Hasta La Gadget!

What would you say are the core skills of successful goal creation?

Here’s a shortlist based on the most common answers I hear from clients or in my workshops and seminars:

• Identifying what it is that you want
• Taking action in the direction of its creation
• Noticing the results you are getting
• Adapting your actions based on your results

So if you were doing all that, why might you still not reach your goals on schedule?

Recently, a friend was sharing his disappointment at failing to reach a career goal by a deadline he’d set when it dawned on me that he might be missing the point. He seemed to think the problem was either with him (he hadn’t tried hard enough) or possibly the universe (it was out to get him that week). What hadn’t occurred to him is that you can have a great strategy, take inspired, effective action, have all the stars aligned in your favor, and still fail to reach your goals in the time frame you’ve created because of one hidden factor.

I call it “hidden” because before I heard my mentor George Pransky talk about it in a coaching session, I had never once given it a moment’s thought. And since that time, I’ve never heard anyone else talk about it either.

The reason a lot of people fail to reach their goals in the time frame they’ve set is simply this:

Most of us aren’t very good at predicting how long things are going to take.

In other words, if you want to lose 30 pounds in three months and 90 days later you’ve only lost 15 pounds, did you “fail” because you didn’t try hard enough, because your metabolism was working against you, or because it turns out that in this instance, 90 days wasn’t a long enough time frame to reach that goal given your strategy and what you were willing and able to do?

Or say you want to earn an extra $5,000 this month, but at the end of the month you haven’t earned a penny. Was it poor planning? Poor execution? Or if you look at it objectively, are you on track to earn your extra $5,000 but it’s going to take three months instead of the one you made up it should take?

Once George pointed out this “hidden factor” to me, I began to see it everywhere. Actors who give up on their dreams after not becoming stars in their first few months in Hollywood. Coaches who can’t understand why they’re not making six figure incomes in their first two years in the business. Employees who aren’t getting promoted on their time schedule and entrepreneurs who think if the world hasn’t beaten a path to their door the day they opened it they must be doing something wrong.

Are their times where your lack of results in a time frame indicate that a change of strategy, direction, or even career might be in order?

Of course there are.

But if the people whose opinion you respect (you do have coaches and advisers and mentors don’t you?) agree that you’re on the right track, the only thing that might be holding you back is an inability to predict how long something is going to take.

And there are three ways to address that:

1. Stop turning your goals into ultimatums:
Here’s how I put it in one of my early books:

“Some people have learned to live by keeping themselves under the constant threat of poverty, abandonment, and self-hatred if they don’t perform up to whatever standard they have decided upon. The problem with this motivational strategy is simple: If you keep putting a gun to your head, at some point you’re going to want to pull the trigger.”

Your goals are not the answer to your prayers and they’re not the things that will set you free. They’re just targets to aim for and organizing principles for your actions, generally based on a best guess at what you’ll enjoy doing, being, or having at some point in the future. Turning them into more than that just makes it harder to find out if you’re as bad at predicting future happiness as you are at predicting time frames.

2. Set a completely unrealistic time frame:
This is one of the bases for the Creating the Impossible challenges that I run from time to time — when you set a time frame so short for a goal so big that “success” would be almost completely impossible, people curiously feel more able to just go for it and get involved in creation without worrying so much about whether or not “It’s going to work.”

That’s why one of my favorite “unsticking” moves when I can’t make progress on a goal is to double my target and halve the time I have available. Because I know I’m almost certainly not going to make it, I take the false deadline pressure off my mind and free myself up for more fun and creative thinking. And because I’m now just playing a game (double the target in half the time), I often come up with unique strategies that would never have occurred to me while trying to reach my more “realistic” target.

3. Navigate by joy:
One of the things I learned fairly early on in life is that the fastest way to future rewards is by following present joy. Even when that doesn’t seem to be true, acting from a centered, joyful place on a daily basis inside ensures that worst case, you are really enjoying your days. And if you’re really enjoying each day, how long it takes to get somewhere becomes a point of interest rather than a point of contention.

Have fun, learn heaps, and may all your success be fun!

with all my love,

For more by Michael Neill, click here.

The snow came on Wednesday and brought with it a bit of welcomed quiet on the streets of Ferguson, Missouri. Yet the very constant and often charged chatter in my newsfeeds remained as loud as ever.

At times like these, social media seems anything but social. That place where I go for mindless entertainment, to catch up on the lives of friends, to give my thumbs up for personal successes and birthdays and anniversaries, to commiserate about Taylor Swift’s 1989 album suddenly becoming the soundtrack to my daily goings-on thanks to my 9-year-old… that place has looked a lot different over the last week. And I don’t always like what I see.

St. Louis is my home, always has been. I do not live in the Ferguson area, but it is the place where my mom grew up, where I still have family and friends. Once upon a time, my husband and I were so charmed with the historic old houses and the sense of community that we considered living there. So it could have been my home. And even if it couldn’t have been, it is still a part of the city I love with a prideful fire. It is surreal to see it on this worldwide stage. Usually, the world pretty much ignores St. Louis, unless it’s the baseball post-season. Even then, it’s not like we’re the Yankees.

Every part of what is now just known as #Ferguson is a tragedy. Loss of life, loss of community, loss of businesses, loss of reputation, loss of faith. It has become something bigger than me, bigger than all of us, and represents many different struggles that I often sadly feel are so far from ever being resolved. All I have to do is look at any one of my social media feeds to have that sense of hopelessness driven home. So many people seem so sure about so many things, and so sure there is no room to consider alternatives. Too many people are using blatant, disgusting and unapologetic tongues of hate. Yet there are just as many people speaking under the guise of progress and righteousness whose underlying messages are no better. Both kinds incite anger, obstinance, and widen the divide.

And then there are those who are quiet. I wonder most about those who are quiet. Some may accuse them of being too cowardly to speak out…or not willing to stir a pot that needs to be stirred…or guilty of that horrid disease known as apathy. Make a difference, silent ones. Choose a side.

But then I wonder, what if we were all quiet? Not forever. Just for a moment. Long enough to take it all in. Long in enough to block out what everyone else is saying, and simply listen to ourselves. Long enough to consider things another way, without the fear of being judged, or accused of being a traitor, or having to do that awful thing of publicly swallowing our pride to admit someone else might be right.

It is what my friend, who is a social justice teacher, called the spirituality of silence; the idea that truth, understanding, and enlightenment come to us only when we can really quiet ourselves. For some, we are listening for God. For others, it may be whatever inner beliefs guide our sense of righteousness. And often, in that silence, we can find there are truths on all sides. Only in recognizing that can we then successfully work toward justice.

Once words are out there, they are out there forever. We live in a society that encourages, almost demands, immediate reactions. Thomas Merton, a 20th century Trappist monk, once wrote,

There are many declarations made only because we think other people are expecting us to make them. The silence of God should teach us when to speak and when not to speak. But we cannot bear the thought of that silence, lest it cost us the trust and respect of men.

This past week, I felt paralyzed by those expectations. Everyone is posting about it. I should be posting about it. Maybe people think I don’t care. Does my silence speak louder than any words I might say? But I don’t know what to post.

All I did know was that I felt a lot of uncertainty. What’s more, my immediate reaction after the announcement of the grand jury decision looked different than my reaction did the next morning, which looked different from my reaction the next day. Only in my silence could I really see that, understand why that was so, and figure out what that meant for going forward.

So I remain quiet. But please don’t mistake silence for apathy. I am listening. I am deciding what I can do to make things better. I may not have taken to my blog, or to Facebook, or to Twitter, like so many others. But I can tell you what I did do. I smiled at everyone I locked eyes with that day after the grand jury decision. I was more patient behind the wheel. I said thank you a whole lot more. Regardless of how I feel about the events in #Ferguson, I know things are broken in ways that seem too big for me to fix. But for now, I can do my part by being kind, by teaching my children to be kind, and by speaking the language of peace. Those things are contagious. We all know they are.

I will continue to be heartbroken that my city has become the poster-child-of-the-moment for so much of what is wrong with our country. But in my core, I know how many smiled back at me the other day. I see the countless stories of selfless people helping the city of Ferguson rebuild. I am aware there are good citizens organizing groups and coalitions to strengthen our communities and promote peace. I know that what they show on the television is not the whole story. For now, that has to be enough for me, regardless of what I read in my Facebook feed.

People like Jessica Townes and her kindness cards have to be enough for me as well. Jessica posted this on Facebook, and it made its way to me through a friend:

…for those of you looking for an action piece and don’t know where to start, consider any small act of kindness today. The city is hurting, and moreover, individual lives and struggles continue on. People still have to deal with sick parents, troubled children, job loss, and all of the other trials of daily life. Whether your act is directed at first responders or protestors or a random person on the street, there is little chance the recipient could not use a little extra kindness today.

However you feel about #Ferguson, maybe step away from your newsfeeds for awhile to do an act of kindness or two…and do it for someone unlikely, someone outside of your comfort zone.

After all, which of these things is more likely to inspire you to have faith in humanity: a 140 character tweet or a stranger paying for your coffee?

At some point, the snow is going to melt, and it will be left to all of us to create that sense of calm and peace.

•••

A special thanks to my friend John Powell, for teaching me about the spirituality of silence, and to Jessica Townes, for creating the kindness cards and allowing me to share them. You can visit them on their respective blogs, brokenfishblog and On This New Morning…

This post originally appeared on AreYouFinishedYet.com

Lessons are learned every day — or at least they should be. Whether positive or negative, life is full of daily experiences that change us and affect us. Living on an island in the Caribbean for two years has taught me many valuable lessons I may not have learned living Stateside. In case you aren’t currently basking in tropical sunshine like me, allow me to impart some of my newfound wisdom.

Beach View in Roatan, Honduras. Photo by Amanda Walkins

Lesson #1
Electricity is overrated. The thought of being without power for hours or days at a time probably would have shocked me before I lived here. Now that I’ve been through a few rainy seasons when power outages are fairly common, I can say from experience that living without power for extended periods of time is not going to kill you. Yes, I have all my electronics here: laptop, iPhone, Kindle, you name it. I’m not living off the grid. So when the power goes out and I have no internet and no means of “entertainment,” I suddenly remember what it is to just breathe. And relax. And hear nothing but the waves and the wind. And I remember that the world keeps spinning regardless of how much or little I do every hour. Power outages are excellent opportunities to disconnect and reflect. And you know what else happens when the power is off? You talk. You actually put the phone away and you talk to the person next to you. Without distractions. When is the last time you did that with any regularity? It’s a reality check.

Lesson #2
The Rolling Stones were right. “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.” Sometimes you go to the supermarket and there is no chicken, or bread, or milk, or tomatoes…or whatever it is that you wanted and intended to get. Sometimes you just can’t find that part to fix your kitchen appliance. Or that specific light bulb to fit into your favorite lamp. You can’t always find what you want on an island, but you can find the things you need. And you can get really creative in the process! New culinary concoctions are a favorite pastime here, or “kitchen-sink” meals. Buen provecho!

Lesson #3
You don’t need it. While I just told you about getting what you need, the definition of need has changed for many people. We often say that we need things, when in reality they are superfluous. “Needs” and “Wants” are entirely different, but they’re often intermixed and confused. You don’t need new clothes. You might want some, but unless your current clothes are literally falling apart at the seams, you are not in need. Stains happen, holes happen, and wearing the same thing several times a week is not a sign of impending doom. When you’re not inundated with commercials telling you what you’re lacking, you tend not to notice what you or anybody is else wearing. You also don’t notice what type of phone they have. Or whether or not they own a vehicle. While I can only speak for the expat community in my adopted island, we just don’t give a damn. We’ve adjusted to know that we might not find what we want, but we don’t need it anyway. That knowledge is incredibly liberating.

Lesson #4
Seasonal eating is always best. I used to live in Washington, DC where farmers’ markets were the norm, but I still had every type of food at my fingertips. On an island where shipments don’t always arrive, it’s best to rely on what’s locally available as much as possible. Eating seasonally is healthier, it’s cheaper, and it’s so much more exciting. Flavors are more vibrant and fruits are juicier. Nothing beats picking fresh cashew fruits off a tree to suck on their sweet nectar. Nothing beats eating fresh lobster tails just caught that day by local fishermen. The anticipation is palpable as new fruit seasons approach and different fishing seasons come up. When you drive around the island in early spring, keep the windows down to fill your car with the flowery scent of mango. It will fill your lungs with joy. Feel free to stop on the side of the road and snag one off the tree, too. Nobody will sue you, I promise.

Sunset over Half Moon Bay, Roatan. Photo by Amanda Walkins

Lesson #5
Time is a concept, not a dictator. “Island Time” is a real thing, but it should not be solely for islands. We love watching tourists adjust to relaxation over the week or two they spend here. You can see a physical change in people as they take the watch off, leave the phone in the hotel room, and forget about where they “have to be” or are “supposed to be.” Scheduling every minute of a day makes you ask where the years went. When the sun rises, a new day begins. When it sets, a new night begins. It’s as simple as that. The sun doesn’t live by the clock and you don’t need to either. That realization can change your entire life.

Lesson #6
As writer Karen Blixen (pen name Isak Dinesen) wrote,”I know the cure for everything: Salt water…in one form or another. Sweat, tears, or the salt sea.” There’s nothing that one or all of those can’t fix. Breathing in salt air daily is refreshing to the soul and reminds you that you’re alive. After breathing city air for several years, I think I’m gaining back time lost on my life by living on the beach now. The healing qualities of nature cannot be overrated.

Lesson #7
Nobody ever said, “I really regret that time I spent relaxing on the beach.” (Except for people who got really badly sunburned, but even that should be, “I really regret being lazy and not putting on sunscreen.” Just saying. It’s the tropics, people. If your pasty white skin hasn’t seen the light of day in a while, cover it up before we mistake you for a lobster…in which case, please refer back to eating seasonally and cross your fingers it isn’t lobster season.) Nobody regrets time they’ve spent enjoying life, time they’ve spent connecting with loved ones, or time they’ve spent unhurried and unburdened. Refer back to the lessons I’ve learned about island time, disconnecting to reconnect with people, and understanding needs versus wants. The world is going to keep spinning. What you do with your time on it will not change that fact. You can’t make it spin any faster or slower, so just enjoy the ride. I’m enjoying mine on a beach chair facing the endless sea. And I don’t regret any of it.

Amanda Walkins is a freelance writer currently based in Roatan, Honduras. She blogs about her accidental expat life at www.awalkontherun.com.

I can’t even begin to describe the range of emotions that I am feeling after all that has transpired in Ferguson, Missouri and across this country. I started the day on Monday really not paying attention to the news cycle, because working in the news, sometimes you just need a break, and I was on a break. I started to tune in once I was made aware that the Grand Jury in Ferguson had indeed reached a decision and that the decision would be revealed later in the evening. Initially, I wondered why the prosecutor’s office in St. Louis County would wait such a long time to deliver the decision. Everyone who hasn’t been living under a rock lately knows that much of the country has been watching this play out for the last four months. The country has heard in several media reports that Missouri’s Governor Jay Nixon had ordered the National Guard in the ready position. We also knew that schools had closed early for the Thanksgiving recess in anticipation for the announcement. We also knew that police around the St. Louis area were ready to help keep down the anticipation of violence had it broken out. I ‘m not sure if a day or nighttime announcement of that Grand Jury decision would have stopped what ensued on Monday night after Robert McCulloch read that the jurors decided there was no probable cause to indict Ferguson Police Office Darren Wilson for killing Michael Brown. With that said, nothing annoyed me more than the images that I watched play across my television screen; the rioting in Ferguson, the looting, the fires, the bricks being thrown through windows. If my memory serves me correctly it was Michael Brown, Sr.; the man who lost his son, the young 18-year-old who lay dead in the middle of a street for more than four hours, who called for peace and non-violence no matter the outcome. So why didn’t we all respect his wishes? As I have watched both Michael Brown, Sr. and Lesley McSpadden over the course of these months nothing has been clearer to me that they are people of grace and so much dignity. So again I ask why the rest of America couldn’t demonstrate that?

I’m mad as hell at the media coverage of the aftermath of the Grand Jury decision reading. I know that somewhere in the St. Louis area there was peaceful and non-violent protest happening. However, we didn’t see that because it wasn’t sexy enough. I’m mad as hell because as the President of the United States was speaking on every single channel playing his remarks we saw pictures of Ferguson, Missouri burning to the ground. These pictures were playing in a box right next to the first African-America President of the United States. The President, a man who represents progress in this country after its torrid history with race had to be heard while the country was reminded of what salvages people of color can be. I’m mad, as hell because no one but a small group of people realizes that race relations is serious problem in America. We as a country must address this issue and start to have real and honest conversations about how to tackle this extremely sensitive issue and move forward.

I’m mad as hell because so many people after the Grand Jury decision was revealed said they weren’t surprised or that they expected this outcome. My question, why weren’t you surprised that another young black man’s life was taken? On top of all of this, I read today about a black man in Columbia, South Carolina that was sentence to prison because he killed a police K9. I don’t know all of the circumstances of that case but if I were to look at the Michael Brown case next to this South Carolina case I would think that the dog’s life was more important than that of the black man. Which brings me to another reason why I’m mad as hell. I’m mad as hell because my young nephews have to grow up in a country where they have to continuously look over their shoulders because of the color of their skin. I’m mad as hell because people on certain news channels are looking to older civil rights leaders to invoke change when the change is going to come from the younger generations. I’m mad as hell because I want this country to be a place where everyone respects each other. I want this country to be a place we all can live without fear of each other.

I’m mad as hell because after watching Darren Wilson in his first television interview he let the world know that he would do everything the exact same way over and over again. I’m mad as hell because while Darren Wilson can tell his side of the story, Michael Brown cannot; he will never tell his side of the story and although the forensic evidence is suppose to do that for him even that was robbed of him in front of the Grand Jury. I’m mad as hell because Darren Wilson says he after everything that happened has a clear conscience. But Mr. Wilson, you shot and killed someone, even if you feel your killing was justified under the law, you took someone’s life and you can’t honest say that you are walking around with a clear head. I’m mad as hell that there’s this shoot-to-kill mentality of some police when it comes to young men of color. I’m mad as hell that in response to questions about feeling remorseful he simply continued to say he did his job that day. I’m mad as hell because I’m under the impression that a police officer’s job is to serve and protect and not to shoot and kill and unarmed teenager. I’m mad as hell because the finger pointing just hasn’t stopped. There has been blamed put on everyone from Al Sharpton to Jesse Jackson, to President Obama and Eric Holder. I’m mad as hell because a prosecutor’s job is to prosecute not to protect a criminal and having reviewed the Grand Jury documents myself it’s easy to feel the infliction and voices of the person just come off the page.

Now in order to move forward from the tragedy that happened to Michael Brown, we must be honest with ourselves. We have to first understand the wrongdoing from both sides. I want to state that Michael Brown by all accounts was no saint but in the same vain killing him was not the answer. Again, we must be honest about what actually took place in Ferguson, Missouri on August 9th, 2014. In order to move beyond this and move beyond this anger and protest we have to create some real and honest dialogue with each other. We must listen to each other and we must be willing to hear the difference within each other and seek common ground. We must stop the finger pointing because it gets us nowhere. If we want the change we seek we must all be willing to come to the table, sit and look at each other in the eyes and be willing to have and open and honest conversation about how we can all live and prosper in this country. In order to do that we have to understand that there is a clear divide of race in this country. We should all learn from history and make strides to be a better human race.

We’ve seen blacksmiths turn pieces of metal into a sword many times, but I bet you’ve never seen them create a weapon from something as tiny as a nail. Hey, mice need weapons too.

This is a fun video that shows Inspire to Make creating a tiny little sword. And before you laugh and say that it can’t hurt anyone, just remember that even needles can kill if inserted in the right area, and splinters hurt like hell. Size matters not.

It is a cute little weapon worthy of any small warrior who has the heart to wield it in battle.

[via Sploid via Nerd Approved]