Hasta La Gadget!

People often ask me what it’s like having four kids. After I finish my third cup of very strong coffee, I put the cup down gravely, usually stare off into space from fatigue for a few moments, and then answer thusly, “I pick my own battles.” I’m just kidding, of course (about the staring into space, not the coffee or fatigue, for the most part), but it is so true about picking my own battles. I can’t remember who first told me that sacred advice about parenting, but it has served me well and I want to share it with those of you who are in the trenches. Because let’s face it, parenting can be a (glorious) uphill battle, usually fought over the course of thousands upon thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands of little skirmishes. And only one winner will emerge victorious. Will it be you?

Case in point, my 3-year-old has been potty-trained for over a year. Great, right? The downside is that although he is potty-trained, for whatever reason, he feels the need to get completely nude every single time he goes to the potty. EVERY TIME. Even when we have gone skiing this year with him for the first time. Jacket, sweater, ski pants, ski socks, ski boots AND ALL. Nude. Now, my first instinct is to try to break him of this habit, of course. But that only leads to an even longer trip to the bathroom, first with me begging him to not take his clothes off, then trying to gently physically restrain him from taking his clothes off, then it usually wraps up with me attempting to demonstrate while fully clothed how one uses the potty without getting nude. This always ends with him still getting nude, still taking his sweet little 2-year-old time on the potty, still with me getting him fully dressed again. Only now I have added on 10 minutes of pleading and pointless (although rather hilarious and increasingly well-acted) demonstrating onto this routine. So I gave in. I seceded and let the 3-year-old win.

Will he open up “Jack’s Nudist Colony” when he reaches his 20s because I let him get naked every time he went potty? Probably not. Will my toddler eventually catch on to the normal practice of remaining clothed while using the bathroom? Probably. Will it make our days exponentially easier and more pleasant to just let him do his thing for right now while including gentle reminders when I see fit? Absolutely. So please, if you hear me pleading, “Please, honey, you don’t have to get totally naked” from the next stall in the Target bathroom, do not call security.

There is also the type of Battle Picking when you KNOW you are going to be the winner, even if not right away. Like the Great Mitten Battle with my 8-year-old. Before I get into it, let’s all just discuss the oddness of boys not wanting to wear coats and hats, etc. when it is freezing out. Is a hat really so restrictive that you want to go out into frigid temps uncovered? Is the ski jacket that he picked out that bulky and obtrusive that he’d rather freeze? Did windbreakers become seriously uncool amongst 8-year-olds since I was a kid? If my son had his choice it would be shorts, flip-flops and Lego t-shirts every day. He’s like a mini Lego-obsessed Jimmy Buffet, what can I say? Enter Mean Mom, who makes him wear actual pants when the thermometer dips below freezing and the battle lines are drawn. But mittens, he would not budge on. He claimed the other kids on the bus didn’t wear gloves or mittens at all. I was the ONLY mom that made him wear a jacket, hat and gloves. Okay. He would insist that it wasn’t that cold out, on 16 degree days. He would hop outside the front door for approximately four seconds, “See, I’m not cold!” he’d say as he’d hop right back into the house. If I did insist on sending him in to school with mittens or gloves they would mysteriously disappear and I got tired of buying replacements once a week.

So, I gave in. I let him go to school without mittens or a hat. All through one of the coldest weeks of the year. For the first few days he stayed strong, insisting that his hands were fine, but one day that dipped close to zero he gave in, accepted the mittens and never looked back. I didn’t gloat, but I mentally crossed off a win for myself. These rarities must be celebrated in some way. And keep in mind when you see a child without a hat, without mittens, even if it is freezing out, maybe, just MAYBE their parents were picking their battle that morning, or maybe they didn’t buy the latest round of replacement mittens just quite yet. Please avoid jumping to the conclusion that their parents are neglectful monsters who don’t care if their children freeze.

I look at these minor battles as a training ground for the bigger ones that will come when they get older. When I have a house full of teenagers I almost surely will look back on the days when our biggest battle was putting undies on after using the tiny potty seat. I will long fondly for the days of our big beef being about mittens. Mittens! And maybe (hopefully?) it will be helpful that I let them win once in a while.

It’s time for us all to adopt a new playbook that truly honors American Indians.

It’s time for the Washington football team to change its name.

The Fritz Pollard Alliance, a civil rights group dedicated to promoting diversity and equality in the National Football League (NFL), has joined the growing chorus of protests against the Washington football team’s ongoing use of a dictionary defined racial slur as its name and stereotypical caricature as its logo. The Alliance recently released a statement that described a meeting they held with the Washington team to discuss changing the team’s name and logo in which the Alliance was “shouted down” by Washington team representatives. The Washington team’s inappropriate response is unfortunately consistent with the “playbook” that the Washington team and NFL continues to use to defend the offensive and harmful team name and logo of the Washington team. This “playbook” appears to be as follows:

1. Reframe a dictionary- and government-defined racial slur as a term of “honor.” In his letter to fans, Dan Snyder claims that the “R-word” is a “badge of honor.” NFL spokesperson Adolpho Birch further stated, “It’s not a slur.” In actuality, the Washington football team’s name is defined as a racial slur in almost every modern dictionary. The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office canceled the team’s trademark because the term was found to be “disparaging.”

The NFL further went to claim that the team name was made to honor then-coach William “Lone Star” Dietz. Yet this claim of “honor” ignores statements from the former team’s owner George Preston Marshall, arguably the most infamous segregationist in sports history. In a 1933 interview Marshall stated, “The fact that we have in our head coach, Lone Star Dietz, an Indian, together with several Indian players, has not, as may be suspected, inspired me to select the name R*dskins.” More, the notion that this term was a badge of honor ignores several examples of racially insensitive behavior including the use of the term “scalp ’em” in the original Washington team song, and the frequent use of red face and appropriation of American Indian headdresses at Washington football games.

2. Disregard protests of Native Americans and civil rights leaders. Several major American Indian organizations including the National Congress for the American Indian (NCAI), National Indian Gaming Association (NIGA) and Native American Journalists Association (NAJA) have issued public statements condemning the use of the “R-word.” In addition to the Fritz Pollard Alliance, major civil rights groups such as the NAACP, Leadership Conference for Human and Civil Rights, The National Council of La Raza and the Anti-Defamation League have all condemned the practice of using this slur. Recently, DeMaurice Smith, the Executive Director of the NFL Player’s association, said that the Washington team name conveyed “racial insensitivity.” As of this moment, the Washington team and NFL have not publicly acknowledged that almost every major American Indian organization such as the NCAI, the oldest and most representative organization of American Indians, have repeatedly issued formal statements that the Washington team name is an offensive slur.

However, there have been at least three instances when representatives of the Washington team have claimed American Indian support, only to have this claim contradicted. Washington’s team owner Daniel Snyder has asserted that the Red Cloud School was consulted and the school subsequently approved the use of the “R-word;” the Red Cloud School made a public statement denying any involvement in determining the Washington football team name and stating that it also considers the “R-word” a demeaning racial slur. Similarly, team representative and former Washington player Mark Moseley claimed that the Alabama Coushatta tribe was supportive of the “R-word;” the Alabama Coushatta tribe promptly responded, saying that they support the NCAI efforts to oppose the Washington name. Further, whereas Washington football team representatives insisted that no American Indians protested the name in visits to American Indian reservations, Jim Enote, the director of the A:shiwi A:wan Museum and Heritage Center in Zuni, New Mexico, said he spoke with Snyder last November about his displeasure with the team name, only to be rebuked by Snyder.

3. Ignore science showing harmful effects of racism against American Indians. Professional organizations, such as the American Psychological Association, American Sociological Association and American Counseling Association, have issued statements that the use of “Native” team names and imagery is detrimental to children’s mental health and development. Experimental laboratory studies demonstrate causal effects that the presence of American Indian sports team logos results directly in lower self-esteem and lower mood among American Indian youth; longitudinal studies show that discrimination predicts increased depression and substance abuse in American Indian youth over time. More, studies also show that exposure to American Indian sports names and logos activate negative stereotypes of American Indians among non-American Indians.

While polls should not be a basis for determining policy, the Washington team’s disregard of Native American opinion also comes in the selective reporting of polls. In 2004, the Annenberg Center issued a poll that found that 90 percent of American Indians were not “bothered” by the Washington team use of “R-word.” This poll has been criticized on almost every level, most notably the lack of evidence that those who identified as American Indians were in fact American Indian. A more recent poll this year that required evidence of tribal membership to participate found that 67 percent of the respondents thought the “R-word” was a racial slur. Another recent poll shows that the majority of Americans would not feel comfortable using the “R-word” when directly speaking with an American Indian. Further, The Washington team and NFL continue to report the 2004 poll without acknowledging these new polls.

4. “Don’t we have more important things to worry about?” Defenders of the Washington team name often dismiss opposition to the team name as an example of political correctness gone awry. Further, those supporting the team often presents a false dichotomy whereby American Indians should be forced to tolerate racial slurs because they suffer from other “more pressing” issues such as poverty. In response to a letter from American Indian U.S. Congressman Tom Cole urging the NFL to support a name change for the Washington team, team representative Tony Wyllie responded by saying, “Don’t they have more important issues to worry about?”

Not only do these statements contradict the social science demonstrating the harmful effects of racism, but they also contradict how the NFL handles issues of racism among other groups. Keep in mind that the NFL can act decisively against bullying and racism without needing to consult polls. Imagine the appropriate public outrage if the NFL decided not to sanction Rich Incognito for his use of racial slurs against Jonathan Martin because the African American population has “more important things to worry about.”

The good news is that fewer and fewer people are buying into the Washington team and NFL “playbook.” Overall, claims made by the Washington team on its website have been labeled as mostly untrue by independent evaluators like the Washington Post. Research shows that broadcasters’ use of the “R-Word” on television in 2014 declined by 27 percent. The largest protest in history occurred in Minnesota, drawing thousands of people. The Washington team also saw the largest home game protest of the name in the history of the team.

The way that the NFL has treated the American Indian community and civil rights organizations such as the Fritz Pollard Alliance that have called for an end to the racist Washington team name and logo is atrocious. And just like the controversy regarding its handling of concussions and domestic violence, the NFL playbook of defending racist slurs against American Indians gives the impression that it does what it wants, when it wants, regardless of who gets hurt.

It’s time for a new playbook.

Change the name.

It’s now January. Football Playoffs begin and end in all levels of the sport: High School, college and the pros. The High school sports website Maxpreps, ranks Allen (TX) High School as America’s top prep football team. The team plays sixteen games this season — the same amount as an NFL Team. Alabama, ranked No. 1 at the end of the college football season, played fourteen games. The Allen Eagles have players who just began driving. Alabama’s youngest players are 18 though the the core players are in their 20’s. At a time when football injuries have skyrocketed, should we continue allowing high school athletes to continue playing 16 football games each season?

As someone who has avidly watched and followed football for years, I failed to grasp the severity of the many injuries. I ignored the commentators and analysts who believed that football needed to get safer. Maybe it was Ronnie Hillman’s foot injury that hurt my fantasy team’s playoff chances, or maybe I realized it when Joe McKnight, a player on the cusp of breaking out this season, tore his Achilles tendon during the season. Whatever injury or moment it occurred, I soon understood the immensity of the injuries in football. In my Physics course last year, I explored the forces at play during a football hit. A hit from Haloti Ngata for example, has almost as much force as a 30 MPH car crash without a seatbelt. Finally, I learned the specific amount of players injured in a given year: last year, at least 270. In my Anatomy course this year, I’ve explored the psychological and mental impact a concussion can have on a football player.

Only one sport releases injury reports each week: the NFL. The NFL lists many players on injury notices for a variety of different reasons. In addition, the NFL has the largest roster of the four major sports (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL). The NFL requires the most players on the field at one time (11 for offense and 11 for defense plus backups), yet this may be because of the plethora of injuries. In the NFL, star players such as Julio Jones, Calvin Johnson and Arian Foster have missed games this season due to injury. In other sports, star players miss games, yet not at the same frequency as NFL players. Last year, Jenny Vrentas wrote an article about “The Year of the Injury.” However, one could title each season “The Year of the Injury.” Stars from every team miss games. Even the durable players may injure themselves.

The solution begins at the high school level. Schools and athletic boards should refrain from scheduling an NFL-like season at such a young age. Twelve games (including playoffs) are an acceptable amount, because it simulates the college football environment. Also, high schoolers must learn an alternative to the dangerous helmet-to-helmet tackling approach. If players learn the alternative at the younger levels, they will be more likely to tackle lower when they play in high school. Allen High, I hope you enjoyed your 16 game schedule. Hopefully no one suffered a devastating injury late in the season that may impact next year.

If a new mom chooses to breastfeed, her life revolves around the milk factory living in her breasts. Nursing, pumping, storing, and coveting ounces of stored milk is all done for the sake of what some call liquid gold. Breastfeeding is a very personal choice, and if breastfeeding is the plan, most women also need a breast pump. The Quiet Expressions Double Breast Pump made by The First Years gives mom the ability to pump in discreet silence. It also allows them to multi-task.

Why did Southern California become the epicenter of the American film industry? The nice weather certainly helped. But there’s another element that modern Hollywood probably hopes you’d forget: Rampant piracy. Even though it was just the piracy of movie camera tech rather than the Jack Sparrow variety, there were plenty of real world bullets being discharged over it. Including bullets being aimed at the legendary director Cecil B. DeMille.

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