Hasta La Gadget!

Having a strong relationship is the number one desire of so many people, and yet few are taught how to create one. Rather, most people are shown how exactly not to have a strong relationship.

People are running around starving for love, shielding themselves from it, and suffering in love as a result.

It’s time we ended all that.

It’s time for a Love Revolution.

The Revolution has actually started — it was started by a psychologist who literally cleared a room of old school psychoanalytic psychotherapists when she first presented it to them.

“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Dr. Sue Johnson cracked the code of love a few decades ago and has been proving herself right thanks to the wonders of technology and brain scans ever since.

Now, the Love Revolution has been sweeping the globe, especially within circles of psychotherapists and counselors.

I think it’s long overdue for this Love Revolution to reach couples and individuals who don’t find themselves on the brinks of divorce and on the couches of so many quiet and confidential therapy offices.

Join me in the Love Revolution?

The Love Revolution puts Love back where it belongs: At the top of our lists.

The Love Revolution shows us exactly how we’ve got love wrong, and how we can get it right.

The Love Revolution boils love down to a few key points:

– Love is an ancient survival code that’s wired into our biology.
– Love is an emotional bond with our other half.
– We need each other after all.

How we’ve got love all wrong

Just look around and you’ll find your next opportunity to get on the Self-Love Train with the latest 10-day Self-Love challenge — maybe you’re even the conductor.

I’m all for self-love, but the Love Revolution tells us that we can’t love ourselves without being loved first.

In Johnson’s words, “How does a baby know he’s delightful? The baby knows he is delightful because when he looks into his mother’s eyes, he sees delight.”

Our identities are inextricably tied up in our relationships with others, from day one.

Listen, I’m all for being a strong and independent woman — I was the girl who never dreamed of prince charming or a white wedding dress (but I got my prince, and I wore that dress). I could do just fine on my own.

What I didn’t realize is how much stronger, healthier and better off I’d be when safely, securely and passionately connected to my other half.

We’ve got love all wrong because we hold up independence and autonomy as virtues to strive for without the recognition that we can be our most independent and autonomous only when we’ve got the back up of a significant other.

We’ve got love all wrong because everyone’s obsessed with how “needy” they shouldn’t be while doing everything they can to not be “co-dependent.”

We’ve got love all wrong because we grossly underestimate its importance and our innate need for a secure emotional connection. We become completely out of touch with our emotional experiences and partners find themselves worlds apart from each other as a result.

We’ve got love all wrong because we look away from that niggling feeling that something’s not right in our relationship until it grows like a cancerous tumor into something that will not be ignored and far too often destroys partnerships.

How the Love Revolution gets love right

It puts love back in the front seat.

It sheds light on the truth that we need safe and secure emotional connections with each other.

It gives partners permission to actually be with their emotional experiences, and not run away from them or push them away. As a result, couples start to actually see each other for who they really are, underneath the armor and gunfire that they have become so used to.

The Love Revolution then allows partners to actually be with each other.

In our crazy world we have marginalized love.

This is especially true for most success and business driven entrepreneurs.

Let’s stop that already, and recognize what we already know on a deep level: That we are by far better off in life and in business when we are stronger in love.

It’s time to board the Love Revolution Train and, as Marianne Williamson has said, “make love the bottom line.”

To learn more about the Love Revolution, check out Dr. Sue Johnson’s book, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

The recent passing of Tom Magliozzi reminded me of my love for “Car Talk.” Not that I know much of anything about cars or really care to, but I, like so many others, delighted in the Magliozzi brothers’ capacity to weave intelligent humor and playful banter into their responses to listeners’ calls. My husband and I became so enamored by the show that at some point we declared it a “perfect thing” in this world, and decided to refer to other exquisite expressions as being “click and clacks.” If we encounter an inspiring performance, art show, book or film — or maybe a professional doing their job in a skillful way, we’ll award the moment as a “click and clack.” If I feel particularly moved, I’ll add in an Italian kissing of my fingertips and a slight head shake to convey my awe and disbelief that a mere mortal could create whatever extraordinary thing I’m witnessing. If asked to offer a formal definition of a “click and clack” moment, I’d say: It’s the RIGHT person doing the RIGHT thing at the RIGHT time in the RIGHT way. Not that I’m a big proponent of “right and wrong thinking,” but that’s the best way I have to describe it.

When the situation allows, I love letting people know that they’ve achieved a click and clack — a habit which has ended up on my kids’ list of “embarrassing things that mom does.” When they sense my enthusiasm welling up and my mind beginning to plot how to approach the adolescent who just left the stage or the waitress who just comforted a distraught customer, I’ll start to hear their shouted whispers, “No Mom, please. People will think you’re weird.” Or their shortened plea, repeated with an alternating emphasis on the different syllables of their one syllable cry,” Oh no, No, nO, NO.”

What I’ve tried to explain to them is that it’s much better for me to channel my feedback desires into acknowledging click and clack moments, as opposed to the opposite. “Would you rather have me go up to people and let them know that they are the wrong person doing the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way!?”

Sadly, I have to admit that I encounter far more of such disappointing and irritating experiences in everyday life than I do my beloved click and clack moments. I felt this when finally unplugging my phone last month after receiving one too many pointless, negative election calls. I feel it in moments I’m partially responsible for, like looking up from phone while waiting at a restaurant and realizing that the other three members of my family are also on their phones. In a much larger way, I feel this ache every time I learn of another act of violence done, supposedly, in the “name of God.” As my heart wilts in response to acts that are tragic or unskillful, it needs the resuscitation offered by click and clacks.

I’ve come to see that the arrival of click and clack moments elates my spirit in the same way that the late December discovery of reindeer footprints stirs a child’s imagination, or the sighting of a hawk stops us in our tracks. Along with capturing our attention, both suggest the presence of an unseen source of magic and goodness. I think we all need this sort of inspiration. We need reminders that it’s possible to be blown away by the awesomeness of life. Whether we stumble upon these moments unexpectedly or set ourselves up for them by purchasing tickets to our favorite performance or traveling to places where nature’s vibrancy is undeniable — we all need regular doses of beauty and rightness and excellence.

My wish for you this holiday season is that your cup is filled with at least one awe-inspiring and moving experience — whether you’re graced with the good fortune of witnessing it or helping to make it happen.

For more Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit inspiration, visit: fullcupthirstyspirit.com.

For more by Karen Horneffer-Ginter, Ph.D., click here.

After Hannibal Buress unintentionally sparked a national conversation about Bill Cosby, other comedians are beginning to speak out about the sexual assault allegations that continue to emerge about the comedy legend.

Comedian Patton Oswalt has let his thoughts on the matter be known on Twitter, and on Friday he told The Huffington Post over the phone that he doesn’t think there will be an end to the accusations anytime soon.

“I think it’s just going to get worse and worse. I don’t think it’s going to get better,” Oswalt said. “People say, ‘Oh you’re just attacking Cosby,’ and I’m like no — I could not want anything less to be true than this Cosby shit — but holy fuck, it’s so goddamn overwhelming. I don’t want it to be fucking true but it’s ridiculous!”

So far over 20 women have accused Cosby of assaulting them. Whether the allegations are true or not, Oswalt says “There’s no satisfying ending for us at this point.”

During a recent interview with Pete Holmes on his podcast, “You Made It Weird,” Oswalt imagined Cosby’s post-allegations future as a form of “luxurious exile,” comparing it to George W. Bush’s retirement.

“Everything is being taken away from him, but at the worst, he lives in comfy seclusion for the last years of his life,” he said. “It’s like when George W. Bush finally left office. It was like, ‘Guys, you’re not going to get your Nixon ending here.'”

In November, Cosby’s lawyer Martin Singer released a statement saying that he would not comment on the allegations, but in a later statement dismissed the recent claims as “ridiculous” and “illogical.”

“The new, never-before-heard claims from women who have come forward in the past two weeks with unsubstantiated, fantastical stories about things they say occurred 30, 40, or even 50 years ago have escalated far past the point of absurdity,” he wrote.

Earlier this week, Cosby broke his silence to thank his defenders on Twitter. Most recently, his lawyer is counter-suing a woman who accused Cosby of sexual battery in 1974 with claims that she tried to extort money from the comedian before the filing of her lawsuit. Cosby’s upcoming New York tour dates have been canceled, but he is scheduled to perform in Ontario in January.

It’s time for a quick look at the latest from SkinIt here with a couple of skins from their newest Marvel Comics collection as well as a classic skin from Star Wars. SkinIt sent us samples for three rather different devices to get a good feel for the quality of their product on different sorts of surfaces and at different … Continue reading

New Era is best known as the purveyor of apparel for professional athletes and fashion-forward trendsetters. They’ve really left the nerds behind, and that’s a huge missed opportunity embraced by these insanely loud fitted hats.

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