From Where I Stand: Sonja Dimitrijoska

Cross-posted fromUN Women

Sonja Dimitrijoska. Photo: UN Women/Mirjana Nedeva

Photo: UN Women/Mirjana Nedeva

“Although the job can be very stressful and intense, I love what I am doing. I started working as a humanitarian worker at the refugee transit centre in Tabanovce* [former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia] in October 2015. Trains arrived every two to three hours and we had around 10,000 people arriving and leaving per day. I had to give directions to these people, assist in their medical needs or social care. The biggest challenge initially was to quickly prioritize and coordinate [responses to] refugees’ needs. We were only two people per shift. Later it increased to seven or eight people.

There is nothing harder than watching someone suffer when your abilities to help them are limited in every aspect. Even the work you do feels so little and you feel that much, much more can be done. I’ve found ways to deal with the stress, such as breathing exercises, music, painting and writing.

Being a psychologist, my primary role is to provide psychosocial care for women refugees. Women mainly approach me to request assistance with stress from travelling and there were some cases of violence survivors. I’ve found that non-verbal communication is universal and comprehensible in all languages. Sometimes I can understand them even though I don’t speak their language. I’ve learned that as long as there is empathy and truth, people could open themselves up to each other.

We now provide other services such as English, Arabic and Farsi language classes for the children. I like helping other people. I would love to continue what I’m doing in the future.”


SDG 10: Reduced Inequalities

SDG 16: Peace, justice and strong institutions

Sonja Dimitrijoska, 39, from the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, is a humanitarian aid worker with the NGO La Strada, a partner organization of UN Women and Oxfam in their joint work to provide support to women and girl refugees in transit centres in the Western Balkans. This work is related to the Sustainable Development Goals, including SDG 10 on reducing inequalities, which seeks to facilitate orderly, safe, regular and responsible migration and mobility of people; and SDG 16, which aims to promote peaceful and inclusive societies for sustainable development.

Read more stories in the “From where I stand…” editorial series.


*The Tabanovce refugee transit centre in the northern city of Kumanovo, former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, is close to the Serbian border. Refugees arriving here from the Syria-Turkey-Greece route aim to cross into Serbia to access northern Europe.

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The Mortgage Document Deluge: Does TRID Help? (Part 1 of 4)

The TILA-RESPA Integrated Disclosure Rule (TRID), in development by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) for several years, became effective October 3, 2015. One of its major purposes was to help borrowers understand and cope with the deluge of documents they must read and sign prior to closing on a mortgage. This series of articles will consider how and where CFPB succeeded or fell short, and it will provide a complementary approach that should make it easier for borrowers to cope with the deluge.

Replacing Irreconcilable Documents

For decades, mortgage borrowers had to cope with irreconcilable disclosures mandated by HUD and the Federal Reserve. There was no way for a borrower to match the figures on the Good Faith Estimate disclosure (GFE, mandated by HUD) with those on the Truth in Lending disclosure (TIL, mandated by the Federal Reserve). One of the charges directed to the CFPB was to combine the GFE and TIL, which it has done in a new document called the Loan Estimate.

As with the disclosures it replaces, the Loan Estimate must be provided to the borrower within 3 business days following the submission of an application. While that document is far from perfect, as I’ll discuss in a later article in this series, it is far better than the disclosures it replaced.

New List of Service Providers

A new disclosure, provided to borrowers at the same time as the Loan Estimate, is a list of third party services and service providers, divided into two groups: one group is services for which the borrower can shop, either the firms listed or other firms. The second group is services that must be purchased from the firms listed. Of course, lenders who have a financial interest in a third party service provider will list that provider in the second group, which makes a referral to that provider automatic. Why is CFPB strengthening one of the least savory features of this market?

Providing Borrowers With More Time To Study Closing Documents

TRID also has a new “Closing Disclosure” that replaces the old HUD-1 disclosure. While the form is much the same, the new disclosure must be received by the borrower at least 3 business days prior to closing. Previously, the borrower had only one day to study the documents received at closing. Some recent surveys indicate that more borrowers are reading the disclosures prior to the closing.

However, the CFPB controls only a few of the documents contained in the typical closing package; the remaining documents are required by other Federal agencies, states, and the individual lender dealing with the borrower. Each entity is focused on its own disclosure, and how it fits into the total package is ignored. TRID does not address this fundamental problem, which is a major focus of this series of articles. The key to making the package of closing documents manageable to borrowers is to classify them into different groups that call for different treatment.

Classifying Documents


This approach divides the document package the borrower receives into 4 groups. Only one of them requires the borrower’s careful scrutiny immediately before or at the closing. The categories are as follows:

Junk documents are of no value to the borrower, so the objective should be to identify and sign them as quickly as possible.

Educational documents contain information the borrower should know, and should be read and digested any time before the closing.

Future Use documents may become relevant in the future and should be accessible, but no time need be expended on them at or before closing.

Transactional documents
contain the details of the mortgage loan, which probably changed during the loan processing period, requiring the borrower’s full attention subject to the greatest time pressure.

A major reason for identifying the first three categories of documents is to reserve as much time and attention as possible for examining the fourth.
To be continued . . .

For more unbiased advice on mortgages visit my website The Mortgage Professor

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The Trip That Changed My Life — A Book for Charity

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I’m joining a team that consists of 75+ avid travelers and travel writers all around the world banding together to write a book about the trip that changed our life. The book will be crowd funded with 100% of the proceeds donated to charity. Although meeting the Dalai Lama and going on volunteer trips are on my wish list for the future, each family we have taken so far brings us together and helps me reflect and understand myself better. We strive to make the most of our limited vacation days to be travelers rather than tourists — visiting and learning about different countries, the people and their culture. I believe in exposing children to the world outside the suburbs is key to having an enriched childhood. I’m going to be writing about our visit to the Picasso Museum in Barcelona which was instrumental in our family trying to learn that there is more to Picasso than jumbled up limbs and eyes in wrong places.

My travel story might not be as captivating and inspiring as some of the other stories you are going to read in this wonderful book but when I learnt about Save the Children and Unbound — both are great organizations that sponsor kids and their community, I was excited to be a part of it in some small way. Thai, a friend I met online is a founder of travel blog Up Up and a Bear, has been traveling the world extensively for the past five years and has a passion for interviewing adventurers about their journeys. He recruited top writers, editors, and ambassadors to contribute to the book, which contains anecdotes ranging from stories about volunteering during a political coup in Africa to navigating the Sahara desert.

“Travel, for me and so many others, is such a powerfully transformative way to impact positive life change,” says Thai. “The Project Alpha team hopes The Trip that Changed My Life inspires readers to take their own journeys of self-discovery by exploring the world’s wonders and meeting the people who inhabit them.”

We can do no great things, only small things with great love. ~Mother Teresa

Charity Details

All proceeds from the book will benefit Unbound and Save the Children. Unbound is the only child sponsorship program to receive a score of A+ from CharityWatch. 92.5% of Unbound’s donations go straight into programs to help those in need and they are the only children charity to earn an A+ ratings from Charity Watch. Unbound’s philosophy is to support the children through community-based solutions. This approach looks at the whole picture to ensure that the family unit and the community are built up at the same time. I really resonate with this strategy. It really does take a village to raise a child. I encourage you to read into Unbound’s approach and mission. More details are available at the Unbound Sponsor a Child Page.

Save the Children works with children in 120 countries, aiding in initiatives on nutrition, health, education and more. In 2013, Save The Children helped to rescue 21 million children from being exploited, abused, and neglected. This charity was directly involved in propelling Honduras to become the 37th country to ban corporal punishment, which includes abusive actions towards children. Save the Children creates “Child-Friendly spaces” in the midst of crises and emergencies, even in the United States, which helps to reunite kids with their families in the cases of separation. The organizations promotes their programs that raise awareness to combat child trafficking, amongst other forms of child maltreatment. In addition to aid for children and families in extreme cases, Save the Children features community-led activities to educate kids on how to protect themselves and better their lives.

Sponsorship

If you are a travel startup, tourism agency, or an established travel company, looking to engage with travelers around the world to solidify and/or expand your brand — you can sponsor this noble effort. You may also be a philanthropist looking to support a great cause. You can find details here about the different way you can sponsor.

Support

Here is how you can support this great initiative, three versions of the book — The trip that changed my life will be available: e-book with colorful images and links, a paperback and a colorful coffee table book. You can go here to buy the book through indiegogo! I urge you to sign up and show your support and as a bonus you get to read some awesome travel stories!

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6 Behind-The-Scenes 'Top Gun' Secrets From Rick Rossovich

Thirty years ago this month “Top Gun” hit theaters, shooting to the top of the box office and becoming the highest-grossing movie of 1986.

The Tony Scott-directed film, which follows trainees at the Navy’s Fighter Weapons School in San Diego, starred a young Tom Cruise as Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, a naval aviator aboard the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise. Cruise graced the big screen alongside Val Kilmer, Kelly McGillis, Tom Skerritt, Rick Rossovich, Tim Robbins and Anthony Edwards.

Rossovich, who starred as Ron “Slider” Kerner (a junior grade lieutenant), told The Huffington Post, “We met and we gelled as a group and we took San Diego by storm. We just had a ball in that city … We took over the Navy. Can you do that today? I don’t think so. We were on the USS Enterprise,” he added. “They flew us on. And I was out to sea with 6,000 men for several days and it was like, ‘What an experience!’ … It all became CGI after that.”

During a recent interview with HuffPost, Rossovich provided behind-the-scenes insight into the making of the film, now officially in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress.

How the actors spent their downtime

“I did a lot of photography behind the scenes, and Val actually had a video camera. There’s a lot of stuff behind the scenes on that video tape, let me tell you. It was great. So it kind of puts my life into little snapshots. I was married for two years at the time, and now I’m celebrating my 33rd anniversary … I was one of the few guys who were married.”

Rossovich’s off-set accident

“I almost killed my wife the day before I flew in the jet. I was on a bridge on Mission Bay and I was involved in a car crash. It totaled the vehicle I was in — and miraculously none of us [were] hurt … But then the next day I got into a jet and she was on the runway in a Jeep and she watched me fly away, out overseas … He [the pilot] pulled out every trick. He even stalled the airplane … He turned it off and we sailed for a little bit and then he turned it on, which you’re not really supposed to do. He did some really horrible left-hand turns and I thought we were crashing. He really wanted to make me vomit, but I didn’t. We saw all that stuff when we saw our daily [footage] — we saw who threw up, who didn’t.”

The first time Rossovich met director Tony Scott

“When I first met Tony, I went to Paramount for the meeting and I walked in and we just started chatting and I broke the ice. We’re having a nice conversation, and I looked down at the floor and there was a Bruce Weber book on the floor in a pile of books. On that cover was a shot of a guy from the Navy and it looked like me from the back … I look exactly like this guy. And I said, ‘Tony, look, there I am. That’s a picture of me, you know!’ And at first he couldn’t tell if I was lying or not, and of course I was lying. And eventually I was cast … He was so genuine. He was so warm. You trusted him and you could be yourself.”

What it was like having Tom Cruise as a co-star

“There was a hierarchy on the set. Tom was the star. I remember where we were staying — The Bahia — and I remember going to Tom’s room, and we were all going to do something. But we were waiting to see him on ‘Entertainment Tonight’ the first time. I think it was [for] ‘Risky Business,’ or something. I worked with him before on a little movie called ‘Losin’ It’ that we had done a few years before, so I knew him a bit and we were friendly. We all gelled. And there was a real camaraderie. It was a group effort. We knew what buttons to push and what not to push. And then it was over. In three or four months, it was over.”

Inside the “Top Gun” stunts

“It wasn’t a bunch of hocus-pocus. It was real. They were flying jets. I landed on a carrier in a helicopter. And I took off in the oldest plane the Navy had at the time. It kind of scared me for a second, because the plane just dropped. It was a propeller plane … and I reached over and I grabbed the guy’s hand next to me.”

The longevity of the film

“That movie has kind of been with me every day of my life, like a family member. I was in the paint store the other day in Sweden and the guy I get my paint from was talking about ‘Top Gun’ and he had stories. And he lives in a little town in the middle of Sweden! It’s a phenomenon that certain movies get to — and get to stay relevant.”

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When Quick Care Could Save Your Vision

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Albert Y. Wu, MD, PhD
Assistant Professor of Ophthalmic Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery
Departments of Ophthalmology and Medical Education
Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai

When Quick Care Could Save Your Vision

When I was an ophthalmology resident in training, several of my patients experienced visual symptoms that they ignored, and didn’t seek care until it was too late. They had serious eye conditions that required swift treatment. Some patients became visually impaired, while others went blind altogether. If they had just recognized how critical their symptoms were and come to the clinic earlier, we might have been able to save their vision.

Fortunately, you can prevent this happening to you. If you have any of the following symptoms, you should seek medical attention immediately, preferably from an ophthalmologist (eye MD). If one is unavailable, see an optometrist or primary care physician, or go to the emergency room. Be sure to let them know you need urgent attention.

Symptoms of Emergency Eye Problems

• Blurry vision that does not go away within five or 10 minutes.
• Partial or complete vision loss in one eye that does not resolve within five or 10 minutes; may initially appear as a “curtain” of darkness moving across the visual field.
• A sudden graying or blacking out of all vision to one eye.
• A sudden increase in floaters (specks or thread-like squiggles randomly moving through your vision) that persist longer than a half-hour.
• A sudden increase in flashes (little scintillations of light) that last longer than a half-hour.
• Sudden, sharp eye pain or sharp headache in the eye area that becomes a dull ache and lasts longer than 10 minutes or is continual; often strikes in low- to mid-light situations (for example, dusk or dawn), and may be accompanied by eye redness, as well as slight changes in vision.
• Persistent pain around the eye or in the temple area that may be exacerbated by chewing.

If you didn’t know these symptoms were that serious, you are not alone. In a recent survey conducted at The Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, fellow researchers and I found most people to be unaware of four rare eye diseases that underlie one or more of the above symptoms and are considered eye emergencies. Even fewer were knowledgeable about the diseases’ pathophysiology, symptoms, and treatment.

The Four Eye Diseases

1. Retinal detachment. The retina is the light-sensitive tissue that sends visual signals to the brain, allowing us to see. Retinal detachment occurs when that tissue pulls away (detaches) from the back of the eye. The detached retina needs to be put back in place in a matter of hours to days; otherwise it will die, causing permanent vision loss. This disease is more common in patients who are very nearsighted.

Treatments for retinal detachment include applying heat with a laser to “glue” the retina back onto the eye; inserting a small gas bubble into the eye to press the retina back into place; and surgically reattaching the retina.

2. Acute angle-closure glaucoma. In acute angle-closure glaucoma, the iris (the colored part of the eye that opens and closes with the pupil) abnormally bends toward the front of the eyeball near the eye’s drainage system. When the iris gets too close to the front periphery, it gets sucked into the drain, clogging it. Fluid then builds up, causing an intense spike in pressure inside the eye. This can compress the optic nerve and cause partial loss of vision or complete blindness in one eye if you don’t seek care immediately.

It is usually treated with eyedrops and other medications to lower the intraocular pressure and help release the iris from the drain, but surgery may be necessary in some cases.

3. Central retinal artery occlusion. Individuals with cardiovascular risk factors, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol, are at increased risk for this disease. It can be thought of as an eye “stroke,” where a small clot or cholesterol plaque travels from a blood vessel (usually in the neck) and sticks in the retinal artery, blocking the flow of blood and oxygen to the eye. Without these, the retina will eventually die, resulting in irreversible blindness in that eye.

As with a brain stroke, you have no time to lose. In my experience, immediate medical attention–ideally within an hour–gives patients the best chance of saving their vision. Although there are no scientifically proven treatments, anecdotal evidence suggests that therapies to restore the retina, including blood thinners and hyperbaric oxygen therapy (breathing pure oxygen in a pressurized chamber), help some people.

4. Giant cell arteritis. Also known as temporal arteritis, this disease causes pain in the temple area due to an inflammation of blood vessels around the eye. It typically strikes patients older than age 50. Unlike the other diseases, which affect only one eye at a time, this is a systemic disease affecting the whole body. Symptoms usually occur first on one side, then continue on the other. Untreated, it can result in blindness in one or both eyes.

Oral steroid medication is an effective treatment for giant cell arteritis.

Quick Care is Crucial

As these diseases are rare, our survey results finding low awareness were unsurprising. But if you happen to be that one in 1,000 persons affected, recognizing the symptoms and getting quick care can mean the difference between saving your vision and suffering permanent visual impairment or blindness.

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The 1st of June: What it means to a child's identity and the right to family and future

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In many countries, the 1st of June is celebrated as international children’s day. Over my years working to end the institutionalization of children, I have often come to wonder what that means. I would like to think it is the day on which we focus our attention on how far we have come in realizing children’s rights, in empowering children to find and use their voices, in learning as adults to listen and work in partnership with children and truly respect their opinions. But my experiences have taught me otherwise.

Frequently in institutions in Eastern Europe, I have asked children when their birthday was. In many institutions, one after another, the children replied “the 1st of June”. How could so many children have the same birthday, I wondered. Then a member of staff explained: “No, they don’t understand the question. There are too many of them for us to celebrate each of their real birthdays. So we celebrate all of them on the 1st of June”. I looked around the sea of shaved heads, identical clothing, emaciated bodies and hollowed eyes only to realize that every last vestige of their identity – what makes them individual, makes them special – had been taken from them. I was suddenly struck by what identity really means: a complex mixture of history shared with others, a sense of being special and different as an individual, whilst belonging powerfully to a group who have known you every day of your life. And how this was gone for children in institutions.

In the year 2000, together with UNICEF, I was researching the burgeoning process of ‘deinstitutionalization’ in Romania. Some counties had already closed institutions and the government was gearing up to develop a national strategy. I was asked to travel the country looking at the process of change – finding out what worked and what didn’t. The lessons I learned would form the basis of my model of ’10 elements’ necessary to ensure that the deinstitutionalization process worked for all the children involved.

In seven counties, I met children who had moved from institutions. In one county, the authorities had decided to close an institution that they had only opened several years before. The Romanian system of institutionalization separated groups of siblings in a seemingly arbitrary manner. Institutions were organized by age, gender and disability. So it was not uncommon to find four siblings living in four different institutions. In this county, they had learned that separating siblings was harmful, so they established an institution in which they could bring all the sibling groups together. In theory, this was a step in the right direction. In practice, more than 170 girls and boys, aged 4 to 18 years, lived together with little adult supervision. Bullying and abuse were rife and the smallest children – now living in foster families – were clearly still traumatized a year after the institution had closed.

I interviewed many children who had moved from the institution, including some older teenaged boys. No appropriate family-based placements had been found for them, so they had simply been moved to another institution for older boys. They had been told that no families had been found for them because they were the ‘naughty’ children. Being moved to another institution was seen as a punishment. I asked the boys how they had been prepared for the move to their new home.

They did not understand the question, so I tried again: “How did the staff in the institution tell you that you were going to move to another institution?” “They tricked us”, said one 14-year-old boy. When I asked what he meant, his eyes filled with tears and his voice choked, so another boy helped him: “It was the 1st of June, children’s day, and they told us we were going on a day trip. Two buses pulled up outside the gates and they told the boys to get in one bus, the girls to get in the other. And they brought us here. They didn’t even give us the chance to say goodbye to our sisters”. I looked around at all the boys. Their eyes were lowered and several were struggling to hold back the tears. “Have you seen your sisters since?” I asked them. “No”, they replied. Then one asked me urgently, “do you know where they are?” I promised I would try to find out.

Their sisters had been moved to an institution for girls. It was only 13 kilometers away from the boys’ home, yet no-one had seen fit to organize opportunities for them to meet or even to communicate. I spoke to the State social services, strongly recommending that regular visits be organized between the siblings. But I was struck more than anything by a system so uncaring that it could take the one day of the year that was meant to be special for institutionalized children and turn it into a nightmare of grief and terror.

This incident has led me to fight over the years for the inclusion of children’s voices and opinions, wishes and aspirations to be at the heart of any process of transforming children’s services. Turning the residents of institutions back from numbers into individual children, each with their identity, their family (even if absent) and their history, is the first step in ending institutionalization. If international children’s day is to mean anything, then it is up to adults to promote the rights of every child – to a family, to a voice, to a future.

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University Of Akron President Resigns After Financial Controversies

University of Akron President Scott L. Scarborough plans to resign on Tuesday, following a number of controversies regarding financial decisions he made while leading the Ohio school.

The Board of Trustees encouraged Scarborough to resign, it suggested in a statement released Tuesday morning.  

“The Board is charged with ensuring the effective governance, leadership and management of the University and, along with Dr. Scarborough, determined that new leadership is needed for the University to move forward and achieve sustained success in the future,” the trustees said.

Scarborough took over in 2014, as the school faced a $60 million deficit. 

“I am honored to have had the opportunity to serve this great University and work not only to address the challenges that were before it when I arrived, but also to begin the process of change that is necessary for the University to succeed in the rapidly changing environment of higher education,” Scarborough said in a statement.

Many people, including university employees, disagreed with financial decisions Scarborough made during his tenure. A spring survey found that 89 percent of faculty members disapproved of the president’s performance, and that nearly the same amount felt the school was worse off than it was two years ago. 

Administrators faced pushback after spending $111,000 to determine that they should rebrand the school as “Ohio’s Polytechnic University.” The trustees said earlier this month that they were scrapping the unpopular nickname

The administration tried to make up about $40 million of the university’s deficit with unpopular moves such as laying off more than 200 staff members,  renegotiating health care plans, cutting the baseball team and raising tuition and fees.

Documents also showed questionable spending from Scarborough, who dipped into university funding to spend $556 on an olive jar and $838 on a makeup chair as part of renovations to his home.

Those expenditures prompted student activist group Graduates Over Greed to make a video mocking administrators and depicting them as puppets made out of paper bags.

Organization members later uncovered newspaper clips from 1985 that revealed Scarborough had made several anti-gay remarks while serving on the student government at the University of Texas at Austin. Scarborough said his views have evolved, and that he sincerely regretted his past comments. 

The Akron chapter of the American Association of University Professors said it “welcomes the opportunity” to “turn the page and move forward” following Scarborough’s resignation. 

The university’s provost, Rex Ramsier, will take over the president’s duties until a permanent replacement is named. 

______

Tyler Kingkade is a senior editor and reporter based in New York covering higher education. You can contact him at tyler.kingkade@huffingtonpost.com, or on Twitter: @tylerkingkade.

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Ex-MySpace, Tumblr Users Should Change Their Passwords Now

Your old social media accounts are back to haunt you.

Email addresses and passwords for MySpace accounts created before June 11, 2013, have been “made available” on a hacker forum, the social network said Tuesday. Tumblr logins from around the same time have also been posted, but those passwords are “salted and hashed,” which means they’re harder for a hacker to actually use.

If you’re not in the habit of updating passwords, now might be the time to start. Using the same password on multiple sites leaves you vulnerable when breaches like this happen. For example, if your Gmail password matches an old MySpace one, a bad actor could now gain access to your inbox and all of the private information stored within it.

The revelations come after LinkedIn announced this month that more than 100 million accounts were potentially compromised as a result of hacking. 

The best practice is to use a unique password for every account you create online. And you should enable two-factor authentication when you can — meaning you’ll also have to input a separate password sent to a standalone device (like your mobile phone) when you log into a service for the first time.

To get a sense of whether your data is at risk, take a look at “have I been pwned?” It’s a website that cybersecurity expert Troy Hunt compiled, which checks your email address against known breaches.

The example above used my personal email address. Unbeknownst to me, my data had potentially been exposed by a “Lord of the Rings Online” breach; frustrating since I only played the game a couple of times. 

That’s a helpful reminder, though. While online services can feel so quick and ephemeral, the data they generate is basically permanent. 

H/T BBC

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5 Problems Husbands And Wives Have While Arguing, Solved By Therapists

When you’ve been together for years, sometimes even figuring out how you’ll resolve an argument becomes an argument. 

We recently asked our readers to share the most persistent roadblocks they run into when arguing with their spouses. Below, relationship experts tackle each problem.

“Your story sounds frustrating and very familiar. Many of the couples I work with experience the same problem and it’s discouraging when partners don’t feel like their S.O. is hearing an issue. In my practice, I teach couples a dialogue skill that has helped them work through issues in a meaningful way. It’s called the Imago Dialogue: The purpose of this technique is not to determine who’s right and who’s wrong. It doesn’t include fault or blame, but instead focuses on connecting in a healthy way through understanding. When you really listen to your partner, you are cultivating a safe space where they can freely express their feelings. The goal is not to agree, but to understand. You and your husband should try to validate and empathize with each other’s perspective. When this happens, a beautiful, safe connection begins to develop. That’s how you turn conflict on its head and actually use it to grow closer together.” — Christine Wilke, a marriage therapist in Easton, Pennsylvania

“If she is responding in a childlike fashion, she may not have developed mature communication skills; unfortunately, many of us haven’t. You might try speaking to her in a respectful manner and very innocently inquire about what you heard her say and what your confusion is. For example, ‘I’m a bit confused because I thought you said you wanted this but now I’m hearing you say something else. I really do want to understand.’ I would encourage you to make sure that you are being honest as well, both with her as well as with yourself.” — Andrea Wachter, a psychotherapist based in Soquel, California

“When you say you get upset ‘way too easily,’ I suspect that you tell yourself (or have been told) that you should not get as upset as you do. But there is no right or wrong about getting upset. We all have different levels of sensitivity and different topics that trigger us. We all need different things when we are upset, though most of us need kindness and compassion — those are pretty universal! You said you don’t think your S.O. realizes how you feel. Do you feel safe enough to tell him? Sharing our vulnerabilities and needs is what brings us closer in our significant relationships (as long as we are being heard, respected and honored, that is). Hopefully you can let your partner know what you feel and what you need during those difficult times and turn a fight into a productive, unifying discussion.” — Andrea Wachter

“While ‘yes, dear’ and ‘you’re right’ may be the exact response your wife wants to hear — and it’s a good way to avoid a blowup with her — my main concern is what happens to your anger and feelings when you don’t speak up. The reality is, you can’t selectively push down some feelings and only feel the ones you want to feel; you’ll suppress your ability to feel altogether. Storing things up inside and building resentment is never healthy.

To safely express your thoughts and emotions, start your discussion with an appreciation — something that is really good about your relationship and your partner. This puts you both in a better mood. Then, tell her what you want to say without judgment or blame. Make statements that start with ‘I,’ not ‘you.’ Instead of saying, ‘you never listen,’ say, ‘I would like it if you’d listen to me and allow me to get my truth out.’ Talk clearly about what you want and need and end with an appreciation — what you value about your partner, for instance.” — Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship 

“The next time you find yourself in the same old argument, ask yourself a few questions: First, if I could transform this moment, how would I want it to play out? Second, if I have a choice, do I choose loving connection or lonely disconnect? Third, what is the most productive, relationship-enhancing thing I am capable of doing in this moment?

The second you press pause on the action and take a step back is the moment you begin to move from auto-response and polarization and back into love and communication. Instead of wasting your time and energy on fight #8002, you could be holding hands and planning for much more fun things in your relationship.” — Sheri Meyers

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

14 New York City Snapchat Accounts You Need to See

New York City. It is the city where anyone can do or be anything, anywhere and at any time. As a citizen of New York City I love that by simply walking out my front door, I am always finding the most interesting and ambitious people around the big apple. But not everyone around the world is as fortunate as the 8 million New York City locals who have the daily opportunity to witness first hand all that happens in America’s biggest city. Now however, thanks to the recent growth of Snapchat, they can experience New York City life every single day.

Snapchat is being used to tell interesting stories all over the city! From storytellers, to photographers, to entrepreneurs, brands and even daily vloggers. I did some research and collected the Snapchat accounts that capture the most need to see stories in New York City on a frequent and daily basis. You can add any of these great accounts by either adding their Snapchat username which is located next to their name below or by their snapcode. To add someone by snapcode simply open up Snapchat, point the camera at the snapcode and tap the screen.

2016-05-27-1464318842-8539743-MarkowitzSnapChatKevinSiskar.png Harris Markowitz: (Markowitz)
Category: Storytellers

Harris Markowitz is one of the most unique and creative individuals on Snapchat. His stop motion stories are not to be missed. Harris is a full-time Snapchat filmmaker and owner of the Snapchat production company, A Cereal Production, where he works with both small companies and major corporations after leaving his full-time gig at Twitter. He was a Shorty Awards finalist for Snapchatter of the Year.

2016-05-27-1464318925-26994-GaryVeeonSnapchatSiskar.jpg Gary Vaynerchuk: (Garyvee)
Category: Business

In the digital marketing world Gary’s company Vayner Media leads the way in social media marketing and Gary personally goes all in on each new social platform on the rise. With Snapchat currently growing Gary has been snapping his hustle all around the city each day. If you need some motivation to hustle, you need to follow Garyvee on Snapchat.

2016-05-27-1464318998-127324-KevinSiskarSnapchatcodeQRcopy.png Kevin Siskar: (Krsiskar)
Category: Entrepreneurs

Kevin works with startup founders all over the city and has recently started snapping about startup life in New York. He runs the Founder Institute Startup Accelerator in NY and is also the host of the Ambition Today podcast where he interviews successful people to figure out how they built something out of nothing. Follow Krsiskar on snapchat to keep up with the latest in startups and life around the big apple.

2016-05-27-1464319348-4421408-geoffgolbergsnapchatsnapcodesiskar.jpg Geoff Golberg: (Golberg)
Category: Travel

Geoff is relatively new to Snapchat but well-versed in live video. He was a Shorty Awards nominee for Periscoper of the Year who is known for his authentic approach to sharing the sights and sounds of NYC. From the top of the Empire State Building to breaking news to musicians to New York Fashion Week, Geoff shares it all. Now he is also sharing those adventures on Snapchat as Golberg.

2016-05-27-1464319701-7780308-FrankieGreekSnapchatSiskar.png Frankie Greek: (wtfrankie)
Category: Storytellers

Frankie leads social media for Fuse TV and The Shorty Awards. She also launched the Times Square Ball’s Snapchat account last year, sharing a behind the scenes glimpse into the mayhem that is NYE in Times Square. More recently she snapped the Coachella experience via Fuse TV’s Snapchat account. Frankie’s high-energy stories are a window into the life of an NYC millennial. Be sure to follow her at wtfrankie.

2016-05-27-1464320040-7312178-VashtieKolaVashtiekolasnapchatSiskar.png Vashtie Kola: (Vashtiekola)
Category: Artists

A New York based director, filmmaker, artist, designer, creative consultant and DJ, Vashtie Kola is truly a renaissance woman. Vashtie created the tomboy-meets-high fashion brand Violette which is housed in Paris’ popular Colette boutique and is available online. She is on snapchat as Vashtiekola and you can add her to get an inside perspective on the life of a New York City tastemaker.

2016-05-27-1464319782-5235912-VivienneGucwaTravelinglensSnapchatSiskar.jpg Vivienne Gucwa: (Travelinglens)
Category: Photography

Since 2009 Vivienne has taken some of the most incredible photos of New York City. She has shared the landscapes, architecture and neighborhoods of New York City on her blog, Instagram and more. Now you can look through her camera lens on Snapchat as well by following Travelinglens!

2016-05-27-1464319884-6282952-caseyneistatsnapchatSiskar.png Casey Neistat: (Caseyneistat)
Category: Vlogger

Regarded by many as the best YouTuber on the planet, he was one of the first people to amass a large (and engaging!) following on Snapchat. While Casey has started his own social media company, Beme, you can still find him on Snapchat pretty frequently. If you want to see behind the scenes of his day to day vlogging on Youtube then you need to add Caseyneistat on Snapchat.

2016-05-27-1464323143-2503338-JoseTutivenTutesSnapchatSiskar.pngJose Tutiven: (Tutes)
Category: Photography

Jose is one of the most skilled photographers in New York City. Born in Ecuador and raised in the Bronx, he has been navigating the energetic streets of New York most of his life. From aerial helicopter views of Manhattan, to behind the scenes at the shorty awards, to his daily commentary around the city, Tutes is a great add on Snapchat.

2016-05-27-1464322688-4385876-KevinRoseHikroseSnapchatSiskar.png Kevin Rose: (Hikrose)
Category: Entrepreneurs

The founder of Dig and former partner at Google Ventures recently moved to New York City to be the Chief Executive at New York-based startup Hodinkee. A company that merged with Watchville, a project out of Kevin’s new consumer app workshop, North Technologies. Experience the life a serial entrepreneur who just can’t help but create new things by following Hikrose.

2016-05-27-1464323277-8677123-ColleenMarieColldoll29SnapchatSiskar.pngColleen Marie: (Colldoll29)
Category: Fashion

For a fashion fix with an artful mix you need to add yours truly Colldoll29 on Snapchat. An uptown NYC girl, but with an upstate girl next door heart, she started the fashion blog Colors of Colleen to share here passion about travel and adventures in style. Don’t miss the outfit of the day, her photoshoots around the city, or her artistic creations.

2016-05-27-1464323621-6292732-SamShefferSamShefferSnapchat.jpgSam Sheffer: (SamSheffer)
Category: Technology

Sam became a snapchat pro while running social media for The Verge. Now working as the Creative Producer at Mashable he gets an inside look at some of the latest technology out there. With Sam focusing on his Youtube Channel and Snapchat you will experience the streets of New York mostly while he is riding his electric longboard.

2016-05-27-1464323450-1688902-AdamBesvinickBesvinickSnapchatSiskar.pngAdam Besvinick: (Besvinick)
Category: Entrepreneurs

Adam is the one the best hustlers in New York City. If you need further proof, Forbes recently named him to their 30 Under 30 list for his work Venture Capital investing in startups. He also shares some of the most important lessons from the startup world at his Ventureminded.me blog. Follow Besvinick to get an inside look at the NYC startup world from Adam’s perspective.

2016-05-27-1464323578-1202320-RebeccaMinkoffRebeccaminkoffSnapchatSiskar.jpgRebecca Minkoff: (Rebeccaminkoff)
Category: Brands

Years ago, New York-based fashion brand Rebecca Minkoff began using Snapchat behind the scenes at it’s spring 2014 Runway show giving people an exclusive early look. Since Rebecca started two years ago her brand of the same name has created the playbook for how brands can use snapchat to their advantage.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.