Hasta La Gadget!

As part of our Blended Family Friday series, each week we spotlight a different stepfamily to learn how they successfully blended their two families. Our hope is that by telling their stories, we’ll bring you closer to blended family bliss in your own life! Want to share your own story? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.

Lynn Prowitt gets a little uneasy when she hears “intimidatingly perfect” blended families tell their stories.

“Our story is extremely different,” the mom of one and stepmom of three says. It’s no overstatement; when things got rocky after she and her husband Eric moved in together, they decided that living in two separate homes was best for everyone.

“We just came to the conclusion that a truly peaceful family dynamic was out of reach at this time in our lives,” she says. “So we found an unconventional solution.”

Below, Prowitt, the author of 37 Things I Wish I’d Known Before My Divorce tells us more about the decision.

Hey Lynn. Please introduce us to your family.
We are a blended family of six. My husband Eric has three children from his first marriage and I have one. His kids are Lauren (16), Caitlin and Will (14). My son is Cole (14). Yes, we have four teenagers!

How long have you and your Eric been together?
We started dating almost six years ago and have been married two and a half years. We met at our kids’ elementary school in the summer, riding bikes. The kids knew each other, but I’d never seen Eric, even though we were both divorced, had kids in the same grade and lived right around the corner from each other. It took a while but Eric finally got up the nerve to talk to me at a Cub Scouts meeting that winter.

(Photo courtesy of Lynn Prowitt)

Tell us a little bit about moving in together.
In the three years before we got married, our two families spent lots of fun time together, including vacations, family events and hundreds of dinners and TV nights together. So we were aware of most of our differences. But it was an eye-opener when we moved everyone into my very small house four months after our wedding in 2012. Our plan had been to temporarily live in my house while renting out his, until we had some financial ducks in a row and could move into a larger one. But you know what they say about plans.

First, I lost my job a month before the move. Second, even though we only have custody of our kids 50 percent of the time, it was summer and we were all on top of each other in a very small house.

The shopping, cooking, laundry, dishes and errands suddenly tripled. I was freelancing and trying to find a new job but even with a sitter helping, I was flailing. My husband does as much as is humanly possible, but has very long workdays. All four of our kids were becoming true teenagers — rude to each other and to us. They furiously boycotted the blended family counseling. Mothering and disciplining my own kid in the same house with kids who weren’t my own proved to be super hard.

Eventually my husband and I — who had always been on the same page about kid and family matters — started arguing a lot. Don’t get me wrong, there were good parts too. With four kids so close in age, we were the fun house on the block, with the kids’ friends over on the weekends, giggling on the trampoline and playing “manhunt” around our cul de sac. But instead of feeling the joy of being a newly formed family, gradually figuring things out and getting closer, I felt everyone’s quality of life had taken a dive, and rather than growing together we were falling apart.

So we undid it. When the renters moved out of my husband’s house, he and his kids moved back in. And life now looks pretty much the way it did before we got married. It’s an unconventional solution, and probably won’t be in place forever, but for now we are grateful we had the option. Our marriage is solid, our kids are doing great and –- just like in the beginning — we have a lot of fun when we’re together.

What’s the best thing about being part of a blended family?
Because there are so many of us, it’s basically an instant mini party when we’re all in the room or the car or a restaurant. Even if the kids are complaining or arguing, they pretty much always choose to be together rather than apart.

And for me, a huge perk has been being blessed with these two awesome girls who like hairstyling, nail art and makeup. Lauren is a master hair-braider, and Caitlin gives me pedicures and does makeup. I had been completely deprived of girly stuff having a son.

What makes you proudest of your family?
The kids and their resilience. They’ve been through a lot, and yet they are optimistic, funny, caring and wise. They’re amazingly good kids, all four of them. And they have another type of resilience that surprises my husband and me every time: They can be really nasty to each other and fighting one minute, and the next, you see them huddled together on the couch looking at something on Instagram or dashing out the door shrieking with laughter. They get over things quickly and don’t look back.

How do you deal with stress in your household?
We drink wine. Just kidding (sort of). We have the blessing and the curse of a 50/50 custody schedule. Just when you think you’re at the end of your rope, the kids are off to their other parents. And my husband and I breathe, reconnect and recharge. Though both of us would rather things were different and we could have our kids full-time, I think the breaks sometimes make us better parents.

What’s your best advice for blended families struggling to keep the peace?
The only advice I have is, don’t box yourself in with the idea of what a marriage or a family is “supposed to” look like. Second marriages aren’t like firsts. Blended families aren’t like regular ones. Be honest, be open and don’t try to push square pegs into round holes. Kids grow and change so fast and then they’re gone. What they need most from you, and what endures after they go, is a good marriage, so do whatever it takes to keep yours strong.

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Sometimes it isn’t until you’re told your time is limited that you begin to truly make every moment count.

When Frank Henderson, 60, of Shoreline, Washington, was given his terminal cancer diagnosis by doctors and told he only had a couple of weeks to live, he reacted more positively than many might expect. Gathering his friends and family, he focused on making as many happy memories as possible, and made a bucket list of things he wanted to accomplish and experience. One of the items on that list — enjoying another Christmas, according to Today.com.

His family and friends banded together to deck out the Henderson home in Christmas lights, Frank’s favorite part of the holiday, and neighbors soon followed suit in his honor, KOMO News reported. Even kids who had saved snow from last year’s winter in their freezer brought it to him, adding to the celebration.

“It’s been amazing, absolutely amazing,” Henderson told KOMO News. “We’re making moments. That’s what we’re doing.”

KOMO News

The family also hosted a symbolic wedding ceremony during which he was able to walk his 21-year-old daughter, Thea, down the aisle. Frank and Thea, dressed in a suit and a donated wedding gown posed for photographs, according to Today.com, and did a father-daughter dance.

“The one thing he wants people to know is that you need to spend time with your family, and to do the things you want to do,” she told Today.com. “Because … in our situation, we had our lives ripped apart in an instant. And we don’t know how to put the pieces back together, but we’re doing the best we can to make moments with him, every single step of the way.”

His time may be limited, but Frank is constantly smiling, happy to be living his days to the fullest and with no regrets.

“I know where I’m going,” he told KOMO. “I’m not afraid to die. And you gotta live each day for the moment.”

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XI’AN, China — They don’t want to work in factories or farms, but at the same time, the white-collar lifestyle remains far out of reach.

For the 7.27 million Chinese students who graduated from college last year — a number roughly 2.5 times the U.S. figure — the job market can be brutal: low salaries, long hours and the knowledge that there are millions of other people just waiting to replace you. Those realities look even harsher when you compare the bargain-basement salaries earned by the average Chinese young adult with the exorbitant wealth of China’s well-connected.

“It’s just ruthless out here,” said Wu Shaomei, a chemistry master’s student at Northwest University in Xi’an, as she surveyed the crowds of college grads vying for telemarketing jobs at a local job fair last week. “Everywhere you look in this city there are rich people driving luxury cars, but I could work these jobs a whole lifetime and never make enough to buy one of those tires.”

China’s glut of college grads has been described in national media as a triumph of state-orchestrated education expansion, but it’s also created an expectation gap when it comes to the job market. New graduates, many of them first-generation students who grew up on farms, were raised to believe a college degree was a sure route to a comfortable life. But at end-of-summer job fairs, many of these graduates are finding themselves offered salaries lower than what factory workers earn.

Job fairs are often packed with some of the 7.27 million college students who graduated this year.

“We’re applying for these jobs, but it’s as if we never went to college at all,” said Shao Shuai, a classmate of Wu Shaomei’s at Northwest.

In the early years of the Great Recession, some American youth saw the grim job market as an opportunity for “funemployment,” but China has coined a different term: “gnawing on the old.” The term refers to Chinese youth who don’t earn enough to pay the bills, and thus end up “gnawing” through their parents’ savings. With average starting salaries of $400 per month and just one day off a week, recent grads in major cities often have little hope of achieving anything resembling financial independence early in their careers.

“Finding a job is hard, buying a house is hard, getting married is hard,” said Wu, who grew up in the countryside outside a nearby city. “With the one-child policy, even having kids is hard.”

In the past 15 years, China has undergone a revolution in higher education, with the number of college graduates now nine times as high as it used to be. There are twice as many colleges as there were a decade ago, and in cities like Xi’an, nearly every school has opened a new satellite campus to accommodate the influx of students.

“This kind of rapid expansion has never been seen — not just in China, but anywhere in the world,” said Xu Qingshan, a professor of education at Wuhan University’s College of Education Science. “The fundamental reason behind the bad job market for graduates has been this huge expansion in enrollment.”

A low-level headhunter hangs advertisements on his bicycle at a Xi’an job fair.

Much of that growth has come from rural students who are often the first in their family to leave the farm. At school, they may encounter a cosmopolitan world their parents never dreamed of — but once graduation rolls around, they face an even more grueling job search than their urban peers.

Wang Junying grew up in Red Star Village in rural Sichuan. As a middle school student, she spent her spare time collecting cow dung for the family’s furnace, and in high school her summer job consisted of tending the flock of ducks that would later be sold to pay her tuition. When it came time for the college entrance exam, Wang’s parents encouraged her, but also presented her with a backup plan.

“Before the test my dad told me, ‘Don’t worry. If you can’t test into college I’ll buy you a tractor,'” Wang recalled. “Back then, my only thought was that I’ve got to do whatever it takes to get into college. I just didn’t want to drive a tractor.”

After Wang finished a business English degree at a community college in Xi’an, her mother offered to arrange a teaching job for her at the village elementary school. But the position came with one hitch: It would take an $11,000 bribe just to secure the position, which paid around $4,000 per year.

Growth in decent jobs has lagged far behind the non-stop bumper crops of college grads, and competition for scarce positions often comes down to family connections and cold hard cash. China is almost two years into one of its most intense corruption crackdowns in decades, but young Chinese job-seekers still report being extorted for huge sums of money that dwarf their would-be salaries.

Knowing her farming family would have trouble paying the needed money, Wang remained in Xi’an and eventually found a job teaching English for about $300 a month — a salary comparable to what she would have earned at the other job, without the burden of the accompanying bribe.

Starting salaries for college graduates in Xi’an hover around $400 per month.

“A lot of my friends relied on their parents’ connections or spent money to find jobs,” Wang said. “Almost nobody I know got a good job relying on their own abilities.”

The pay-to-play nature of China’s job market means that while wealthy urban youth can “gnaw” on their parents’ money and networks to get ahead, young men and women from the countryside are often left with nothing but middling diplomas. According to a study by Tian Feng of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, the unemployment rate among college graduates from urban families is about 12 percent, while for graduates from rural backgrounds it’s 30 percent. And the gap looks even wider when considering that recent graduates from urban backgrounds earn around 20 percent more than their rural peers.

“The urban-rural employment gap for college graduates is one of the clearest expressions of the hardening of barriers to social mobility,” Tian told China National Radio in February. “This is having a major impact on social equity.”

Hidey-ho, neighbor! From Wilson on “Home Improvement” to Howard’s mom on “The Big Bang Theory,” it’s clear that some of the greatest characters on television are sometimes best left unseen. In order to commemorate these characters that we seldom see, but actually know very well, WatchMojo.com put together a list of “The Top 10 Unseen TV Characters.”

Did your favorite make the cut?

It is funny how important topics come up out of the blue with kids. On walks with the dog, for example.

Someone on the sidewalk laughed out loud, prompting my sassy, straight-shooting nearly 11-year-old to look at me with a narrowed gaze, sizing me up.

“You laugh really loud, Mom,” he said.

My back stiffened as I braced against the criticism.

“Sorry,” I said. “Do I embarrass you?”

He scrunched up his face, confused.

“No!” he corrected me. “It’s a good thing. You’re really happy!”

His positive perspective warmed me. Excellent, I thought. But then it occurred to me just as it must have occurred to him. His tone was matter-of-fact rather than judgmental when he amended.

“Except when you’re not,” he said.

I smiled.

It was true. Painting a picture of me, head back, guffawing with great joy, would not be completely accurate, much as I’d like it to be. No. There was a darker side, mood swings (menstruation related or not) that left me forgetting how to laugh or wondering when that laughter would come again.

My boys knew it. They’d probably known it for a long time, but more recently I’d been less apt to hide my sad days, to always feel like I absolutely had to put on a happy face for them. For better or worse, they were growing up and there were certain facts they had to face, like that every moment isn’t blissful.

“It’s true,” I said. “But you always have to find your way back to happy, right?”

And that takes work — difficult work that I feel I am constantly teaching myself as much as my kids. Different things work at different times for different people, so it is not always easy to know what’s going to move the needle.

Here are a few things I try:

• Accessorize: Decking myself out in the morning with many dangling necklaces, big earrings, bangles and rings is a surprisingly effective way to bring a smile to my face and, seemingly, to others (who may be laughing at me rather than with me, but I don’t really care). My constantly replenished stock of cheap jewelry provides a bit of upbeat armor to protect against the world’s ills. My boys might not do too much of the jewelry thing, but they often find hats or shoes or other little things that put some pizazz in their step.

• Socialize: As a freelancer, I spend a lot of time alone and sometimes those thoughts that creep in can get dangerous. I try to call friends for coffee or even to get together to dance, and I often (when my mood gets particularly low) put together an invite for a big party. I encourage my kids to make plans with friends after school or on the weekends, to invite people instead of waiting to get invited. It is good to learn early in life how important it is to be proactive and get up the nerve to ask people and to face that potential rejection.

• Exercise: Exercise can help keep the load from getting too heavy. If I don’t move my muscles at a brisk pace — run or walk or stretch or lift — at least a little bit each day, I start to get stiff and very, very crabby. Sometimes, when I watch the marathon, I imagine it as one big throng of people physically and mentally pushing themselves to stay positive. But it doesn’t take going to extremes necessarily, just a little bit of exercise can lift my spirits, and I know that my good fitness habits get noticed by my kids.

• Creative expression: One of the big reasons that I started InspireCorps, an organization to bring inspirational artists into schools, is that artistic expression has always been a crucial way for me to feel better. Whether it’s through writing, playing piano, dancing, or even trying my hand at drawing with pastels, creative outlets offer freeing avenues for otherwise bottled-up emotions and make things suddenly not seem quite so bad.

When I think about the many ways I try to find my way back to happy, back to that loud, loud laugh, the list goes on and on. Hugging, hiking, baking, reading, nuzzling with my dog, great movies, museums — whatever it is, I have to find the things that work to bring me up when I’m down, and I coach my kids to do the same. The first step, of course, is to decide that happy is a place we want to be. As my own mother wisely advised me recently, “You have to look for solutions to find them.”

Read Stephanie Thompson’s Fearless Parenting every other Thursday on Brook‌lynPa‌per.com.