Hasta La Gadget!

The original version of this article appeared in The Broke-Ass Bride.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, I found out that the current number of Mrs. Coopersmiths would soon be increased by one — my husband’s little brother got engaged. Yay! But then I looked at the calendar again and frowned. Two weeks before Thanksgiving. Seven weeks before New Years.

Here we go.

The best part of the holiday season is the number of chances you’ll have to spend time with your family and friends. And if you ever lacked attention from any of them, you are definitely going to get it now that you’re engaged:

“Oh my God, congratulations! When are you getting married?”
“You got engaged last Saturday? Did you find a dress, yet?”
“How many guests are you having?”
“My wedding was so stressful. If I had to do it all over again, I’d elope.”
“What are your colors? Do you have a Pinterest board?”
“Where are you getting married? All the good places book up fast, so you need to start looking now.”

Umm…

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is really happy and excited for you, and you need to remember that once you start contemplating murder. But, all of a sudden, they’re heavily invested in your wedding day, offering a stream of unsolicited advice, unsolicited opinions and a ton of questions that you don’t have any response to right now. You’re still startled every time your new shiny new ring slides into your peripheral vision, now you’re feeling insecure about how you’re going to pull this all off, anyway, especially since all the questions make it obvious that you don’t know what you’re doing, right? Weddings cost how much? And how do you start looking for a wedding venue that’s not even going to be available when you find it?

Get it done and why haven’t you found it and what are you waiting for and NOW. And there’s that pressure even if you’ve been planning for a while, too. That one question that will be asked over and over — “How’s the wedding going?” — can be a killer. “Well, how is it going?” you ask yourself, thinking about the open checklist boxes, the invitations you’re still trying to choose, the bridesmaid dresses that came in the wrong color, the DJ you haven’t booked… yet. Not so great, you’re thinking as you reply while smiling bravely, “We’re working on it.”

Another deep breath. The season of peace, love and joy starts with you, so give yourself a break, first of all! You don’t have to know all the answers right now, you don’t have to accomplish all the things before your Mom’s annual Yuletide bash. What you do need to do is give yourself credit for everything you’ve already done, even if that’s just finding the person you wanna hang out with for the rest of your life. Enjoy it. Bask, even. When you’re asked about the wheres and the whens and the whys? Shake your head, smile and repeat after me, “We haven’t decided any of that; we’re going to talk about it next month.” Full stop.

And if you’re not so new and a wedding check-up is requested, list everything you’ve already finished (because you are a rock star), and the one (choose ONE) thing you want to check off before the end of the year. If they ask about anything else, shrug and repeat after me, “Yeah, we’ll get that done after the holidays.” You got this far, so of course you will!

(Photo by Christopher Taylor)

I have recently fallen in love with the turtleneck. It’s a fairly new relationship, inspired by Nora Ephron. It elongates my neck, keeps me warm and has a simple elegance to it. It’s a perfect winter staple because you can wear it with anything- jeans, skirts, under button-ups or dresses- offering a myriad of versatile layering options. After all, that’s what winter dressing is really all about.

But, as well all know, it is the ones we love that always end up hurting us. The first sign, like a boyfriend with some major trust issues, is that it’s hard to get in. You have to really push!

Sometimes my favorite cotton black turtleneck and I fight. It forces me to squirm and pull and yank at a garment that I can’t go more than a few days without. The sleeves feel shorter, and it rides up too much, exposing my bare midriff. It closes in on my neck, leaving no room for escape. My hands ultimately come to the rescue, and try to stretch the seams until the claustrophobic feelings are relieved.

Dressing for winter means having to troubleshoot wardrobe malfunctions on a regular basis. If your turtleneck doesn’t go in for the kill, your scarf will. Sleeves and endless layers bunch up under bulky jackets and have you twisting and turning until you can straighten yourself out.

And don’t even get me started on the morning commute to work. By the time you make it to the subway with cold flushed red cheeks, waves of heat start coming in. With nowhere to take your jacket off, the most you can do is unzip it. Are you feeling sweaty yet? Probably.

And then the ever imminent question, where do you put your scarf, hat and gloves if they’re covered in snow?

What’s a little perspiration compared to frostbite though? While I continue to drag my transitional jackets through puffy jacket territory, I take comfort in the fact Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen look this good while most likely hiding their discomfort while wearing what appears to be at least 6 scarves. But hey, to each their own when it comes to winter fashion in a sea full of White Walkers.

WASHINGTON (AP) — New racial profiling guidelines being announced by the Obama administration would restrict the ability of the FBI and other law enforcement agencies to take into account religion, national origin and other characteristics during investigations. But they would exempt agents from the Department of Homeland Security who do border checks and screen passengers at airports, according to a U.S. official familiar with the plans.

The official said Friday night that the new guidelines banning profiling exempt the Transportation Security Administration and also do not cover inspections at ports of entry and interdictions at border crossings. The official was not authorized to discuss the guidelines by name and spoke on condition of anonymity ahead of a formal announcement expected within coming days. The new guidelines, long in the works, apply to federal law enforcement agents but aren’t binding on local police officers who are more likely to have day-to-day contact with community members. But they’re nonetheless a significant priority for outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder, and will be unveiled during a period of national debate about racial bias in law enforcement and community relations with police.

“This new guidance will codify our commitment to the very highest standards of fair and effective policing,” Holder told an audience in Atlanta on Monday night.

Federal law enforcement agents are banned from routine racial profiling under a 2003 Bush administration policy that created a significant exemption for national security investigations. But this policy goes beyond the decade-old one, expanding the definition of racial profiling to ban the practice on the basis of religion, gender, national origin and sexual orientation.

But it will not end the FBI’s ability to collect racial and ethnic information about neighborhoods, a practice known as “mapping” that has long disquieted civil liberties advocates, said Laura Murphy, director of the ACLU Washington Legislative Office, who is familiar with the policy.

“In essence, the guidance is a major improvement, but it’s not sufficient,” she said.

The formulation of the guidelines long predates high-profile cases that have placed a national spotlight on police treatment of minorities. Those include the August shooting by a police officer of an unarmed black 18-year-old in Ferguson, Missouri, and the death in New York City of a man who was placed in what appeared to be a chokehold by an officer. Though Holder previewed the guidelines earlier this week at an Atlanta community forum on police relations, it’s not clear the guidelines will have much bearing on routine police practices by local law enforcement agencies.

“Based on what we know about the changes that are coming out, I’m not sure how it ties into the Eric Garner/Ferguson issue,” said Faiza Patel, co-director of the Liberty and National Security program at the Brennan Center. “In both of those cases, you had local law enforcement that was involved in the incidents, and the guidelines don’t regulate state and local police.

The outline of the guidelines was first reported by The Washington Post on Friday night.

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Follow Eric Tucker on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/etuckerAP

I don’t feel like cooking. Neither do you. You’re probably in a Thanksgiving coma and were cooking for days. Or perhaps you weren’t cooking but were eating excessively and wondering when you were going to stop. Whatever you’re feeling now, it’s not excitement about eating. But tonight, you will feel differently. Tonight, you have to eat. Your spouse or significant other or your kids also have to eat. Plus, it’s cold out. December. Do you really feel like going out?

This is the dish I make when i don’t really feel like cooking for a while and I want everyone, including myself, to remember that we once ate well and would again. It’s pasta, made with cream, vodka and canned tomatoes. It is ridiculously delicious and easy to throw together. I made it last Monday night and told my kids, “Enjoy this now because there will be no more homemade food until Thanksgiving.” I meant it. The night before Thanksgiving, we sipped soup at Panera.

The beauty of this dish is it is vegetarian and tastes expensive but is cheap to make. You probably have all the ingredients on hand. If not, I bet you only need to buy or borrow parsley. It’s rich and filling and a little goes a long way. If you’re feeling virtuous or gluten-free and dairy-allergic, you can substitute almond milk for the cream, skip the Parmesan cheese and substitute gluten-free pasta for the regular stuff. Or you can just give in to gluttony and make it the way it’s supposed to be made. No matter what: Do not skip the egg at the end. That gives the dish its depth and lushness. It’s cold out and we’re in for a long winter. The world keeps pelting us with bad news. This dish warms you down to your bones. It also freezes well. But the beauty of it is it will make you and everyone you eat with feel that everything might be alright, at least for tonight.

Farfalle in Vodka Sauce

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons minced onion
1 teaspoon minced garlic
¼ cup vodka
5 canned plum tomatoes (1/2 cup)
½ cup chicken stock
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
8 fresh sage leaves (2 teaspoons chopped)
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1 extra large egg yolk
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
1 package farfalle (12-16 ounces, I used egg noodles)

(Yield: 6 small servings)

In a large shallow skillet, heat olive oil; add butter and sauté onion and garlic until softened. Do not let it brown. Carefully add vodka and let it reduce.

Add tomatoes, stock, cream, sage and salt. Simmer sauce using a wire whisk to bring sauce together. Simmer until sauce has thickened and coats a spoon.

Set sauce aside until pasta is drained and ready to serve.

In a large 8-10 quart pot, boil pasta in salted water. When it’s done, drain and set aside.
Returning to the sauce, heat the cream mixture. Add a little of the hot sauce to the egg yolk. Whisk egg into warm sauce and remove from heat quickly. Toss in cheese, sprinkle with parsley, salt and pepper to taste.

(Note: If you want to save sauce to freeze later, serve it separately and pour sauce on individual plates).

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