Hasta La Gadget!

No I’m not recently single. Nor do I plan to be anytime soon. Heck, I just celebrated lucky #13 with my guy, which is like celebrating #26 in the heterosexual world. However, I deal in the dating world regularly because, for most of my clients — gay or straight — dating and finding love is a top priority. Whether it’s the desire to feel loved or to avoid loneliness, it seems everyone is on the hunt to find a compatible partner so that they can experience the joys and pains of coupledom.

The pursuit for companionship can go a variety of different ways, regardless of your sexual orientation. There’s the Hook-up route using apps like Tinder, Scruff, Dattch, Grinder, Pure, Growler and even the 3-way app, 3nder, for those seeking a little more adventure, fun and challenge along the way towards LOVE ROCKS.

Route #2 towards, “Shall we go steady,” are the friends make friends love life happen route. Come on, admit it! Who knows you better than your friends…kinda sorta. Often times it’s the “I have a great guy/gal you should meet,” that can lead to happily ever after or “I never want to talk to you, or that loser you set me up with that you swore was perfect with me, again!” Two strikes, your best friend and the schmuck they rode in with are both outta here!

Which now brings us to option/route #3 — online dating. Some consider this the last frontier before calling it quits on the dating scene, while others chant it up as the Holy Grail for finding the love that makes your groin tremble. Ok, Holy Grail is a ginormous stretch, but there are those in the dating world that swear that online dating gives them the best variety of possibilities, while affording them anonymity and being able to move at a pace they determine rather than being blindsided at a dinner party with the tried and oh so fake, “I’m so glad you’re both here. I’ve been dying to introduce the two of you!” Yeah right! That dinner party, happenstance meeting, was orchestrated so well it deserves a Tony Award. Any who…shall we move on?

Not a week goes by that I’m in the midst of a coaching session, and low and behold a client asks, “Where would you suggest I find people to date outside the bar?” Of Course, my first response is, “Outside the bar!” After the void of silence prevails while they try to catch up with my punch line, they realize that I’m saying, “Get out of the bars and into your life, and Mr. or Mrs. Right will find you and you will find them.” I know. Easy for me, Mr. 13 years and counting to say, but the truth is, you’ve got to spread your wings and try a little bit of everything. So here’s one suggestion I have — eHarmony’s Compatible Partners.

Of course before I could suggest this tool for gay dating to a client, I figured I better do my homework. So I dialed up eHarmony central and said, “Hey, I need the low down and you could use some referrals, so can we go out on a date?” Of course being a handsome, funny, highly aware, fun loving guy with a high does of family values, how could they resist turning me down. I had what they desired, and they had the goods that would enable me to support my clients and answer the question, “Where do I go to find like minded gays and lesbians to date?”

Now, I’m not going to say that I think that Compatible Partners is the BOMB, the SECRET, the ANSWER to all your dating woe’s, however I think it is an option for the person who is ready to do some dating, digging and put themselves out there. However, here are my first words of caution…Garbage In, Garbage Out.

Once you sign-up at Compatible Partners, a very quick and easy process, you’re then guided through a detailed series of personality profile questions, with more to follow once you’ve completed the initial sign-up. My profile currently sits at 30 percent complete, which means I still have 70 percent more data I could provide to increase my chances of landing a man if I was looking to tell my partner/soon to be husband to hit the road. If you’re in a rush to jump on the dating pony, be forewarned, the initial profile step will require a minimum of 30 minutes to complete and is the kingpin of the eHarmony algorithms for sending your Knight or Knightess in shining armor riding into your life. In other words, if you’re coming to Compatible Partners in the hopes of a quick hookup, go back to Craigslist. It might be as time consuming as completing this personality profile, but you’ll likely get the booty call you’re after quicker. Compatible Partners is for the relationship oriented gay and lesbian, not the one’s whose first question is “Are you more of an oral bottom or versatile top?”

Now here’s one little notable tidbit that I don’t want to prevent you from giving Compatible Partners a try. Their profiling system is based on eHarmony’s patented Compatibility Matching System® that was developed on the basis of research involving married heterosexual couples. The Company has not conducted similar research on same-sex relationships. Not surprising given the fact that a) married homosexuals are still a novelty in this day and age and probably don’t want to be research objects, b) gays tend to tell it like it is and would probably skew the heterosexual stats and c) at least most gay men I know would have to talk to their therapist, life coach, stylist and spiritual guide before they could participate in this type of research. Thus the reason, eHarmony is using what they know works, at least for now, to help those of you in the gay dating and lesbian dating worlds find love, love, love.

As I confessed earlier, I did set up a profile, please don’t tell my partner, in order for me to give Compatible partners a little ride around the block. First, I was shocked at how quickly I got matches with only 30 percent of my profile complete. I was even more shocked that of the 26 I received, right out the gate, 14 of them on first glance — you know the visual approval thingy based on their photos — were guys that if I were single, I’d be wearing my little digits out, typing them “Hello, nice to meet you,” messages. The others didn’t make the cut either because their profile has the standard “no photo” uploaded icon, they’re using a picture of palm trees on a beach (yes one of the guys thinks I want to date a palm tree) and the rest, well, they just didn’t catch my eye so I defaulted to judging a book by it’s cover. Shame on me for being human!

Overall I like Compatible Partners for the following reasons.

• People who are on the site appear to be looking for more than the average booty call.

• The variety of options to really paint a picture of you is pretty robust.

• Navigation of the site is easy, and updating information is not cumbersome.

• Overall the site isn’t cluttered with a lot of unnecessary bells and whistles except the whistles from those who are your matches.

• You have the flexibility to provide as much or as little information as you desire. There is a minimum amount of information required to get the ball rolling.

The downside to Compatible Partners is…

• Search, find and exploring their 1M plus database is not possible. You get what you get matched with…period!

• A lot of time gets invested setting up a profile only to find that to review the matches you receive — see their pictures, learn more about them — requires an upgrade to a paid account. Totally understand the reasoning, but it’s not spelled out in advance that the minimum 30 minutes you’ll invest to see your compatible partner also requires investing cold hard cash to see more of them. What fun is it to be a voyeur if you can’t even see a picture.

• You’re in control, but not. We’re kind of back to the garbage in, garbage out scenario. Depending upon how you answer the profiling questions determines the resulting matches — so in other words you’re in control provided you put good garbage in. Where you lose control is once those answers have gone into the nether regions of Compatible Partners algorithms, you’re at the mercy of the heterosexual based research algorithms to produce you a prince charming or luscious lesbian of your dreams.

• Pricing for this service could be a little high for the average Joe and Joan.59.95 for one month, 40.95 per month for 6 months and 10.95 per month for 24 months. However, I think it all comes down to what you’re willing to invest to find love and create happiness. While most gay dating apps are free, most are also focused on the “O” moment and then the door slams as your hookup shouts, “Next!”

So, just what does this happily coupled, soon to be married, life strategist think overall about Compatible Partners? On a scale of 1 – 5, I give it a 3.9. It misses a solid 4 because of the pricing, and the inability to search profiles. It gets a solid 3.9 for its usability, awesome profiling and technology under wire that helps it stand out in the crowd of gay dating sites.

What would success be without failure? Without struggles we would never learn. It has taken me a long time to fully grasp this mentality, and some days it still feels very far away. Just as looks can be deceiving, so can success. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, success is not a final destination. It is a journey that we each must take. Part of the journey involves inevitable “failures,” or at the very least a little baptism by fire. The gift of failure is learning how to navigate through any future difficulties.

I grew up in a chaotic environment that often times hindered my ability to stay focused in school. After barely surviving high school, college was at best an afterthought. With school not seeming to be my strong suit, success in a “real career” still seemed like that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: enchanting and enticing, but forever unattainable. After high school I decided to move out to Colorado where I could do what I loved while I was working. Snowboarding saved my life in so many ways. Snowboarding gave me work, it gave me confidence, and it brought me pure joy and peace. Snowboarding had always been my passion, but for three years it became the sole focus of my life when I was invited onto an Olympic feeder team.

Advancing through the levels of snowboarding, I was able to redefine myself and find new talents to focus on. I traveled. I made new friends and slowly began to feel capable of reaching for my dreams. I felt my self-imposed limits start to melt away as I used every opportunity that crossed my path as a way to reinvent myself.

After the team, my next goal was to finally finish college. For years I had been struggling with my desire to attend art school.  Was this a cop out? Would art school be perceived as “good enough” by those around me?  I knew this was my dream, and with a new-found courage, I applied to the school of my dreams. I was excited to tell my supportive friends and family after months of preparing my portfolio that I had been accepted.

I decided to leave competitive snowboarding for good and moved to New York. I dove into school that fall semester with six classes.  Before long, I found my confidence dissolving.  Each new assignment brought more doubt and an increased sense of being entirely overwhelmed. Being accepted to Parsons was a dream come true, but in the beginning there were days where I was paralyzed by the conviction of impending failure. There were days I left class wondering if success in this school required some natural talent I did not possess. During those first few weeks I realized my greatest struggle in school, and coincidentally on the Olympic feeder team, had nothing to do with what I was actually capable of, but what I thought I was capable of.

It did not matter what career path I chose, because if I was still giving power to my negative self-talk and self-doubt how could anything change, including me? Being able to embrace your greatest dreams, means you will eventually have to conquer your greatest fears. I can no longer give into those fears, because they are the chains that can keep me from true success. I have realized that as soon as I bow down to fear of failure, I am automatically agreeing that I am not capable of my own vision. I am discounting my own truth and dismissing my own authenticity.

As a communication design student, I have learned some important lessons regarding communication and success. Both are intensely personal and lend themselves to a lifetime of evolution. Each new challenge brings with it a life lesson. Creative projects can quickly become overwhelming when you become your own worst critic. When self-doubt takes over, the struggle begins to feel insurmountable. There is truly nothing to be gained from self-abuse. In order to break this cycle I have been forced to learn the art of being honest yet kind with myself. We need not put ourselves down when fear rears its ugly head. Thoughts have power. They will either bring you closer to your goals or push you farther away. What you hear, from yourself and others, often times becomes your truth.

Snowboarding provided me with a team of people who truly believed in me. That was where I began to believe in myself. Their kind words gently nudged me towards the person I am today. I have learned that no matter what your story is, where you have come from, or what you have gone through, there is a reason for all of it. I have looked back over the years and wondered why I sometimes failed to deliver kind words to myself when so many others were cheering me on. Believing in my abilities is an integral part of obtaining true success. Without believing in myself, I can never reach the fruition of my own potential. I am convinced there is no greater gift we can give ourselves than to go after our goals with the belief that we can and will succeed.

Speech Professor Tammy Voigt is a favorite among students at Indiana University Southeast. With a rare 5.0 score on RateMyProfessors.com, it’s no wonder undergrads flock to her classes, but even this veteran instructor can still be surprised by her students now and then.

Junior level speech class, SP 324 — Persuasion, has always opened with a warm-up speech. The goal for this assignment is for students to use the persuasive techniques that come naturally to them prior to diving into a curriculum of theory and techniques to identify where they could improve their rhetorical skills. In the past, these speeches were hypothetical in nature (“What would you do with a million dollars?”), which never seemed to be fully effective — students were not personally invested in the process (beyond a letter grade), nor did it feel “real” to them.

So this year, Professor Voigt asked each student to bring in one dollar, which was put into an envelope, then she added a few bucks to round up to $25. This time, it was real money — their money — on the table. The assignment was for each student to present a persuasive discourse about why he or she deserved the cash, with the class voting and the winning speaker getting it all (and no, no one was allowed to vote for themselves).

Speeches ranged from donuts for the whole class to down payments on engagement rings to pet supplies for a special dog. There were several students who opted to request support for philanthropic causes via sending a $25 check — which was nice to hear, but still didn’t win over the class.

Enter Jonathan Ham, Senior Communication Studies major. He persuaded students to give him the cash to help the homeless — not by sending a check, but by personal action. He even gave his classmates a choice: if he won the money, he could spend all $25 on one homeless person, or spread it around. He promised to video his experience and share it with the class.

Needless to say, he won the $25 and his classmates overwhelmingly agreed that he should spread the $25 around.

Jonathan took his cash, visited McDonald’s, ordered sandwiches from the Dollar Menu, paired each sandwich with a bottle of water (donated by Professor Voigt) and hit the streets in the Louisville/Southern Indiana area, offering a meal to any homeless person he and his friend Lily encountered.

When he was finished, he crafted a video of his day, including a personal “thank you” to each of his classmates in the piece. He shared the video with the class on Wednesday, September 24.

They were overwhelmed at what an impact $25 had that day. Students watched as one of their own left his comfort zone to literally get out there and make a difference. Some realized that their work in college often goes beyond “getting the grade” — as it should.

For Professor Voigt’s part, she’s happy to have turned what was always a simple classroom exercise into a powerful lesson about having a vision and persuading others to see it, and join the fight. “I feel certain that my students left that classroom understanding that fixing the problems of this world can often start with us — and a dollar bill.”

Can’t wait to see what happens next year.

***

This article was originally published on SpeakHappiness.com.

Valerie Alexander is the author of Happiness as a Second Language, a #1 Seller on Amazon in both the Happiness and Self-Help categories, and the forthcoming book, Success as a Second Language: A Guidebook for Defining and Achieving Personal Success, to be published October, 2014. She runs workshops and seminars for companies and organizations seeking to maximize their results by making happiness a priority, and for women seeking greater success in the workplace.

For more from Valerie, please follow Speak Happiness on Facebook and join the SpeakHappiness mailing list, where you’ll get two free Happiness Workbooks. For more by Valerie on Huffington Post, click here.

Privacy advocates who have never been too satisfied with Facebook’s data use policies have yet another reason to lash out at the world’s largest social network. It is going to reintroduce an ad platform which is going to allow advertisers to buy ads on third party websites and apps through Facebook, using the social network’s targeting data. In simple words this means that ads displayed on other websites will be targeted at users based on Facebook’s data.

Facebook will be reintroducing Atlas, an ad platform that it purchased from Microsoft last year. Not only will the platform allow marketers to see how their ads are performing across the web, it will also allow them to purchase ads on third party websites using targeting data from Facebook.

The social network has said that it has a lot of partners lined up that will be using this platform, naming Omnicom, which is a huge ad holding company and will be buying ads through Atlas. Instagram will also work with this platform.

Facebook doesn’t want you to be too concerned about the privacy implications here. it says that users’ identity will remain anonymous as advertisers and publishers won’t be able to see it, and that only a few basic factors will be visible based on which ads will be targeted.

Facebook To Use Its Data For Ads On Third Party Sites

, original content from Ubergizmo. Read our Copyrights and terms of use.

With the iPhone 6 and #bendgate, Samsung was quick to take a few jabs. All in jest, typically, but they may have set themselves yourself up for backlash. Samsung’s Note 4, an iPhone 6 Plus competitor, seems to be compromised, right out of the box, with a screen that doesn’t meet the bezel surrounding it, leaving a noticeable gap. The device, … Continue reading