthy explanations from McDonnell, who was admonished by the judge to just “answer the question” when he tried to offer a detailed response of why he disagreed with a question that implied that a joint real-estate venture he owned with his sister was in financial trouble.

The money issues are key because prosecutors have said McDonnell’s financial desperation is what prompted him to accept cash and gifts from Williams. McDonnell says he considered Williams a friend and that he had been making steady progress in reducing his family’s debt even without Williams’ help.

Prosecutor Michael Dry asked McDonnell about a series of emails from staffers in which they speculated that Maureen McDonnell was drawn to Williams because “he’s loaded.” McDonnell, after initially demurring, said he didn’t believe his wife was drawn to Williams for his money.

“Money? That wasn’t the reason for friendship, no,” McDonnell said. But asked whether his wife had a long history of making inappropriate financial requests of friends and family, McDonnell agreed.

The cross-examination began with McDonnell acknowledging that he knew Williams had loaned him and his wife $120,000 and provided numerous expensive gifts, including $15,000 to pay for catering at the wedding of the McDonnells’ daughter, personal vacations in Cape Cod and Smith Mountain Lake, and golf outings.

During three days on the stand in direct examination, McDonnell had downplayed his knowledge about some of the gifts, saying he did not learn about them until after the fact or that they had been arranged by his wife.

For example, McDonnell said he did not know at the time that Williams spent $20,000 on designer clothing for Maureen McDonnell on a Manhattan shopping spree. Dry asked McDonnell if he was testifying that, despite his knowledge of his wife’s inappropriate financial requests and Williams’ lavish spending on other occasions, it never occurred to him that Williams might pick up the tab.

“That’s exactly what I’m testifying to, yes,” McDonnell said.

Earlier Monday, McDonnell was questioned by his wife’s lawyer, and said Maureen McDonnell never asked him to do anything to help Williams’ business ventures.

Bob McDonnell also acknowledged that he had dealt with his wife’s angry outbursts for years and didn’t do enough to help staffers cope. Eventually, he said, Maureen McDonnell agreed to counseling and medication.

He said he did not think his wife’s anger directed at him was warranted and called her grievances overblown.

“They were always about little things,” he testified.

He said his wife rejected marital counseling because she was afraid it would become public.

The state of the McDonnells’ marriage has been another big issue at trial; the defense has suggested they could not have conspired in a gifts-for-favors scheme because they were barely talking to each other.

My Lifelong Journey With Depression

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My earliest memory of feeling hopelessly sad was when I was about 9 or 10 years old. I had severe asthma and had been in the pediatric intensive care unit with pneumonia. For weeks afterward, I was on a lot of medication. That is when I first remember feeling out of step with the world. For me, that feeling of alienation is the most pervasive and debilitating aspects of depression.

During my teenage years, I suffered from what is called major depression. I was hospitalized for seven months. I didn’t want to leave the house and I flatly refused to go to school. I just wanted to curl up and reread all the books from my early childhood, as if they could deliver me to an earlier, happier time in my life. Finally, my parents suggested hospitalization.

In the psychiatric hospital, I came of age. I learned that I loved listening to The Cure. I pierced my own ears several times and they got infected. I shaved the side of my head. I also learned that making art was my passion and it has been so ever since. In the hospital, I made many friends who remain close to my heart, though I have no idea how to find them now. They were the only people who stood on my side of the warped glass, looking in at the world from afar.

A descent into depression is comprised of a few stages. Sadness presages despair and endless tears, which give way to numbness. Finally, there is a state of complete emptiness, which can be a relief. To feel better, you have to climb back through all those stages: the hollowness, the numbness, the grief, and then sadness before there can be any happiness or pleasure. I never seriously thought about killing myself, but I do remember thinking I would never feel happy again, so what was the point of life?

It is darkly funny that patients with a condition marked by interminable pessimism would be so difficult to treat with medication. It took months of experimentation to find something that helped. Prozac made me crazy and agitated. Lithium made me listless and sleepy. Zoloft did nothing. Paxil worked a little and so that’s what I continued to take until I was in college.

When I left the hospital and rejoined the “real” world, I felt a permanent displacement. The effort of getting through my days, turning in homework, and pretending to be a “normal” teenager was all I could muster. I just wanted to disappear.

It wasn’t until I was in college that my depression lifted. I became excited about school and living on my own. I saw my future as a ladder of goals I would work diligently to reach. Sometimes I would wake up and feel that empty chasm opening up inside of me, but I would tell myself in a clipped Mary Poppins-esque voice to keep going, “spit spot.”

And that seemed to be the solution for a long time. To not stop. To just keep going and throw myself into work and life. I thought I knew how to manage my depression. However, I think I may have ignored rising signs for a long time.

One day back in January of this year, I lay in my bed all morning unable to do anything but listen to my pounding heart and racing, panicked thoughts. I felt a constant feeling of impending doom. I couldn’t stop thinking about certain subjects that caused me the most stress and made me feel most powerless. I was consumed with thinking about every possible catastrophe that might befall me. That’s when I knew I needed help again.

This is known as generalized anxiety disorder and, at least for me, it is the other side of depression. It is closely linked to all the negative thinking that causes depression. In a way, it felt much worse and more terrifying than depression because it was frenetic and exhausting and brutal. Depression might call to you with a steady stream of voices saying, “you are worthless” and “nobody cares.” Anxiety, on the other hand, shouts at you: “You’re an idiot,” and “What the hell are you thinking?”

2014-08-23-DadandGrandma.jpgDepression runs in my family. Partly due to the grief of losing a child, my grandmother suffered from depression in the decades before adequate treatment was available. She was hospitalized herself at one point. My father, too, has been dogged by depression and anxiety. Like me, they have both found relief from modern antidepressants.

When I wrote the first version of this piece, my father wrote that Grandma once told him “I’m sorry I may have passed this on to Heather.” He responded to her that “Well, we passed life on to her as well.”

Andrew Solomon says in The Noonday Demon, “Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we have, and depression is the mechanism of that despair.”

The more fiercely I love, the brighter and more beautiful the world can appear. However, each time I feel that joy and connectedness, the more I fear and mourn its loss, even while I still have it. It is in that empty pause that depression is born.