Jan 29

Everything We Really Need to Know About Social Media We Learned in Kindergarten

Posted in: Today's Chili

We live in a culture virtually enveloped by digital media, 24/7. For adults and children alike, social media has become central to our very identities — both in how we interact with our close friends and family, and in the many ways we present ourselves to, and engage with, our broader worlds. As I prepare to speak at a symposium about the influence of social media on our children’s development, I have been acutely aware of my own behavior as someone for whom social media has become essential to both my professional and personal lives.

Just this morning, I was in a 5 a.m. taxi headed to the airport, and realized how cold and rude my behavior may have seemed to my cab driver, who kept talking to me as my eyes stayed glued to my phone checking early morning emails and posts. He was right there in the front seat, and I’m not proud to say that I was too wrapped up in a different conversation to respond gracefully. I think most of us have some version of that kind of digital distraction that doesn’t reflect who we truly aspire to be.

When it comes to our kids, the worries are multiplied. Just the other night, I heard a story from my friend of three boys who were seniors at a local school. They were expelled from school over an unfortunate sexting incident, the latest case of a growing national phenomenon. We are concerned, rightly, about our children’s privacy, online bullying and about a digital trail of youthful indiscretion that can follow our children in ways they may not consider — concerns we never had to worry about when we were their age. It is overwhelming to us all as our policies and educational systems struggle to keep up with the speed of our ever-changing digital world.

The good news? We can find some encouragement and comfort by going back to the pre-digital basics and keeping it simple with common sense from the heart. Because almost everything we need to know about helping our kids navigate and use social media productively and happily we all learned ourselves in kindergarten. Here’s what I mean about some old-fashioned rules we can apply to the new digital road:

1. Walk Before You Run: Go slow when introducing social media to your children. Just as you carefully selected your child’s first library of books, take the time to put together a resource list of tools and sites that are an appropriate fit for them developmentally.

2. Listen First, Talk Next: We can use social media to learn about and listen to dialogues our children are having. This is the most important lesson of the #IWillListen campaign. Having a trusting, open relationship with our children is a key element in building a foundation for navigating through these tricky issues. As parents we have to be present to hear what our children are expressing about their lives, online and off.

3. Play Nice in the Sandbox: It seems like such a simple idea, to play nice with others. But too often we know social media is associated with meanness. It doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to have social media with soul — using this remarkable digital technology to make meaningful connections, recognize and champion others, acknowledge the feelings we and others may have and draw families and friends closer together even when we are geographically distant. Social media can do that, but only when we act with integrity and presence.

4. Look Both Ways Before Crossing (and hold my hand!). Each time your child enters into a new social media platform, it’s critical to take the time to make sure you and they understand the dynamics and implications. So, just like crossing the street for the first time, parents need to stay close.

5. Take a Nap, and Get Your Rest! Sometimes we need to take a break from it all. When we disconnect our connections are so much more meaningful. We adults have learned later in life that there’s too much of a good thing when it comes to social media. Taking time to unplug is essential.

6. Color Outside the Lines. As in other areas of life and learning we want to teach our children not to be afraid to be their own person, online and off. Just because their friends are on social media, it doesn’t mean they have to be. Kids need our support in whatever choices are authentic and comfortable for them. I am probably the only mother on the planet who wishes that her adolescent son would get a cell phone and use a little bit of social media.

7. Tell the Truth! Being aware and honest about your own use of, and feelings about, social media is key to having meaningful conversations and connections with your children. Opening up authentically about your own questions and concerns can lead to productive dialogues with kids of any age. Honesty is the first step towards awareness and awareness can lead to healthy choices and change.

8. Perhaps Most Importantly, Practice What You Preach! Long before kids have spoken their first words, they are watching and observing us. That’s why it’s critical for parents to model healthy social media use, for both work and personal communications. If you are feeling, or are observing, smartphone and social media addictions in your self or your children, put yourselves on a social media diet and say no. This is one frontier where kids and parents are truly exploring together how to find the right balance. A few unplugged hours outside together as a family can work wonders in many ways!

In the end, social media is an extension of what we already know, say and feel about ourselves. And the basic rules of good behavior still apply. The immediacy, pace, and multiplier effect is new, and that can be both scary and empowering for us all. It’s up to us to decide if we can infuse these tools with the values that make us truly human — at every stage of our lives.

You can read more from Janine Francolini about social and emotional learning as well as bringing more soul to your social media here:

Social Media with Soul
Emotions Matter
Back to School With Heart

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Jan 29

An American In Cuba – Part IV

Posted in: Today's Chili

2015-01-16-5copy.jpgThis is part IV of a V-part series on my experiences in Cuba. Read Part I, Part II and Part III.

Today we are going to check into the Melia Cohiba, part of a Spanish chain of hotels I love in both Bali and Madrid.

Cousin Ofelia feeds us precious eggs for breakfast, then as we wait for our driver, Armandito, she takes me down to the street and tours me around the small mercados on her block. These are the Cuban stores the locals shop in, where their ration books are good. At the first stall, I see the scales where the ration book chicken is weighed, and note, dismayed, that there is exactly one shelf along the back where dry goods share space with a small bottle of oil. “That is why we have so little oil,” Ofelia tells me in her slow English. “It is all we get each month.” The vegetables at the next stall look fairly fresh; next to it is a butcher’s counter and Ofelia points out the price list of the nearly unattainable free market meat. The closest I can come to comparing their plight in Western terms would be sending a homeless guy into a 5-star hotel and telling him he can stay here. He could, if he only had the $600+ a night for a room.

Once we arrive at the Cohiba (a mere $250 a night), we bring everyone inside, expecting to show them our hotel room after we check in. We have paid for the room in advance, as no Americans’ credit cards are honored in Cuba. Nor do ATMs exist here; we are on a strict cash basis the whole time, and woe to any American who doesn’t bring enough dollars for their full stay, including the exit visa. It’s the only civilized place I know of where Americans are cut off from the world — no internet (except in the large hotels), no banks, no cell phones (unless you arrange for a local one in advance — the Miami non-profit, Explore International where I obtained my visa and license, can arrange this for you). No cash would mean no way to buy communication, either, possibly a welcome change for some of us in the modern world.

We check-in with no trouble, but are shocked to learn that Cubans are not allowed past the lobby. We cannot even bring the family to the room to see it. I promise to take lots of photos and they wait as we race up to the room to drop our things, shaking our heads at the unfair and embarrassing circumstance.2015-01-16-3copy.jpg But the truth is, they are used to it — until recently, Cubans could only enter their little mercados, not the shops open to the visitors or even the larger supermarkets, should they be so lucky as to have the exorbitant cash needed to buy something there.

Back in our spectacular 1955 Chevy, I get the same driving tour by day as I received the night before, sadly noting that Old Havana and its gracious homes look better by night; during the day, the run-down, bedraggled facades are more obvious, the city far less romantic. We drive to the center of the quarter, to Hemingway’s other favorite watering hole — La Bodeguita del Medio, literally, “the Little Store in the Middle.” The downstairs bar is packed with an atlas of tourists, and we make our way up narrow staircases two stories above, the music of each floor’s band accompanying us en route. Every square inch of La Bodeguita’s walls is covered in the graffiti of the world’s visitors. Somewhere in here, Hemingway signed “My dacquiri is La Floridita, my mojito is La Bodeguita,” the latter half of which is now reproduced on the paper placemats. On the top floor, seven of us — five Cubans and two Americans — cram tightly at a table along the open windows, and order a round of delicious mojitos along with a variety of Cuban food: fried and roast pork, stewed chicken, black beans and rice. The total for lunch is, again, five to seven months’ salary for any one of the locals. We stay for hours, listening to the raucous 5-piece band singing three-part harmony on everything from a Spanish version of “Killing Me Softly” to covers of modern Latin pop songs, Tio Arcadio gets up to dance with several of the other tourists, and I steal away for a moment to add our names to one of the graffiti walls.

2015-01-16-4copy.jpgAfter lunch, we wander down to the spectacular church at Plaza Cathedral, strolling across the cobblestones. We stop at a tourist trap too charming to ignore: two dark-skinned Cuban women dressed all in white, their heads done up in white scarves like Mammy in Gone With the Wind, sit smoking fat stogies and laughing dirty laughs, while people pay a Chavito apiece to have their photo taken. I can’t resist, and after I pose, Tio Arcadio pops down between them, puffing away on his lit cigar as their laughter echoes around the square.

I stop to feed a half-dozen stray cats the single piece of American cheese I have in my bag, rejected earlier by a dog who was either not hungry or recognized that it wasn’t real cheese. They mew politely and rub against my ankles as they nibble the bits of orange I throw on the cobblestones. No one bothers them or bothers about them.

2015-01-16-2copy.jpgMy girlfriend steers us all towards the horse-drawn carriages lining the side of the square, and I am instructed to be quiet so they can negotiate the local price. I think it will be clear from my pale skin and red hair that I’m not Cuban, but I keep my mouth shut and soon the seven of us are riding in two carriages. We pass along the waterfront just as Golden Hour is beginning, the sun turning the sky pink and warm and lighting an immense marble statue of the Christ on the distant hill. At street level, I enjoy the long, lean lines of a row of antique convertible Chevys — pink, red, white, blue — strutting their stuff despite being parked.

The carriage driver tells us the very best mojito is at a bar called Dos Hermanos (Two Brothers) which claims to be the oldest bar in Cuba, and we agree to stop. The drinks are only $3 US each, and my friend generously buys them for our drivers as well, and we all sit to enjoy the delicious local specialty and listen to the Cuban band. At one point, some of the staff come over, and the next thing I know, I am being twirled around the floor in front of the mahogany bar, next to a young European girl who is also game to dance. Afterwards, the drivers drop us off at one of the main squares, and we hook back up with Armandito.

2015-01-16-1copy.jpgOn the way to the hotel, we stop at the Buena Vista Social Club, as I am a huge fan of the CDs released over the years, and am hoping to see them that night. But as we climb to the top floor of the multi-story venue, I become disenchanted. Tickets are US $50 each, and I can see that the tables are crowded together. Tonight, I know they will be full of tourists listening to a show put on for visitors, more production than performance. When we descend to the box office, I decline the opportunity, preferring to focus on the smaller, more authentic bands I have been hearing everywhere we go.

Back at the hotel in the early evening, meaning to go out that night, we drift into a nap that lasts until morning. It’s been wonderful but exhausting, and now we are refreshed for our last day in Havana.

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Jan 29

Triple Amputee Veteran Martin Pollock Now Surfs With The Best Of Them

Posted in: Today's Chili

After an improvised explosive devise took both of Martin Pollock’s legs and part of his left arm in 2010, he did everything he could to get his active lifestyle back.

Pollock was 29 years old and serving as a rifleman in Afghanistan for the British Army when the explosion happened. He went home to England as a triple amputee and tried to carry on with normal life. He bought a car and a house. He went to the gym. He continued to work on his walking.

He was determined to be as active as he possibly could, but “I had no real plans for anything in particular,” he told The Huffington Post.

One of his biggest challenges, Pollock said, was getting his prosthetics to fit properly.

“I spent 2 1/2 years trying to get my leg sockets to fit into the prosthetics,” he said. “It’s the most important part to be able to walk. If the socket is no good, nothing else matters.”

At the beginning of one of Pollock’s routine rehab visits in 2012, he heard about a sponsored trip to California hosted by Operation Surf, a nonprofit that assists the rehabilitation of wounded active duty servicemen through adaptive surfing.

Before his injury, Pollock played soccer, ran, mountain biked — but he had never surfed. “I always thought it looked fun,” he said.

He signed up.

That October, Pollock flew to Avila Beach on California’s central coast. He spent the week learning how to sit up on a surfboard and ride the waves. For the first time in a long while, he felt the stoke of adrenaline that only surfing can offer.

He also became aware of his body in new ways.

With his body weightless in the water, Pollock was able to feel the exact parts of his sockets that caused him pain. He went home, twisted a screw on his prosthetic a couple of times and, he says, he’s been walking more ever since.

“Surfing hasn’t just changed my life, it has become my life,” he told HuffPost.

Pollock has braved the cold Atlantic waters of Cornwall, England, to continue his new passion, and he’s paid his own way back to California to join other Operation Surf events.

The practice has paid off.

The veteran is already taking on big waves — “the bigger, the better,” he says — and is now sharing the spotlight with surfing legends. In the below video, Pollock surfs in Hawaii alongside big-wave surfing pioneer Laird Hamilton, whom he met at an Operation Surf event.

(Story continues below)

The video, which was shot this past winter by Hamilton, was nominated for Surfline.com’s 2015 GoPro of the World, an annual video contest with a grand prize of $20,000. First place usually goes to a high-profile surfer, and Pollock’s entry is up against some of the sport’s biggest names, like Sunny Garcia and Jamie Sterling.

Whether he wins the contest or not, Pollock’s entry definitely offers a lesson in perseverance. His new-found “stoke” shows what a little salt water and a whole lot of perseverance can do.

“Everything I do now is to enable me to surf,” Pollock said. “It’s even been a mental healer. Whenever I’m in a tough spot or feeling down, I just go to the coast or watch a surf video to feel better.”

H/T The Inertia

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Jan 29

An Open Letter to Apple From Parents Everywhere

Posted in: Today's Chili

Dear Apple,

I am an avid Apple product user. So firstly, I thank you for bringing the iPhone into my life to keep my calendar organized. I’m grateful that the iPad exists for long car rides. I love my Macbook Air. And I truly thank you for putting me in control of what I watch with my child by creating the Apple TV’s on demand experience and partnering with educational providers like PBS Kids. You’ve done so much right.

But, there is one place I regret to inform you that you missed the mark. And I think I speak for parents everywhere when I ask this question:

How did you think that the Apple TV control being a sleek thin silver bit of nothingness was a good idea?

For single people in their 20’s, sure, it’s a beautiful design, but for anyone with a kid, I can assure you, it has created a special kind of hell…

The sheer amount of time I have spent looking for that sucker…

It usually goes something like this:

“Mommy, can we watch the Wild Kratts?”

“Sure, turn it on. You know how to use the Apple TV…”

“But… where’s the Apple TV remote?”

[The rest of this conversation takes place in my head]

“In the name of all that is holy where is that thing…
We can’t possibly have lost it again. AGAIN.
Let’s look under the magazines. Nope… How about behind the pillow, under the coffee table. Nope, nope and nope…. Where the F*** is it?”

And then inevitably I reach my hand into the back of the sofa, or in a shoe, or at the bottom of a container that I thought still had popcorn in it and voila! There it is, the pixie-sized remote control that is the bane of my, and I’m pretty sure all technologically inclined parents’ existence.

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Above is my actual Apple TV remote. Note the stickers as an attempt to make it easier to see… (sadly it doesn’t actually help and now the remote is a little sticky…)

Suggestion…

How about a family-sized remote? Don’t care about the aesthetics, just that we can find it. Make it flourescent green, put flashing lights on it, make it the size of the phone Zack Morris used in Saved By The Bell. Just please, for the love of all that is holy, stop making me look for it.

I believe I speak on behalf of parents everywhere with this plea:

We want to use your products, we just don’t want our children to keep losing them… because looking for something nearly as thin as a credit card amongst transformers, books, blankets, shoes, backpacks, crayons, and snacks… well… it might just make us lose our minds.
If you do come out with a new remote, tell me. I swear I will write an article about it.

Sincerely,

Tammy

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Jan 29

'Strange Magic' Is Just That – George Lucas Meets Shakespeare

Posted in: Today's Chili

2015-01-22-StrangeMagic.jpg
George Lucas has turned his charms onto the tale, Strange Magic, a new animated film, that is a madcap fairy tale musical inspired by Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Popular songs from the past six decades help tell the tale of a colorful cast of goblins, elves, fairies and imps, and their hilarious misadventures sparked by the battle over a powerful potion. KIDS FIRST! Film Critic Keefer B. comments, “The animation and design are exquisite. The character designs look exactly like something George Lucas create.”

Strange Magic
Reviewed by Keefer C. B., KIDS FIRST! Critics, age 14

This is an original, visionary, animated musical, inspired by a classic tale by William Shakespeare. An assortment of characters, from fairies to goblins to elves, who live in two different worlds clash over a magical love potion. Their encounter teaches them all that everyone deserves to be loved.

While the story is inspired by Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night Dream, George Lucas has adapted this story in a manner that is enjoyable for younger audiences. That’s not an easy task to do, especially when taking Shakespeare’s work.

The film’s music spans several decades from nostalgic rock to pop and includes various love songs. The song choices are perfect for this film. Every song sets the tone for each scene whether it’s fast-paced action or slower-paced romance. While the songs appear spontaneously, they are where most of the comedy comes from, and the characters poke fun at them from time to time.

It also helps when there are magnificent voice actors portraying the character. This film has a talented cast. I have a huge respect for voice actors because all the character’s emotions comes solely from their voice. In this film, every actor successfully does that.

The animation and design are exquisite. The character designs look exactly like something George Lucas create. The forest is literally flourishing with life. We see beautiful fairies to the impressive goblins we see incredibly rich details showing their scales, teeth and wings. And, their movements are fluid and believable. You are successfully transported into their world.

My favorite character is the Bog King (Alan Cumming). Not only do I admire the mosquito look of his character, but also the voice actor who plays him, Alan Cumming. Alan is a wonderful performer whether it’s stage or film. He is a capable singer and actor which he proves again in his portrayal of this character.

My favorite scene is the duel duet between the Bog King and Marianne (Evan Rachel Wood). This is where the animators really show off their skills. The fight is swift and the witty comments between the two characters share make the scene even more entertaining.

The message this film stresses is that everyone deserves love. The love potion supposedly makes the person you love feel the same way towards you. However, through a misunderstanding, the Bog doesn’t think any can love him, even with a love potion.

I give this film 5 out of 5 stars and recommended it to 5 through 18-year-olds. Adults will enjoy this too. Kids might be amazed by the imaginative animation and parents can enjoy the blast-from-the-past music.

Strange Magic
Samantha A., KIDS FIRST! Critics, age 11

Strange Magic is an animated film about two worlds. One where there is happiness, singing and love in the air. In the second world, everything is evil, with mystery around every corner and its leader — a dark, heartless king called “the bog king” (voice by Alex Cumming) that bans all love in his dark world. These two worlds have always been separated until one fairy princess named Marianne, (voice by Evan Rachel Wood) crosses the barrier and changes everything.

I have to admit, this movie is different from anything I have ever seen before, but I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing. It is a musical and most of the songs are songs that have been on the radio by popular artists. For example, Kelly Clarkson’s “What Doesn’t Kill You Stronger” and that is something I liked. But, something I am not a fan of are things that happen in the movie and how the movie is directed at children, but has some very mature things in it.

This movie is unpredictable which isn’t a good thing all the time. This movie takes a turn that I had no idea how it even happened, to be honest. I don’t even know how it got to where it ended. It all went so fast that I didn’t get time to understand what was happening at the moment. Other times, it is kind of cool seeing what is happening next. But overall, I didn’t exactly like how things move so fast and I never really got the concept of what was going on.

One thing that I love about the movie is that the characters are different. There are fairies, goblins and imps. I really liked that mythical feel of the movie.

This movie may look like it’s for kids but trust me, it’s not. There are things that I didn’t even understand so I doubt that kids and younger than me will understand what is happening at all. There are also some mature scenes in the movie that made me unsure if it is kid-friendly or not. For example, the husband cheats on his wife on their wedding day. That happened within the first 20 minutes of the movie.

I am recommending this movie for ages 10 to 13 because it still has a kid-friendly touch that would draw little kids in. But, like I said, it does have some mature scenes. I am giving this movie 3 out of 5 stars because it isn’t something I liked but I know that some kids would. Gary Rydstrom, the director and George Lucas, the writer do a good job on this film but it is just not something I personally enjoyed.

2015-01-22-Keefer.2014.LR.jpg
Keefer B., age 14, KIDS FIRST! Film Critic

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Samantha A., Age 11, KIDS FIRST! Film Critic

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Jan 29

Iggy Azalea Goes On Rant After Alleged Steve Madden Photos Surface, Calls It 'Most Disgusting Photo Shoot Ever'

Posted in: Today's Chili

Hip-hop artist Iggy Azalea is slated to release a shoe collaboration with Steve Madden in February, but it seems like there might be a little trouble in paradise.

Earlier Thursday, Azalea caught wind of alleged photos on what she referred to as a “random” Tumblr page and wasted no time at all to express her feelings about the campaign. Azalea has since deleted her tweets, and the Tumblr page in question is now password-protected.

croissant

For the duration that the Tumblr page was open to the public, Internet users (including HuffPost Style) were able to see trippy images and gifs mixed with crotch shots of headless models, images of the star and floating text blocks with phrases including “Modern-day Spice Girls,” and “Unapologetic, loud and fun.” An unattributed quote also appeared on the page saying, “I wanted to make shoes your girlfriends would love and your boyfriends wouldn’t understand.”

The photos of the shoes on the Tumblr page appeared to match images that Azalea Instagrammed in 2014, when she mentioned the upcoming collaboration.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for The Steve Madden Company told The Huffington Post:

“This was a lover’s quarrel. We love Iggy and are very excited about our collaboration. When you get two artists working together sometimes there are fireworks. It’s our creative differences that allow us to design an incredible collection and we are looking forward to sharing it with the world!”

Fans took to Twitter to post images of the Tumblr page. Take a look below.

HuffPost Style has reached out to representatives for Iggy Azalea.

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Jan 29

36 Questions You're Sure to Hear in a Long-Term Marriage

Posted in: Today's Chili

The New York Times Modern Love column on Sunday, January 11 was a wildly popular piece entitled To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This. The author, Mandy Len Catron, wrote about how she and her partner fell in love when they first met, following an exercise during which they answered 36 questions created by Dr. Arthur Aron. The article was the catalyst for many conversations and comments, and resulted in 365,000 shares on Facebook. Clearly, there are many people in search of their true love.

This is an interesting proposition — that two people can fall in love simply by answering these 36 questions. I tend to agree with those who commented on the column that one makes a choice to fall in love, and that, as in Ms. Catron’s experience, these questions will lead to love if that’s what both people are hoping for.

I thought it might be interesting to interpret the questions based on long-term love vs. falling in love. How would the questions be different?* Might some of them be the same? Might some of them not be questions at all? Would any long-married couple really want to go through this exercise in the first place?

Please note: some of the questions have the same corresponding questions for long-married couples. This is not a mistake – some questions need to be asked a few times.

Here are the original questions and my alternative choices for long-time couples (in italics).

Set 1:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Is your family coming over again? We just saw them!

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
You’re not going to put that on Facebook, are you?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
Did you call your mother for her birthday?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
I’ll be gone all day, you’ll have the house to yourself. Is that ok?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
For goodness sake, can you please stop whistling/humming/singing out of tune?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do I look fat in these pants?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Are you really going to eat that entire pizza by yourself? Did you take your Lipitor?

8. Name three things that you and your partner appear to have in common.
Did you use my toothbrush this morning?

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Thanks for taking out the trash. Can you pick up the dog poop in the yard?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
You don’t really want me to go to your high school reunion with you, do you?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
Haven’t I heard this story already? Like, a thousand times?

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Can you fix the remote?

Set 2:

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Where should we think about retiring?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
No, you cannot buy a motorcycle. Are you crazy?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Can you believe we’ve been married for 25 years?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?
Your friends are coming for Monday night football again?

17. What is your most treasured memory?
I told you about this last week. Why don’t you ever listen to me?

18. What is your most terrible memory?
I told you about this last week. Why don’t you ever listen to me?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
No you cannot buy a motorcycle. Are you crazy?

20. What does friendship mean to you?
What would we do without our friends?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Has it really been that long since we’ve had sex? Wow.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Five items? That’s all you can come up with after 25 years?

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people’s?
Your parents really did a number on you, didn’t they?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
My mother is moving in with us.

Set 3:

25. Make three true “we” statements each.
Did you forget our anniversary?

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
Did you use my toothbrush this morning?

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
Don’t forget to take your Lactaid.

28. Tell your partner what you like about him or her; be very honest this time, saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Do I look fat in these pants?

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Did you fart in bed again?

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Are you watching Father of the Bride again?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about him or her already.
Do I look fat in these pants?

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
How do you always know when something is bothering me?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Where are the passports?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash and save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Have you seen my keys? My glasses?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
We have the most wonderful kids, don’t we?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
I told you about this last week. Why don’t you ever listen to me?

*Some of these are based on personal experience. Not all. And I’m not telling which ones.

Originally published on Midlife Boulevard.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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Jan 29

A Fantastic Voyage To Northern California's Wine Country

Posted in: Today's Chili

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Livermore Vineyard in Tri-Valley, CA

When I lived in New York City after college, “wine country” seemed like an exotic, intimidating locale that I would never have the opportunity to explore. My impression couldn’t have been more off! Many years later, I live so close to Napa and Sonoma that I go about twice a month — and have explored wineries and tasting rooms all over California. What I love about it is that it offers something for everyone. Whether you’re a newbie wine connoisseur or an aficionado looking for new places to explore, I bet this wine country extravaganza has something for you.

Let’s start with Napa; since as the most famous name of California wine country, it’s a great place to begin our adventure. There’s much rivalry between those who love Napa and those who swing Sonoma. I’m here to tell you that you can like both. And with all the talk of getting off the beaten path (we’ll get there), I thought it’d be fun to start with the classics. First-time visitors to the area should start with a leisurely drive up Highway 29. Most of the wineries along that stretch don’t require reservations, and all the big names are there: Robert Mondavi, Domaine Chandon, Cakebread and Beringer. Just drive from Napa all the way to its northernmost town of Calistoga (you’ll know you’re there when you spot the castle, Castello di Amarosa — you can’t miss it), jumping out for tastings and tours as you see fit.

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Castello Di Amorosa, Calistoga, CA

After you’ve gotten the lay of the land, you’re ready for some additional don’t-miss classics. Start with Napa’s PlumpJack, known for its complex cabernet sauvignon. The popular spot dates back to the 1800s and sits squarely in the famous Oakville Appelation (home to Opus One, Screaming Eagle and Joseph Phelps). Other famous names include Caymus, in Rutherford, Charles Krug in St. Helena and Chateau Montelena, which famously beat French wines in the competition made famous in the movie Bottle Shock. It’s way north in Calistoga, so save some time for the drive. (Reservations are recommended for all of these properties.) Finally, driving the Silverado Trail is a must — head for Stag’s Leap Wine Cellars and go from there.

wine-bottleOne important movement in wine country is the rise in eco-friendly practices and sustainability. Benziger Family Winery (three generations of Benziger run the biz), in Sonoma, was a pioneer and still leads in organic and biodynamic farming. Its tours focus on the land, getting visitors out into the vineyards to learn about the soil and growing practices before hitting the tasting room. Also in Sonoma: Hamel Family Wines, a new destination winery organically farmed by two generations of the Hamel family. Activities include touring the caves, private dining and taking in the spectacular views of Sonoma Valley. Other popular wineries committed to sustainability include Napa’s Cade Estate, which boasts stunning views of the valley and Clif Family Farm, which uses organically grown grapes, recycled materials and a lighter glass. It runs an awesome tasting room called Velo in St. Helena. Some of Napa’s luxury properties are green as well. Yountville’s intimate Bardessono is considered by many as the ultimate eco-friendly resort and is one of only 3 LEED-certified platinum hotels in the country. Farther north, in rural Calistoga, Calistoga Ranch, whose general manager is nicknamed “Mother Nature,” is built into the trees and recycles all of its water.

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Newton Vineyards, St. Helena, CA

People often ask me about drinking and driving in wine country. Livermore, in the Tri-Valley east of San Francisco, is the only wine region that is reachable by train from the city, so it’s a great day trip for those who don’t want to deal with a car–guests often have a limo waiting at the train station. Wente Vineyards is the biggest and most famous–make time for lunch at its gorgeous restaurant (and don’t skip its famous lamb pastrami). Another favorite is McGrail Vineyards–it has a stunning patio on which to savor your vino. I’ve also taken a few really cool small group tastings in a luxury van or limo with Beau Wine Tours, which offers both boutique and name brand all-day options. (On a recent boutique winery tour, I had an amazing day with a young honeymooning couple and two sassy sisters from Texas.) Napa also has an active über presence now, and I’ve always wanted to hop onboard the Wine Train, which I’ve heard is excellent for beginners–plus, there are often specials associated with the downtown hotels. Staying in downtown Napa, which has exploded in recent years, is actually strategic for many reasons. First, there are loads (two dozen, give or take) of tasting room options. Getaway Adventures bike tours offers a lovely excursion to the beautiful and inviting Luna Vineyards, one of my very favorites, just outside of town. I love to bring its Italian wines home, when I can drag myself away from the gorgeous Tuscan patio. The Embassy Suites offers roomy accommodations and are just a ten-minute walk to the closest tasting rooms. Or stay at River Terrace Inn or the spectacular Westin Verasa, where an enormous salt-water hot tub awaits to help you sweat out any over-indulgence. In addition to the tasting rooms, it’s also a quick walk to yummy restaurants such as locals’ favorites ABC Bakery and Norman Rose Tavern, family-friendly Azzurro Pizzeria, Oenotri‘s sinful Italian and Turkish hot spot Tarla Grill. No designated driver needed! And don’t get me started on Oxbow Market. I go every single time I’m in Napa, even if it’s only a day trip. Hog Island oysters, C Casa’s delicious Latin fare (I’m partial to its breakfast), Ca Momi’s sinfully delicious pizzas and cheese plates from Oxbow Cheese & Wine Merchant, all under the same roof? Who can resist?

DaleSpeaking of food, it’s no secret that some of the best in the country is now served in Napa and Sonoma. Yountville especially has become the most famous foodie hot spot. The French Laundry is every bit as special as you’ve read–many people swear that a dinner at Thomas Keller’s institution is the best meal of their life. He also owns the more casual Ad Hoc (so good), Bouchon and Bouchon Bakery. Needless to say, Chef Keller is revered in that neck of the woods. You also can’t go wrong at Jeanty (I love sitting at the bustling bar) or Redd, which has a delicious brunch. One of my favorite meals this year was at Michael Chiarello’s Bottega. The antipasti was out of this world, and included house-cured prosciutto Tuscan salumi and melt-in-your-mouth cheeses.

I also still dream about the grilled acorn-fed pork shoulder loin, ricotta gnocchi “pillows” with old hen salsa and a potato ravioli filled with spinach ricotta, farm yard egg yolk and truffle sage brown butter. Trust me — go now.

Speaking of good eats, a few wineries offer unbelievable food and wine pairings. One fun option is the Royal Tasting at Castello di Amorosa, with the high-energy Mary Davidek. She takes you on a tour of the eccentric castle before settling in at a magnificent Tuscan table for a delicious and fun tasting of cheeses, homemade Italian fare and loads of wine. Also big is B Cellars, which this year moved from Calistoga to Oakville. The new digs include an interactive demonstration kitchen, and an incredible food and wine pairing is on offer.

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Silverado Resort and Spa, Napa

A favorite indulgence of mine is staying in one of the quaint cottages that are sprinkled throughout Napa. Silverado Resort & Spa is somewhat of an institution, and is great for couples. The well-known classic golf course just hosted the Frys.com Open on the PGA Tour; Relax afterwards at the spa, which offers both hard-core sports massage and a golf ball massage that uses the ball to work on knots. Nearby, The Cottages of Napa deliver a breakfast basket of Bouchon Bakery treats. And up in Calistoga, the Cottages of Grove Inn are so close to the town’s geyser you can see the steam when it goes off

Now that you’re basking in your own little cottage, and you’ve made your way through some tasting rooms and classic wineries, let’s push the envelope. Not that any of these wouldn’t be fabulous for beginners, but they’re usually not a first-timer’s immediate choice. I recently went to Newton Vineyard, which blew me away. It’s on a private estate whose neighbors limit tours to once a day, so it’s a real treat to go. The gardens are spectacular, like Alice In Wonderland, and we did a tasting on top of Spring Mountain. The stunning Pine Ridge Vineyards has a fabulous tasting at a glittery table in its caves, and there’s also a gorgeous patio for private tastings. The nearby Robinson Family Vineyards, is a charming small-lot, family-run winery that allows just one tasting at a time (make a reservation). One of my favorite varietals from California is pinot noir–specifically those from Russian River Valley of Sonoma. Healdsburg, home to that valley and Dry Creek and Alexander, is centered on a 19th Century plaza that’s absolutely adorable. Head to Jordan Winery, in Alexander Valley, which is simply stunning. Focused on Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay, the winery’s estate boasts a spectacular chateau with unforgettable views of the vineyards and gardens. Take a tour and then relax over a wine and cheese pairing.

Who’s coming with me?

Now It Counts is the new destination for Americans 50+ covering financial, health, beauty, style, travel, news, entertainment and sports. Read more at; http://nowitcounts.com

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Jan 29

India Woman Sues Uber After Reporting Driver Raped Her

Posted in: Today's Chili

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A woman who says an Uber driver raped her in New Dehli, India, on Thursday accused the company in a lawsuit filed in U.S. court of failing to properly investigate the alleged assailant’s background.

The woman’s lawyers filed the lawsuit in San Francisco, where the company is based, and asked the court to protect the woman’s identity.

The alleged rape last month prompted widespread protests in India against sexual violence and led to demands there for more effort to ensure women’s safety. It also added to the legal woes the ride-service company is facing around the globe even as it attracts more customers and investors. Protesters in India called for a permanent ban of Uber there.

“Our deepest sympathies remain with the victim of this horrific crime,” Uber spokeswoman Nairi Hourdajian said in a prepared statement. “We are cooperating fully with the authorities to ensure the perpetrator is brought to justice.”

The India woman’s lawsuit called Uber’s service a “modern-day equivalent of electronic hitchhiking” and accused the company of failing to ensure passengers’ safety. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages. The woman’s alleged assailant has been arrested and charged with her rape.

Law enforcement officials in India have interviewed a New Dehli-based Uber executive. New Delhi police official Brijendra Kumar Yadav said last month that there is a possibility of criminal charges against the company if police find evidence the company misrepresented the safety of its service.

A week after the woman reported that she was raped, prosecutors and Los Angeles and San Francisco jointly filed a lawsuit in state court accusing the company of exaggerating the quality of its background checks of California drivers. The California lawsuit says that Uber can’t claim its background checks are the best available because the company doesn’t require its drivers to submit their fingerprints for checking against a national criminal database.

On Dec. 17, Uber’s head of global safety posted a long comment on the company’s Web site promising to focus on rider safety while defending the company’s safety record.

“We are finding solutions in many places that range from polygraph exams that fill gaps in available data to adding our own processes on top of existing screening for commercial licenses,” wrote company security chief Philip Cardenas. “We are exploring new ways to screen drivers globally, using scientific analysis and technology to find solutions.”

The taxi alternative, valued at $40 billion, lets passengers summon cars through an app in more than 250 cities around the world. It faces multiples legal and regulatory challenges as it expands in the United States and abroad.

Copyright 2015 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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Jan 29

10 Novel Ways To Drop The Weight Fast

Posted in: Today's Chili

SPECIAL FROM Grandparents.com

Eat fewer carbs. Reduce portion size. Exercise more. All are solid strategies for shedding unwanted pounds. But sometimes you need a few extra tricks and tips to get the job done. Try these 10 novel ways to drop the weight fast:

1. Reward—or fine—yourself
Pay yourself $1 per workout to be spent on new workout gear or other non-edible treats at the end of the month. At the same time, “fine” yourself $5 for every missed workout and donate it to the charity of your choice, suggests Andrew Herr, president and CEO of Mind + Matter, LLC, a nutrition and human performance company in Arlington, VA.

2. Eat your veggies
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Eat your meal in order of lowest to highest calories: Start with veggies, then move on to lean protein. “By the time you reach those rich, starchy carbs (buttery mashed potatoes, anyone?) you will already be feeling nice and full,” says Deborah Orlick Levy, M.S., R.D., health and nutrition consultant at Carrington Farms, an organic foods company.

3. Have cake for breakfast
For real: A study from Tel Aviv University in Israel showed that obese patients who ate a breakfast that was high in protein and carbohydrates—including dessert!—were better at losing and keeping weight off than people who consumed a low-carb, low-calorie breakfast. Eating carbs and protein at the beginning of the day helps people feel full throughout the day, researchers theorize, and the sweet treat may reduce cravings.

4. Laugh it off
yoga laughing mature
It may look silly but laughter yoga, which combines self-induced laughter, yogic breathing and relaxation techniques, burns about 1.3 calories a minute. Practice it for 45 minutes a day and you’ll wind up 12 pounds lighter after a year. Go to Laughteryoga.org to connect with one of more than 6,000 clubs worldwide.

5. Get fit with a group
Working out is more fun with friends and that makes it easier to maintain a fitness routine and lose weight. “Join Meet-up groups for exercise where friends and people that share your interests hold you accountable,” suggests Matty Whitmore, a fitness trainer at Spectrum Athletic Clubs in the Los Angeles area.

6. Just stand up
mature standing desk
“One of my favorite tips is to stand up more during the day,” says Susie Garcia, R.D.N., author of “Psyched to be Skinny: How to Stop Emotional Eating, Enjoy Healthy Weight Loss and Keep it Off for Life.” An easy way to do it: Use a headset and take your phone calls while standing up or pacing the floor. “Standing burns more calories than sitting and an extra 100 calories a day burned can result in losing 10 pounds a year,” she says.

7. Put food out of sight—and mind
Before even serving dinner, put the leftovers into the refrigerator for tomorrow’s lunch or dinner. “You’ll be less likely to eat more if it’s already getting cold and will take away from tomorrow’s meal,” Whitmore says.

8. Bet on yourself
piggy bank
Join a kick-starter campaign at Diet Bet and you could end up both lighter and richer. The goal is to lose four percent of your starting weight in four weeks. At the start, everyone puts money into the pot. After four weeks, those who have hit their four percent goal are winners and split the pot.

9. Use cash at the grocery store
Research from Binghamton and Cornell universities shows that people who use credit cards buy 40 percent more unhealthy and junk food—the type most likely to contribute to weight gain—than people who fork over cash for their purchases. People tend to deliberate before parting with their cash, researchers explain, but are more likely to buy impulsively with credit cards.

10. Go green
green tea
Green tea, that is. Drinking a cup before every meal pays dividends. “We often mistake hunger for thirst, so this is a good way to keep your hunger cues in check,” Levy says. Plus, according to a study from the University of Geneva, Switzerland, green tea raises metabolism and speeds the oxidation of fat, making it the perfect aperitif.

Read more from Grandparents.com:
10 foods guaranteed to make you gain weight
The 5 most common nutritional deficiencies
6 easy tricks to help you stop overeating

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