The recent Amtrak crash was a tragedy. Why did it happen? American Family Radio host Sandy Rios believes the conductor’s homosexuality could be a factor. She ponders that the engineer, like all homosexuals, could have been “going through some confusion that has to do with the very core of who they are.” This is an interesting angle on the … the, um … um …
Sorry. I was distracted for a minute. Ms. Rios is correct – it is difficult for us homosexuals to concentrate on daily tasks. Or do I mean ‘we homosexuals’? Which is it? Us? We? I am so constantly confused. Sorry. It is difficult for me to even remember how to type a sentence. OK – let me get back on track. Um …
Oh boy! This is a struggle …
OK – so, where was I? Oh, yes – Rios’ angle on the story is worthy of attention. As the FBI investigates the, um … what do you call it? the, um …
Wow! Where is my head? I was writing about that crash of the um, you know, the … the, um … Amtrak crash, and I just could not stop thinking about Ricky Martin. What is he doing these days? He is so sexy. I wonder if he is making music — or what? I mean, … I heard one of his songs on the car radio the other day and I almost ran off the road and …
What am I doing? Sorry! OK — focus focus focus!
Rios is not the only one who thinks that gayness is a factor in this crash. Self-proclaimed “debunker of frauds” Chuck C. Johnson offered some thought-provoking tweets on the subject. “Gays have a higher rate of mental illness than do straights. You decide if engineer’s homosexuality is worth noting. I report it.”
Fascinating. I did not realize that gays were crazier than everyone else. I believe that extra-terrestrials are invading the life force of half the world’s population and that mushrooms and rabbits talk to me in my sleep, but I never really believed that we gays were mentally different than anyone else. I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the meth I’ve been doing lately. That might be why I can’t see things for what they really are.
Oh, right! Let me explain that meth remark. It relates to Johnson’s other claim: “It is reasonable to ask if this night shift #amtrak188 train driver was on meth or had history with it, given gay proclivities to it.”
Reasonable, indeed. Most of the gays I know have a secret meth addiction. It is tough getting through a day, an afternoon, an hour! without our beloved meth. So, yes, it is totally reasonable to assume that because the engineer of the train was gay, he must have had a meth addiction. Totally reasonable. He was probably doing poppers and cocaine at the time of the crash, too. As Rios has reported, the conductor must have been confused to his core and, of course, meth totally helps ease the core gay confusion situation and Judy Liza Cher Barbra fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night there’s no place like home I have always depended on the kindness of strangers it’s raining men, hallelujah, it’s raining men I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses …
SORRY! OMG! My hands had no control as I typed the end of that last paragraph. That’s a gay brain for you! I can’t even get through a few moments of writing without thinking about all my favorite gay things. You know, like that Matt Bomer, oh yeah, yeah baby, so hot hot hot and … AAAhhh! Make it stop! I am so confused! Get me some meth!
I so admire and envy heterosexuals. I would give anything if I could get through just a few minutes of my day without constantly being confused to my core about my sexuality. What I wouldn’t give to be straight, just so that I could concentrate on, um … on the … you know … the, um …
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