Hasta La Gadget!

In life you may come across a strong, bold, beautiful and courageous woman. One who inspires, motivates and has a zeal for life. These three extraordinary women are inspiring to me, women in general and to breast cancer patients/survivors. In the midst of their darkest hours, these women decided to opt for a fighter mentality instead of a defeated one. To them, life was worth fighting for, as it’s a precious gift from God. Each survivor will share their story, key survival mechanisms, what they are up to in the world today, and will end with some words of encouragement. Meet Bershan Shaw, Robin Devonish Scott and Taneeka Brown.

Bershan Shaw

Her Story:

In 2007 at just 33 years old, Bershan’s dreams were abruptly eclipsed by the cold, hard reality of 1.2 cm tumors, endless visits to oncologists and having to face her own mortality at a young age. Bershan decided to face her illness head on, with a positive spirit, and with support from her family and her husband. To protect herself from infertility, she opted for radiation treatment instead of chemotherapy. All was well for a short while, but two years the cancer returned. Two weeks before her wedding, her doctors gave the bleak diagnosis: stage four breast cancer with six to nine months left to live. It appeared her fight was over.

The warrior in Bershan had been tested many times in her 33 years. But when she was told her cancer was unbeatable, and it was time to set her affairs in order, the warrior inside her rose up to meet the impossible with a spirit of hopeful defiance. Bershan leveled a steady gaze at her team of grieving oncologists and replied, “This is not my life. I will not die, because I was meant for more.” True to her word, Bershan has done much more. Rather than living in the shadow of a stage four cancer diagnoses, Bershan chose to work tirelessly on her mental, physical and spiritual health. Seven years later, she is cancer-free (no evidence of disease).

3 Survival Mechanisms:

Prayer. “God is my all in all. I got on my knees and prayed if God keeps me alive then he could use me as a vessel to help millions.”

Positive affirmations. “I say positive affirmations everyday nine times a day because it sticks in your head. Endless good comes to me in endless ways.”

Eating healthy and exercising. “You have to eat healthy and take control of your mind and body. I changed my thoughts and attitude, which changed my life. Change your diet and make changes for the better because your body is your temple.”

Her life today:

Bershan is a life coach, author and motivational speaker. Determined to be a blessing to others, she started a unique social network support site, URAWarrior.com. The site offers those struggling with life altering issues a safe, supportive place where they can find connection, comfort, inspiration, and above all, hope for a brighter tomorrow. Bershan is also the author of URAWARRIOR 365 Ways to Challenge You to a Better Life.

Words of encouragement:

Embrace your warrior spirit and “step into your greatness” and turn your pain into your purpose. Live life with no regrets because when you’re done, you’re done.

Robin Devonish Scott

Her Story:

One day Robin felt a lump in her breast and arm pit, but she just associated with her menstrual cycle. After a series of examinations, Robin was diagnosed with stage IIB cancer in 2009. After hearing these three words from her doctor “you have cancer,” Robin immediately started to cry uncontrollably as her husband Rory comforted her. Robin went through chemotherapy for six months, and radiation for seven weeks. During the times she experienced physical weakness, and the loss of her hair, she realized her circumstance changed her views and thoughts on life (for the better of course). She began to experience life through a different lens, becoming more empathetic and more spiritually in tune. The support of her friends, husband and church family kept her going during this difficult time.

Most importantly, she learned the importance of being humble. She stated, “Cancer has a funny way of stripping and humbling you in ways not otherwise imagined.” She has been breast cancer free since her initial diagnosis in 2009.

3 Survival Mechanisms:

Focus on what’s important. A lot of what we think and do is really not as important as living a life of purpose that is designed by God.

Learn to let things and people go. Learn to release the hurt and the people that have hurt you. Most people don’t know they have hurt you so just let go, heal from it and move on.

Prayer. Prayer is talking; prayer is purging; prayer is cleansing; prayer allows you to forgive; prayer allows you to obtain mercy; prayer is surrender; prayer is rejoicing; prayer is crying; but most of all, prayer is so necessary.

Her life today:

Robin is a coach and the Self Publishing Maven who helps her clients share and publish their stories. She also has a book “The Gift of Cancer” scheduled to be released on December 8, 2004. She hopes to leave a legacy of books and information for people to glean from, for decades to come.

Words of encouragement:

There is nothing like the possibility of death to make you know what you want to do in life. Don’t wait until death is knocking to choose life. Choose it now and make the decision to live, in passion, on purpose and with a sense of urgency.

Taneeka Brown

Her Story:

In April 2007 she felt a lump in her right breast. At the time she was in between jobs, experienced an insurance lapse, and didn’t know when the next one would begin. This was a terrifying time for her. Soon after she landed a temp job, and within 3-4 weeks her employer offered her a permanent position with insurance. Although she was afraid to get a mammogram, she kept a positive mindset and went anyway. After her examination, her doctor told her that she had stage 2 breast cancer. All she could ask her doctor at that point was, “Am I going to live?” and “What do I tell my kids?” After her appointment she remembers driving to her kid’s school to pick them up and thinking she couldn’t look at them, because she knew what they were about to face.

Long story short, the cancer over seven years advanced to stage 4 and has metastasized to her brain, lungs, kidney, liver, back, neck, and chest wall. She’s had multiple surgeries bi-lateral mastectomy, 10-hour breast reconstruction, hysterectomy, and a brain tumor removal. She endured three bouts of radiation, one to the brain, breast, and chest wall. To her friends and family Taneeka is considered a true survivor, although her cancer isn’t completely gone. She has been an inspiration to many as she has fought tenaciously for her life. There were times when the results looked grimed, but she fought to stay alive to raise her three children. To this day, doctors are shocked she is still alive.

3 Survival Mechanisms:

Prayer. Taneeka attributes her presence on earth today by the doing of God. She prays, reads the bible and attends church.

Speaking. She speaks at various breast cancer events sharing her story and testimony with breast cancer patients, which is therapeutic for her.

Creative outlets. Taneeka has always been a creative. She decided to start her own jewelry and shoes line.

Her life today:

Taneeka, along with her son John Cunningham Jr., started a non-profit called All So Pink, where breast cancer patients can craft and sell their creations. She is also a great mom and role model to her three children. They live in Orlando, Florida.

Words of encouragement:

Put your faith in God! He made a miracle out of my circumstance and can do the same for you.

I was moved to showcase these women in hopes that women would draw strength, courage, and hope from these stories. And to keep in mind that when your circumstance looks grim, keep a positive mindset, embrace the love and support from friends and family, and allow your faith to carry you through.

Please show your love and support for these women by commenting below.

Vanessa Cunningham is a Huffington Post contributor, nutrition & wellness expert of Unhealthy No More, Inc., best selling author, writer and speaker. She helps busy professionals reduce stress, banish unhealthy cravings, lose weight and increase their energy levels. She has also been featured on CNN iReport, Black Enterprise, Essence, MommyNoire, Everything Girls Love and MindBodyGreen. Head on over to her website to get your FREE gift “10 Ways to Live a Happy and Healthy Life.”

As someone who is always on some type of “diet” or structured nutrition plan, more often than not I hear all types of snarky remarks and unprovoked comments about my food choices. While I am not someone who takes much offense or is easily swayed by comments or suggestions, I know that there are others who fall into cravings and lose their control once you push their low-carb buttons enough. With the holidays approaching, that also means the start of diet season is right around the corner. So rather than making a few enemies this year, here are a few things you should probably avoid or stop saying to people who are on a diet.

1. “One bite won’t hurt.”
Sure, one bite is not going to add 10 pounds to your thighs, but for some people, one bit leads to another, and more cravings and total loss of control, which eventually… can equal 10 pounds. Many people who are on a diet simply avoid trigger foods like sweets or sodas because they know they will spiral out of control. So if someone says “no thanks,” try not to peer pressure them into that bite of cake.

2. “That looks disgusting.”
Since when did it become okay to comment on the looks of other people’s food in a negative way? Okay, so maybe the tilapia and broccoli that someone is eating is not your first choice, but that does not mean that you are being forced to eat it and it also does not give you reason to voice your opinion on it. I don’t need to feel self-conscious about my food. Just as someone who is on a diet does not comment on the looks and smells from your pizza and double-bacon burrito diet, you should probably not comment on theirs.

3. “You don’t even have to lose weight, why are you on a diet?”
Many people only associate being on a diet with a goal for weight loss, but that is not always the case. Some people also start diets when they are trying to become healthier or change their body composition either by gaining weight, adding muscle or dropping off body fat. Rather than eating anything and everything in sight to pack on the extra pounds, some people are meticulous about their approach to changing body composition and have a structure diet or nutrition plan that they follow.

4. “When will you eat normal again?”
For some people, when they are starting some type of diet, it is also accompanied by a lifestyle change that is long-term. Sure there are those who diet for specific events (weddings, photo shoots, summer time, vacations, competitions, etc.), but many find that they actually feel better and more energized from a healthier diet. Sure, they may become more relaxed in their diet over time, but for many they will continue to incorporate the healthy habits they learned from being on a diet (food portions, calorie intake, healthy substitutions etc.) into their new “normal” routine.

5. “I can’t believe you are going to eat that. Aren’t you on a diet?”
Just because someone is on a diet does not mean that they cannot give in to some indulgences. Doing so actually helps dieters adhere to their overall diet plan long-term. Most dieters will plan a night out or have a meal that they can enjoy without worrying about calories, fat or sugar. In a dieters mind, having the planned reward or cheat meal for sticking to their plan all week will allow them to get a taste of what they have been craving without going into an all-out binge which will throw everything off in the long run. So don’t rain on a dieter’s parade by making them feel guilty for trying to enjoy a little planned treat.

With these five “what not to say” tips, you are more likely to keep your dieting friends happy all diet season long. Sure. Sometimes the comments are not meant to be hurtful or to criticize, but we all can blow things out of proportion a bit, especially you low-carb folks! If you are or have ever been on some type of diet or meal plan, please share the comments and questions you tend to receive from your experience below.

GOLF may be just a game for many, but for Jarrod Lyle it means much more.

Whether we wear pink, yellow or any color, no matter what our cancer story is, we are all part of the same fight for ourselves and those we care about. I want to believe we share the same goal: to end every form of cancer and eliminate pain from our loved ones.

At the October 2014 Frys.com PGA Golf tournament in Napa, California, I spotted a golfer wearing a yellow floppy hat approaching the 17th hole. This golfer, along with his followers, was wearing yellow, and they stood out. My curiosity was peeked and wanted to know who they were and why they were wearing yellow. The brief story I heard was 33-year-old Jarrod Lyle, Australian PGA professional golfer, is a two-time leukemia fighter and survivor, Leuk the yellow duck is his mascot, and is back on tour to achieve his PGA status again. This story tugged at my heart because leukemia is a form of cancer that tried to attack my own father’s life a few years ago, but together our family fought, won and happy to say he is cancer free and living life to his fullest.

Drawn to know about Jarrod’s journey, I searched for him after his round of golf to ask for an interview and possibly compare war stories. I connected that day in person and then by phone with Jarrod and his wife Briony after the Shriners golf tournament in Las Vegas and before they headed to Australia for more tournaments and the holidays. Their powerful story of love, strength and persistence inspires not only me, but others to never give up.

When Jarrod Lyle was 17 years old and diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, he recalled just being run down and thought it was just the flu. Up to that point in his life, whenever he heard of someone having cancer he associated it with death. That two-hour drive to the hospital for his first fight was a very quiet ride; he didn’t know what to think and didn’t speak at all. He said all he could think about was how to get rid of it, he didn’t want to die and he wanted to play more golf.

His attitude and willingness to fight gave him the strength he needed. He said I never gave up and when asked what words of inspiration he can give to children who are fighting leukemia, he said, “Kids still need to be kids and play and should not be treated differently. They want to feel normal and keeping them occupied will help them and the parents too.” His positive attitude kept him on track. “There were many bad days but I knew that would happen before the better days could come, so I just sat back and remained positive.” I asked, what is the most important advice he wants to share with everyone who is fighting cancer? He replied,

“It is simple. Three words: Never give up!”

He fought that first round of cancer but received another challenge in 2012 when he got the call from his doctor and heard the words: The cancer is back. This time he knew what that meant and the fight he had in front of him. This time, the strength that fueled him was the birth of his daughter, loving wife, and the desire to be around to be the best husband and father. Golf was most important to him for a long time, but he knows now, that family and health is most important and taking it day by day.

When asked about his golfing career and how this has affected his game of golf, he said that he would like to golf for a living and will do the best he can, and when there comes a time he can’t compete, he will reassess and it will be okay because he has the loving support of his wife and daughter. When asked how beating cancer twice defines him, he wasn’t sure. “I have been known as a golfer and now I seem to be known as the twice cancer survivor… and golfer. It’s okay to have that tag, and sometimes it is hard to get a grasp that I may be inspiring or helping people with my story.” It doesn’t affect his golf game when people talk about cancer on the course nor does it take him off track.

“If I can help people, I will,” he announced.

Not only is Jarrod the survivor in this fight, his wife Briony survived and supported her husband and she kept a positive “never give up” attitude as well. She was 8.5 months pregnant when Jarrod was diagnosed and his doctors wanted to immediately begin his chemotherapy treatment. It took days for Briony to convince her doctor to induce labor and Jarrod’s doctors to hold on until her daughter was born. If she had waited, Jarrod would not be able to be at the birth or hold the baby because of the toxin exposure produced by chemotherapy. She knew that Jarrod needed to be there to see Lusi born and draw in the strength he needed to get him through and to the other side of this fight. Briony’s persistence allowed Jarrod to be at the birth and hold little Lusi for many hours before his treatment began. Briony said that he would not let anyone else hold her and was a very special time for all of them.

Then came the cancer fight, and Briony put her shield on and their newborn was the distraction they both needed to get them through this. Had they not been blessed with this little angel, who knows what the outcome would have been? Briony believes that their daughter is the silver lining in this fight. Conceiving a child was the first blessing, because of Jarrod’s chemo intake; doctors suggested that he may be sterile. So the fact that they became pregnant came as a complete surprise and the timing of their first child came at the right time for Jarrod.

As Briony looks back, she didn’t have as much quality time with her newborn as they began the fight, but as time went on, it was the distraction and care giving of their baby that kept them both in the present and choose not to ponder on the day to day negative stuff of reading charts, researching, the what ifs, and dissecting lab reports. She said that we didn’t ignore the information; we just didn’t let it control us. Keeping all those medical reports aside and just focusing on the “what’s next,” kept her from being stressed and overwhelmed, and she is glad this is how she approached this fight, and having a bouncy little baby was just the right medicine.

When Lusi was around 1 year old, Briony shared that her emotional strength weakened and as she was able to finally take off her shield and breath in a sigh of relief, she also began feeling the loss of experiencing the birth of her child and her first year of life in a “normal way” and she knows she can’t get that year back, and is grateful for her own strength that helped Jarrod get through, fight and beat the cancer. Lusi is now 2.5 years old and she is the light in both their worlds. They see a new life through her eyes as she spends her favorite time on planting acorns that she finds at the many golf courses she spends time at.

Jarrod Lyle is a professional golfer, father, husband, friend, son, fighter, cancer survivor, and most importantly he is a man who sheds a tear easily, shares himself and his story so honestly and freely in the hope of helping another person. Jarrod, Briony, and Lusi Lyle’s story touches others, and it may not just be about GOLF the sport, but GOLF: Game of Leukemia Fight.

Jarrod and his wife Briony have documented their journey in their own words. They both share and support others by bringing awareness through their website for all to read and view. Take a visit: www.JarrodLylegolf.com

Everyone needs to feel appreciated on a regular basis. This stems from our very human need to know and feel that we’re doing a good job in life. It also stems from the fact that, as mammals, we have the need to bond with our parents, family and clan. Plus, a little recognition also prompts our brains to release the feel-good chemical dopamine.

However, while feeling appreciated is a healthy thing, feeling a need to seek out approval from people in our lives (your boss, spouse, parents, friends, neighbors, even your kids) is quite the opposite. Being addicted to such approval can cause you to miss opportunities and put your own dreams on hold all for the sake of being approved of, of being liked. And even if you get approval from outside of yourself, if you do not feel good about yourself, you will feel it is just a lie and still feel empty inside.

Wanting people to approve of you is very pervasive in our society. Most of us feel that without others approving of who we are and what we do, we have no value.

Are You Addicted to Approval?

How can you tell if you are truly addicted to seeking the approval of others? If you have several of these telltale signs you may be looking for love in the wrong places:

• You describe yourself as a “people pleaser.”
• Are you more interested with how many “friends” you have on Facebook than you actually have in your life?
• You will do anything your boss or spouse requests of you, even if it’s unreasonable or puts you under excessive pressure.
• You have trouble saying no to people.
• You measure your success based on what others think of you.
• You’ve taken on extra obligations at the request of others, only to feel resentful of them later.
• You have not gone after your dream of starting a business, being a singer, traveling the world, etc., because someone told you not to.
• You are not even sure what you want for yourself
• A lot of your free time is taken up fulfilling the needs of others (and rarely the needs of yourself).
• If you do something that someone doesn’t approve of, you feel very guilty

How to Stop Seeking Approval

The risk of being addicted to others’ approval is that you end up living your life for other people. You don’t feel free to pursue your own goals and dreams, and if you do, you feel guilty for it. But you deserve to live the life YOU want, and you don’t need anyone to approve of it but yourself.

If you allow yourself to truly look you will see that all your value comes from within. You can give yourself the approval directly that you are seeking from others.

Here is a simple process you can do to stop your habit of seeking approval where you will never truly find it.

Give this a try right now.

As you do this exploration, do your best to answer these questions with your heart instead of your head while avoiding over analyzing and debating about the right answer. Also, be as honest as you can with your responses. Often you will let go even if you say “no.”

Think of someone whose approval you would like and in this moment simply ask yourself:

1. Could I let go of wanting to get approval from this person?
2. Would I?
3. When?
4. Could I allow myself to give myself approval (love) directly, as best I can?

Each time you cycle through the above questions you will get some relief. Be patient with yourself and be persistent with this exploration and you will see results. If you apply yourself you can get to the point where you are no longer addicted to others approval — where you love and accept yourself exactly as you are.

Remember that you are the source of love and approval. You do not need to get it from others. You can let go of wanting others to approve of you just like you can let go of any other feeling, and you will feel whole and complete unto yourself.

Enjoy! Let me know how you do with this exploration.

Please comment below and share this with other people that you care about.

This post is based on the principles explored in his book The Sedona Method; Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success and Emotional Wellbeing, in his retreats and on Letting Go: The Sedona Method Movie. It is based on over three decades of experience with a simple, powerful, elegant and easy-to-learn technique that shows you how to tap your natural ability to let go instantaneously of any uncomfortable or unwanted feeling, thought or belief. For more information, visit www.Sedona.com.

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