Sep 24

Molecular Chainmaille Could Be The Lightest and Strongest Armor Ever

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Chainmaille, for the most part, exists in only two forms in modern society: as geeky jewelry made in college dorm rooms and as an entry on an RPG character sheet. The main reason for this is that while chainmaille is great at preventing edged weapons from getting to a wearer’s skin, it’s not that great against bullets. Hence one of the reasons why the British SAS doesn’t look like this:

monty python search for the holy grail 620x341magnify

The other reason is competency. Regardless, in the near future the SAS might have a bit more in common with the above knights. The reason is the “Star of David molecule,” which was recently developed by scientists at the University of Manchester. The idea was inspired by viruses’ shells, which are made of woven protein strands and offer good protection with very little weight. For the last 25 years this team has been trying to weave molecules together and this creation, made of two triangular molecules interwoven, is the first major success. Of course, two infinitesimally tiny triangles aren’t going to protect your neck from a very ill-tempered rabbit, but the team is now working on creating a repeating pattern of interwoven molecules based on this new discovery.

star of david molecule 620x465magnify

[via The Washington Post]

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Sep 24

Amazon's eyeing wearables and automated homes next

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One of the nice things about operating the world’s biggest online retail store, besides the money, is that you can get a real-time picture of what consumers around the globe want. Amazon’s used that insight to launch its own e-readers, tablets and a…

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Sep 24

Netflix rejects Canadian regulator’s bid for customer data

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Netflix has pushed back against a request by the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) for what it says is confidential information on subscribers, as well as sensitive data of a potentially competitive nature. This follows an order for such data that was made last week by the regulator. The entire matter apparently surfaced amidst a move by the regulator … Continue reading

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Sep 24

Lydia Davis: Reading 'Goodbye Louise'

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“Linda, Lyidia, Lindon, Lyda…” The acclaimed American short story writer Lydia Davis reads an ongoing piece of writing — ‘a false autobiography’ — of mistakes made about her name and profession. It’s funny!

In this video Lydia Davis (b. 1947) reads “Goodbye Louise, Or Who I Am,” a self-invented genre, which has not yet been included in any book. It is an ongoing piece of writing which Davis calls “a false autobiography” because it is supposed to collect information about her, but the information is wrong. The piece takes it’s title from a conversation Lydia Davis had with a person who were supposed to know her name, but at the end of the conversation the person said: “Goodbye Louise”, the writer explains.

Lydia Davis is regarded as “the master of form largely of her own invention.” She has written a number of collections of short stories and one novel. When Lydia Davis received the Man Booker International Prize in 2013 the chairman of the judges said her “writings fling their lithe arms wide to embrace many a kind. Just how to categorise them? They have been called stories but could equally be miniatures, anecdotes, essays, jokes, parables, fables, texts, aphorisms or even apophthegms, prayers or simply observations.”

Besides being a writer Lydia Davis is also an acclaimed translator of writers like Proust, Flaubert and Maurice Blanchot.

American writer Jonathan Franzen has characterized Lydia Davis in this way:

“She is the shorter Proust among us. She has the sensitivity to track the stuff that is so evanescent it flies right by the rest of us. But as it does so it leaves enough of a trace that when you read her you do it with a sense of recognition.”

Lydia Davis read ‘Goodbye Louise, Or Who I Am’ at the Louisiana Literature festival 22. august 2014, at the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art, Denmark.

Cameras: Klaus Elmer & Nikolaj Jungersen

Edit: Kamilla Bruus.

Produced by Christian Lund

Copyright: Louisiana Channel, Louisiana Museum of Modern Art.

Supported by Nordea-fonden

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Sep 24

These Are The Barriers Black Girls Face In School

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When Georgia high school student Tiambrya Jenkins was in ninth grade, the teen, who is black, got into a fight with a white classmate. Both girls were transferred to an alternative high school as a result, but the white student returned to regular school after 90 days. Jenkins had to stay in the alternative school for a year.

“It was like being in prison,” Jenkins, now 16, said in a press release for the National Women’s Law Center. “The classrooms had no windows. There was an adult in the room, but there was almost no teaching. We’d just sit around and talk until the bell rang. A year later, I was finally sent back to my regular school. But, by then, my classmates were way ahead of me.”

Jenkins’ experience isn’t unusual for black female students, who are routinely given harsher punishments than white students — even though no evidence shows black students are more likely to misbehave, according to a report Tuesday from the National Women’s Law Center and the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund. The report outlines the discipline disparities for African-American girls, and notes that pervasive racial and gender biases in education often prevent students from succeeding.

While black male students are the most frequently suspended, African-American girls also disproportionately receive harsh punishments, the report says. The discipline disparities for black girls are likely related to racial and gender stereotypes that portray African-American females as “loud, confrontational, assertive, and provocative,” the report says.

The graph below –- based on data from the U.S. Department of Education — shows that a far greater percentage of African-American girls are disciplined than their population would suggest.

discipline

Data from Ohio, one of the few states that details school discipline data based on gender and race, shows that African-American girls were suspended substantially more in the 2012–2013 school year than white girls, often for vague offenses like “disobedience/disruptive behavior.”

ohio

African-American females also are more likely to face sexual harassment in school than their white female peers, notes the report. They are more likely to be held back, and to score lower on standardized tests than white girls. The report notes that these academic disparities are likely related to the fact that teachers in schools with large African-American populations typically have less experience and less access to educational resources.

sexual harassment

African-American girls are less likely than white girls to participate in after-school activities or to take math and science classes. According to data from 2009, African-American girls had lower grade-point averages than girls from any other racial or ethnic group, the report says.

science math

Fatima Goss Graves, vice president for education and employment at the National Women’s Law Center, told The Huffington Post of at least one bright spot in the report. Evidence suggests that black girls are more likely than white or Hispanic girls to consider themselves leaders, and to express higher leadership aspirations. Graves noted that “there’s in some ways a disconnect with the opportunities that are there” for African-American girls.

“African-American boys and girls still disproportionately attend high poverty racially isolated schools,” Graves said. “That means they have less access to some of the resources that are present in other schools — whether we’re talking about access to teachers who are trained in the subject they’re teaching, or access to A.P. courses, or access to certain high-level STEM courses … That makes a difference.”

Sherrilyn A. Ifill, president of the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, said in a press release that the report highlights the need for change.

“Our educational policies and practices must open the doors of opportunity for all -– regardless of race or gender. Only then will we fulfill the promise of Brown v. Board of Education, the landmark ruling that invalidated legal segregation in America 60 years ago,” Ifill said.

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Sep 24

7 Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Retirement

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OK, nobody is expecting to have the kind of retirement that our parents had. But there are some things we are doing now that may actually hurt our retirement later. Here are a few of them:

Collecting Social Security early.
We understand that the reason someone applies for Social Security at 62 instead of 66 is most likely because they need the money. Unfortunately, starting benefits early means that monthly payments are reduced by 25 percent — and that’s for life. Well, not exactly, says retirement guru Bob Rosenblatt, who runs the Help With Aging website.

There’s a little-known provision that gives Social Security early dippers a limited window for do-overs. If you apply for the do-over provision (called a withdrawal of benefits application) within the first 12 months of getting checks and then repay what you received thus far, there are no penalties. They don’t even charge you interest on the money you received, which makes this tantamount to an interest-free loan. So if you find a job within those first 12 months of collecting benefits, it behooves you to try and withdraw from collecting Social Security benefits — and then apply again when you are older. It’s one withdrawal per lifetime. And if you can wait beyond age 66, you can maximize your benefits, growing them by up to 8 percent a year until you are 70.

Rosenblatt says of the do-over provision, “It’s something that should be more widely known, especially in these days of economic insecurity for so many older workers.”

Not getting your company’s 401(k) full match.
This is akin to turning away free money. The most common 401(k) match is 50 cents for every dollar contributed up to 6 percent of your pay; 24 percent of 401(k) plans use this match formula, according to U.S. News and World Report. Whatever it is, it’s free money and you should never turn down free money. Rosenblatt encourages people to find other areas in which to skimp so that they can fully fund their 401(k).

Paying for your kids’ college instead of funding your retirement.
This one is hard for a lot of families, but the prevailing wisdom is “retirement comes first.”

The reason is this: Your child has more options when it comes to college than you do for retirement. Your student can apply for financial aid, scholarships and take out a loan if necessary. Another option to cut college costs is to start at a community college and then transfer those credits to a four-year school. Retirees? It’s your pension, your Social Security and your retirement savings. If you outlive your money, then what?

There are no loans that you can take out to fund your retirement, but there are many loans your child can take out to fund his/her education, notes financial wizard Suze Orman.

Downsizing to a less-expensive home and banking some cash.
This is a tricky one, timing-wise, and something worth discussing with a financial adviser. But two problems with this plan come to mind.

Problem one relates to paying for college. When your child applies for financial aid, the majority of schools will not consider the equity in your home as an asset. In other words, colleges don’t expect people to sell their houses in order to pay for their kid’s college education, said Lynn O’Shaughnessy, a nationally recognized college adviser and author. But if you sell that house and bank some of the windfall, it becomes fair game for schools to ask you to use it to pay college expenses. So while your money may be safe as it exists as equity in your house, colleges may have other ideas about your plan to bank that money for use in your golden years.

Problem two involves long-term nursing care. We are a nation who gives lip service to thinking long-term care insurance is a good idea (two-thirds of us told a Harris Interactive/HealthDay poll that “most people” should buy it), yet just 8 percent of us actually have.

So should we need extended nursing home care, who will pay for it? Under the government’s spend-down policy, any dough you have sitting around in a bank account must be used before Medicaid kicks in. Medicaid covers some long-term care benefits, but only after a person’s assets have been depleted. Federal law does protect spouses of nursing home residents from losing all of their income and assets to pay for nursing home care for their spouse. But by and large, the money is less tappable when it remains as equity in your home than liquidated in a joint savings account.

Thinking free is a four-letter word.
Everyone groans when AARP sends them an invitation to become a member on their 50th birthday. Fine, toss it away if you have something against age-based discounts. But for those of us who would like to enjoy more and spend less, those age-based discounts are great opportunities to save money on hotel rooms, car rentals, restaurants, stores and attractions when you travel. Many local restaurants will just knock something off the bill when you ask. Even Banana Republic gives discounts; they vary store-by-store in amount and age eligibility and when offered, but generally amount to about 10 percent.

While saving a few dollars may not seem like a retirement sabotage, it does speak to a mindset that could do you in later. Learning to accept help is a pillar of successful aging. Plus those few dollars add up, so why not say yes when the movie ticket seller asks if you want to a senior discount?

Not embracing the sharing culture.
Peer-to-peer services may be the millennials’ greatest gift to our culture. But some boomers just haven’t gotten the memo; they remain distrustful of sharing. It’s a shame, actually. Sharing is how people are now able to afford travel. They house-swap, rent rooms in strangers’ private homes, rent out people’s apartments for short-term stays. There are many social sites that will connect travelers — especially those going solo — to help them save money. Sites like Couchsurfing and Airbnb have led the way. The biggest attraction of these arrangements is that rates tend to be far below what area hotels charge. Some landlords even throw in a ride from/to the airport.

Hubber has been challenging the traditional car rental model by matching up privately owned cars with vacationers. If you know you are going out of town for a week, it will match you up with someone visiting your city who wants to rent your car. It’s cheaper for them and extra money for you.

Sharing a car with another family also makes sense in some circles. If your car sits unused for days, consider sharing it with the people next door. Or forgo car ownership altogether and consider a service like Zipcar, which lets you rent a car by the hour or day as you need it and then drop it off in a reserved parking spot. No car payments and the price of gas and insurance is included. You won’t be paying for watching your car in the driveway. Rates in Los Angeles start at $9 an hour after initial one-time set up costs of about $100.

Not seeing untapped income prospects right under your nose.
If your grown kids are out of the house, why are you still keeping their bedrooms empty? Renting to a local college student or new-to-the-area job transfer could put a little extra cash in your kitty. It might even be nice to have someone in the house with you again if you’re by your lonesome. A guest house that gets used once or twice a year is a waste of potential income. If you don’t want a permanent tenant but are willing to deal with someone once a month, try listing it on AirBnB.

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Sep 24

3 Ways To Energize Your Job Search And Get Hired Now!

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Many job-seekers don’t realize there is a seasonal aspect to the job hunt. The good news is that early fall is one of the two best times of year to look for work. Just like the school year begins anew, organizations gear up after the summer slowdown.

Companies need employees and contract workers to carry out their upcoming projects and initiatives. They make plans, allocate funds and begin to interview more actively. Therefore now is the time to invigorate your search and sharpen your focus on your goals!

But what if you have been out there looking for a long time? What if your hopes have been dashed again and again? What if you are beginning to lose energy and confidence in yourself? No matter how difficult the process and negative your feelings, this is the time to re-energize your efforts.

The following are three ways to regain your focus, boost your morale and revitalize your momentum:

#1 Sharpen Your Skills
A surefire way to increase your confidence is to build upon your skill set. There are numerous low-fee and free websites that offer skills’ training that will strengthen your resume and give you that all-important competitive edge. Here are a few to get you started.

  • Lynda.com: For $25 a month, you will get unlimited access to close to 3,000 video courses (mainly business, technical and creative)

  • GCFlearnfree.org: Boasts more than 120 free tutorials and more than 1100 videos and interactive exercises in technology, math, ESL and more

  • Microsoft Office Training: Learn the MS Office Suite for free

  • OpenCulture.com: Links to scores of free, high quality training videos for both cultural and educational subjects

Take classes or workshops in your area of specialty. You will not only be reinforcing your skill set, you will have the added benefit of networking with your classmates and the instructor. Ask to meet briefly with him or her and begin the conversation with an open-ended question along the lines of, “I’m targeting positions in the field of XYZ. Do you have any advice or suggestions for me?” You are likely to get some useful information and, many times, even contact names that could prove extremely helpful.

#2 Find New Ways To Network
You already know that the vast majority of jobs are obtained through personal referral, yet there is an even more critical reason you should be out meeting people whenever possible. Isolation is the #1 killer of both your personal motivation and your chances for success. There are several ways to interact with others and each of them could payoff big time by providing you with valuable connections as well as an added boost of confidence.

  • Increase your presence at professional associations and groups relevant to your line of work. Attend meetings and group events with the goal to interact with people you haven’t yet met. The contacts you will make at these meetings are likely to have direct links to managers and other decision-makers in organizations that interest you. At a minimum, they could provide you with helpful, insider information and you may well gain access to leads in the hidden job market.

  • Join a job search group. These groups are helpful on three levels: job search tips, lead exchange, and emotional support. Many such groups meet on a regular basis where members promise to perform a number of job search activities. They are then obligated to report their progress at the following meeting. This provides an unbeatable combination of encouragement and accountability, and these factors will go a long way to keeping you motivated and moving forward.

  • Volunteer in a related field. The very act of serving others will raise your feelings of wellbeing and may lead to valuable connections and unexpected opportunities.

#3 Organize Your Search And Track Your Progress
To mount a successful campaign, you will need to ensure that you are on top of your game. Make certain that you return messages in a timely manner, follow up on your commitments, and keep information to and from your targeted companies in order. You can easily do this by purchasing a three-ring binder, printing out all of your correspondence and labeling it according to individual companies. You can also create a spreadsheet where you track and monitor your connections and commitments. Moreover, there are free online sites like Jibber-Jobber.com that will help you organize the various aspects of your search and keep them in one convenient location.

In addition to the various organizational tools, you will want to write out a list of daily and weekly goals. One of the most frustrating aspects of looking for work is the fact that you’re expending vast amounts of energy — generally without seeing an immediate return on your investment of time and effort. Therefore, even the simple process of keeping a checklist is important. Tracking how many face-to-face contacts, number of emails you send out, and the amount of phone calls you make each day will give you a sense that you are making progress.

So now is the time to build upon your skill set, grow your network and re-organize. When you energize your search, you are likely to find yourself landing a job or, at a minimum, actively interviewing. Therefore prepare to show yourself as the confident, can-do candidate you are and take full advantage of the early fall season and the opportunities that abound!

Mary Eileen Williams is a Nationally Board Certified Career Counselor with a Master’s Degree in Career Development and twenty years’ experience assisting midlife jobseekers to achieve satisfying careers. Her book, Land the Job You Love: 10 Surefire Strategies for Jobseekers Over 50, is a step-by-step guide that shows you how you can turn your age into an advantage and brand yourself for success. Updated in 2014, it’s packed with even more critical information aimed at providing mature applicants with the tools they need to gain the edge over the competition and successfully navigate the modern job market. Visit her website at Feisty Side of Fifty.com and celebrate your sassy side!

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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Sep 24

There's A Japanese Gadget That Magically Turns A Single Egg Into Pudding

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Instant pudding is seemingly the easiest fix when in need of a creamy dessert: Dump the powdered mixture into a bowl, whisk it with milk, refrigerate and serve. A Japanese kitchen gadget, called Okashina Tamago Mawashite Mawashite Marugoto Purin (or, Pudding Whole Turn Turn Funny Eggs), could make the process even simpler.

egg spinning toy

The egg spinner transforms a plain egg into purin, which is a Japanese flan-like custard. Purin is sold in plastic cups similar to the iconic American Snack Pack.

mmmjappuddin

You’ll need a bit of elbow grease to work this egg-spinning contraption. It functions sort of like a slot machine, except you cash out every time (and instead of coins, you win a custard egg). To start, secure a shelled, uncooked egg into the plastic encasing and then transfer it into the lever case. Spin the egg round and round by pulling on the lever for about two minutes.

Once the egg has been properly twirled, heat a pot of water to a boil and then turn it off. Sit the egg in the hot water for about half an hour. When the time’s up, you’ll have a little serving of custard cutely packaged in an egg shell.

The treat can be eaten plain or drizzled with caramel or fruity sauces for a bit of added sweetness.
custard egg

According to RocketNews24, the toy from Takara Tomy Arts is set to hit shelves on September 25. If you can’t wait to get your hands on it, or need pudding this instant, grab your spoon and try a couple of these:

[H/t: Rocket News 24]

Want to read more from HuffPost Taste? Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr.
Genius!

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Sep 24

13 Childhood Foods We're Glad We Never Have To Eat Again

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There are certain things that just taste like childhood. An orange creamsicle reminds you of sweaty summer days, where you chased down the ice cream truck. A perfect bolognese reminds you of mom’s home cooking. Or perhaps for you, it’s a piece of a certain kind of pie or cake.

While we miss our childhood (and having someone else cook for us), there are certain foods of years past that still bring back gag-worthy memories of trying to sneak food to the dog so we didn’t have to finish the horrors on our dinner plate. We asked our Facebook fans which childhood foods are still the stuff of nightmares for them. Here are just some of their answers. Try not to gag.

1. Creamed corn.
creamed corn
It has the consistency of vomit and looks like, well… Our readers called it “slimy.”

2. Mayo and bologna sandwiches.
mayo bologna Ick. “What was my mother thinking?” said reader Patti Elschen. Greasy mayo slathered on a slimy slab of lunch meat. By the time it made it to lunch after sitting in your bookbag for hours, it was a bit like eating a wet sponge.

3. Fish sticks.
fish sticks
Boy, were the pictures on boxes of frozen fish sticks misleading. They never turned out quite as browned and delightfully crispy as you would have hoped. Half the time mom didn’t even make them properly, and the outsides were crunchy, but the insides were cold and mushy. Ick again.

4. Liver and onions.
liver and onions
Perhaps the most hated of childhood foods, several dozen readers had something to say about this mothers’ favorite.

“I had to go to a friend’s house when my mom cooked it because just the smell alone made me sick!” said Becky Pulliam.

“My mom made me take three bites, and I would spit it into my napkin hoping she wouldn’t notice,” said Mindy Lyons.

5. Instant mac’n’cheese.
kraft mac
If the radioactive orange hue wasn’t enough to make you sick, the smell of powdered, processed cheese would surely do the trick. Never again.

6. Spam (and other canned meats).
spam
Squishy meat that seems not to ever lose its shape. ‘Nuff said.

7. Jell-O.
jello
This just reminds us of hospital food, wisdom teeth, and having our tonsils removed. Yuck.

8. Canned spaghetti and ravioli.
chef boyardee
Sure, the sauce tastes OK, but we shudder to think of what’s in the grayish colored mystery meat and soggy pasta. There are all sorts of reported findings, including mold and even spiders. We’re not taking any chances, here.

9. School lunch pizza.
school lunch pizza
Often served on Fridays as a “treat,” this horrific cafeteria food had such a bizarre plastic-y texture, we often bit into it and wondered if the lunch staff had accidentally heated it up with the cling wrap still on.

11. Tuna casserole.
tuna casserole
This might as well be called leftover casserole. We’re not sure who thought that mixing everything from cream of mushroom soup, to potato chips, to peas, with canned tuna would be a good idea.

12. Pot pies.
mini pot pie
This was OK once a year around the holidays, but any more than that made our tummies rumble. In a bad way.

13. Cottage cheese salad.
cottage cheese salad
Yep, it tastes as bad as it looks. One of our least favorite foods, paired with chunks of cottage cheese curds. If mom put this on the table, all we could wonder was what we did to deserve the punishment.

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Sep 24

5 Reasons Why You Should Talk About Sex In Your Online Dating Profile

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2014-09-16-45rs.jpg

So you’re a single midlife woman and you care about sex? Then say so in your online dating profile.

And no, I’m not just talking about women who are looking for casual fun, although that’s a perfectly acceptable choice. I’m talking about any sexually charged woman who believes that good sex is a vital component of a romantic relationship and doesn’t want to settle for anything less.

My opinion about sexual transparency is practically heresy in the heterosexual dating advice world, where women are routinely admonished for letting it be known that they like sex. Last week I read a piece written by a dating coach for the over-50 set. While I agreed with most of her advice, I bristled as she urged women to “leave sex out of your profile” because “it gives men the wrong impression and encourages those you aren’t interested in.”

My guess is that 99.9% of dating coaches would preach the same thing: if you appear sexual, men won’t respect you. AND you will attract men who are incapable of seeing women as anything more than penis receptacles. This kind of reductionist thinking is horribly unfair to both sexes and, IMHO, is one reason men and women don’t trust each other. Women are socialized to believe that men are jerks and men resent women scrutinizing them for covert jerkiness.

Where I do agree with dating coaches is on the importance of marketing. You have one shot — a fleeting shot, given the cyber candy store otherwise known as online dating — to make yourself stand out. But you don’t want to stand out to everyone; you just want to stand out to the type of person who shares your values — sexual and otherwise.

If you want to attract someone who values sex as much as you, you need to do the very thing you’ve been taught not to do: be transparent. I don’t mean that you should post wet t-shirt photos and boast of your deep-throating skills. And I certainly don’t mean that you should play down your intelligence, since the kind of man you most likely want to attract will also be turned on by your mind. But I do mean that if you miss having hot morning sex before your hot morning coffee, then go ahead and say that.

Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t play coy about sex in your online dating profile — and why you should play it up instead.

1. It’s unfair to men.

Are men really such savages that they can’t value a woman for more than the sum of her lady parts? Is it so hard to believe that many men are as turned on by a woman’s intelligence as they are by her body? Once you decide that all men are closet douchebags, this mindset will inform your interactions with them.

How would you feel if the men you were dating approached you with cynicism and disdain and made you jump through hoops before they’d have sex with you? If they telegraphed their distrust of all women and kept you guessing whether or not they were truly interested? If you’re like me, you’d be insulted, turned off, and ready to swipe left on Tinder.

2. Its unfair to women.

It’s not a woman’s job to police a man’s sexual behavior. It’s just not. Telling a woman that she has to present some sanitized version of femininity in order to find a healthy relationship is like telling her she shouldn’t wear short skirts if she doesn’t want to be raped.

Men need to be held accountable for their own behavior, and if women aren’t putting out till Date #10 for the sole reason that a dating coach told them 10 is the magic number, or if they’re assiduously avoiding the topic of sex, or if they’re afraid to show up to dinner in a clingy blouse because it will signal to their date that they’re “only good for one thing,” then men don’t have to own their choices. Because women are essentially telling them they can’t.

3. It encourages game-playing.

Bad things happen when adults aren’t up front about their sexual and relationship intentions. Women may pretend to be less sexual than they are for fear of not being taken seriously. They might also engage in hard-to-get games to “keep men interested.”

Men often pretend they want a relationship in order to get sex (because they’re taught they can’t say they want sex), spinning dreams of a rosy-hued future which will vanish once they realize the woman they’ve been making promises to expects them to be kept. Both genders invite bad behavior from each other in these scenarios and emerge with yet more “proof” that “women are crazy” and “men are assholes.”

4. It won’t keep you from falling for a douchebag.

A great guy didn’t suddenly morph into a douchebag because you talked about sex in your online profile; he was already a douchebag when he read it. You could have the most conventionally appropriate profile around and still attract a douchebag.

Example: back when I had a girl-next-door profile, I met a guy who parroted all the right lingo. He was “transparent” and “emotionally available” and “looking for a life partner.” He was also a master manipulator who conned me into thinking he loved me when he was only interested in having sex on his schedule, and sending me videos of himself masturbating multiple times a day. Since I’ve become intentionally sexually transparent in my dating profile, I haven’t met any douchebags. (Some flakes, yes, but no douchebags). Men like my profile because they know where they stand.

5. It discourages authenticity.

If it’s okay to talk about your job, your boat, your dog, and your kids, why then, can’t you talk about sex? My marriage ended for many reasons, but sexual incompatibility was at the top of the list. The last thing I want, at 51, is another relationship in which I can’t be myself sexually — or to spend time with someone hoping that the sex will get better, then being disappointed when it doesn’t.

So why not be open about all this in my profile? If a grown man is going to lose respect for me because I’m transparent about sex, then he isn’t someone I want to be with anyway. And, frankly, he isn’t a grown-up.

Bottom line? If you want to write a sexually transparent profile, go for it. The guy (or guys) you’re meant to be with will appreciate it and you don’t need to be concerned about the other ones anyway. The danger with conventional dating advice — or any black-and-white perspective on love and sex — is that it makes women second-guess themselves and believe there’s only one right way to be.

When the only right way to be is the way that feels right for you.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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