How to Move On When You Can't Ask 'Why Did This Happen?'

As many journalists and bloggers have already noted, a Johns Hopkin’s Medicine research study recently concluded that many causes of cancer are unknown, unpredictable genetic mutations, a circumstance they are also calling ‘bad luck’. Unfortunately for the patients, not knowing the cancer’s cause can make the emotional recovery process of a diagnosis all the more difficult.
This is true of not just cancer, however. Anguish caused by a lack of explanations can make painful situations yet more confusing to navigate. The feeling is similar to being abandoned by your partner without warning, or being fired from your job with no notice.
To put it bluntly, it feels just plain unfair.

So how can we cope when life hands us a struggle without telling us all the facts and answers? How can we recover emotionally when we can’t ask “why?”

In order to change our internal conversation from “Why did this happen to me?” to “How am I going to handle this?” We’ll need to reframe our thinking:

First and foremost, if you have no one and nothing from which to ask “Why did this happen to me?” then you must to accept the fact that this question will do you no good. There is no answer. Asking it is a waste of energy.

Often, our gut reaction is anger. We can’t know “why,” so we become immediately angry about the unfairness we perceive as occurring. We want to believe that the answer to why or how this happened would allow us to somehow solve the problem now. In the future, when science has a chance to catch up, that might be the case. Unfortunately, it is not the case today. Continuing to meet an unanswerable question with anger, or continuing to angrily ask the question to thin air fully knowing you will never get the answer, is only wasting time in which you could be moving on and forward.

Thus, give up asking “Why?” in the first place. It is a rear-view mirror approach to tackling the obstacle. It proves you are still looking backward looking for the nail that popped the tire, instead of forward for where you need to steer to. Either way, you’ve got to pull over for repairs.

Next, offer these alternatives as a path toward healing, recovering, and thriving:

Acceptance
Before any other action, accept that the situation has, in fact, happened. Don’t deny it, don’t avoid it. The problem has occurred and is now in your hands. The spouse is already gone or the cancer is already there or the house has already burned down. Any amount of grieving for loss can be done while you continue to accept the present moment and all of it’s tasks, which is now cleaning up this mess. Even though you didn’t make the mess, it is now your responsibility to clean it up. Acknowledge at least this much, and take your grievances and sadness with you on the journey forward. You can grieve and grow and evolve all at once.

Forgiveness
Next, you will have to forgive someone. You’ll have to forgive the person who hurt you so badly. You’ll have to forgive your body for letting you down. You’ll have to forgive you, because we both know that you’re kicking yourself for not seeing signs. There might not have been very many signs to begin with! And if there were signs, you missed them because you were blissfully ignorant. If you had seen the signs, things might have turned out differently, but you also would have spent the last few days, weeks, months or years in a state of worry, which is a totally different kind of suffering.
Forgive yourself, forgive the people in your life, forgive life for being hard. Forgiveness is truly a divine art, and a constant struggle, but the most liberating and freeing of actions we can express. Rid yourself of the extra weight of any guilt, and know that you deserve to forgive and be free of it all.

You deserve the peace forgiveness will give you, and furthermore you need it in order to move forward.

Ambition
Once you’ve gotten to a place where you are no longer in denial about what is going on (notice that if you’re still saying “I think the doctor lied” or “I’m sure he’ll come back” you’re probably still in denial), consider yourself accepting. And after you have forgiven what you need to forgive in order to unshackle yourself from all that will attempt to keep you in this state of unhappiness, it’s time to make your plan to move forward.

Take charge! This burden of yours is yours alone. You will have friends and loved ones along the way to encourage you, but it is ultimately up to you how you want to handle it, treat it, move on from it, and what kind of disposition you want to be in while you do. If you truly want to move on and improve from the mess you are fixing in your life, you do not have the option of continuing to be mad or playing the victim. Choose another path to your own liberation: Do you want to be peaceful and calm through the process? Do you want to be fierce and ruthless? Decide, commit, and make grand ambitions. You can rebuild your life in any way you choose. While you cannot predict or anticipate what new obstacles might come up while you move forward, you can decide your own reaction to them. This is the moment in which you predetermine the kind of person you want to be from here on out.

Love
With a plan for the future, having dropped off whatever emotional baggage wasn’t serving you, and facing forward toward where and what you want to be when this is all resolved, there is only one element that will allow you to truly blossom even through life’s greatest pains: Love. Love yourself for being strong enough, willing enough, and determined enough to get through this struggle and come out on the other side a better person. Love all the people surrounding you and supporting you. Love the moment, for it is your only opportunity to feel peace, to feel alive, to manifest everything you dream. Love life for allowing you the chance to be reborn and breakthrough. Love life for offering you both good and bad, and everything in between. In the face of your hate, offer your love. In the face of your fear, offer your love.

Because though it is hardship upon you, you will become a deeper, wiser, more aware, more accomplished, more compassionate and more fulfilled person for having endured it. Because though you’ve lost someone, you will have the chance to love another person, while other people know only one love in life. Because you will see the full plethora of human life, the full spectrum of emotion. Love will offer gratitude for the beautiful and happy moments in your past. Love will offer motivation for reaching the other side of your battle. Love will give you peace, joy, laughter. But most of all, love for your self will help you see that you deserve to come out out this even better, brighter, and bigger than before.

The only certainty in life is change; inevitable uncertainty always awaits us. We will never have all the answers, nor should we expect them or demand them. The mysteries of life are what keep it intriguing, in good and bad ways, and keep us on a march forward to know more, explore more, feel more, understand more. In the story of your life, know that to prevail as the hero of the journey, a battle must be endured every now and again. Do so with dignity, with compassion, and with the knowledge that your life and happiness are worth fighting for.

Rachael Yahne (@RachaelYahne) is a writer, blogger, and 10 year cancer survivor. You can read more of her articles about healing from life’s big struggles on her website, HerAfter.com. Articles cover topics like beauty, well-being, purpose, and pretending to be ‘normal’ after treatment and recovery.

Her cancer’s cause is still unknown.

Obama's SOTU? It's His Post-White House Agenda

2015-01-26-obama1.jpg

It has been fascinating to observe public and pundit reaction to Obama’s State of the Union address. The president clearly relished delivering this speech – and the agenda he outlined for domestic policy in particular. His enthusiasm and authentic delight reminded me of Obama’s 2008 campaign for president – we haven’t seen much like it since he won office.

The enjoyment he took in boldly proclaiming an unabashedly progressive agenda led some to frame this as a “drop the mic” moment of extreme comeuppance – throwing his achievements in the faces of a Congress made up of many who have lived solely to obstruct any of Obama’s plans.

Others viewed this as a legitimate go-for-broke moon shot, akin to a stratospheric opening bid in a deal that you know will land in far more pedestrian territory.

And of course, many conservatives simply see this as confirmation of Obama as a full-throated tax-and-spend liberal who is bent on using his last two years in office to do his best to turn the United States into France or Norway.

But after digesting his speech for a few days, I have a different view. I believe Obama used this SOTU to begin playing a long, long game for change he believes will benefit the country. I believe people will look back and realize that this speech was actually his first post-presidential speech – that he very strategically delivered while still in office. In my view, this particular SOTU kicked off what I imagine will be a life-long campaign to shape the country according to his values, and he’s decided to start building momentum now, for a life-long campaign for change once he leaves the White House.

Here’s why I believe this:

1) Obama’s a student of the history of the American Dream. He believes deeply in the dream, and as an exemplar of American opportunity, he prizes it deeply. Obama views the American Dream as partly derived by an economic ethos and infrastructure that rewards initiative, hard work and innovation. But he also views the dream as a series of high watermarks that denote normative steps forward for the nation – such as allowing women and non-whites to vote and own land, and our post-WWII GI Bill investments in housing and education. His proposals on higher minimum wages, childcare and investment in higher education through community college support, reflect new watermarks he believes are required to help the American Dream live and grow.

2) Obama is compelled by data. And much of the evidence points to an American Dream that is waning toward mythological institutions like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Colleagues at the Pew Research Center, relying on research from the right and left, tell this story compellingly through data. Politicians have been lagging the nation badly in expressing some skepticism on the economic prospects of ordinary Americans. But this is changing. Candidates and incumbents have spent enough time with struggling constituents to finally realize that they must discuss the challenges around mobility to actually connect with ordinary Americans. Example A? Mitt Romney, Mr. 47% himself, raging against inequality on the stump as he kicks off his next possible run for the White House. Obama sees this wave forming and wants to ride it toward major policy change.

3) As the nation’s first African-American president, Obama is a living, breathing moon shot. Don’t forget that his middle name is Hussein, as in Saddam Hussein (remember him?). Oh yes, and his first name rhymes with Osama. But through Obama’s journey to the White House, we all saw that sometimes moon shots actually work in DC. Obama has learned these lessons the hard way and they’ll be invaluable for him in pushing a moon-shot agenda.

Obama will leave the White House a healthy, vibrant middle-aged guy with decades of work ahead of him. At his core, he’s a campaigner and an organizer, and he’ll want to embrace his opportunity to shape the nation and the world as an ex-president. Leaving the White House will also finally allow Michelle Obama to be a true partner to the president in driving an agenda for social and economic change. They’ll build on the examples of former presidents Carter and Clinton in using their status to advance left-leaning change. But they’ll set themselves apart by shooting for the moon on a regular basis.

About Ben Mangan: Ben is Executive Director of the Center for Nonprofit and Public Leadership, and a lecturer at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business. He is the former CEO and cofounder of EARN, and a blogger for the Huffington Post.

Follow Ben at LinkedIn and Twitter for provocative, truth telling about leadership, social enterprise, the social sector and doing good in the world.

The Boy Who Did Not Come Back From Heaven

In 2010, the book, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, was released. At the time, I believe I gave this news about 0.3 percent of my attention. 0.1 percent was spent lamenting terrible theology prevalent in popular Christian book market. I don’t believe we die and are snatched up to heaven, but that is subject for another post — or better yet, go read N.T. Wright’s Surprised by Hope. Another 0.1 percent of my energies went towards flinching and cringing at the way this boy was IMO being exploited for book sales. In hindsight, I should have spent more time praying for him and his mother, whose cries for truth has been silenced by the powerful machine of the publishing industry. The last 0.1 percent was energy exerted to shaking my head at the allure of sensationalism. Enough to shift millions of books and a movie deal.

It came as no surprise to me when last week The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven retracted his story.

We have such a ferocious appetite for the supernatural. It’s as if our belief in God, a supernatural Being, is dependent upon our testimonies of supernatural sightings. I get it. I believe in miracles, and I also marvel when I hear stories of exciting, extraordinary happenings in our communities. But honestly, I also find it very problematic the way we herald these stories, not the least because it is susceptible to blatant lying and exploitation, to embellish a story in order to sell, convert, and manipulate. My biggest concern is the way it steers our attention away from the miracles in the ordinary.

If God wanted us to long for the supernatural, God would have made us into demi-gods, like in the Greek mythologies. Or came to us flashing down a red carpet, complete with an impressive motorcade and paparazzi to boot.

Instead, we have plain Jesus, born to plain peasants in a plain stable. Jesus came to show us the immeasurable value we have as ordinary human beings. Jesus’ first miracles were hushed, ordering his disciples to not make a big show out of it. He simply cared for the ordinary needs of his beloved, quietly helping: here you go, make sure there’s enough wine for the party.

In seeking after dramatic healing, the large tumor that magically vanished, the unlikely reversal of a devastating diagnosis, we miss reveling in the slower but equally miraculous natural process of healing. Like the way our immune system fights off viruses, or how our skin smooths over abrasions.

In looking for the BIG answers to prayer, we neglect to celebrate the answers for our everyday, ordinary prayers: give us this day our daily bread.

In publishing the story of the boy who came back from the afterlife, we took the spotlight away for children all over to tell the stories of their right-now life: delightful, vibrant, no less filled with the Divine imprint of God.

I’m not saying we should forgo interesting and settle for mundane. The Resurrection calls us to a sacred duty to create new things, discover new stories, find new angles, make new life. We can and should tell interesting stories. But just as tabloids aren’t considered legitimate publications because the content is cheaply derived, stripping instead of adding dignity to the people featured, so we must take care to guard the art of telling stories.

Most of our lives are ordinary, this is a fact. Most of us won’t have memoirs published or movies made of our lives, also fact. But we all have stories worth telling, and a writer who pays close enough attention, a photographer who is patient enough for the right moment, an artist who does the laborious work of asking the right questions and listening intently, will produce a stunning portrait of every ordinary last one of us.

As followers of plain Jesus, we must care enough about plain people. If you need a rush of adrenaline from a Divine gesture, a miraculous event, don’t look to sensational stories of Boys from Heaven, turn to your neighbor. Notice her expressions, consider his posture, respect their dignity, but ask for their story. Have them tell you about their loved ones and watch their faces light up. Listen to the battles they fight and feel that stress on their shoulders, the extra wrinkle on their forehead and that small twitch bearing witness to the brutality of life. Look into their eyes and you’ll discover a twinkle as they recall experiences of joy, and maybe a tear or a torrent betraying an avalanche of pain.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t long to see God in miracles. I am saying the best miracles are found in the ordinary. It takes work to excavate beauty from beneath the plain surface, but what better way to spend each day?

2015-01-27-MiraclesintheOrdinary.png

To marvel at the miracle of our earth, faithfully rotating day after ordinary day on its axis, bringing forth the miracle of our one sun, distributing rays of gold across oceans, mountains, and cities,

To shine unfailingly each morning, and not leaving until another display of wonder at dusk.

To spend the time in between honing our skills of noticing extraordinary love in ordinary people.

To breathe gratitude for simple gifts, to honor the voices of the unassuming.

Therein lies the true miracle: we thought we had to go to heaven and back to find God, when all along, God had been everywhere in our midst.

Cindy blogs at cindywords.com. Follow her at Facebook.

Knowledge vs. Understanding in the World of Gluten

In my recent blog, “No Cookie For You,” I briefly mention how the practice of consciously considering gluten is different than passively knowing facts about gluten consumption and celiac disease. Here I explore that idea and dig deeper — beyond gluten consumption — all the way through to the surface: gluten contact.

1) Gluten Uncertainty Principle

A few weeks ago, I was out to dinner and asked the waitress if a certain side that came with my entree was gluten-free. Her reply: “How sensitive are you?”

My first reaction was to be surprised — isn’t asking whether a meal is gluten-free a yes or no question? But her question isn’t uncommon. I told her that I needed the meal to be absolutely gluten-free or else I would have significant medical consequences. She went into the kitchen to double-check with the chef, and returned to tell me that my choice of meal was indeed gluten-free. So I ordered.

When it arrived I confirmed, as I always do: “This is gluten-free?” She nodded a doubtful nod, and left the table. Without taking a bite, I watched her walk over to the manager to have a short discussion, who then came over to me.

“Is there a gluten question?” She asked me.

I repeated, “This side is gluten-free?”

And the manager told me that there is no gluten in the ingredients, but it is fried in the same oil that is used to fry other gluten-containing foods. A crucial tidbit to include when stating that something is gluten-free.

Could the chef not have known that cross-contamination can be just as harmful? Did he just not care? Was he annoyed at yet another gluten-free customer?

Or perhaps he was just very busy. The natural reaction to “is that gluten-free?” is generally to look at the ingredients, not to think beyond the box about how it’s cooked or where the food is manufactured/grown. Perhaps although the chef knew on some level that “gluten-free” goes beyond ingredients, his natural reaction was to consider the ingredients.

This can be detrimental to celiacs. Having knowledge vs. applying that knowledge to actual situations is very different; the same way that having an equation memorized for a math test can feel very different from reading a word problem that calls for the application of that equation. (And also calls for you to understand that it calls for the application of that equation.)

There is a certain amount of reasoning that must be applied to things memorized. Memorizing Celiac + Gluten = Bad isn’t enough when there are french fries and fried chicken on the menu and only one fryer in the kitchen.

2) Covering A Reaction to Makeup With Makeup

The other day I was having photos taken and informed the makeup artist that I need to use gluten-free eyeshadow, which I brought with me. She asked what happens if I use regular eyeshadow, and I told her that I get swelling and scaly patches on my eyelids and around my eyes… which I used to cover with more makeup. (Sure, you can retouch my photos, but you can’t retouch my eyelids.)

She replied that my skin was just dry because of my makeup remover. Maybe she was trying to interpret my issue using knowledge from what’s within her own experience — applying an “equation” she knew as a makeup expert to an actual situation involving makeup and bad skin. If I were to apply knowledge from my own experience to a situation involving makeup and bad skin, I come to a different conclusion because I am considering the gluten in that makeup. The same way the chef should have considered the contaminated oil the fries were fried in.

When I discovered a few years ago that my skin issues ceased when I started wearing gluten-free makeup, I discussed it with a dermatologist. She told me that I stopped being affected because I stopped eating gluten, not because I stopped wearing it.

If her argument is that gluten intolerance is a gastrointestinal issue that only causes damage when ingested and not when used topically, I understand that. (I won’t bring up how much lipstick we ingest…) The damage caused by ingesting gluten is not limited to gastrointestinal issues, so celiac disease may indeed manifest in the form of skin issues when gluten is ingested.

However, wouldn’t celiacs do well to assume that gluten can cause contact dermatitis and come into contact with it as little as possible? After all, peanut allergies cause issues for some people when peanuts are ingested but can also cause allergic contact dermatitis. Internal and external triggers are not mutually exclusive when dealing with food intolerances.

Our skin absorbs into our bodies what we put on it. We know that celiac disease is a gastrointestinal issue, but we don’t yet know if it’s only a gastrointestinal issue. To passively assume that gluten is only an issue when ingested means that we are not actively seeking the knowledge necessary to support that claim.

Experimenting on myself is certainly not the most scientific way of doing things. But in the absence of scientific proof (and a sample size >1), I fall back on logic. If I see that something is causing my skin to react badly, I will stop using that thing. Much like if I feel better when I don’t eat gluten, then I will stop eating gluten.

It surprised me that when I first went to my dermatologist with the scaly patches around my eyes, she didn’t do more research about my condition. After all, the more you know, the more you’ll know. Now my dermatologist seems more open to the idea that my skin issues were in fact a reaction to gluten, even if she isn’t sold on the idea of it being the fault of the eyeshadow.

Though we may not know conclusively the relation between glutenous beauty products and skin issues, we can use reason and understanding to form a hypothesis. From there, we can embark on the path to conclusive knowledge.

Copyright © 2015 Celia Kaye
All Rights Reserved

Celia Kaye is the name under which writer-filmmaker Kaitlin Puccio pens articles about her experience with gluten sensitivity. Kaitlin has written a forthcoming children’s book on Celiac and gluten sensitivity for the Celia Kaye lifestyle brand, and has been a contributor to MindBodyGreen.com. Follow her on Twitter, like her on Facebook, and visit her at CeliaKaye.com.

High School Senior Asks Selena Gomez To Prom In Epic Lip Sync Video

Prom has long been known as a night to remember. For Enterprise High School senior Cole LaBrant, such a night might just include his celebrity crush.

Fans of Dem White Boyz on Vine have seen the Alabama teen’s dance moves before, but now he’s using them in an epic promposal video for Selena Gomez. The dance is set for March, but the Vine star posted the video months early giving the singer and actress plenty of time to respond.

The video, which took 10 days to shoot and edit, shows Cole lip syncing to Selena’s hits like “Love You Like a Love Song” and “Slow Down” while on the beach, in a cornfield and even on railroad tracks. He also did his homework and threw in some songs from her bestie Taylor Swift.

When asked why he chose Sel, Cole had a lot to say about the way she handles her celebrity lifestyle.

“It’s a crazy life, but she’s kept a level head,” he said. “She’s someone I look up to. She’s someone who knows who she is, and I respect that a lot.”

The heart wants what it wants, and we hope Selena accepts Cole’s offer.

Follow HuffPost Teen on Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr | Pheed |

The ABC's of Avoiding ACL Injuries While Skiing

Back in the day, skiers had to worry about breaking a leg out on the slopes, but better bindings technology has now made leg fractures from skiing fairly rare. Unfortunately, anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) tears are the new ski injury of this era. According to Vermont Safety Research, more than 20,000 skiers suffer ACL injuries each year.

The good news is that a little education can go a long way in reducing the risk. The ACL is the main knee ligament that basically connects the femur (thigh bone) with the tibia (shin bone). The medial collateral ligament (MCL), lateral collateral ligament (LCL) and posterior cruciate ligament (PCL) also help keep the knee stable. The MCL in particular often tears along with the ACL in skiing falls, but the MCL can usually heal on its own.

2015-01-26-1DSC07215_edited.jpg

Boot-Induced ACL Tear & Phantom Foot ACL Tear
Understanding how the ACL tears during skiing is the key to avoiding an injury. One cause is a “boot-induced” ACL tear when landing off-balance from a jump. The impact and the pressure of the stiff back of the boot drive the tibia out from under the femur to tear the ligament. Of course, not hucking big air is the simplest way to avoid this injury cause, but for those who prefer to fly, landing simultaneously on both skis with the knees flexed is the safe technique.

The more common scenario is called the “phantom foot” ACL tear. Much like modern race car crashes, the spectacular incidents are not necessarily the ones that result in injuries. Often looking rather tame, a slow, twisting backwards fall can set up the classic “phantom foot” situation.

2015-01-26-2knee_diagram.jpg

Along with the stiff back of the boot, the tail of the downhill ski acts like a “phantom foot” in a backwards fall. The tail works as a lever to put a twisting force on the knee. Out of natural instinct, the skier reaches back with the uphill arm or even sits down to break the fall. The weight shift backward actually increases the knee strain. Another mistake is trying to stand up while still sliding after a fall.

Research by Dr. Robert Johnson, Dr. Jasper Shealy and Carl Ettlinger has led to simple recommendations for avoiding the disastrous “phantom foot” combination. If a fall seems imminent, keep arms forward, feet together, and hands over the skis. In the most basic terms, falling forward or to the side is preferable to falling straight backwards. Also, remember that a controlled fall is better than fighting to stay upright and ending up in a more awkward position for the knees.

2015-01-26-3DSC00374.jpg

Tips to Avoid ACL Injury
(from Vermont Safety Research)

  • Keep arms forward
  • Keep feet together
  • Keep hands over skis
  • Do not try to fully straighten your legs during a fall
  • Do not try to sit down after losing control
  • Do not try get up until you have stopped sliding (unless it is to avoid obstacle)
  • Land jumps on both skis with knees flexed
  • Recognize potentially dangerous situations

Getting Ready

  • Make sure you’re physically ready for the slopes
  • Learn the proper technique and routinely correct poor technique
  • Take occasional breaks, especially when you’re tired
  • Injures on the slopes do occasionally occur. Taking the necessary precautions will help you prevent them from happening and allow you to keep skiing all season long.

2015-01-26-4searchlifttickets.png
Search Lift Tickets

By Eric Wagnon / @SkiingExaminer

Court Tosses Out Prostitution Conviction For Trans Woman Who Was Just Walking Down The Street

An Arizona appeals court has vacated a conviction against a transgender woman who was profiled for sex work, creating new hope that she might receive justice.

Monica Jones, a transgender woman of color, has been a vocal critic of Phoenix’s sex work diversion program, Project ROSE, because of the way it sweeps many vulnerable young women into the criminal justice system. The women are picked up off the street — without actually being arrested — and they are forced to either complete a Catholic Charities-run diversion program or they are then put under arrest. One of the reasons for its poor success rate is because any individual who has previously been arrested for sex work is ineligible for the program, thus many more women are arrested than actually “saved” from sex work. Because Phoenix’s law loosely interprets many behaviors as “intent to commit or solicit an act of prostitution,” many individuals are swept up who are not even engaging in sex work. That’s exactly what happened to Jones.

From the Ivory Tower Kitchen: Cooking Without a Tattoo

Tattoos, overhauls, long beards, and really customized gadgets seem to be some of the prevailing personal and professional statements in restaurant kitchens these days. The industry is increasingly in the hands of a generation of fearless artists who seem to be on a perpetual hunt for invention and re-invention, alike. Conventional and conservative thinking might be that we are possibly losing too many core values and some of the rigor as they relate to the art of cooking. “Where is the respect for tradition and culture?” some may wonder. To be a bad-ass in the kitchen is to be great. While the passing of the culinary baton may be on hold, it is inevitable. From all it seems, the industry is increasingly in better hands each day because many young cooks seem to genuinely care about its well-being and continue to turn the wheels which keep it moving forward and aligned for a better future. Some are learning to be urban farmers in addition to being ambassadors for their craft. They are questioning the status quo just as they are celebrating tradition. Contemporary and often unique perspectives are challenging the comfortable. I’m not singling out the tattoo. It is simply a metaphor for all that may be construed as being edgy. Unfortunately, the same tattoos which shine as beacons of artistic expression are sometimes being embraced impressionably as a guarantee of ability.

I am neither a traditional nor a tattoo-bearing bad-ass. I am a cook who welcomes tradition, culture, change, and adventure in the kitchen. I bow to the masters as much as I am inspired by the youth of today. After all, many will undoubtedly be the masters of tomorrow. To deem decades of knowledge gained by deep thinking and masterful practice obsolete or irrelevant is to turn back the clock of the very same progress that is being touted by contemporary methodologies. By the same token, it would be foolish to disregard the potential of progressive-minded modern-day cooks who are re-thinking and even improving standards of achievement and legacy.

There is merit in the belief that it is harder to push the envelope of creativity in the kitchen these days than it perhaps was a few decades ago. Almost everything has either been done before or abandoned for good reason. One would be hard-pressed to not find a recipe online for just about any combination of ingredients. The world is a much smaller place and frequently, the old adage of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, is being both distorted and abused. But credit should be given where credit is due. The best young cooks are doing many things the right way. They are being consummate students of history as they trail blaze their way through the culinary landscape.

In the perfect world, the practice and teaching of great cooking should not be too far apart. The professional kitchen is a place to experience both. And one doesn’t need a tattoo to blaze ahead of the group. Although, having one in and of itself doesn’t preclude the prospect of success. Thankfully, the earrings I’ve been wearing in both ears for over two decades did not stifle the opportunities presented to me.

Nicholas Kristof Still Disagrees With Bill Maher On Radical Islam

Nicholas Kristof was sitting next to Ben Affleck in October of 2014 as the actor famously sparred with Bill Maher over the principles of radical Islam. When Affleck accused Maher of being “racist” and “gross” for claiming radical Islam is “the only religion that acts like the mafia, that will f–king kill you if you say the wrong thing, draw the wrong picture or write the wrong book,” Kristof announced that he agreed with the “Batman” actor, corroborating the sentiment in his New York Times column shortly thereafter.

This debate took place before the Muslim-led attacks on Charlie Hebdo in early January. But in a conversation with HuffPost Live on Monday, Kristof explained why, in the wake of increased religious violence from extremists, he’s still averse to making generalizations.

“It’s hard to push back after something like the Charlie Hebdo attacks, but I’ve traveled those area, and I know that kind of violence isn’t representative of 1.6 billion Muslim adherents,” he told host Alyona Minkovski. “Humans are complex. They’re varied. There’s an entire range of people. There are good Americans and bad Americans, and that we kind of understand, and the same is true of the Muslim community or any other faith community.”

Maher had additional harsh words for the Islamic faith after the Charlie Hebdo shooting, declaring that “when there are that many bad apples, there’s something wrong with the orchard.” Knowing the visibility that Maher’s words hold, Kristof worries that sentiment will exacerbate the pre-existing prejudice towards Muslims.

“People have the right to that opinion,” he said, “Whether it were a comedian or a politician or a journalist, we have to be wary of broad-brushed critiques in ways that can cause great damage to people. There’s a real risk that we ‘other-ize’ people.”

“There’s no doubt that there’s a real problem with extremism within Islam,” he continued. “That is a real threat — and the Islamic community has to fight it, we could do a better job from the outside with fighting it, but that doesn’t mean we should be tarring all 1.6 billion Muslims with that kind of extremism.”

Watch more from Nichols Kristof’s conversation with HuffPost Live here.

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live’s morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before!

Can Hair Masks Really Repair Split Ends? And Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About This Treatment

Let’s be real, most people only use hair masks to fix their severely dry locks or over-processed colored strands. This deep-conditioning treatment is like a last resort when it comes to at-home hair care, especially if you’re nervous about what your stylist might do with those split ends.

Hair masks are just as beneficial, if not more so, than regular conditioners. Unlike a typical conditioner that rests on the surface of a strand, a hair mask works its way inside the hair cuticle. While the products boast repairing hair damage, regular application of a hair mask can “impart shine, help with manageability and work to nourish the cuticle,” according to Joel Warren, master colorist and co-founder of Warren-Tricomi salons.

If you’ve ever wondered about the type of hair mask you should be using or whether you’re even applying it correctly, HuffPost Style interviewed four experts and got the answers to your most pressing questions. Here’s the lowdown.

Once your hair has split, repairing with a hair mask is impossible.

This is actually a common misconception, Marie Robinson Salon colorist and Wella Professionals ambassador Mark Debolt told us. “These masks act like a Band-Aid to smooth and mend frayed ends. The only true remedy for split ends is a haircut appointment,” said Debolt.

However, British celebrity hairstylist Mark Hill noted that using a mask regularly will disguise the damage by packing hair strands with moisture to make them feel thicker and stronger. He added, “It won’t cure them, but it will help prevent any more damage.”

In order to know your hair mask needs, you must know your hair type.

For dry or wavy/curly hair that tends to frizz, Warren recommended masks that are intensely moisturizing. For thinner or flatter hair types, this pro suggested looking to masks with proteins to add strength.

People who have oily hair usually do not need a conditioning treatment unless their hair is badly damaged, according to Rachel Carter, a stylist at Dyer & Posta salon in Kennesaw, Georgia. They should use a wash-in/wash-out treatment since a hair mask can cause the hair to become oilier.

Even though there are different hair masks for different hair types and textures, you should really read the ingredients label.

Debolt’s favorite hair masks are comprised of unique combinations of oils like almond oil (very hydrating but lightweight and great for finer hair types), jojoba oil (best for fragile, dry ends and highlighted hair) and panthenol (derived from Vitamin B5 that binds with water molecules to moisturize dehydrated hair).

Hill said he also favors argan oil for its nourishing and moisturizing properties that leave hair healthy, smooth and shiny, as well as these three ingredients:

Wheat proteins — aids penetration and helps prevent breakage; great for any hair type and particularly finer textures.

Keravis — increases the strength of the hair and protects from heat; best for damaged hair due to heat styling tools.

Bamboo/fern extract — gives structure and strength to the hair; those with fine hair will benefit the most.

Hair masks made of henna work wonders for restoring moisture naturally, but beware of build-up.

“There are several benefits to using henna hair masks,” said Warren. “First, the plant produces a natural, temporary ingredient from its leaf called lawsone, which binds with proteins and helps to seal the cuticle and prevent split ends. Henna also has cooling and conditioning properties that soothe the scalp and prevent itchiness and dandruff, while intensely nourishing the hair.”

However, Debolt told us we shouldn’t get too entranced by the subtle glimmer of tint henna imparts because an accumulation of henna can handicap a colorist’s ability to add highlights.

Do-it-yourself hair masks really work but it depends on the concoction.

“Hair masks are all about moisture,” explained Warren. “There are plenty of ingredients found in your kitchen that can be applied to the hair to hydrate it, such as yogurt, mayonnaise, honey and olive oil.”

Carter advised us to make sure to completely shampoo your homemade mask out when you are finished. Nobody wants to sleep on messy sheets or pillows.

To get optimal results, this is how you should apply hair masks:

First, shampoo as you normally would. “The warm water opens up the cuticles on your hair. This allows the mask to penetrate into the hair’s structure (a regular conditioner only tends to sit on the outside of your hair),” said Hill.

Then towel-dry hair and choose the best hair mask for your needs. Spread the product evenly onto locks, from roots to ends, and comb through with your fingers or a wide-tooth comb. Carter’s pro tip: those with flat and fine hair types should apply masks to the ends to avoid weighing the hair down.

For maximum benefits, Warren recommends leaving hair masks on for 20-30 minutes and covering your head with a warm towel. If hair is extremely damaged, try leaving it on overnight. To remove, rinse with cool water and re-shampoo/condition.

In need of hair mask recommendations? Shop the picks below.