'My Toddler Won't Eat Anything'
Posted in: Today's ChiliReader Short Order Cook writes,
My daughter used to be such a good eater. When she was contained in the high chair. Now since she sits at her little table to eat instead of a high chair I cannot get her to actually sit and eat. She roams around, plays, eats here and there. When do I start to really enforce, this is lunch, dinner time and you must sit? Plus her newest thing is “I want something else.” Which something else is usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or cheese. Is this something to be concerned about at her age (2.5 years) or should I let it go until she is older?
Dear SOC,
Kids, gotta love them, because you can’t return them. Anyway, the first thing I wondered is why is she at a little table? Unless you’re also at the little table, she’s not learning anything about mealtime, because there is no communal mealtime. In a best case scenario you’re eating at a different table, but I suspect, you’re not actually eating when she eats at all. If you want her to learn how to behave at the table, which I certainly recommend and do not think she is too young for at all, then there has to be a table. Put the little table in the playroom where it belongs and put your child her at the table with you, on a booster if she needs it. Make mealtime fun, by speaking to her and putting your phone away. Don’t let her get up before she’s sat there for at least 10 minutes, five on a bad day, so she learns about appropriate dinner table behavior.
Next, do not make her anything different than what the rest of the family eats. (Now you’ll be eating as a family, even if the only adult present is you, so this now applies.) Yes, never. If you’re packing her a lunch for outside the house, give her PB and J if she wants, but at home, you make a healthy meal with different things on the plate, and she must eat a bite of everything every time. Kids have to try new foods many many times before their tastes can change and they may like it. Once you assess which of these healthy dinner foods she likes, you can work them into rotation more often, if you fear that she will starve.
Speaking of which, what if she’s hungry? Then she will eat something out of what you offer her, especially if you have a bunch of options on her plate, all of which are healthy dinner foods, like a vegetable, starch, and meat, or some equivalent. If not, she will be hungrier for the next meal and will eat better at that time, and we all know kids love breakfast foods (and if you have a child who will not eat cereal, then you need to call Guinness.) Certainly don’t give her dessert if she doesn’t try everything on her plate. And hopefully, make dessert something healthy like fruit anyhow.
This is a topic close to my heart because I was never made to try things more than once that I didn’t like, and as a highly sensitive child, I didn’t like many things at first. My tastes became extremely constricted as a result. It was to the point that I wouldn’t eat pizza at classmates’ birthday parties and had to bring something else to eat (which really helps you fit in with the other kids… or not). Later in adulthood I made it my business to expand my tastes, and to be able to eat and enjoy a wide variety of foods. I wish I would have been introduced to a variety of foods earlier, many many times each, so that I could have practiced and learned to appreciate them.
Another point to remember here is that toddlers don’t need to eat as much as babies do, because they grow much more slowly. So this is normal. Rather than conceiving of your job as to make sure your daughter is not hungry, assume she has that under control innately, and think of your job as introducing her to table manners and to new tastes. Then focus your efforts on this. Also, eat with her. She watches what you do and if you try a variety of new things, eat with gusto and manners, and eat healthy foods, this is what she will learn to do herself, as an adult and hopefully sooner too.
Good luck! Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Whose Kids Sing “You Have To Try New Things Cause They Might Be Goo-ood” From Daniel Tiger When I Serve Them Stuff They Don’t Like. Thanks Again, Daniel Tiger.
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. Learn about Dr. Rodman’s private practice here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.
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