Hasta La Gadget!

PBS recently aired a documentary, The Boomer List, examining the life stories and experiences of those born in the United Sates between 1946 and 1964. According to these parameters, I too am a baby boomer having been born in 1963. But despite this chronological reality, I have never felt any particular kinship or connection with the baby boomer generation, a sense that was validated as I listened to the interviews of most of those who were depicted in the documentary.

The ideas of historians William Strauss and Neil Howe provide ample explanation for why I feel the way that I do. Beginning with their seminal work Generations, Strauss and Howe postulated a framework for delineating generations that has less to do with historical intervals defined by years than by the shared sensibilities. In their view, a generation shares age location in history. Those who constitute a generation experience significant historical events, social trends, and other phenomena while in similar developmental period of their lives. Because of these experiences, members of a generation are shaped throughout the course of their lives by these elements that they encounter during their childhoods an/or emerging and young adulthoods. In this perspective, I am a member of Generation X and not a baby boomer. That seems right to me.

But my point has less to do with my being a baby boomer or member of Gen X than it does with me being a member of another generation — the AIDS Generation. For those of us who came or were coming of age during the late 1970s, 1980s and early 1990s, our experiences were shaped by this epidemic that was devastating our country and taking countless lives. All of us who came of age at the time are members of the AIDS Generation — men and women, gay and straight, HIV-positive and HIV-negative. Whether we experienced the epidemic front and center in cities such as New York or Los Angeles or whether we watched it from afar in news accounts in our small hometowns, this disease defined our formative years and is forever embedded in our consciousness.

I explore these ideas in my book, The AIDS Generation: Stories of Survival and Resilience, in which I document the life experience of 15 gay men who are long-term survivors of the epidemic. For gay men of my generation, in particular, this disease has left its inedible mark and has defined our lives for the last three decades. In the book I write:

Many of my generation entered our teens and young adulthood in this historical period of the 1970s and 1980s with a sense of confidence and zeal due to the efforts of our predecessors, the Stonewall generation–who spent years hiding their identity–demanding their rights and easing the path for us. We had also the energy of the civil rights and women’s rights movements to support us. This is not to say that we came into our own with ease and without fear. Many of us still remained in our closet throughout our high school years for fear of being found out to be a faggot. Still, the promise for sexual freedom and sexual expression existed within our grasp. Little were we to know that we would become the AIDS Generation, and that within a decade this deadly disease would destroy our physical, emotional, and social lives. I know this because I am part of the AIDS Generation (p.5)

Some 33 years after the initial diagnosis of HIV in the United Sates and with hundreds of thousands deaths of gay men in the last three decades, the disease that defined my generation continues to afflict us. In 2010, 72 percent of all new HIV infections were among gay and bisexual men, and those entering their formative years nowadays continue to do battle with this disease. It is true that some conditions in the lives of gay men have improved in the last three decades. We now have effective treatments to fight HIV infection, the use of an HIV antiviral in the form of pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) provides us with another powerful tool in our arsenal to prevent the disease from spreading, and historic legislation enacted over the last several years has enhanced our civil rights and protections. Be that as it may, this disease continues to haunt us and negatively impact our lives.

On September 27th as we acknowledge the National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, it is time for all of us to take stock and band together socially, politically, and emotionally to demand an end to the AIDS epidemic — an idea espoused by progressive leaders such as New York’s governor, Andrew Cuomo.

I am a member of the AIDS Generation. And unless we continue to fight this disease on all fronts and enhance and protect the health of gay men, my generation is only the first of many generations of gay men who will continue to battle this despicable disease.

Anger over immigration leads advocates to perform a civil disobedience outside the Democratic National HQ in Washington, D.C.

“I think that the anger is not placed in the right direction, and Republicans get off the hook… They did nothing and people are picketing the president. I mean, [Republicans] don’t pay a price for that?” Said Nancy Pelosi recently. She has been towing the line for the Democrats which, considering her position in the Democrat Party, isn’t particularly surprising. The promises from Democrats, however, have been large, while the follow-through has been disappointing: it’s no wonder that, after the delay, immigrant rights groups have become fed up with a party whose president has engaged in record deportations while breaking promises.

After the Democrats have instituted a deportation machine that has failed to gain the leverage with Republicans it was supposed to and opted no to take up immigration while they had a supermajority, the question remains: what have Democrats done recently to earn the loyalty of Latino voters?

“We respect Nancy Pelosi and appreciate how much she has come out for immigration, however, we also understand that she is one of the highest-ranking politicians in the Democrat Party, and has certain responsibilities to that party she is acting on,” said Cesar Vargas, Director of Dream Action Coalition.

Much like when she pushed the obviously-doomed immigration bill during the Government Shutdown, however, Rep. Pelosi is playing a political game with immigration, as are Democrats in general who leaned on the President to push relief for our families back until after midterm elections. While Democrats may want our support, especially after an anti-DACA bill passed in the Democrat-controlled Senate shortly after Obama’s delay, what have they done since the politically-safe DACA program to deserve it?

To be sure, DACA isn’t exactly “politically-safe” in every sense of the word: it has been attacked with bills that have passed in both the House and the Senate. It is a status, however, that has only been offered to young people brought here as children with clean records that have been here a long time: there are many hoops to jump through, and it is only offered to those who most people overwhelmingly agree should not be punished: people brought into the country as young as a few weeks old: going against DACA boils down to a “tough on babies” policy.

Frank Sharry said it best when he said “Republicans are dead to us” on immigration. That does not, however, mean that Democrats have no responsibility to the Latino and immigrant community. The president – understanding that nothing will happen in Congress after comically-sad legislative failures – promised relief from his own administration’s record-high deportations. Congress has made it painfully obvious that it cannot do it’s job on immigration, passing measures against the popular DACA program in both the House and Senate recently: nothing will move until the president forces it and any fool can see this.

So far in his second term, Obama, much like he did with the LGBT community in the past, is offering pleasant rhetoric, but consistently backing off of effective action when it is obvious he has the legal leeway to take it up.

“What would Rep. Pelosi say to comfort a mother whose children will be put in foster care after she is deported between now and elections,” asked Erika Andiola, Co-Director of Dream Action Coalition, who recently organized a civil disobedience with undocumented mothers outside of the Democrat National Headquarters.

We aren’t bringing undocumented mothers out to protest Democrats because we’re playing for a political team: we don’t take sides with the parties when neither is on our side. We are bringing them out because they represent the real life consequences of the political games that end with deportations and foster care for my community.

Nancy Pelosi talked about Republicans not paying a price for immigration with organizers, yet Latinos already rewarded Democrats and punished Republicans in 2012 when we voted for Obama by over 70 percent; we have not since seen the sorts of rewards that should keep voters loyal. We have demonstrated against Republicans many times and our blog is full of articles against the irrational obstruction from the GOP, but that doesn’t mean that Democrats get a free pass.

Nancy Pelosi, as well as other Democrats and their supporters, have been putting out statements about how the immigrant community may be getting a better deal after the elections than they would have before the elections. Although this sounds both good and like it could be a real possibility, they will have to understand if the immigrant rights community is not willing to take a leap of faith on the word same people who so recently burned us, and will be continuing record-high deportations until it is politically convenient.

I had no idea this was going on … the White House press corps (print) writes reports about the president, shows the reports first to the White House, and then the White House distributes to the media? Really? Isn’t that a bit like sending the fox out to guard the chicken coop? There is no reason for this. Read on….

Since you read GretaWire, you know that all the media organizations years ago pooled their resources and one news organization each day (there is a daily rotation) is assigned to follow the president closely and write a report to then be distributed to all the news organizations.

I post those PRINT pool reports on GretaWire as I get them each day so that you see what I see. WHAT I DID NOT KNOW until two days ago is that the White House press pool, rather than distributing the print reports themselves directly to all of the media, GIVES those reports to the WHITE HOUSE to distribute to the media and on some occasions the White House has asked that the pool reports be edited or changed because the White House is not happy with the content (e.g. one time the media was asked in the pool report to not report that the First Lady was getting exercise which is not exactly publishing the nuclear code … the American people can know that!)

I have no idea as to the extent of the collaboration between the White House press pool and the White House on these then distributed reports. But, even if it’s not much, why is the media using the White House to distribute their print reports? The print pool says it is too hard to distribute these written reports since it goes to so many media recipients. Huh? It is not as though the White House is an expert when it comes to the internet/email (think: HealthCare.gov website!). Here is an idea: The White House should turn over its media database to the White House press pool (print) to do itself. And … why should the American taxpayer be paying for this distribution (even if it’s not expensive) instead of the news organizations? News organizations have lots of money and can figure this out. The media should be INDEPENDENT of the White House and the taxpayers should not be paying for this. What do you think?

P.S.: Don’t tell me that this is how it is always done and has been done for a long time. That is no excuse. But do tell me why the media has been complicit in this … why would they let this happen?

I think asking “what if…” is a universal curse of human nature.

We all wonder what could have been and what could be. But how we think about the what ifs of our lives can have a huge impact on the ways in which we actually live.

Here are a few ways that you can harness the power of “what if” starting right now:

Don’t Live in the Past

Okay, I know we’ve all had that one relationship, that one job, that one opportunity. The one that makes us look back and wonder, “What if I had done things differently then?” or “What if I had chosen the other path?”

But if you’re always thinking about things that have already happened and wondering what could have been, you’re cheating yourself out of a perfectly great life in the present. You can’t be in two places at once and you can’t live in the past while also enjoying the present.

If you struggle with this on a daily basis, it’s important that you remind yourself that the past is over. There’s nothing you can do about what’s already happened, so for the love of God stop thinking about it.

Instead of wishing for alternative endings of the past, put your energy to use in the present. Do something right now that will help you make amends with whatever’s eating you up.

If you’re feeling negatively about a fight with a family member, don’t sit around wondering, “What if I had said this,” or “What if I hadn’t said that.” Call or visit that person and say what you want to say.

Taking action in the present will do worlds more for solving your problems than wondering about the past ever could.

Don’t Think Negatively About the Future

Full disclosure: This is one of the greatest challenges I face every day. But after getting in the habit of thinking more positively, I can tell you flat out that assuming the worst in life wastes a ton of mental and physical energy. Even if it’s just the little things.

Nearly all the stimuli I experienced on a daily basis used to be followed by negative assumptions. Missed phone call from the doctor — what if they messed up my paperwork? Weird sound coming from the car — what if that ends up costing a ton of money?

The big problem with thinking this way is that all of these assumptions are based on “what if.” In other words, absolutely zero bad things have happened, and yet we still get just as stressed out as we would if something bad had actually happened.

If you want to immediately improve your energy and productivity, stop assuming the worst about things that haven’t happened yet.

To get yourself out of this habit, you can start by transitioning from negative thoughts to positive thoughts with “or.” For example, “What if they messed up my paperwork? Or, what if they’re just calling about a feedback survey?”

Using “or” to quickly rationalize a negative thought with a positive one can get you to reprogram your brain when thinking about the future. Eventually, you’ll be able to skip the negative thoughts all together and assume the best.

Why You Should Use “What If” to Dream Big

When you cut out the negative what if’s from your life, you’ll find that energy and positivity come much more naturally to you. The best way to harness that energy? Use “what if” to dream big.

“What if I could run a marathon? What if I went back to school? What if I got the courage to go skydiving?”

While it’s important to set realistic goals for yourself, using “what if” scenarios to dream big can be incredibly helpful in terms of motivation and productivity.

For one, big dreams get you to imagine setting a higher bar for yourself, thus encouraging you to pursue more challenging successes.

And secondly, dreaming up totally over-the-top “what if” scenarios makes your realistic goals seem a whole lot more achievable. This can help you take some of the pressure off of yourself, and make you more confident about going after your life and career goals.

Keep the negative what ifs out of your mind and hustle the positive one’s in. You’re sure to improve at least one aspect of your life as a result.

One of the most powerful quotes I’ve ever heard comes, interestingly enough, from the TV show, Scrubs:

“In the end, it’s the what ifs that hurt the most.”

My philosophy: Only if you let them.

Image by Sylwia Bartyzel

Don’t let the rom-coms and your couple friends convince you otherwise: Being single isn’t something to dread, being single is straight-up awesome.

In honor of this being National Singles Week (what, you didn’t know that was a thing?), we rounded up 12 things single people on Whisper — a free app where users share their secrets anonymously — say they love most about the uncoupled life.

Really, who needs a relationship when being all by your lonesome is this damn good?

For more confessions about the single life, download Whisper.

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