Hasta La Gadget!

Slow cookers have the reputation of being meat machines. While they have the unique ability to tenderize meat with minimal effort, the assumption that slow cookers are best for meaty dishes overlooks the amazing ways they can transform your vegetables.

First of all, it recently came to our attention that you can steam food in your slow cooker, so beyond steaming vegetables, you can also steam things like vegetarian dumplings and buns. And just like slow-cooking meat, slow-cooking vegetables will draw out flavors and turn your dishes incomparably moist. The slow cooker is a great way to imbue extra flavor in your vegetarian soups and stews, but the possibilities don’t stop there. You can make everything from caramel to spinach and artichoke dip with the thing. It’s sort of a miracle-maker.

Winter is the perfect time to experiment with slow cooking. There’s nothing more satisfying than returning home from a long day of work, coming inside from a day out in the cold or waking up when it’s still dark out, to find a hot, fully cooked meal waiting for you in the pot. Just take one look at the first recipe on our list and you’ll see what we mean. There are a million vegetarian meals you can make in your slow cooker, and we narrowed it down to 33 to get you started.

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Business may be 24-7 and your tech may never get tired, but human beings are cyclical animals. Our creativity and energy levels wax and wane throughout the day, week and year. When it comes to productivity, you can take a couple of approaches to this reality.

Some would-be superheroes simply try to power through the low points through sheer force of willpower and caffeine. In the medium- and long-term, that’s an almost certain recipe for burnout. What’s the other approach? Working with your body’s natural rhythms to get the most out of the times when your energy is flagging-the last hour or so of your workday, for example.

So how do those who are most successful at surfing their moods for maximum productivity handle this generally low-energy low-focus period and set themselves up to achieve the maximum the next day? Experts offer surprisingly consistent advice.

1. Consciously decide when you’ll switch off.

Thanks to technology and the general craziness of being a business owner, it’s easy to simply let your workday drift on and on as you tackle just one more task or quickly respond to one more message. All of a sudden, it’s late, your family is annoyed, and your brain is fried. Successful people know that rest is essential for peak productivityand make a conscious choice about when to end the workday and how in touch to be after they leave the office.

“It’s important to be present for your family and friends,” organizational psychologist Michael Woodward told Forbes. His recommendation? Explicitly tell your colleagues when you’ll be available and how you can (and cannot) be reached–and then stick to it! But that’s not the only approach. “Personally, I end my day in steps. I stop writing before lunch. I stop answering work emails and doing administrative tasks after 6 p.m. I stop all Internet activity at 8 p.m. And I stop reading when I get sleepy,” sociology professor Tanya Golash-Boza has written, explaining her personal shut-down schedule.

My Inc.com colleague Peter Economy even suggests setting a workday limit for the next day the night before. In different periods, different end times and levels of connectivity will be right for you. Just choose thoughtfully. Don’t drift.

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2. Tidy up.

“Studies show that a cluttered workspace actually hinders our ability to process information and concentrate. We aren’t aware of it, but clutter competes for our attention in much the same way as a whining child or a barking dog does,” reports Brittany Lite on blog Wise Bread. Successful people intuitively know this and keep the clutter from building up.

“No one likes to start their workday entering a chaotic scene, so taking a few minutes to organize your space ensures you’ll be starting your day with a clean slate. Literally,” Michael Kerr, author of You Can’t Be Serious! Putting Humor to Work, told Business Insider.

3. Don’t make any big decisions.

“Successful people never tackle a project or make an important decision that requires a lot of brainpower or focus at the very end of the workday,” Kerr adds. “Leave important writing or thinking tasks for the following morning, when your brain is at its peak energy, and instead use this time to focus on clearing off simpler tasks, planning, and reflecting.”

4. Close conversations.

The same basic rules of politeness you’d use in your personal life apply to your professional life–despite your busyness and stress. If someone is expecting to hear from you today, make sure you at least check in with that person before you go (even if it’s just to say you’ll reply tomorrow). “Don’t assume they can wait,” Lynn Taylor, author of author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job, scolds those who rush out the door without replying.

If no one is waiting for a specific reply from you, that doesn’t mean you can slink off, however. “We forget that it can be just as important, and make us feel good as well, to say a friendly and proper good bye to everyone rather than just silently drift off into the night. This is triply important if you are the supervisor,” Kerr advises.

5. Review your to-do list (to celebrate and focus, not stress).

Almost every expert you can consult online agrees about at least one aspect of the ideal end-of-day routine–it involves spending a little bit of time reviewing your to-do list and calendar and thinking about what needs doing the next day to avoid wasting time strategizing in the morning. “Make your to-do list for the next day. This will make sure that you start the next day with a plan and goals in mind-which means you’ll spend less time thinking about everything you have to do and more time actually doing it,” suggests Andrea Ayres on the Crew blog, for example.

But Ayres and other true productivity ninjas advocate an essential twist on this process. Rather than just use the to-do review to set yourself up for the coming day, they mainly use this time to celebrate their accomplishments and reflect on their priorities–not to stress about as-yet-undone items. “What good is working if you never take pride in those accomplishments that you put so much time and effort in?” Ayres asks. “Look at what you accomplished that day and feel good about it.”

VC Marc Andreessen is another proponent of making space to celebrate all your wins, big and small. He recommends you take time each day to compose and review a ‘done list’ to keep your motivation up and your work focused.

What’s your end-of-day ritual?

I debated about the title of this post, wondering whether my wording was too blunt a prescription for choosing a partner. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t find a more accurate alternative. Here’s why.

I’ve spent the last few years interviewing over 700 older people about love, relationships, and marriage (described in a new book on the topic). However I tried to convey their advice on this issue, behind me I could hear these wise elders shouting this lesson to younger people: Don’t be dumb in choosing your partner!

Over and over, when it comes to marriage the elders point to decisions that completely ignore the evidence and show bad judgment. They believe there are a set of signs so strong and compelling that they tell you to get out of the relationship. However all too many people ignore the clear warnings and get married — and, the elders tell us, live through a horrendous period (or even an entire married life), suffering the consequences of that dumb decision.

Sifting through hundreds of responses, I learned about four warning signs that should make you very reluctant to commit to a relationship. Most people know these signs are wrong — but hope that they can change their partner or that they won’t matter. The elders say this self-delusion is a huge mistake. And please note: For those of you already in a relationship, these warnings still apply. They are a diagnostic tool for deciding whether your marriage needs a fix (or an exit strategy).

Warning Sign # 1: Violence toward you of any kind

Yes, this point may seem obvious. But I have to put it first and foremost, because entering marriage after experiencing dating violence is still shockingly common, despite decades of warnings from researchers, physicians, and counselors.

On this issue, the elders are unequivocal: If your partner hits you or tries to hurt you in any way, get out. If it happens while you are dating, they firmly state, it will happen in your marriage. As Joan, age 84, put it

Don’t ever, ever get involved with somebody who is abusive at all physically, because you are asking for trouble. They may say that they are going to change and you may think that you will change them – News flash: you are not going to. I tried changing him and I gave up and left. I don’t care how many times person tells you they’re sorry and they’re never going to do that again. I think you find that they do.

I could spend a long time offering you detailed accounts from the elders who made the mistake of marrying someone who had been violent toward them, only to have the physical abuse escalate after marriage. But you probably know it already – make sure to act on it.

Warning Sign # 2: Explosive and Unexplained Anger while Dating

The elders assert that a huge warning sign is explosive and unreasonable anger. They tell you to beware of a person who seems to “get angry over nothing” or “has a bad temper” — anyone whose anger is disproportionate to the situation.

Most important, be aware that these outbursts initially may not be directed toward you. During courtship, they say, people are can keep their anger toward their prospective partner under control. Therefore, you need to look carefully at how he or she responds to frustrating situations and to other people. Annette, 76, dodged a bullet with a man she was getting serious about. She told me:

I dated someone and I was in the subway with him in the city, and we missed the train because we were on the wrong side of the platform. We were walking up the stairs and he took a whole bunch of change out of his pocket and he said some terrible things and threw all of his money down the stairs because he was very angry that we had missed the train. And when that happened, I looked at that person and I said: “This is not a person I want to spend my life with!”

It only was a minute, but you know, it was very telling. You can tell what kind of a person a person is if you miss your plane, if you lose your luggage, if you are caught outside on a rainy day, or something like that. In those stressful situations if they’re going to just stand there and curse up a storm or throw something, ask yourself if want to spend your life with a person with those coping skills.

In fiction and film, someone like this can be attractive in a dangerous way. But in the elders’ long experience, anger that can’t be explained or controlled — even if directed toward others or toward inanimate objects — is a warning sign that can’t be ignored.

Warning Sign 3: Dishonesty — in things large and small

Everyone tells little white lies (in answer to things like “Do these pants make me look fat?”). But the elders say pay careful attention to someone who is dishonest. Clearly, dishonesty to you is a probably deal-breaker. As Pamela, 91, warns:

All the sudden not coming home. Lying about where they’ve been or been with or what they’ve been doing. Secret phone calls. All kinds of things like that. Trust is a big issue and once you lose that, it’s very difficult to regain. You might put it on the back burner but you’re always going to be suspicious.

The elders also suggest you look for even small kinds of dishonesty in your potential mate. Does he or she cheat on tests? Take small items from work? Routinely lie his or her way out of situations? They believe that these are all warning signs of dishonesty that will spill eventually into your relationship.

Warning Sign 4: Sarcasm and Teasing

The problem with these two behaviors is that they are often portrayed as “just in fun.” When you get angry in response, you are accused of “not having a sense of humor.” The elders advise you to beware of anyone who engages in mean-spirited sarcasm or whose teasing crosses the border into aggression.

Barbara, age 70, left her first husband after a few years because she sensed the dark side that lurked behind his sarcasm:

Pay attention to behavioral signs. Somebody who is persistently, consistently, always sarcastic and critical, that should have been a warning sign to me that I was dealing with somebody who couldn’t function very well in the world. So I think that’s something that a young person can look for — this profound kind of sarcasm.

Margaret, age 90, had to reach an agreement with her husband to end teasing in their relationship. She told me:

Teasing is very dangerous. Teasing is like bullying. It demeans the other person, that kind of mocking behavior. It’s supposed to be kidding, but it’s a good warning sign, because it really devalues the other person.

Sometimes love and marriage seem incredibly complicated. But a great thing about talking with the elders is they make it simple and crystal clear: Far too many people make a dumb decision in choosing a mate, and live to regret it for years. By avoiding these four dangerous traps, you can make an intelligent decision — and one that increases your chances of living happily ever after.

Karl Pillemer’s 30 Lessons for Loving: The Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage comes out on January 8. For more information on the Marriage Advice Project, please visit the website, like the project on Facebook, and follow on Twitter:@karlpillemer.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

The perfect gift for your female partner over 50 cannot be found in jewelry or clothing stores. You have likely bought her enough sweaters and jewels to last 50 lifetimes — and much of the stuff has never come out of safes and drawers.

What aging women want most money cannot buy. What we want most is to be left the hell alone — and to be loved.

I know this from interviewing hundreds of wives and lovers over the course of a long journalism career that birthed six books focused on intimate relationships. I have learned a lot about the angst and dreams my gender has in common, despite our differences in age and backgrounds. I know some crucial answers to the centuries-old question: What do women want?

Central to our sustenance is not bling, nor designer wraps. What women want most of all is to feel independent and worthy. This comes from being surrounded by people we love and doing work that we love, work we are valued for, work that adds value to other people’s lives, work we choose to do, paid or unpaid.

What women of a certain age don’t want to be told how we should act, how we should feel. In fact, we don’t like the word “should”. We vary in our missions; some of us are hungry to lean into the boardroom and cultivate multi-million dollar deals. Others want to lean into grandchildren and/or gardens to cultivate a bounty of beets and kale. The goals we set for ourselves are based on personal emotional and financial needs therefore are the right choices because they stem from our hearts, and not societal expectations.

This is the definition of my brand of feminism — to gain independence and self-esteem from decisions that make a woman feel her most powerful and most real, and not allow others to shape or define her. The word “feminist” is not scary; it means “let me be” and many men claim to be feminists too.

What women don’t want is to be judged on any front.

The pain of being judged is not limited to lifestyle choices; we as women (of all ages) are constantly evaluated by our physical appearances. We are too fat, too scrawny, too busty, too pretty, too homely, too done up. We have thunder thighs or thick ankles or bad hair. If Hillary Clinton runs for president what we women want, no matter the party, is to discuss her credentials and not whether her hair looks good or she has lost weight. Men do not get that same superficial scrutiny and some of these guys in the public eye look really bad, with shoe-polish dye jobs and paunchy guts.

Some of you readers may wrongly equate the word “feminist” with “man-hater”. Yet many willful and accomplished women openly, with gratitude, credit their men as a primary power source. I often write on how to sustain long relationships and I find that the majority of the alpha-wives I interview are paired with spouses who give them free reigns on their lives. My favorite quote on this subject comes from a 92-year-old artist in Los Angeles who had just celebrated her 70th wedding anniversary.

“For all of these 70 years, anything I’ve done in my marriage, my husband always told me, ‘go, do, be’,” she told me. “Our marriage was never about submission for me. As a strong woman who is also a wife, you need to keep your own identity. That’s the real secret to why we lasted so long: I have a husband who has been the wind behind my wings. So I am free.”

This is what every woman I know yearns to feel. It is the answer to the ancient question that King Arthur searched far and wide to uncover: “What Does Woman Really Want?” According to legend, he was ordered to discover this mystery that has baffled all men throughout time as a punishment for being caught poaching in the forests of the neighboring kingdom.

An ugly, old witch agreed to show him the light at this steep price: King Arthur had to get his closest friend Gawain, the noblest knight of the Round Table, to take her as his bride. He persuaded his ever-courteous, chivalrous buddy Gawain to come through for him. The best ending to this tale is interpreted by Jungian storyteller Robert A. Johnson in his 1991 book Femininity Lost and Regained:

“When Gawain was prepared for the wedding bed and waiting for his bride to join him, she appeared as the loveliest maiden a man could ever wish to see!,” Johnson writes. “Gawain, in his astonishment, asked what had happened. The maiden replied that because Gawain had been courteous to her, she would show him her hideous side half of the time, and her gracious side the other half of the time. Which of the two did he choose for the day and which for the night?

“Noble man that he was, Gawain replied that he would let the maiden choose for herself,” continues Johnson. “At this, the maiden announced that she would be a fair damsel to him both day and night, since he had given her respect and sovereignty over her own life.”

So much for critics of feminism who feared that what woman really wanted was to rule the world. What we want most of all, as King Arthur discovered, is the choice to define and rule ourselves.

Wise men want this, too, for their women and for themselves.

Iris Krasnow is a bestselling author whose books can be found on iriskrasnow.com. i
Her latest book is book Sex After…Women Share How Intimacy Changes As Life Changes.

Earlier on Huff/Post50: