Hasta La Gadget!

April Fools’ Day is nearly upon us and now’s your chance to get caught up on the last bit of serious news before the internet gets crazy. First up, we review Apple’s refreshed MacBook Pro with Retina display and find out if the Force Touch trackpad i…

It took me almost 60 years before I let myself feel anything. I mean REALLY feel anything. Perhaps some of you can understand this.

I did not need any kind of drug, or drink to numb myself. To the outside world, I certainly appeared as a fully functional human being. However, inside of me, the ability to care, or share was held prisoner by the parts of me who feared my truth. I was petrified of not only letting others get to know the real me, but also of getting to know myself.

When asked how I felt about something, I was like a deer in the headlight – frozen. I never knew how to respond. Sure, one or another part of me would always come to the rescue and make up some answer, but I barely heard the words come out of my mouth. Today, I know it was my heart that was frozen. Emotions and feelings were shielded and blocked from either entering or exiting that organ we commonly refer to as the home of love and compassion.

…

I have come a long way from that time. My frozen heart has melted and I have learned to embrace my source of feeling love and compassion. The gentle beating is now the rhythm I march to in my life. For so many decades I hid behind my identity as an engineer and was so proud of my analytical view of just about everything. This has now, at last, taken a giant step into the background of my life. My head no longer takes the lead. I’ve learned that when I let my heart lead in all relationships – with co-workers, with friends and with loved ones, and yes, even with strangers, I am able to understand things in a new way that is not only so much more satisfying to me, but no longer separates me from others. When I let others in to see the true me, the open me, the vulnerable me, I have a better understanding of relationship. It’s not just that I am now more clear about my own feelings, it’s that by sharing I have found a more powerful way to help others understand their own.

Since I began sharing my stories, my feelings – my heart with you in My Transgender Life writings I’ve heard from so many people. They are getting to know me and have a better understanding of what the journey is like for people like me. I know that being transgender is a difficult concept for many to understand. Sometimes the spouse, or child or parent who wants to know more has picked up my book and come back to me with questions. They’ve come to understand that this journey, for all of us, is about so much more that transitioning gender.

In the past few years, as I’ve been speaking, training and teaching about gender variance I have learned so much. When I first started, I had a dozen slides with all the facts about gender transition. I talked about sex, and gender and tried to explain what was then called, the diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. There was so much detail. The audiences were always polite, but when I finally finished my long presentation I found the questions they asked had nothing to do with the info I’d just presented. Almost every question was about how to talk to someone who was transitioning in the workplace. They wanted to know how to talk to the co-workers they originally knew as a different gender. I realized that their questions came from the heart. They simply wanted to know how to preserve their relationships. They didn’t want to offend. They wanted to understand. What if I use the wrong name, or pronoun? Will it be embarrassing if I say he, instead of she by mistake and how do I apologize? If the person goes for surgery, what can I ask? What can they say? It was an eye-opener for me.

I knew how scared I was when I returned to my two different workplaces when I transitioned. Later, with my training and teaching, I realized that so many people were just as scared – maybe even more scared than me. They didn’t know how to be with a transitioning person. They didn’t know what they could say. This honesty changed me. As this realization moved from my mind to my heart, I began to change the way I teach and talk about the transgender journey. Now, I focus more on feelings. I still share what the life journey looks like, but now I ask about feelings. What’s it like when you hear the news of a co-worker’s change? How does it feel?

The more I let you into my life, the more I hope you will see how similar our journeys really are. My truth was coming to terms with my gender identity and choosing to do something about it at the age of 64. Almost everyone I’ve met through my training or my book – whether they are transgender or not, has said that my story has helped them to realize that they too have buried, or held back some part of their own truth. They tell me they’ve cried. I have touched their heart!

If I can touch your heart there’s a good chance you will begin to understand that those of us who are transgender are just the same as you. We all want to live as authentically as we can. After all, if we can touch your heart we can change your mind!

Who really wants to live their life to meet the expectations of others? I suspect few want to, yet many do. It is not easy to conquer the fear of following our truth. I know this first hand. It took me too many years to get out of my head and learn to lead with my heart.

I cannot prove it with statistics or any form of analysis, nor do I even try, but I believe if you too, let yourself feel, and operate out of your own heart, and live your own truth, you will not only better understand my journey, but yours as well. You will be living a life of love and compassion.

It is such a better way. I believe that with all my heart.

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Grace Stevens is a transgender woman who transitioned at the age of 64 and holds a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a father of three, grandparent of two, athlete, advocate and author of No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, an intimate memoir of her personal struggle to transition and live her true life authentically as a woman. For more information about Grace, her work and how Gender Variance Education and Training can help you, visit her website at: http://www.graceannestevens.com/. Follow Grace on Twitter: www.twitter.com/graceonboard .

Travel to the origin of chocolate to soak up the culture of cacao and discover how to make it yourself.

BELIZE

1. Punta Gorda, Toledo

THE FESTIVAL In the far south of Belize, emerald rainforest runs across the mountainous countryside with winding rivers that flow into the Caribbean sea. Within Belize’s southernmost district Toledo lie cacao plantations where the locals claim the terroir gives their chocolate a unique flavour and aroma. And now, this chocolate is becoming known worldwide with outstanding boutique chocolate purveyors like Cotton Tree Chocolate and Ixcacao. To celebrate the region’s cacao, boutique chocolatiers and ancient Maya culture, Toledo hosts the three-day Chocolate Festival of Belize. Kicking off on May 22, the fiesta encompasses a street fair, chocolate tours, chocolate and wine tasting, and music and cultural performances, in Punta Gorda and its surrounds.

THE LODGE Amidst the rainforest of Toledo, Belcampo Lodge is set on a hill overlooking the surrounding wilderness, with stilted private cabins and a speedboat to transport guests through the jungle to the Caribbean coastline. In a region that has such significant Maya roots, it seems fitting that the lodge has a cacao nursery and chocolate workshop where traditional methods are still utilised. Now though, there’s the addition of state-of-the-art equipment to make producing long-conch professional-quality chocolate possible. Take the lodge’s bean to bar chocolate making class, in which you can wander through the cacao nursery before seeing the beans processed, roast and ground, then moulded into chocolate bars.

COLOMBIA

2. Antioquia

THE COMMUNITY PROJECT It’s said that cacao was so important to the pre-Colombian tribes here that they used the beans to trade, while chocolate was thought to be sacred. And despite being known internationally for coffee, Colombia’s hot chocolate is far more ingrained in the culture. In the highlands of Antioquia, the village of San Francisco is the setting for a community chocolate project in which visitors can explore the cacao plantations and find out how to make chocolate using the fresh local ingredients. Antioquia’s capital Medellin is an ideal base to reach the village from.

COSTA RICA

3. Mastatal, Puriscal

THE FAMILY-RUN CACAO FARM In the foothills of La Cangreja National Park, the small village of Mastatal is home to La Iguana Chocolate, a family-run organic farm amidst the region’s tropical rainforest. A chocolate tour and intensive chocolate day are both led by the resident cacao grower and chocolatier Jorge, who guides visitors through the entire organic process from harvesting the cacao by hand in the farm’s orchard to fire-roasting and processing the beans, while everyone gets to taste the cacao at each stage. A cacao and chocolate making course is on the cards too, with a focus on techniques like conching and tempering. Mastatal is close to Manuel Antonio on Costa Rica‘s Pacific Coast.

4. Osa Peninsula, Puntarenas

THE RAINFOREST PLANTATION On the wildly biodiverse Osa Peninsula, the small cacao farm Finca Kobo lies across primary and secondary forest, with biological corridors connecting the farm to its natural surroundings, enabling species like monkeys and sloths to pass through. Wander through the forest of this cacao plantation and take a tour that covers the history of chocolate while introducing you to the rainforest flora and fauna. On returning to the farm, see how the beans are fermented and dried, then roasted and made into chocolate, before settling down in the tropical gardens to feast on chocolate fondue with homemade banana bread and fresh fruit.

ECUADOR

5. The Ecuadorian Amazon

THE AMAZONIAN COMMUNITIES Journey from Ecuador‘s capital Quito into the Amazon rainforest, stopping by communities that cultivate the cacao there. While it’s long been believed that cacao originates from Central America, the more recent theory is that the first cacao trees came from here, so in collaboration with Pacari Chocolate this tour takes visitors through the rainforest to discover the story behind cacao and make chocolate with communities that are a part of the Pacari Agro Tourism Project – an initiative that ensures fair trade between the farmers and Quito’s chocolatiers. Plus, while staying in one of the rainforest lodges, there’s ample opportunity to go bird watching and visit the nearby Andean thermal springs.

MEXICO

6. Tabasca

THE ANCIENT CIVILISATIONS It’s believed that Mexico began cultivating cacao more than 3,500 years ago when the ancient Mesoamerican Olmecs fermented, dried, roasted and ground the cacao to make chocolate for drinking. They then passed this knowledge onto the Maya people who called cacao ‘the food of the gods’ and used it as an offering at rituals and currency, as well as a drink. Subsequently, they began trading cacao with the Aztecs. The Mayan cacao plantations spread across Mexico’s coastal lowlands that are now the provinces of Tabasca and Chiapas. And these days, Tabasca is still scattered with small cacao farms, nestled in the forest and on old colonial ranches. Hacienda La Luz is a small cacao farm near the archaeological site Comalcalco that hosts tours of the plantation, while giving an insight into traditional methods of chocolate production, with a small museum and lush gardens to explore.

PERU

7. Cusco

A CHOCOLATE EDUCATION Situated close to Cusco‘s central square Plaza de Armas, Choco Museo hosts chocolate making workshops that take participants through the process of roasting and grinding beans, before going on to make chocolate to take away with you. There’s also an interactive exhibition on the importance of cacao and chocolate from ancient times to the present day. Additional tours include making truffles and touring a local cacao plantation with the option of visiting Machu Picchu on the same journey. Choco Museo has other branches in Lima and Ollantaytambo, as well as in Antigua, Guatemala.

Image by Christopher Alpizar Gaviria.

Creative Commons photo by Quasic

It Can’t Be Done

No one can fix your leaders for you.

If you’re an executive or a middle-level manager and you’re frustrated with your leaders and managers not working together, you’ve probably entertained the idea of bringing someone like me, a leadership trainer or consultant, into your organization to help.

Stop it.

We can’t fix them for you. (And don’t hire anyone who claims they can. You’re wasting your money.) We can’t fix them for you… but we can help them with you.

I say we can’t fix them for you because your managers and team leaders do what makes sense to them. They do what they can, with the tools they have, to satisfy the realities they face every day. Just as what you do makes sense to you!

You… make sense to you!

Dumb (not necessarily bad, evil or ill-willed) leaders assume something is wrong with their people. They get frustrated, accuse and blame people for poor performance. They bring in experts to work with their people, but exempt themselves and the executive staff from doing the work too. They focus on people and ignore the systems, culture, and their own behaviors that produced the frustrations in the first place.

Smart leaders, however, recognize that their people’s behavior is a reflection of the systems, environment, culture, and training they’ve provided. In short, if you want to be a smart leader, take responsibility for the environment you’ve created and be part of making it better.

The infighting, the silos and people who won’t work together… these aren’t the real problem. That’s why I say you’re wasting your money hiring someone to “fix them.”

They are only manifestations of the problem or problems.

What are the real problems?

Let’s take leaders who constantly bicker, won’t take responsibility, and blame one-another. For some reason, not cooperating makes more sense than working together. Your job is to figure out why. Here are some common reasons this happens:

Unclear expectations

When people don’t know the goals, they start pursuing their own interests. Or they might interpret the goals differently than others. Your job as a leader is to ensure 100 percent clarity about critical goals and how every team member contributes to that goal.

Everyone needs complete clarity on where they’re going and how they’ll get there. What are teams and the individuals on those teams accountable to do and to achieve?

Fear

When people won’t work together, they’re often insecure and worried about their own safety. It’s natural that people start to “look out for #1”. Frequently, fear-based and reactive leaders have a difficult time getting people to work together because everyone is too busy trying to survive.

If people don’t take healthy risks and won’t work together, pay attention to the emotional climate. Whether you think people should trust you and one another doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not they do trust you and each other.

You only reward individuals

It’s very common that leaders ask teams to cooperate, but then reward individuals or departments based on their own performance, rather than the cooperative objective.

If one person or department can succeed when the cooperative goal fails, then you have zero chance of people cooperating. Why should they? You’ve rewarded the opposite of what you asked for.

Lack of context and problem-solving guidance

This is all-too common. The leader establishes a big goal without adequately addressing resources or conflicting priorities. When people start shifting resources to meet the big goal, other projects suffer. The people who care about those projects — and often the leader! — get upset that “people don’t care.”

It’s not that people don’t care, it’s that important decisions that have not been made. This is another form of unclear expectations. What tradeoffs are permissible? Where are the boundaries? What should everyone expect?

No accountability / Tolerating bad behavior

If you ask people to work together and then tolerate obnoxious, conniving, bullying, abusive people…good luck! I don’t care how talented your bully is. When you permit a lack of dignity or respect, you can’t expect people to work together. Your actions say you value something more than cooperation. (And maybe you do…just don’t expect people to work together in that kind of environment.)

Unclear expectations, fear, individual rewards, poor context, and a lack of accountability are just a few of the reasons your people might not work together.

Remember: You make sense to you and your people’s behavior make sense to them. Before blaming people, focus on the places where you can provide clarity, build trust, restructure incentives, and practice accountability.

Be the leader you want your boss to be.

If you’re reading this article, you most likely know one of the tens of thousands of seniors placed on college waitlists, the new strategy for enrollment management. If these teens really want to go to a college that waitlisted them, please tell them not to wait to follow as many of these 10 tips as possible.

1. Be proud of the colleges that accepted you outright. Since May 1 is the national deadline for accepting colleges, you need to choose the one college you will attend if you do not get off the waitlist of a school you’d rather attend. So please visit the schools that accepted you and recognize the outstanding programs they offer. These colleges are usually better fits than waitlisted colleges.

2. Make sure you accept the waitlist invitation. It is no longer assumed you will accept the waitlist offer so accept the invitation whether paper or virtual immediately.

3. Prepare a packet of new and compelling information. Anything you submit must be new and compelling evidence about why you are a great fit for the college. Do not repeat information you already provided. Prepare the materials now and submit them anywhere between now and the first week of May.

4. Write an updated letter/email updated to the admissions committee. Thank the committee for placing you on the waitlist and emphasize your accomplishments since you applied. Consider this a cover letter to your overall waitlist application. Introduce the other materials you are submitting and commit to attend if you get accepted. Then provide key evidence of your accomplishments since applying.

5. Visit the institution. Visit the admissions office to remind them of your interest. Contact anyone in the admissions office whom you met in person or via email. Remember, college visits in April should focus on the schools that already accepted you. Most colleges will not have time for most waitlisted students during April.

6. Submit new letters of recommendation. Ask a senior year teacher to write you a letter of recommendation. This letter should really emphasize your current academic talents and accomplishments and focus on how you will thrive at that college. Also consider asking for a letter from a non-academic professional, who can attest to your major accomplishments this year in a sport, activity, or job.

7. Ask your high school counselor to contact the waitlisted college(s) on your behalf. Do not have counselors contact schools you will not accept.

8. Contact your alumni interviewer — if you think you had a good interview. Thank the interviewer again and then ask for any advice about moving from the waitlist to admissions.

9. Submit third and fourth quarter grades. The waitlisted colleges will want to see your current grades, so this is not a time for senioritis. Keep doing great work and have your counselor submit your current grades.

10. Be willing to make decisions quickly. Most colleges do not go to waitlists until May after they know which accepted students have accepted their offers; they may go to their waitlists all the way through the summer. It’s a trickle down effect. This process means you and your family will lose non-refundable enrollment dollars should you opt to accept a waitlist offer. You will often only have a day or two to accept the offer, meaning you must check your emails and voicemail messages daily.

Colleges often take kids off waitlists often who can afford to pay outright, have special connections, fulfill regional needs, or make a spectacular case. Spots only open if the college has available spaces, and sadly many colleges waitlist many more students than the sizes of their entire freshman classes.

So please, really focus your energies on accepting a college that already recognizes you’re the perfect fit.

Don’t wait to find your college happiness.