Phishing schemes are one of the more popular ways hackers and other nefarious sorts gain access to accounts that are not their own, and despite attempts to educate users on what to look for, these kind of attacks are still largely successful. Google, however, is working to further quash them with the introduction of a new Chrome extension called Password … Continue reading
Gmail on the web is getting a little more drab… and arguably, that’s a good thing. Google has confirmed to Marketing Land that it’s no longer testing a grid view in Gmail’s promotions tab that showed you images rather than plain old text. It was me…
Adidas and Spotify are already quite friendly, especially when it comes to supplying workouts with the proper tunes. The duo teamed up for offline playback on the Adidas SmartRun watch and soundtracking a jog with the help of RunKeeper. Now, there’s …
Microsoft has announced Visual Studio Code, a free code editor with integrated debugger and source version control which runs natively on Windows, Mac and Linux (download Code here).
It is different from Visual Studio in the sense that it is much lighter and is designed for code-editing and debugging only. Visual Studio will remain a larger integrated development environment (IDE) with things like form editors or database integration, just to cite the obvious.
At Build 2015 in San Francisco, Microsoft has demonstrated it on all platforms mentioned above, and it worked just as expected. It’s very nice to see how Microsoft continues to open up to other platforms.
I took it for a spin after the keynote, and it looks pretty cool. It works with a number of languages for syntax highlighting, but the debugging capabilities currently support C# (mono 3.12+ on non-Windows) and Node.js (0.12+). I’m not sure or when more will be added, but I would love to see something work with PHP as well.
Windows users have the option of using of the “Express” (free) version of Visual Studio, so the main advantage here is that it is light (Visual Studio takes a lot of disk space) and fast. For Linux and Mac user, this may be a much better tool to develop .NET programs since Code is supported directly by Microsoft. The demo was very convincing.
The app is still in “Preview”, but it is functional. Git integration is supported, but at the moment, it is not possible to tell it where to find git.exe, if you have a portable version. All the configuration files are in .json so it’s easy to read/edit, or even backup and check into a source-control.
Visual Studio Code: Free Editor For Win+Mac+Linux , original content from Ubergizmo. Read our Copyrights and terms of use. 
The theatre world has revealed its Tony Award nominations, and a few things become instantly clear. Not unlike the Oscars, the lack of diversity is glaring. Not one African-American is listed among the major categories, and women may shine on stage, but behind it? Not so much.
Female names are the the most reliable draws on stage these days — from Audra MacDonald to Kelli O’Hara to Kristin Chenoweth to Bernadette Peters to 82-year-old Chita Rivera — but writers and directors still can’t catch a break come Tony time. For the second year in a row, only one woman’s name is listed among the solo writers of any nominated show, (British author Hilary Mantel, who penned the Wolf Hall books, is listed as a co-writer of the stage adaptation) and only one director is female (like Mantel, a Brit).
The single writer is Lisa Kron, who penned the book for Fun Home, a dark and untraditional contender for best new musical. The show’s music is also composed by a woman, Jeanine Tesori. It’s a wonderful piece, told from the viewpoint of a lesbian growing up with a closeted, unhappy father.
The nominations also remind us how very English Broadway has become. The acting nominees include Helen Mirren, Ruth Wilson, Carey Mulligan, Ben Miles, Alex Sharp and Bill Nighy, and the winners of the best new play and best revival will likely both be West End imports. (Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime and Skylight). There is nothing inherently wrong with this: At least Shakespeare took a Broadway season off, unless you count the hilarious take on him by nominee Christian Borle in Something’s Rotten! But it always brings up the sad reality that not enough original work by American playwrights is ending up on the big stages. (Take a look at the last decade of Pulitzer Prize-winners and note how almost all played off-Broadway).
The nominations indicate that Hollywood star-power can still be a life-saver financially for a mediocre piece. Helen Mirren, Jake Gyllenhaal, Larry David, Hugh Jackman, Bradley Cooper and Matthew Morrison are among the stellar names who turned their imperfect productions into hits. But Elisabeth Moss (who received a nomination) could not save The Heidi Chronicles, nor Tony Danza in Honeymoon in Vegas, and Vanessa Hudgens will likely not saveGigi (which is facing long odds to make it through, or even to, the summer). It is still rare when the show and glittery film or TV star click on all cylinders: Last year’s Tony-winner Bryan Cranston in All The Way was one.
Finally, what we have learned this past season is that not everyone knows how to deliver a great Broadway show, even if they have the deep pockets to get one up, or have succeeded in another area. Film impresario Harvey Weinstein rather bullied the mediocre Finding Neverland on to the Great White Way quickly. It is doing boffo at the boxoffice, but was totally ignored by the Tony folks. Larry David’s Fish in the Dark can say the same. Yes, he made his investors happy, but no one says he wrote — or acted — particularly well. The great singer/composer Sting won a nomination for his score of the flop The Last Ship and learned — as did Paul Simon before him with Capeman — that a good score is not enough if you want your show to have legs.
Who knows who is happier post-nominations? My guess is that struggling shows would give up a few of theirs to be able to pay back their investors. But, then I bet Larry David and Harvey Weinstein wouldn’t mind a little less money and a lot more respect.
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Are you listening?
I remember that phrase from my childhood. And wow do I remember using that phrase with my own children. And with my husband. Even the dog seemed less-than-impressed with my diatribe – unless I was holding my walking shoes and a leash. Then I was the most popular human on earth.
Hillary Clinton has recently embarked on a ‘Listening Tour,‘ a throwback to her campaign for the New York Senate seat that she ultimately won. Why?
I’m the first to admit I don’t completely understand what goes in to running a successful campaign. I’ve never done one. Nor do I plan to. That’s a fact. Another fact: Clinton is always surrounded by controversy. People either love her or…don’t. But her first Listening Tour served her, and New York, quite well. She nodded with empathy, drank coffee with vigor, walked through rural towns happily in heels and those beloved pantsuits, and even personally called many of her constituents.
Clinton’s current campaign is attracting its normal amount of love/hate opinions that political figures are forced to carry around everywhere – a burden that must get heavier as the days go by. After all, one of the many goals of anyone running for office is to make sure everyone likes them. Because as the all-too-familiar saying goes, people vote for people they like. And people tend to like those who pay attention to their needs and wants: to people who listen.
So the question becomes, exactly what makes a good listener? Is it just the eye contact and the polite nod, or is there more to the listening than meets the eye. (Or ear?)
I’ve been writing and talking and teaching The Fine Art of Small Talk for a long time. Longer than Hillary has been wearing pantsuits. But nothing makes for better small talk than being a good listener. Really. Listening more and talking less wins every time.
So how can we all become better listeners? It’s not hard, actually. The first step is to stop talking all the time. Here are some other tips and tricks:
Do Some Homework
Heading to an event with colleagues or acquaintances? Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow attendees (Jane moved to a new home recently or Bob just sold his company). Conversation starters like these will get the other person talking and give you a chance to listen.
Act Interested
Show true interest in everyone you meet, even shy people have something to say. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been happily surprised by a conversation with a person I initially labeled as boring or arrogant. People like to talk about themselves. Let them.
Make Eye Contact
Eye contact is an obvious way to show people you are interested, but many conversation partners miss this crucial piece. Looking away makes you appear like a fugitive or a lunatic. Scanning the room for someone ‘better’ makes you look like a snob.
Say the Person’s Name
And do it right away – so you don’t forget. If you are introduced to Sid, use his name immediately and then throughout the conversation. Saying Pleasure to meet you, Sid. Is this your first time at the conference? will let Sid know you are paying attention and will help you remember Sid’s name when you need it, like when you are looking for a job. Or the bar.
Use Body Language
Smile, nod, offer a light laugh when appropriate. This lets your conversation partner know you are listening. Practice getting rid of your nervous habits: hand twisting, coughing, using “um” more than 100 times a minute and playing with your hair are all indicative of people who are uncomfortable. And if you are uncomfortable, so are your small talk partners.
Human interaction should be just that – an interaction. By demonstrating good listening skills, you are showing another person that you think they matter, that you value their opinion, that you find them interesting, that you adore their pantsuit.
You can do this! You hear me?
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I recently was invited to keynote at a Microsoft Digigirlz Camp in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And while I was very honored to keynote the event, I struggled a bit with what to say. I kept thinking back to what I was like in 7th or 8th grade and wondered what that girl would have wanted to hear. And finally, I decided that was the girl I needed to talk to. Here is the advice I would have given to the 7th-grade me:
Never, Ever Play Dumb
I’m not sure when it happens, but somewhere beyond those first early grades when we, as girls, raise our hands high and eagerly answer questions in class, we somehow learn how to play dumb so others around us don’t feel bad for not knowing something we know. I know I did this — a lot — and I never felt good about me when I did.
As girls, we do this thing of pretending we don’t know an answer so the guy we’re with doesn’t feel bad that maybe, just maybe, we might be smarter than he is. Or we stay silent about how easy we thought a test was when our girlfriends at lunch are all saying how hard it was. But here’s the thing: if someone has to think you’re dumb to hang out with you, you’re making the choice to hang out with someone who will never like you for who you are, for all the special, unique quirks that is the wonderful version of you that lies awake at night imagining great adventures or ideas. So be true to that girl. She deserves it. I’m not saying to rub anyone else’s nose in how smart you are; I’m not saying that at all. I’m just asking that you make a promise to yourself that you’ll never, ever pretend to be dumb to make someone else feel better. Just be you, be humble, and be nice.
Be Adventurous
Have you thought you wanted to be a part of a sports team and decided to try out only to discover halfway through the season that you really didn’t like it all that much? Well, if your mom is anything like mine, you had to finish out the season so you didn’t let your teammates down. And then the next time you were curious about something and wanted to try it, you thought about getting stuck half a season doing something you didn’t like and, instead of exploring this new curiosity, you held back and decided it wasn’t worth the risk of getting stuck with it if you didn’t like it.
Well, those lessons are good for us — about not letting down teammates, about keeping our word and living up to our commitments. But we also need the freedom to explore new things in a way that lets us back out if we don’t like it. How will you ever know if you don’t try it? Find ways to explore things that you’re curious about. There is nothing at all wrong with dipping your toe in the pool to decide first if you like how the water feels; you don’t have to commit to diving into the deep end or doing nothing at all.
Check Your Stereotypes at the Door
How do you decide what it takes to be a good doctor or teacher or artist? What does a doctor look like? How about a teacher or artist? We build up these stereotypes, and we try to put ourselves — and everyone else around us — into this box that easily defines who that person is, what their role is, and what skills and traits they should have to be good at that particular role.
Don’t put yourself in box by deciding that you don’t fit the stereotype of what someone in STEM looks like. And don’t decide that it is all you can be if you do fit that stereotype. There are so many approaches to doing things that integrate across different disciplines that the possibilities are endless. Find something that strikes your passion, that you can’t stop thinking about how to solve that problem, and go do that. If you love art, don’t think you can’t be a part of STEM. You have no idea how much we need artists in this new digital world — artists who know how to think outside the box, to imagine how to communicate through color and lines and thickness of letters or shading to evoke just the right experience for someone accessing a website, a mobile app, an interactive kiosk in an airport that needs to appeal to multiple ethnicities and cultures. That is no easy task, so bring your talents to help solve problems that excite you.
Don’t Make it Hard for Other Girls
This one is so important. There is this part inside all of us that we want to create this environment where we feel comfortable, and we can unconsciously make it harder for other girls if they don’t fit inside of what we think our world should look or feel like. The next time you’re talking about something that’s a higher level idea and a girl you may think isn’t all that bright or isn’t interested in topics like yours — the next time one of those girls asks what you’re talking about, don’t dismiss her. Tell her. If she isn’t interested, she’ll disengage on her own. But don’t be the girl who doesn’t let girls outside of the stereotype into the smart girls club.
Mayim Bialik, who plays a scientist on Big Bang Theory, actually just became a neuroscientist in real life. But she pretty much fits that stereotype, right? What about Alicia Keys? Do you picture her as brilliant – smart enough to discuss ‘hard’ topics? She graduated at 16. And Elizabeth Banks graduated magna cum laude from UPenn. The point is that we sometimes jump to snap judgments about others based on what we see on the outside, but most of the time we’re wrong. Don’t be the girl who makes it hard for other girls to feel welcome in STEM.
It’s Your Life, So You Get to Choose
Don’t ever live someone else’s dream or become the character that someone else believes you should play in this thing called life. Even if it is that you are so good at math that everyone keeps telling you that you have to go into something that uses math — as if you owe it to math. You owe nothing to math. You owe everything to being true to yourself. So if there is this thing inside of you that says I may be good at math but I love art — then listen and explore that idea. Maybe you’ll land back at something in math but maybe you’ll do something really cool with art that no one else could have ever imagined without your incredible math skills. And if you’re a fantastic artist but you are curious about how cells break down and become cancerous?
You have no idea how your ability to imagine things visually may play into this whole world of discovery around science and curing diseases. Don’t live someone else’s dream or let others define your life or your interests. Your unique view of everything around you may be just what the rest of the world has been waiting for. Anything is possible — so embrace your curiosity, embrace those around you, and explore your interests so you can contribute something amazing to the world that can come only from you.
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In the days immediately before Loretta Lynch’s confirmation as Attorney General, one of her advisors noted that she felt that law enforcement is good for minority communities. He went further and said that she feels strongly that police and minority communities have much more in common than differences. This is probably an accurate read on Lynch’s feeling about police-minority community relations. Now her feeling and belief is going to be sorely tested with the recent Baltimore turmoil.
It began the instant that an unarmed, unresisting Freddie Gray died after a fatal spinal cord injury sustained during his arrest by Baltimore police. This touched off days of protests, some violence and frantic efforts by Baltimore’s hard-pressed black police commission and mayor to get a handle on the turmoil. It didn’t take long for Civil Rights leaders to make the now inevitable call for a full Justice Department probe into Gray’s death. It agreed. This shoved the ball into Lynch’s court. The likelihood is that it won’t leave there particularly if Baltimore city officials decline to bring charges against any of the officer’s involved in Gray’s death.
But even if they do, it still won’t address the bigger question that Lynch almost certainly will have to deal with — if not in Baltimore, sooner than later, somewhere else. That’s the overuse of excessive force and what the feds should do about it.
Former Attorney General Eric Holder took much heat on this from conservatives who screamed that he should keep hands off all police abuse issues. This was a matter solely for local authorities. Holder also took much heat from some Civil Rights activists who screamed that the Justice Department should step in hard with probes and indictments in police abuse cases. Both sides were even more troubled when Holder’s Justice Department issued a scathing report on the blatant corruption and serial misconduct of the Ferguson police department in the aftermath of the slaying by former Ferguson officer Darren Wilson of Michael Brown. But the department let Wilson off the hook by finding there was no grounds to indict him on civil rights charges. The issue of just how far the Justice Department could and should go in these cases was left dangling when Holder left.
So what will Lynch do in Baltimore and beyond? She’ll have to look at the Baltimore case and decide that if the locals take no action against the officers in the Gray case whether there’s any “compelling federal interest” in a prosecution of them, namely that the government believes that the officer’s conduct constitutes a federal offense, and that there is enough evidence that the government can obtain a conviction.
There’s the strong suspicion that Gray’s death was caused by his physical manhandling by police during the arrest. And while there was no apparent racial motive in their confronting and arresting Gray, that is not a hard and fast requirement for a Civil Right prosecution. The issue is whether a civilian or a suspect’s rights were violated. The safeguard of that right must be a fundamental concern of federal prosecutors.
The Gray case, as in other cases involving police use of deadly force against mostly unarmed blacks, again raises the deeply troubling question about the power of the law to protect citizen from his or her unimpeded right to life and safety. Federal prosecutors play a major role in insuring that where there’s the suspicion that an individual’s rights might have been violated because of their race and gender that the power of federal law is brought to bear to insure that right is protected.
This was the rationale that federal prosecutors used in the Rodney King beating case to bring civil rights charge against the four LAPD officers that beat King. The linchpin was that they acted in an official capacity when they violated King’s rights.
The Justice Department scrupulously tries to avoid the prosecution of a police officer. It goes to great lengths to shield itself from the charge that it’s bowing to media or public pressure to prosecute. This is why the percentage of Civil Rights prosecutions it authorizes is infinitesimally low. Yet in Gray’s death there may well be crucial federal interests in insuring the rights of individuals to be free from undue harm because of their color, or being in a public area merely because someone perceives they shouldn’t be in and then acts on that perception with no cause other than that belief or perception.
The other option is for Lynch to follow Holder’s lead and aggressively institute a pattern and practice action against Baltimore. That means aggressively monitoring the policies and practices of the department in relation to policing in minority communities. Holder also took heat for this from the right. But it had to be done. Baltimore has given Lynch her first chance to weigh in handily on the nation’s most intractable and deadly issue. That’s the wanton police slaying of unarmed blacks.
Baltimore then is her first big test.
Earl Ofari Hutchinson is an author and political analyst. He is a weekly co-host of the Al Sharpton Show on American Urban Radio Network. He is the author of How Obama Governed: The Year of Crisis and Challenge. He is an associate editor of New America Media. He is host of the weekly Hutchinson Report Newsmaker Hour heard weekly on the nationally network broadcast Hutchinson Newsmaker Network.
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By: Jeremy Glass
Credit: iStock.com
Let’s just put it right out there: flying is a king-sized pain in the ass.
The cramped seats, the recycled air, the turbulence, the mysterious noises, and whaaaaaaaaaaat’s the deal with the food? If you can identify with the fourth of the population that gets freaked out from flying, you know there’s little one can do or say to quell the anxiety associated with being tens of thousands of feet high in the air.
Determined to conquer my own personal fear, as well as the rest of America’s, I sought out Tom Bunn — an experienced airline captain and licensed therapist who’s specialized in the treatment of fear of flying for over thirty years. We sat down for thirty minutes and went over every single ridiculous thought that goes through your mind as you wait out the 90-minute delay before takeoff.
Credit: Flickr/givingnot@rocketmail.com
1. Will my plane crash?
No, because crashes have to have something go wrong. And for everything that you need on a plane, you need to supply the plane with two, three, or four of them. The wings can’t break, so you only need two of ’em. But, for hydraulics, you need a backup to the main system and a backup for the backup. For navigation, you have the same thing — the primary system, you have your backup system, another system behind that. So, you don’t just run out of what you need. So, that’s why we don’t have planes crashing in the U.S. We’ve gone 14 years without a fatality on a major U.S. airline.
2. What happens if a bullet is shot through the fuselage?
First, what would it not do: It would not cause the plane to come apart. The fuselage penetration area would not spread enough to threaten the plane. For the plane to be threatened, the bullet would have to damage a hydraulic system or an electrical system. Yet, even in that case, the plane should be alright, due to those backup systems and the backups’ backups.
3. What if the landing gear failed?
The first level of failure would be that the gear does not indicate ‘down and locked’ when the pilots attempt to extend it with the gear handle. Using the gear handle, hydraulic pressure moves the gear down and locks it. If that doesn’t work, the pilots unlock the ‘uplocks,’ which are the latches that keep the gear stowed in the up position during flight. After unlocking the ‘uplocks,’ gravity can extend the gear. If that doesn’t work, the gear can be extended by hand with a crank.
Credit: Flickr/Martin Pettitt
4. What if there was something on the wing?
You know, I haven’t met many people who’ve seen that other than in The Twilight Zone. But people do see things and they’re afraid they’re the only people who’ve seen it. For example, under certain conditions, you’ll get some vapor along the wings that looks like fog. And it will just pop up and go away.
5. Will turbulence ever bring down a plane?
I would say no, but there was one plane brought down by turbulence back in the beginning of the jet era when a British Airlines plane was making a sightseeing pass of Mt. Fuji and there was a very strong jet stream going by Mt. Fuji — and it’s a very uniquely shaped mountain — and they got into some turbulence situation that broke the plane apart. Basically, the learning experience there is, don’t go sightseeing near Mt. Fuji. We haven’t had any further planes taken down by turbulence.
6. If a window broke, would you get sucked out?
In the cabin, there are two windows. One is structural, one is there to keep your hands off the structural one. It’s plexiglass and it’s just not going to break. The cockpit glass is not plexiglass, it’s actually glass, but very strong glass. The glass is actually heated — if the heating system malfunctions, you could have a fracture of the cockpit glass. Once again, pretty rare.
Credit: Flickr/Armando G Alonso
7. Is it safe to fly during a thunderstorm?
Well, yes and no. You don’t want to land when you’re right under one because there’s a thing that happens called a downburst, where there’s a thunderstorm and it just dumps the air straight downward. If you’re 5,000 feet high, you’re fine, but you don’t want to be 50 feet off the ground. So, that’s why we don’t do any landings if there’s a thunderstorm over a runway.
8. What happens when lightning hits a plane?
Not much. The statistics are really interesting. The average airplane gets hit twice a year. In the cockpit you hear a “bang” and you see a flash. Here’s what you don’t know — you don’t know if it’s static discharge or lighting until you land. When an airplane flies through clouds, it picks up static electricity. When you get on a ground and if there are marks on the wing or nose, which looks like a cigarette burn, then you’ll know it was lightning.
9. Where shouldn’t you fly over?
First thing that comes to mind is getting shot down over the edge of Ukraine. That was a situation where the airline should have figured that out right away. In previous days, there have been military personnel there operating anti-aircraft missiles. No airliner should have flown through there. Those missiles could supposedly go up to 60,000 feet.
Credit: Flickr/Doug
10. What happens if you leave your phone on during takeoff?
Nothing. It doesn’t matter, it never did. This was the FAA covering their ass. The FAA did not want to get into the business of testing every electronic device that could have possibly caused a problem. I guess it was smart, because if a plane went down and some lawyers sued the FAA saying it was because of an electronic device, they could have potentially tried to blame them, so the FAA just said you can’t use them. They were never a threat, they don’t operate on frequencies similar to the frequencies used in aviation.
11. Have you ever flown through the Bermuda Triangle?
Oh yeah, sure! There’s not anything to it, somebody just came up with this idea that it’s like a Stephen King novel. Planes have gotten lost there, planes have gotten lost everywhere. There’s nothing special about it.
12. What are pilots afraid of?
I don’t know… not much. The thing about flying is, airplanes have gotten so safe that there’s really nothing to worry about. There’s the concern that something might happen that you can’t handle. You have a sense of responsibility that you have hundreds of lives you’re taking care of, I think the main problem pilots worry about is that they will somehow fail.
Credit: Flickr/Doug
13. What happens if one engine goes out?
Well, a plane flies fine with one engine; you have to land, though, because you won’t have a backup anymore. The FAA is very strict about that, you can’t fly with one engine. You have to land at the closest airport possible.
14. What happens if both go out?
Then you become a glider, but it’s only happened twice. There was a case, many years ago, in Canada with a 767 when both engines went out. Air Canada had some problems with their fuel gauges — and this was in that period of time when the English-speaking people and the French-speaking people weren’t getting along too well. They planned the flight using metric measure, but used English measure when they fueled the plane, so they only had half as much fuel in the plane than they thought. So they’re flying along and it gets very quiet — the engines quit. So, they found an airport, only problem was the airport had been closed and was being used as a drag strip. Didn’t take very long for the people drag racing to realize something was wrong and they got the hell off the drag strip.
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Ghosting.
I had not even heard the term “ghosting” until I was interviewed by an adorable 20-something blog a year ago. She asked me about it, so I had to bring myself up to speed. If you don’t know what “ghosting” means, I’ll tell you.
It is the newfangled word for “when people seriously suck and are too scared to let you know they are not interested.”
Yes, not only does that exist but it is such a common phenomenon that we have made up a term for it. Seriously!?!
I hate this crap. Because it is just beneath us.
Don’t worry. I am not going to rant on and on today about ghosting and how it is unacceptable and if you can’t let someone know in a grown up way that you are not interested, then you should NOT be dating. After all, I already wrote that article two years ago here.
What I AM going to rant about is how much we let that crap get to us, and we have to stop.
You know what I’m talking about. When someone we (thought we) liked falls off the face of the earth, we let it take over our head space. We question our worth. We decide if we are lovable (usually for the worse). We let it shake our confidence to the core.
And we have to stop that, because here is the simple truth.
That person that you liked, went on a couple of dates with, gave your time and energy to, and were open to creating the MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON EARTH WITH (a relationship!) did not even take the time to let you know they were not interested. That person could not create a 20-second text. A one-minute Facebook message. A two-minute email. A five-minute phone call. Nothin’.
So I’m pretty sure they can’t create a relationship.
That is total and complete and utter bullshit.
Newsflash: You do not want to date that. Not only for the obvious reasons, but because that is really a symptom of much bigger problems.
Problems you do not want. Problems that lead to lies, cheating, break-ups and divorce. I am not even being dramatic there. That is truth.
Your whole entire relationship, you are going to have to communicate. Solve problems together. Have compassion for your partner. Do the hard stuff that makes us uncomfortable, but is necessary. That is how love grows and healthy relationships work.
That is what we are looking for, Sugarpants.
And you know what it means when someone “goes ghost”?
It means they have just proven to you that they can’t do that. For whatever reason, they are not there yet. No matter how great the dates were, once they felt something uncomfortable they checked out.
Yes, that sucks and can you send you reeling. “Did I do something wrong? Was I too much? Not enough? Did I offend? What just happened there? I was excited and thought this had potential!”
But slow down your brain and take a step back, sailor. It is always great to create some self awareness when you go in or are coming out of a situation, but to start beating yourself up over someone vanishing is doing no one any good here.
Because (once again), you don’t want to date that. And you DEFINITELY don’t want to doubt yourself or let it truly affect your confidence. That person has proven that they are not in a healthy place, so why would you take their word on something as important as how you feel about yourself?
And if you are a person who is doing this behavior, you need to check yourself! Know that I am shaking my head at you and have a few questions for you.
Why aren’t you willing to be honest?
What’s wrong with uncomfortable?
Why won’t you be kind and let them know because it is the right thing to do?
What is going on there?
You need to figure that crap out.
Because here is another simple truth: You don’t get to have all of the great stuff that comes with love and relationships and not the tough, uncomfortable stuff too. It doesn’t work that way. You know it and I know it.
So the next time you get ghosted, it is ok to take a moment and be disappointed because you were interested. Because you liked someone. Because you thought there was potential. But then put it away. That person just proved that they were not really ready for a relationship anyway. And you learned an important lesson: that it’s not your fault and has nothing to do with you.
So grab your prosecco and celebrate this: Believe it or not, there are awesome people who are ready and waiting to create something beautiful with you. Let’s spend our time on that, OK Hot Pants?
I am here to help.
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