I'm An Educated, Talented, Employed Young Professional — And I Have Bipolar Disorder

I’m a singer and a pianist. I like writing, painting, DIYing, and crafting handmade gifts for my friends and family. I’m in a serious relationship with a person I love very much, have a Bachelor’s degree, and work full time in ad sales as well as part time as a voice instructor. I have a full, rich life with plenty of people who love me in it. I also have Bipolar Disorder.

Every day, I hear demeaning stereotypes about bipolar disorder, like “Yeah, my ex was batsh*t crazy, pretty sure she was bipolar.” And I’m sick of it. There are millions of perfectly functioning, vibrant people out there who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Not only that, but we often go to great lengths to NOT make our loved ones suffer due to our illness. The vast majority of us live our lives with grace, passion and a whole lot of love to give to the ones around us.

You Are NOT The Man I Married: Accepting Change In The One You Love

Sara was a gorgeous young woman. She was 33 years old, happily married, the mother of an adorable 4-year-old daughter, and… she was miserable. Why? Because she could no longer fit into her size 2 jeans.

She sat in my therapy office crying her eyes out because, without her consent, her body had changed. She sniffled, “I’m not the woman that my husband married.”

“Yes, you are right,” I agreed. “But then again, he’s not the husband you married either.”

I’m reminded of the jazz standard, “The Way You Look Tonight” (music by Jerome Kern with lyrics by Dorothy Fields, from 1936), made popular by the likes of Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and more recently Rod Stewart. The lyrics give the false impression that people can be frozen in time: “Lovely, never, ever change. Keep that breathless charm. Won’t you please arrange it? Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight.”

I can understand and even appreciate the song’s sentiment, but guess what? It’s not going to happen. People never stay the same. Change will happen whether we desire it or dread it. Change itself is one of the few constants in this life of ours.

I have only been married to my dear husband for five years, yet he has changed in so many ways: he grew a beard, he shaved off the beard; he gained 30 pounds, lost 50 pounds and gained 20 pounds; he had colon cancer; he had major surgery and six months of chemotherapy; he started exercising with fervor and got physically fit; he gave up gluten and dairy; and he started a new career. Jeez — and that’s just in five years!

Your spouse is not the same person now as when you met, and neither are you. Yes, there can be sadness in change, the loss of what was. On the other hand, some changes will be welcome. When you resist the inevitability of change, you will surely suffer. So try to embrace life’s changes and look for the opportunities in the new.

  • Look into the eyes of your beloved every day. Ask, “Who are you?” Be prepared for surprises and the adventure of discovery.
  • Ask your partner how life is changing them. Delve into their psyche with curiosity: “How is life different for you now that you’re a father, now that you were fired from your job, now that your mother has died, now that you are retired?” Find out how life experiences are changing the inner sanctuary of the one you love.
  • Know that time is keeping score on both of your bodies. Do everything you can to be healthy and then let go. You are both aging. Try handling it with graciousness and curiosity rather than resistance and desperation.
  • Ask your partner what they know now that they didn’t know before.
  • Start a new hobby with your partner, something that neither of you have done before (ballroom dancing, bridge, motorcycling, bird watching, kayaking). Novelty keeps the brain in top shape and learning something new together ensures that you’ll keep growing together (rather than apart).
  • Ask your partner about his dreams for the future. Listen with curiosity and interest. Get to know who your spouse is becoming.

In 75 Habits for a Happy Marriage, I emphasize the importance of healthy relationship habits in helping couples grow and change together. The good news about relentless change is that, as you age, you get to fall in love with your dear spouse over and over again.

Raw Video Shows Girl Fire Uzi Moments Before Accidentally Shooting Instructor Charles Vacca

Authorities have released video of an Arizona weapons instructor teaching a 9-year-old girl how to operate an Uzi just a moment before she fatally shot him.

Charles Vacca, 39, was pronounced dead Monday after being airlifted from the Bullets and Burgers shooting range to a hospital.

The Mohave County Sheriff’s Department says the shooting was accidental and occurred when the recoil from the weapon sent bullets spraying over the girl’s head, according to The Washington Post.

In video released Tuesday by the department, Vacca is seen showing the girl how to stand and hold the weapon. The child, who is not being named, fires the Uzi in single-shot mode. Vacca then sets the weapon to automatic, keeping his head near the gun as the girl fires.

“The guy just dropped,” Sheriff Jim McCabe told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

On his Facebook page, Vacca’s posts ranged from pictures of his target practice to pro-gun rhetoric.

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Ronald Scott, a Phoenix-based firearms safety expert, told the Associated Press that there should have been stricter safety rules.

“You can’t give a 9-year-old an Uzi and expect her to control it,” Scott told the publication.

Bullets and Burgers is located in the Mojave desert, about 25 miles away from Las Vegas.

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Being an Entrepreneur: What Your Kid Probably Won't Learn in School

Today, entrepreneurship is hot. And everything points to it getting hotter still.

Do you ever worry that maybe your kids won’t be ready for the vastly different job and business world, when it’s their time to start making a living?

As an entrepreneur, and business advisor to other entrepreneurs, I have this uneasy feeling. It’s that most schools aren’t doing nearly enough to prepare kids for what lies ahead in either creating a business, or getting a decent job.

If you have kids yourself, and you share this uneasy feeling, then meet Scott Issen.

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Scott is the kind of person I call a Disruptive Visionary — someone who is reweaving the social fabric to make the world a better place. He’s president and CEO of the Future Founders Foundation in Chicago.

His non-profit has successfully instilled an entrepreneurial mindset in school kids — one mind at a time. The kids are mostly from low-income families on Chicago’s South and West Sides.

Executives from large companies (Motorola, Bank of America, Capital One), as well as entrepreneurs who have built their own businesses, make up the volunteer corps that help the school kids.

This year, Scott has 350 from-the-trenches volunteers. They will provide mentorship, training, and palpable hope to 7,000 students in 50 public schools, from kindergarten through senior year.

“I love empowering people,” he says. “And we have a recipe that works.”

His most outrageous success story is Rodney Walker. When he entered the program, he had a 1.4 grade point average. But Rodney’s Future Founder mentors were able to see beyond the report card. They helped him figure out that he would enjoy running a video production company, and he would be good at it.

They were right. During his senior year at ACE Tech Charter High, Rodney built Forever Life Music and Video Productions. He got paying clients even before he finished high school. Along the way, his grades improved dramatically. Fast forward to a few months ago, when Rodney received a Master’s in business from Yale.

Scott readily admits that Rodney is the poster child of this program, and he is hardly typical.

Most students in a Future Founders program are years away from starting a full-time business. For the time being, they are learning important business and life lessons — valuable stuff you just might not find in a standard K-12 curriculum.

Of course, not everyone can take advantage of Future Founders. So I asked Scott what parents can do to prepare their kids for success later in life — whether or not the kid actually becomes an entrepreneur.

Here are five of his best tips, based on the actual instruction and mentoring his corporate and entrepreneurial volunteers give to school kids in Chicago:

1. Give your kids an opportunity to practice entrepreneurship in a way that they will be successful.

Scott’s suggestion: “Help them set up a lemonade stand.” Why? “It’s one of the most basic forms of entrepreneurship. Going through that process of coming up with a name for your stand, to a slogan, to a lemonade recipe, to figuring out a budget and developing a price, making the lemonade, selling, and interacting with customers.”

2. Help your kids discover that often, there’s more than one “right” answer to a question.

Maybe not on a standardized test — but in the world that exists outside the classroom. Conventional thinking says: 1 + 1 = 2. But in the marketplace, that’s not always true. Example: One mp3 player plus one cell phone ended up equaling one iPhone – and that realization started Apple on the path to becoming the world’s most valuable company.

3. Encourage your kids to have the experience of selling something — and give them the chance to sell on their own.

Well-developed sales skills are at the heart of every entrepreneurial success. Scott cautions well-meaning parents to fight the urge to sell their kids’ Girl Scout Cookies or candy bars for the school fundraiser for their kids. Let your kids do it on their own, he says. Give him or her every opportunity to learn how to sell, and all that comes with owning the experience.

4. Invite them to find a mentor.

“Help your kids learn how to take advice from other people,” Scott says. This is more important than it may sound to you, if you don’t know a lot of entrepreneurs. Here’s what I mean. Over time, the courageous trailblazer who has become a successful entrepreneur has probably developed an unusually strong “stubborn streak.” Early learning of how to be mentored can really pay off later, when your battle-hardened entrepreneur has otherwise become unwilling to listen to almost anybody!

5. Provide opportunities for your kids to develop creative problem-solving skills.

“One of the things we like to do with kids is to take an everyday object, and come up with new uses for that item,” Scott says. It’s the skill development, much more than the result of the practice. For example, he says, “you could take a wire whisk from your kitchen drawer, and come up with 10 different ways to turn that into something else, or enhance it, or create a business around it.”

Then, settle on one business idea. And together, walk through the process of “figuring out what it would actually take to make the item; what problem it solves; and who would actually buy it.”

So, I wholeheartedly agree with all of Scott’s five tips. I can see why his foundation has been so successful.

It’s obvious to me that kids who go through the Future Founders program are destined to have a real competitive advantage in the future. This is true whether they choose the entrepreneurial route, or even if they simply bring entrepreneurial skills and mindset to nearly any job interview — and the career path that follows.

12 Things I Want My Brother to Know on His First Day of High School

Dear Jameson,

So I kind of can’t believe that today’s your first day of high school. I feel old — and not in a “I-watched-the-VMAs-last-weekend-and-have-no-idea-who-these-people-are” way (because I do, in fact, know who all those people are. I’m cool. See? SEE?).

High school is different now. I remember when I used to have to wait in line to use the payphone to call mom to pick me up after school. You have never used a payphone in your life. I also didn’t get a flip phone until my 16th birthday, so you already have a leg up on me with your iPhone.

Anyway, I’m not here to lament how high school is so much better now than when I was in high school (although I did have The OC and you do not, so there’s that) because in many ways, nothing has changed at all. Today, you’re starting a new school — the very same one I went to — and while I know that you’ve got this, I want to impart a few words of wisdom as you venture off into the exhilarating abyss known as high school.

1. Listen to The Smiths.
This is important. Morrissey once sang, “It takes guts to be gentle and kind.” It’s so much easier to ignore the kids who are “weird” or “different.” But you’re better than that. So be kinder than necessary and don’t laugh when those jokes aren’t actually funny.

Also, just listen to The Smiths in general.

2. Look up from your phone.
As a person who (literally) sleeps with her iPhone next to her, I know I’m not one to talk, but hear me out. 1.) It’ll reassure the parentals that you are not destroying your social skills and 2.) there’s actual stuff going on. I know Angry Birds is addicting, but when you’re looking down all the time, you could be missing out on important conversations. Yes, the world is virtually at your fingertips, but don’t forget to look up every once in a while to see the world that’s around you.

3. Mom’s a person, too. And your teachers. And your bus driver.
Crazy, right? Adults are people with feelings who have bad days and sucky commutes and car problems and maybe even not-so-nice bosses. But despite all these things, they still get up in the morning and drive you to school and spend hours on lesson plans and make sure you’re in the right place at the right time.

So ask mom how her day was. She will be floored. Do not do this every day or she might become suspicious. But every so often, disregard the fact that this is the woman who forces you to eat salad at dinner and asks you embarrassing questions about your “lady friends.”

4. You will face disappointment.
Maybe you bomb a big test. Maybe the girl who you’re crushing on with the freckles and red Converses starts dating that jerk in your algebra class. Maybe you get cut from the lacrosse team. There are going to be many, many of these times when you might even think, “This Is The Worst Thing In The World.” You will make bargains with God and not just for the snow days.

Rest assured, what it is is not the worst thing in the world. Because far worse will happen to you. The good news? These terrible things are temporary. They are waves that will crash into you, leave you nice and drenched and possibly with hypothermia, but they’ll eventually retreat. You’ll survive and when the next wave hits you, you’ll take it much better.

5. Get the SparkNotes — but read the book.
I’ll never forget the time where I was book-shamed at Barnes & Noble the summer going into sophomore year for buying the SparkNotes for Oedipus Rex. The cashier totally gave me the stink-eye and said (in the most judgmental way possible), “You’re going to actually read the book, right?” I was mortified.

Yes, I did read actually read the book — but I had bought the SparkNotes first because I just assumed it would be a nightmare. No, Oedipus Rex wasn’t a walk in the park for me and there’s nothing wrong with getting a little help, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought — and I probably should have given it a chance first before determining it would be “too hard.”

Challenge yourself. Maybe Oedipus Rex won’t rock your world, but one day you will read that book that Changes Your Life Forever (shout-out to The Perks of Being a Wallflower) so don’t cheat yourself. You might be surprised.

6. Save a little money.
You’ll get your driver’s license in a few years, which will require you to drive a car. You will have to put gas inside said car. As you get older, you will find that life becomes increasingly expensive. Right now, having $30 in your faux leather wallet is a luxury. You can buy 30 cheeseburgers off the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s! You are rich! Life is great! Please understand that this is temporary, so enjoy it — and maybe consider putting a little of it aside.

7. Don’t let fear keep you from doing something.
It’s scary putting yourself out there, but try and push yourself, anyway. Join a club. Don’t see one you like? Start your own. Try out for a sports team. You might get rejected, but at least you gave it a shot. Ask that girl to homecoming. She could say no, but then she’s making the biggest mistake of her life, okay? Apply to that dream school even though the SAT requirement is double your original score. Don’t allow the “what ifs” in life to make you crazy.

8. Sleep.
As Mariah Carey once said post-breakdown (you were very young when this happened), “Sleep deprivation is real.” Go to bed. That’s all. Just do it.

9. Be a team player.
I hated group projects — mostly because I am a control freak. The cold hard truth is that you will be doing group projects for the rest of your life. Learn to go with the flow, but don’t be a pushover. Assert your ideas. Pull your weight. Don’t be “that” person who lets the work fall on everyone else. And don’t be the person who never gives a teammate a chance.

10. Grades matter, but they don’t.
Here’s the deal: Your grades matter because they will determine your GPA, which will be considered when you apply to colleges. But know that you are much, much more than some number. That doesn’t mean slack off, but I wish I didn’t obsess as much as I did because you will never remember that grade you got second semester of AP History, but you will remember freezing in the stands during your first football game, Spirit Week and staying up until 3 a.m. laughing at stupid YouTube videos with your friends. These moments are what matter.

11. You are cooler than you think.
Listen, you share your name with some of the best-tasting whiskey around so you are automatically a badass. (Just don’t drink that whiskey — yet. When you are older, we will drink it together while listening to records.) “Cool” isn’t doing what your friends are doing. “Cool” is being confident in where you stand. Never apologize for liking what you like. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate.” So you do you, dude.

12. Call me.
For real. Call me when you want someone to look over your college admissions essay. Call me when shit hits the fan. Call me when you’re at a party and perhaps you’ve made some ~questionable~ decisions. I won’t judge you. I’ll only judge you if you do something weird like wear socks with sandals. Promise.

Love you more than Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supremes (which is a lot),
Taylor

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Eighth-grade graduation. But first, let me take a selfie.

Reflective Lightning: Cuff Your Pants in a Flash

Fancy yourself a superhero? Well if you don’t have time to put together an entire spandex suit, you can always just go with these lightning bolts on your legs. They’re guaranteed to make you pedal faster. Okay, I lied about that last part, but they’ll sure make you look way cooler.

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Actually, they might make you a little bit faster if you’re used to getting your pants stuck in your bike gears, plus they’ll make you more visible to cars at night.

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The Reflective Lightning pants cuffs are available from Doiy Design for €11.95 (~$20 USD).

Kobo’s Aura H20 Makes The High-Res E-Reader Waterproof – Your Move, Amazon

kobo-aura-h20 Kobo has a new e-reader out that actually could shake up the market, since it offers waterproofing as a standard factory feature on a $179.99 e-reader, with a high-res, 265 DPI 6.8-inch e-ink display. The Kobo Aura H20 basically takes the already-impressive Aura HD, makes the design thinner and lighter, and adds IP67 environmental resistance, which is a tough package to beat. The e-reader… Read More

The Bublcam: Live 360-Degree Video With No Blind Spots

The Bublcam: Live 360-Degree Video With No Blind Spots

At first glance, the bublcam looks kind of like a Poké Ball, but it’s actually an impressive HD camera capable of taking completely 360-degree panoramas, live. The spherical little wonder isn’t just a fantasy; it works pretty damn well.

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Forget Hot Air: Disney Parade Floats Could Soon Fly Under Drone Power

Forget Hot Air: Disney Parade Floats Could Soon Fly Under Drone Power

The Disney theme park empire is always working to stay on the cutting edge of spectacle tech, and judging by some recent patent applications, The Mouse has his eye on the skies: Disney’s R&D teams want to use drones for their theme park parade floats and aerial displays.

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Why Your Voice Sounds Different Inside Your Head

Why Your Voice Sounds Different Inside Your Head

The voice in your head is a lie. What you hear when you open your mouth is distinctly less velvety than what everyone around hears—and it’s your skull that’s to blame. More specifically, it’s the way your skull vibrates.

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