The Pedi Callus Remover – give your feet the attention they deserve

Callus remover

We fuss about our weight, get our hair cut, and pay a LOT of attention to the quality of the skin on our face. There is however, one aspect we don’t often pay much mind to, and that would be our feet. They see the most action every day as they have to carry us from all over the place. Of course, we’re also usually wearing shoes that don’t properly cushion our feet, and pound the pavement when we’re in a rush. Even when you put on lotion, if you do, it’s often easy to bypass your feet.

This constant neglect usually results in dry, cracked feet that are in need of some attention. Most of the time it’s just cosmetic, but it can reach a point where you need to see a doctor depending on what you put your feet through. If you don’t want to go to a nail salon and pay a lot of money, all you need is a cuticle pusher, skin buffer, and lotion. Getting the rough callouses off would be much easier with this Emjoi Callus remover.

This spins 30 times a second, is safer than using a metal scraper, and is faster than using a file which requires constant manual work. This will cost you $25, and will need 2 AA batteries. Of course, just like a nail file, the roughness of the rollers will lessen over time, and you’ll occassionally need to buy more at around $9 for four of them.

Available for purchase on Amazon
[ The Pedi Callus Remover – give your feet the attention they deserve copyright by Coolest Gadgets ]

Thank Heaven for Grownup Ladies

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I’ve been away — I mean psychically, mourning a friend; an employee at my bookstore who died very tragically two weeks ago. Her name was Cindi DiMarzo. You can read about Cindi HERE, if you’d care to; a remembrance of her that I sent out to our customers.

Cindi was an invaluable member of my little store’s even littler supporting cast. Her death set me thinking about supporting cast members who are so marvelous at playing their parts, they wind up stars of the show, without ever stepping out of character.

This is hardly a new thought but it has lately hit me with the force of revelation. I first found myself gnawing on it weeks ago, as I sat benumbed by the benumbing new production of Lerner & Loewe’s Gigi starring Disneydom’s Vanessa Hudgens. “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”? The only performers on that stage I remotely wanted to thank heaven for were two very grownup ladies — Hudgens framers, in the scheme of things — Dee Hoty and Victoria Clark, who delivered a master class, for anyone who cared to notice, in the art of Broadway musical performance.

Both have played far greater starring roles in their long careers. Watching them, I realized that I’d actually grown up with these ladies. I first saw Dee Hoty in City of Angels in 1990. She made quite an impression as two femme fatales, one in and one out of the movie in the head of the show’s protagonist, a gumshoe mystery writer. I ultimately caught Ms. Hoty in two of her three Tony nominated performances — each time for Best Leading Actress in a Musical — in The Will Rogers Follies (1991) and The Best Little Whorehouse Goes Public (1994). I did not see her in Footloose (1999). Even I have limits.

As Great Aunt Alicia, the aged courtesan who educates Gigi in the man-pleasing arts, Dee Hoty is so vividly, acidly ancient that I barely recognized her. The penetrating musical sheen of her singing, however, the zest of her characterization and just the essential life force unbottled on that stage, the life force of a tenacious survivor, rang true as the work of an actress I well remember.

Anything I might say about Victoria Clark has already, eminently, been said by a great many about her epic performance as Margaret Johnson, the mother in The Light in the Piazza, for which she deservedly won a Best Leading Actress in a Musical Tony Award in 2005. As Gigi’s grandmother, “Mamita,” Ms. Clark does far less than Hermione Gingold did in the Oscar winning Gigi film — which works beautifully here. Where Gingold exuded heartfelt comic anxiety and eccentricity, Clark exudes wisdom and love. She and Ms. Hoty have been handed Gigi‘s most vexing anthem, “Thank Heaven for Little Girls,” in an attempt at repurposing this male paen to the feminine succulence of the under-aged. The two old girls almost pull it off. When Ms. Clark at last takes center stage to sing Lerner & Loewe’s glorious “Say A Prayer” in the second act, she stops the show cold with a rendition that only a lifetime of experience could create. Her nomination this time around for a Tony as Best Featured Actress doesn’t even begin to cover it. Thank heaven indeed.

I could write a dissertation about the great supporting actresses and actors who have stolen shows away from their stars in the annals of the Broadway musical. Just now, however, my mind lingers on current ladies. The spotlight seems to find them wherever I look. In a previous piece about An American in Paris, I’ve already saluted Veanne Cox . Heidi Blickenstaff jumped out at me from the guy-centric thicket of codpiece jokes that threaten to overwhelm Something Rotten! (or perhaps I should say, underwhelm it.) Ms. Blickenstaff is a nifty straight man (if you’ll pardon the expression) for all the guys in Something Rotten! but she also gets plenty of solid laughs on her own (sometimes dressed as a guy) and ultimately nails her one big vocal number, “Righthand Man,” including a second act reprise. Something Rotten! is a non-stop parade of stupid, proudly and slickly overdone. Ms. Blickenstaff’s work in it is nuanced and really smart. Thank heaven once more.

I coud go on. But I’ll stop at The King and I. My kids, Lea and Sara, were blown away by the really big ship that sailed right at them as the curtain rose. You can’t argue with a really big ship. It reassured them that The King and I onstage would not be a diminishment, after the grandeur of the movie version they so adore. Both of them literally gave me a thumbs up the moment Kelli O’Hara opened her mouth to sing. They laughed affectionately at Ken Wattanabe’s Brynner-ish king, even as they asked me again and again what it was that he had just said (sometimes I had to ask them). I do believe their most rapt attention, however, was commanded by Ruthie Ann Miles; since nominated for a Best Featured Actress Tony Award as Lady Thiang, the King’s chief wife. I certainly have never seen a production of The King and I that felt as if it was driven by Lady Thiang. This one does. With an all-seeing stage presence that director Bart Sher surely sanctioned, Ms. Miles grabbed my kids attention away from the King and Mrs. Anna. That is saying something.
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One late word about Misia, my new musical. Playbill.com yesterday anounced the CD’s official release date: June 16. The online announcement also features a special advance preview of one song form the CD: “My Heart and I,” sung by Marin MaZzie. You can hear it HERE.
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The Spirituality of the Magic Kingdom

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It’s my first time at Disney World. I’ve been to Disneyland about a hundred times (visiting Southern California since I was a little kid, then living in LA for 12 years), but this my first visit at the East Coast answer to Walt’s passion for a place where “the parents and the children could have fun together.” And for the first time, amidst the branded rides, the junk food, and the exit-through-the-gift-shop mentality, I realized what a spiritual place the Disney parks are, cheering us along the path to personal transformation.

Disneyland and Disney World have a lot of differences, but from this viewpoint, they’re identical in their ability to encourage our spiritual — our best — sides. Before you decide I’m crazy, let me explain…

The Magic Kingdom invites you to believe in something greater than yourself. It’s constantly showing you how big your life could be, inviting you to think about, dream of, imagine and believe that all things are possible. As Cinderella sings, “In dreams you will lose your heartache — whatever you wish for, you keep.”

Believe. Imagine. Dream. What adult gets encouraged to do this? This is stuff for children — who hasn’t been told at some point that it’s time for them to grow up, face reality, and basically give up a long-cherished desire? At the Magic Kingdom, you can relive your childhood dreams and maybe walk away with new inspiration for them.

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Florida native Royal Webster, who has been visiting Disney World since it opened in 1971, says, “Despite the chaos, it’s always so tranquil and peaceful there for me. It feels like the one place where nobody needs anything — I can just be myself, and everyone’s always so nice there. Riding the monorail takes me back to when I was a little kid. I always take the monorail into the park, then catch the ferry on the way back, so I can ‘leave myself’ in the Magic Kingdom. I’m not ‘leaving’ that way, just ‘departing.'”

Everyone gets to be a kid in the Magic Kingdom. In my own work as a spiritual coach, I usually find that clients’ issues hark back to when they were children. We each have a little kid inside of us, and usually they were undernourished in some powerful way. They weren’t listened to, or they were ignored, or neglected, or smothered.

I worked with a woman recently whose alcoholic mother would buy beer instead of food for her kids — she grew up with a “not enough” mentality. Another client had to repeat part of elementary school and always felt like she wasn’t smart enough. A client’s money issues went back to being told as a child that she shouldn’t profit from others. In each case, nurturing their inner child and giving it what it had never received was key to healing their issues.

Even if you don’t have an awareness of a sense of lack from your childhood, you can still benefit by going back to the Magic Kingdom as an adult, on your own terms. You get to just “be” while you’re inside of this tremendously fun environment, which both nurtures the child inside of you and can reframe your experiences in the more positive light of today.

According to California resident Cheryl Stotter-Magnuson, who has visited both parks multiple times, “It’s a place where I can allow my inner child to just have fun. It’s one of the few places adults can experience that child-like joy and enthusiasm and let go of all the adult rules. My husband was wearing a Donald Duck sweatshirt (which he would never put on otherwise) and people run around in Minnie Mouse ears. It’s a place where we can all be children again, in the perfect-ness of it, without adults telling us ‘don’t.'”

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I often give clients mantras — little sayings that encourage them and remind them of positive choices when they are down on themselves or in negative situations. I found examples all over the gift shops — “believe,” said one T-shirt. “Everything is satisfactual,” stated a charming little plate. “Believe in magic” said another shirt; a series of pillows reminded me of things like, “A dream is a wish your heart makes,” every kid’s original dream: “Never grow up,” and every little girl’s wish: “Happily ever after.”

The heroes and heroines in Disney movies all have to overcome deep adversity to accomplish their goals and dreams. This is what has made so many Disney films resonate with generations of audiences, and what created the enormous cottage industry that is The Walt Disney Company. The parks embody Walt’s philosophy, “If you can dream it, you can do it. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” Remember, this from a cartoonist who lost the rights to his first creation, Oswald, and had to start all over again, leading to him creating the iconic Mickey Mouse.

Washington resident Candace Regan, who grew up visiting Disneyland and now brings her own two children there, says “Disneyland gives a sense of freedom — it feels like there’s always hope for you and for a perfect world, always a chance for you to do what you choose if you just believe in yourself. Time stands still in the park, but you can move from one experience to another with a sense of wonder and joy as if for the first time.”

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For me, the heart of my own spiritual experiences at the Magic Kingdom comes down to the carousel. For years, I would circumambulate Disneyland’s Fantasyland on my painted pony, thinking about my life the last time I was on that ride, setting intentions for the next time. At Disney World, as I circled past Princess Fairy Tale Hall instead of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Cinderella’s castle instead of Sleeping Beauty’s, I suddenly realized I was still in Fantasyland, still riding the carousel, but nothing was the same. For me personally, my life has come as far as I had — from LA to Miami, where I now live, with a new partner and a new business. I am so changed, and this one moment on the ride showed me exactly how much. It’s not that I didn’t know this on many levels before, but seeing the view from the carousel was a poignant microcosm of my shift.

One powerful spiritual principle is that we have come here with all the answers inside of us. Jiminy Cricket advises us: “Let your conscience be your guide.” Whether you use the word conscience or intuition, it’s an opportunity to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. When we visit the Magic Kingdom, we get to use our imaginations to allow ourselves to let go and play inside of a world that is a touchstone for the spiritual aspects inside each of us.

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Arizona Mom Who Left Kids In Hot Car Gets 18 Years Probation

PHOENIX (AP) — A single mother who left her two young sons in a hot car in Phoenix during a job interview was sentenced Friday to 18 years of supervised probation.

The sentencing brought an end to the case that saw Shanesha Taylor draw sympathy around the country and collect more than $114,000 in donations when her teary mug shot was published online. Her story of trying to get a job without being able to find child care resonated with the public.

But the support quickly turned to scorn when she failed to meet a court deadline to place some of the money into a trust for her children as part of a plea agreement. Questions followed about how she was spending the money.

A judge followed prosecutors’ recommendation in sentencing the 36-year-old Taylor in the March 2014 incident.

Her lawyer Valeria Llewellyn had asked for 10 years of probation, saying Taylor was trying to handle her responsibilities that day without asking for help.

Court Commissioner Jeffrey Rueter acknowledged Taylor’s predicament, saying her actions were influenced by her economic situation.

But she ultimately demonstrated “criminally poor judgment” and placed her children in danger, Rueter said.

Taylor was arrested after leaving her 2-year-old and 8-month-old sons in her car for about 45 minutes. Authorities said the temperature inside the car exceeded 100 degrees.

Taylor mostly stayed quiet during the sentencing hearing and as reporters trailed her outside the courthouse.

She recently had another baby and the long-term probation was intended to monitor Taylor until the youngest of her four children turns 18, said Jerry Cobb, a spokesman for the Maricopa County attorney’s office.

The sentence also requires Taylor to attend parenting classes. The judge deferred a decision on restitution.

Taylor will request to carry out her probation in Chicago, where she intends to move to be with family and try to put the ordeal behind her, Llewellyn said.

“She made a bad mistake and I know she’s learned from it,” Llewellyn said.

The sentencing came after Taylor pleaded guilty in March to one count of felony child abuse.

Prosecutors said she had spent about $4,100 a month from the donations she received, including more than $1,000 in non-essential items such as cable TV. Taylor countered that she does not live an extravagant lifestyle.

The breach prompted prosecutors to reinstate the initial charges.

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New York City Mayor Announces Investigation Into Nail Salon Conditions

NEW YORK — New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said Friday that the city plans to investigate the harmful environments at nail salons and that he will lead a “day of action” next week to raise awareness about salon workers’ rights.

The announcement comes on the heels of a class-action lawsuit filed by two manicurists on Thursday and Gov. Andrew Cuomo introducing emergency protection for salon works earlier this week — both of which were in response to a series The New York Times published last week on the exploitative conditions and health risks nail salon employees face.

In New York — where the typical price of a manicure is around half of the national average of $20 — manicurists are often forced to work for free for months before receiving an hourly wage of $3, the Times found. Workers are continuously exposed to fumes and chemicals that have been linked to cancer, miscarriages and other illnesses.

The Department of Consumer Affairs in New York will investigate employment agencies that place workers in jobs that pay less than minimum wage, de Blasio said. Officials have already begun taking nail polish samples from salons to test for toxic chemicals.

Next Thursday, 500 volunteers and city officials plan to distribute flyers in neighborhoods where large numbers of manicurists live and in areas with a high concentration of nail salons to inform workers of their rights. They also intend to send letters to employers, reminding them of their legal obligations to their employees.

“We will use all available powers to shield nail salon workers from deplorable conditions, empower them with awareness of their rights, and offer every other support we can to ensure the safety and dignity of our hardworking fellow New Yorkers,” de Blasio said in a statement.

The Times investigation highlighted the cost of a small luxury enjoyed by millions of people and drew swift response from officials. On Monday, Cuomo announced the creation of a task force to lead investigations into individual salons and to require employers to post signs in six languages informing workers that it is illegal to work without pay. Manicurists will also be required wear gloves and masks.

A lawsuit filed in the U.S. District Court in Manhattan claimed that four salons on the Upper East Side, which share the same owners, violated labor laws by paying workers $60 or less for 10-hour shifts and refusing them breaks.

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Life Lesson: Embrace the Journey

The paths in life are many, but depending on where you live (both figuratively and literally), you may have more specific destinations (goals). This focused view can help, as you try to map out all the ways to get there. But then life happens, and you are thrown off course. When this occurs, can you roll with it or will you stall (struggle)?

This point was driven home on a recent meet-up with an old friend. It was like any other Thursday. Our rendezvous point: Long Beach, California. And if L.A. traffic had anything to say, the stop and go (ups & downs) was just the start.

First, he was held up at work (responsibilities), so we pushed our get-together back, and even though I was en route, something told me (intuition) to flip around and head home instead. I came in for a pit stop and re-fueled with some healthy greens and made my way back out. This time I took Pacific Coast Highway, trusting that my GPS would get me there with ease (expectations). Not quite. Because I wasn’t able to pay full attention while driving, I missed a few signs (obstacles). But the unexpected didn’t stop there. Suddenly, without a clear entry in sight, I noticed that I drove right past the restaurant (challenges). I even pulled over on two occasions to ask the people directing traffic, “How do I get back on track (support)?” Still I was led astray (setbacks).

Finally, I saw a parking structure (blessings) and pulled in to discover it was completely full (false alarms)! On my way out, yet again, I asked the guy how I could find my way, only to not understand a word, due to his thick accent (confusion).

So I took matters into my own hands (control), and decided to follow the orange cones (guideposts), and found myself driving through the sand (surprises)! At least it was alongside a dazzling beach (beauty)! — I was lost in the moment (pun intended).

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Recognizing I was lost, I called my friend (initiative). He was equally surprised and perplexed as to what was going on, so he suggested finding me first (self-discovery) and then we could take it from there (process). He pulled aside and I followed behind him (teachers) as he steered aimlessly around Long Beach (the unknown) in search of familiar surroundings (experiences) and a new connection point (opportunities). However, our often abrupt and sudden turns (risks), required much focus (clarity), with no set roads to follow (uncertainty), and continued adjustments (resilience), until a way was shown (faith).

At last, and boy was I glad I ate first (reflection), we stumbled upon (fortune) a lovely restaurant situated along the beach, with a stunning view, and a quiet place to just be (relaxation) and have a heart to heart (profound connection). I couldn’t have imagined a better outcome (perspective). Truly, only life can orchestrate such an incredible journey (fulfillment)! What an adventure!

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Oh, and it turns out the annual Long Beach Grand Prix was taking place (destiny) and our detours (choices) led us exactly to where we were meant to be!

I leave you with this single question: How do you choose to navigate in your journey of life?

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photo by Brian Boyd

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Judith Miller And James O'Keefe Supported An Important American Tradition Today

That tradition? Irony.

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Ex-Im and the Pax Americana

For more than 80 years, the Export-Import Bank of the United States has played a central role in facilitating market access for U.S. firms and for providing a fixed price on the uncertainty and credit risk of international trade. Ex-Im quite literally paved the way for the Pax Americana by financing the Pan-American Highway, road networks in Southeast Asia and the reconstruction of Europe under the Marshall Plan following World War II. Ex-Im is such an enduring institution, much like the FDIC, because its mission was borne out of vacuum left behind by a chaotic period in which private resources evaporated and confidence in the system waned. The FDIC was formed in the crucible of bank runs and financial panic following the Great Depression, while Ex-Im, in its 1945 charter, was forged from the wreckage of a tattered global economy, in which the U.S. was the world’s principal economic and trade guarantor.

While no depositor, consumer or politician can imagine a vibrant U.S. economy without the FDIC, sadly, many are actively conspiring for Ex-Im’s demise. Ex-Im’s current mandate from Congress, which was authorized in September of 2014 expires on June 30, 2015. In the same way that allowing the FDIC to lapse would seriously erode consumer confidence, unilaterally dismantling Ex-Im would have similar consequences for U.S. trade. No one would feel the adverse effects more than America’s small businesses, which make up 90 percent of Ex-Im’s customers and comprise 64 percent of net new private sector jobs according the SBA data. Much like the partisanship that cost the U.S. its AAA credit rating, many who are sent to Washington, D.C. to improve U.S. competitiveness are waging economic and ideological warfare against the nation.

Ex-Im’s critics cite economic favoritism for large, blue chip exporters such as Boeing and Caterpillar. While these large firms clearly benefit from Ex-Im’s support, the criticism overlooks the importance of small businesses in the supply chains of large global manufacturers. In fact, Joe Kaeser, the CEO of Siemens, a German engineering powerhouse employing 46,000 people in the U.S. indicated that for every $1 million in revenue they earn, $300,000 benefits small businesses. This much is set in Ex-Im’s targets, which calls for a minimum of 20 percent of their financial and trade credit support be directed to small and mid-sized businesses.

In the last few years of straitened times, putting an organization that paid back $675 million to taxpayers in 2014 in the crosshairs is a dangerous game of brinkmanship that is already harming U.S. exports. Another oft cited criticism is that Ex-Im crowds out private financial institutions and misprices risks by leveraging the Treasury’s balance sheet and access to unattainably cheap capital. While this may be true in terms of access to favorable capital, as a self-funded government institution, Ex-Im’s return on investment to taxpayers makes it an asset rather than a liability. Adding Ex-Im’s low default rate of 0.175 percent and strong capital adequacy covering 17 times the Bank’s default rate makes it a benchmark institution, rather than a threat to the private sector. Not crowding out private sector financial institutions is also enshrined in Ex-Im’s charter.

So much of Ex-Im’s role in the U.S. economy is to fill the void where others dare not tread. Ninety-five percent of global consumers are outside of the U.S. and there are more than 60 export credit agencies (ECAs), many operating opaquely, vying to promote their national exports. Not reauthorizing Ex-Im would be tantamount to unilateral disarmament during an era of an enfeebled global economy where the U.S. is the only piston. Christine Lagarde, the head of the IMF, recently referred to this era as a “new mediocrity,” in which key economic indicators are moving in dangerous lockstep. With near parity between global GDP growth and growth in trade, economic headwinds are exacerbated by low productivity and persistently high urban unemployment. Without trade facilitation tools like Ex-Im in the U.S. economic arsenal, we risk putting the global economy in reverse and sending millions of American workers to the unemployment line. While the consequences of not reauthorizing Ex-Im are stark, a world where Ex-Im has an open-ended charter is not a zero-sum proposition for U.S. exporters or other nations. In fact, as evidenced by the largely peaceful 70 years since Ex-Im’s modern charter, countries that trade together tend to stay together.

Against this backdrop, ongoing trade negotiations under the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) and the Trans-Atlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP), are heralding an era of 21st century trade agreements. The U.S. economy stands to be a center of gravity in these agreements and U.S. firms of all sizes will need to evaluate both their market expansion strategies and trade posture. TPP alone would create access to 40 percent of the world’s GDP and net $295 billion in new economic output according to the IMF. So, rather than conspiring to put a nail in Ex-Im’s coffin harming the U.S. and, indeed, the global economy, officials should work to bolster and modernize Ex-Im. After all, Ex-Im’s support for $27.4 billion in trade deals in 2014 pales in comparison to the $670 billion worth of trade financed by China in the last 2 years – $80 billion more than all the trade supported by Ex-Im over its 80 year history. In the veritable export credit arms race being waged around the world, disarming Ex-Im is a dangerous move imperiling U.S. national security.

Dante A. Disparte is the founder and CEO of Risk Cooperative and chair of the Business Council for American Security with the American Security Project.

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My Daughter Taught Me How to Fly

A few weeks back my 7-year-old daughter and I signed up for a trapeze lesson on a whim. I happen to have had a fairly serious freak accident on a trapeze when I was nine, but hey, that was almost 20 years ago and the students we saw at the Trapeze School looked like they were having a blast. Gavin and I were so excited the day of the lesson we literally dashed up the 6 flights of stairs, taking two at a time to get to school that is located on top of a gorgeous pier on the Hudson River in lower Manhattan. We both had this knowing “we got this” feeling in our hearts.

The lesson went well, we were all belted up and my turn was before Gavin’s. It wasn’t until I was on the 10th rung that I got an old yet familiar pang of fear in my belly. I practice living life with openness and a deep belief that you can empower yourself through any situation with the aligned support and to be fair, I also get to practice this as a living so it usually come through me as a flow rather than a force.

But once on the top of the platform my palms were sweating, I felt dizzy with the sun beaming down on me and off the Hudson River. My mantras and breathing technics fell deaf as I pivoted around the edge. I was told to reach for the bar. “I…I can’t,” I said with an unfamiliar voice of fear. I knew the instructor was giving me directions but I couldn’t comprehend them and I didn’t seem to move.

Suddenly, time stopped.

Another person from the class appeared next to me and I grasped to a rope in a corner, watching her take her turn with ease.

Exhale.

She just swung, fluid, beautiful even. I sort of laughed at my prior hesitation and let them know I was ready to go now, I just needed to see someone up close.

Phew.

My turn.

“I got this,” I whispered to myself. I reached for the bar. My throat immediately closed up, my chest tightened, my neck ached like it might crack and I could hardly see because my eyes were fully watered.

“I can’t. I won’t. I can’t do this.” I repeated and leaned back onto the platform. There were two instructors up with me now trying to coach and explain how it is easier to swing down than climb down, but my brain couldn’t comprehend there was a step two. All I could handle was my fear and how the fear I had terrified and ruined something so special for my daughter who was witnessing this meltdown.

I then looked over and saw she had appeared. My beautiful, newly 7-year-old daughter had climbed with vigor to the top and was standing next to me. “What’s going on Mommy, why aren’t you going?”

I breathed, it might have been the first time I took an actual breath in minutes because the sheer act of breathing made me light headed. “I’m a little afraid, I’m sorry. ” I ekked out, trying to conceal a fear I knew was irrational. She looked at me and smiled, “It’s ok. It doesn’t have to be scary,” she said as she allowed the teacher to latch her to the ropes.

1…2…3…

Gavin jumped.

I watched her drop down, this tiny little body not more than 40 lbs, falling through the air.

She swung her legs up to the bar when instructed, reaching her arms far and broad, gliding with confidence and sheer bliss.

She was her own person, on her own path not limited or restrained, even by her mother. Overwhelmed with awe and joy for her, tears streamed down my face and it felt like my heart expanded through my body, past my being. This was the feeling of love and gratitude and awe in its tangible form.

I did end up jumping, several times that day. But what I will hold forever is the memory of when I was paralyzed with fear, my daughter taught me how to fly.

This blog post is part of a series for HuffPost Gratitude, entitled ‘The Moment Gratitude Changed My Perspective.’ To see all the other posts in the series, click here.

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Confessions of a Code-Switcher: 'Talking White' as an Accent

Growing up, my Black friends said I talked “white” and my non-Black friends said I talked “ghetto.” When I’m with non-Black friends, in the classroom, or at a job interview, I automatically turn on the “taking white” switch. When I’m with my Black friends, I reset back to my normal south-side Chicago diasporic slur. Pretty soon, I was both the accuser and the accused in the racial speech witch trials. But as I grew older, intellectual maturation and social awareness showed me the role language plays in our society, how it helps us, and how it hurts us. I learned that assuming everyone from a certain race does or should talk the same way is problematic. But, I quite often found rebuttals to this generalization are even more problematic than the accusation. Here’s why:

1. Using the phrase “Talking (insert Race here)” is problematic.

One of our double-edged swords as humans is we tend to like to generalize and associate. It requires less thinking and simplifies our understanding of the world around us. And yes, many people from the same race, class or geographic location tend to speak similarly. But saying someone talks black, white, brown, red or purple is problematic. While we may speak similarly as another from the same culture, a racially monolithic way of talking is simply not possible. We deserve to give each other room for cultural background and experience, and should not force each other to conform into our conceptions of their group.

Languages and accents aren’t stagnant either. For example, English was heavily influenced by German and French. The regional American accents we speak English with were created as colonists came in contact with the Spanish, French, Native Americans and Africans from the African Diaspora. “Where you at?” is a long ways from “where art thou?” The amount of dialects, accents, pidgins, slang, colloquialisms, etc. there are in the English language alone is staggering. Speech changes over time and space.

2. But when people use words like “educated” and “proper” to describe speech or as a rebuttal against “talking white,” it can be even more problematic than the accusation.

As frustrating as it is to be accused for talking a race, our responses can be just as, or even more, problematic. Whenever I hear my Black peers assert that they talk “proper,” not “white,” it makes me cringe. I assume their intention is to rebel against a one-size-fits-all “Blackness,” to assert that speaking “properly” has nothing to do with race, and that they are enunciating sentences with proper syntax (.i.e. saying “I watch cartoons each weekend,” instead of “I be watchin’ cartoons eh’ weekend”).

But whether it’s an accusation or a rebuttal, describing speech in “proper” terms subtly plays to the idea that “talking Black” equates to being inarticulate. The policing of Black speech is historically an extension of oppression, and one of the many tools that helped racism and classism reify each other.

Let me give you an example: A Black boy born and raised in Englewood, Chicago lives and interacts with only Black people (since Chicago is so segregated), all of whom speak the same way. When he sees another Black kid speak “properly”, he may assume they “talk white,” because he has only one reference to “Blackness.” He’s making the (problematic) observation that the other kid speaks with what he thinks is a “white accent” (intonation, inflection, hard consonants, types of slang, fully pronouncing words with -ing, etc.) It’s an ignorant (in the denotation of the word) generalization, but his problem is that he thinks Blackness is statically one thing. But if you or I assume what he is implying or really means is, “You don’t speak inarticulately like I do, so you’re not Black,” that’s much more problematic. And it reveals way more about us than it does about him.

Why do we use the term “proper English” in America? Imagine a woman from London visiting a classroom in America, and witnessing a teacher chastising a student for saying”lid-duh-ruhlee” instead of “literally.” As someone who speaks the language in the place it was created and has probably pronounced it “lih-truh-lee” their whole life, would she understand why the child was criticized? But as Americans, we use “proper” when we almost always mean “standard.” And that’s where the issue lies. Who sets the standard? Who is conforming to it and why? How is it negotiated over time? And is that Black boy from Englewood at the negotiation table?

3. Speaking “clearly” or “proper” is subjective.

Speaking “clearly” to you or me may sound confusing to another. If you visit Paris and speak French, they may not be able to comprehend you, because you are saying French words, but enunciating them how French people do. In that moment, you are speaking “clearly,” but to them, you sound funny. Bringing it back to America’s regional accents, the same applies. In my opinion, the twangy Southwestern accent is unbearable. But if I was born and raised in the heart of Texas, I highly doubt I would believe that. How Texans talk is “not normal” to the rest of America, but I surmise no one equates twang to stupidity.

In the summer of 2014, I lived in Cape Town, South Africa. People there often responded with “Huh?” when I spoke, scrunching up their face in a confused manner. In my opinion, I was enunciating my words very clearly, but some couldn’t understand what I was saying. It was a tad bit annoying, but my annoyance was very “American,” because we typically don’t see ourselves as having an accent. We forget or remain oblivious to the fact that how we generally speak English is not how English is generally spoken anywhere else on the globe. And what may be even more difficult to conceptualize for many of us is that white Americans have an accent too. I visited Indonesia for Spring Break, and our guide curiously asked me, “Why don’t Black people talk like other Americans?” When I asked him to clarify, he responded, “I mean, why don’t they talk like white Americans?”

So although we approach speaking “properly” or “clearly” as a universal concept, we have to be aware of its parameters. Normalizing the way we speak is not the same thing as the way we speak being normal. One is a social construction created and policed by the majority, the other is a passive-aggressive myth.

Again, it is very problematic to imply that everyone from a specific race talks the same. I’m certainly not trying to dismiss that. But if you are a non-white person accused of “talking white,” don’t automatically assume they are saying you speak intelligently. They might only be saying you pronounce words the way white people do. Both are bad generalizations, the former is arguably much worse. And if you are a white person who sees the way you talk as objectively proper or normal, you may be unknowingly othering minorities, and perpetuating the political role of language by arguing for an artificial standard that serves the goal of conformity.

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