Hasta La Gadget!

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. John Stuart Mill

Orlando now joins San Bernardino, Paris, Fort Hood and many others. Attempts to understand these atrocities focus on the ideology and theology of the killers – issues around ISIS, radical Islam, and hate crimes. But those issues beg a bigger question. How have our own ideology and theology immobilized our ability to respond? We lament that the enemy does not change their ideology while we steadfastly hold on to ours, leaving us unable to act. In light of that old adage, “It’s not what happens to you, but what you do about it” – we are failing.

It is our country’s own ideological divide that makes many of today’s headlines. Presidential candidate Donald Trump accuses President Obama of stupidity, indifference or “something else.” Obama goes on a tirade denouncing Trump’s statement about Muslims. Trump retorts that Obama is angrier at him than at the Orlando shooter. Our gravest risk is not that terrorism will destroy us but that it will provoke us to destroy ourselves.

We keep asking: When are we going to wake up and take action about – fill-in-the-blank. For some the blank is filled in by stricter gun laws, limits on immigration, more effective mental health programs, or more aggressive police or military action. But as a nation we are immobilized by the depth of our disagreement. Our response is heightened worry, but not heightened action.

Our inability to agree on a holistic, strategic response means that we eventually become a part of the problem – but at least it is a part we can do something about. We have met the enemy and it is not just guns, bad guys, ineffectual military efforts or dysfunctional mental health system. The enemy is also us and our broken relationships that prevent constructive engagement and thus constructive solutions on behalf of future innocent victims. The first one or two incidents – shame on the perpetrator. The last ten, shame on them AND on us and our disabled relationships.

We may not be able to control “them” but what to do about “us”? That should be a different story but it requires leadership.

It is time for leaders and followers to stop asking: How do I convert others to think like me? The more constructive question is: What about your ideology or theology would you be willing to repurpose in order to reach a shared solution that would save lives and save our Union? What would you be willing to concede, not by forfeiting your personal beliefs, but in support of a shared higher-purpose solution for the country.

Until leaders and followers humble ourselves regarding our own imperfect beliefs, we will remain stuck. Let me suggest three keys for thinking more relationally about ideology.

Recognize broken relationships as our greatest long-term risk. No matter how you disdain violence, loss of innocent lives, and any opposition you consider the enemy – ISIS, gun lobby, religious extremism, immigration policies – we are stuck unless we come together enough to craft solutions.

Years ago General Peter Pace, then Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff commented on the sectarian violence in the midst of the Iraq war: “If the Iraqi people as a whole decided today that, in my words now, they love their children more than they hate their neighbors…this could come to a quick conclusion.” If we could decide we love those future people who will be gunned down and blown up more than we hate our fellow citizen’s solutions, that would be the starting point.

Place relationships at the center of ideology and theology. The preamble to the U.S. constitution begins with these words: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…”. Our Constitution – the supreme law of the land – seeks union. As a nation of individuals with diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and needs – the founding hope was union and relationship as the best means to serve and benefit from our diversity.

Theologically, we all have beliefs, be they faith-based or secular. I am a Christian and since that is the largest group in this country, let’s start there. In Matthew 22 Christ was asked what is the greatest commandment. His answer was relationship: Love your God with all your heart mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself. Then he added: All the law and all prophets hang on these. The Bible is the supreme law of Christianity and Christ described the law as a means to a higher purpose – relationship.

To disagree is human. To deploy our differences as weapons trained on each other is self-destructive. Making productive relationships our highest priority is crucial to creating broader, more holistic strategic solutions.

Sacrifice for the purpose of relationship. Sacrifice is the acid test of commitment. If productive relationships represent higher purpose, we must be willing to sacrifice some of our favored ideology if we are to reach common ground with those who have their own favored ideology. Remember John F. Kennedy’s famous question: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.” Said differently, ask not what you can get others to do for your belief, ask what you can do to “sacrifice” for shared belief that increases safety for all. Assault rifles, immigration policy, more invasive law enforcement — it is a fool’s errand to ask others to sacrifice what they hold sacred if we are unwilling to also. The arrogance of our self-righteousness is daunting – I am righteous and of God and thou art an evil idiot. It is the ideology we disdain in our enemies and it must cheer the hearts of those who would kill us to see its disabling effect on us.

Our enemy’s beliefs and connected actions threaten our safety and our way of life. Our failure to connect our beliefs to the higher purpose of constructive relationships blocks our attempts to respond with holistic, strategic action. It is time to Relationship-up!

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Martin Luther King “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice”

King’s words have always had the ring of truth to me, but I confess this evening that I am growing impatient. A friend of mine posted on Facebook yesterday that he was gripped by “sadness, disappointment and anger”. I share his feelings and I know many of you do as well.
I am sad that we have to parse the responses to Orlando and talk about terrorism and terrorists before we get to the fact that we are talking about a hate crime–pure and simple–committed by a terrorist wanna be who by his actions brought immeasurable hurt to an entire community.
He was confused in his allegiances and shows more signs of instability than he shows of commitment to a cause. I know we are smarter than to let his actions further divide our nation, but I am disappointed that all of this becomes the stuff of political fodder.

But I am also sad that I can mark my awareness of hatred in this country from an early age. That awareness broke over me when Emmett Till, a 14 year old young man in Mississippi with family for the summer, was kidnapped, mutilated and murdered because of a careless word. His murderers were acquitted when tried. His mother took his body back to Chicago where he lay in state for all the world to see what hate had done to him. His image at Christmas in his fedora still touches me; had he lived we could have shared hats! The arc of the moral universe may bend toward justice but it saddens me that now over fifty years later the bodies lying in the Pulse nightclub, cell phones ringing while frantic parents/friends/lovers sought to know if they were alright, causes the same reaction. How can this be?

And so I am angry, the battered body of Emmett Till, the 49 names we have read and the countless lives lost to hatred between the two events weighs on my soul. The pain is too much; the anger boils up. And yet….And yet–the words of President Rafael Reif in his letter to the community come to mind; We reject the impulse to answer hate with hate.
But I am still angry. I still hear those cell phones ringing. I still see Emmett’s mother taking her son home to be seen by the world and her courage offers us a way forward. Letting the world see what hatred does helps us move beyond our anger.

And there are things we can do. We must move beyond our anger to find a way to enact strict and sensible gun laws so you cannot buy guns and bullets as easily as you can buy candy.
We must move beyond our anger to support the LGBT and the Muslim communities. We are all the other and hatred is its own reward! It is a monstrous evil to promote social division in the name of security.
We must move beyond our anger and find a way to marginalize religious extremism. Islamic extremism with its recourse to violence is no different than Christian fundamentalism and its demonizing homophobia.

We must move beyond the anger to love our neighbors as we love ourselves; those young people at Pulse were learning to love who they were in their safe space when their lives ended.
We need to exercise aggressive sentiment for the other before we can truly be who we are. When we love the stranger the arc of history seems less daunting.

We have short attention spans; we want quick fixes, fast solutions. We get discouraged. Sometimes in science the payoff comes with a long wait; just ask those folks who heard the music of the universe when they detected the gravitational waves after a hundred years of waiting and listening. Their discovery took courage and patience.

In matters of the human heart we need both courage and patience.
The words of an old hymn give me a bit of both:

My life goes on…
I hear the truth it liveth
And through the darkness ’round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I’m clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?

We can move on from anger, the arc bends;
Do not forget Mother Till, do not forget those cell phones.
If we have patience and courage to see it through,
love wins.

Robert M. Randolph
Chaplain to the Institute
June 14, 2016

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It takes a special dad to raise his daughters as a single parent. Take this guy, who became a pro at hair braiding for his daughter’s sake — or this dad, who lets his little girl paint his nails whenever she’d like. (Mani and pedi!)

To give props to dads like these on Father’s Day, we reached out to women raised by single or divorced dads and asked them to write thank you letters. Read their incredibly touching notes below.

“Dear Dad: Thanks for giving up so much to make sure my sister and I had everything we needed. You taught us that kindness and consistency are the most important things to search for in our life partners and for that, we are forever thankful. By some miracle you raised two teenage daughters alone and you still have some hair left over! We love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for us. Always remember: I love you more!” — Chloe Mackintosh, blogger at Boxwood Avenue 

“Every year around Father’s Day I reflect on how much I appreciate you, dad. It was hard sometimes being a young lady raised by a single father. But as hard as it was for me, I now know it was harder for you. Still, you maintained your patience and love even when I was a jerk. Thank you for teaching me that fixing things around the house was not man’s work, just work. Thank you for prioritizing my brother and me above all else. Thank you for the laughter, music, words and balance that filled our home. You are my parenting inspiration and the smartest person I have ever known. Most of all, thank you for your continued support and guidance. You are my shoulder, my rock and the reason I am as strong as I am. I am proud to call you dad.” — Kristine Laco, blogger at Mum Revised

“Dad, thank you for teaching me what it means to be strong; that it has little to do with muscle tone and everything to do with the ability to conquer the daily tribulations that life throws our way. Thank you for showing me that having strength means that we never stop trying, even though the struggles. You taught me how to pick myself up and move on when life kicks me in the ass. You told me that I needed to kick it back harder because the universe doesn’t throw pity parties. You helped me find new dreams when the others didn’t work out –bigger ones, even — and taught me to never look back. Good things don’t come to those who wait, they come to those who don’t quit. Thanks for all you’ve taught me. I love you.” — Hannah Murphy, blogger at Scary Mommy and Naps and Nostalgia 

“Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my passions and to be my best self. You died over two decades ago but your unconditional love has been a constant in my life. I remember when I told you I was getting a divorce: you never judged me -– you just listened. Your gentle reassurance gave me the confidence to speak my mind and find my voice. You believed I would bounce back and you were absolutely right!” — Terry Gaspard, author of Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship

“For Father’s Day, I’d like to celebrate the things you didn’t do, dad. I was only eight and Richard was six when mom died suddenly after her brief and brutal battle with lymphoma. While many young men would’ve fallen apart or fallen into depression, you didn’t. While some young men would’ve considered sending their kids to live with family or burying themselves away at work, you didn’t. When my friend’s moms said stuff like, ‘Don’t disagree with a boy or he won’t like you’ or ‘It’s important to be beautiful so you’ll catch a rich man,’ you didn’t. When my friend’s dads put down their daughters for being too fat or too skinny or too loud or too shy or too headstrong or too bossy or too boisterous, you didn’t. After mom died you worked from home, making Richard and I your priority. While other parents missed their kids’ games or recitals because they were too busy, you didn’t. It would have been understandable to complain about all the things you sacrificed for us but you didn’t. When people feel sorry for me because I grew up without a mother, they assume I missed out on a happy, healthy childhood, but I know I didn’t. Because of you. For all of the things you didn’t do, I thank you, dad. Happy Father’s Day. I love you.” — Lisa Guerrero, journalist and author

“Dad, I’ll never forget the times that we barely scraped by and you would still find some change so I could get an ice cream cone. I appreciate the moments of understanding we’ve had while hiking in the Sierra Nevada. Thank you for routing me toward my journey in the music industry. I know times were tough when it was just you and I, but you handled it with resilience and dignity. We didn’t always have the strongest or best relationship and I still owe amends for it. I don’t imagine parenting as something easy, especially as a single father, but I would say I turned out just fine. Thank you for never being afraid of letting me see you for you. The moments I watched you cry, laugh and love will always be cherished. I love you.” — Katarina Schwab, freelance writer and artist

“Dear Dad: As you once said, you had the incredible blessing and simultaneous misfortune of becoming a father and a widow within a span of three months. It wasn’t until I faced my own cancer diagnosis with a 15-month daughter in tow that I began to fathom the impossibility of your trek into parenthood. When I ask you about this time of life, you frequently say that you were just trying your best to ‘put one foot in front of the other.’ Life is tender and brutal, but there is courage and even solace in simply placing one foot in front of the other. Thank you for walking me into this life.” — Larissa Bates, painter

“If I were to scan my life really quickly, there’s a lot I can thank you for, dad: Helping to deliver me when I was a baby far before it was accepted for a father to even be present at his child’s birth. Walking with me on the beach. Trusting my wisdom, even though I was 20 years your junior. Teaching me to drive when there were still stick shifts and mom ‘wasn’t doing it right’. Teaching my three boys to tie their shoes when my method wouldn’t do. Modeling a life without regrets. Adhering to your values and beliefs, popular or very unpopular. I’m sending you love this Father’s Day, dad, wherever you are.” — Tosha Schore, parent educator and writer

“Dear Dad: In a month, we’ll be spending 20 hours in a car together and, honestly, I’m looking forward to that as much as the trip it bookends. I can turn to a million things I am thankful for about having you as my dad, but I have a particular fondness for those hours spent traveling and driving together. There was something about the drive that made it feel safe to talk about the bigger things. It was then when I’d talk about my hopes and fears about growing up. It was then when we’d remember mom, together. It was then when I’d drop the veneer of angst and talk about my sadness. It was then when I sought advice on my friendships, my relationships, my career. We’re both quiet people who keep our cards close to our chests. But not on the road. Not when we’re winding through the trees, not when I’m tracing my finger along our route on the map, not when you’re turning down the Stones so you can listen.” — Celeste Kaufman, writer, marketer and event planner    

“Thank you for teaching me the ad business from our kitchen table. As a little girl in Cleveland, I watched you skillfully sell ideas and close deals. You taught me to over-deliver, be wildly enthusiastic when selling and never to let being a woman hold me back in business. Without your devotion, I doubt I’d be successful in my own business or as confident in my role as a single mom. It was all part of my journey to have you raise me on your own and be my mentor. You helped shape my true character. I am so grateful for your neverending belief in me.” — Robin Fisher Roffer, founder and CEO of Big Fish Marketing

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(Quelle: RAWA)

The Council of Islamic Ideology (CII), the official constitutional body that advises the government on all matters related to religious affairs in Pakistan, recently criticized a bill that criminalizes violence against women as “un-Islamic.”

The Women’s Protection Act, which honestly was not all that ground-breaking in its content, gave legal protection to women from domestic, psychological, and sexual violence. It also called for emergency helplines and more women’s shelters to be set up.

This radical idea had religious organizations seriously upset. Fazlur Rehman, the chief of one of Pakistan’s largest religious parties, the Jamiat-i-Ulema Islam, claimed that this law “makes a man insecure” and that it “is an attempt to make Pakistan a Western colony again.”

Yes, because physically and mentally abusing another human being without fear of the law is what really defines our nationalism.

The CII have decided to take matters into their own hands and write their own “women protection bill,” which, by the way, was debated by an all-male panel since the only woman in the CII, Dr. Sameeha Raheel Qazi, decided to be absent (I’m sure whatever she was doing instead was more important than the rights of Pakistani women).

These are just some of the ways in which the CII proposes to “protect” women in Pakistan:

• A husband should be allowed to “lightly beat” his wife in the horrific event that she defies his commands, which could include refusing to dress as per his wishes or not consenting to intercourse (unless she’s on her menstrual cycle, in which case she’s useless). Husbands are also advised to beat their wives if they refuse to shower after intercourse (gross), interact with strangers (gasp), or speak too loudly (so unladylike).

• Women should be banned from co-education after primary school, interacting with males (so much so that female hospital staff must not tend to male patients), or hanging out with “na mehram” (i.e., anyone who isn’t your father, grandfather, brother, son, uncle, or nephew).

• Abortions that take place more than 120 days after conception should be classified as murder and women should be punished accordingly.

Do you feel protected yet?

Removing a woman’s agency over her own body and reducing her to a mere tool is a central factor in Islamist propaganda that pushes misogynistic and sexist interpretations of the Qur’an over moderate and liberal ones.

To illustrate, the practice of domestic violence is most often justified by the words found in Surah Al-Nisa (The Women), verse 4:34:

“As to those women on whose part ye fear discord, admonish them first, then refuse to share their beds, and finally [adriboo] them; but when they comply with you, then seek not against them means of annoyance: For Allah is Most High, great above you all.”

The Arabic word “adriboo” has a variety of meanings such as “to beat” but also: “to forsake, to avoid, to leave.” It therefore gives way to those who wish to contort and utilize the Islamic faith as a means to control and intimidate women.

This same instance of drastically different interpretations is found throughout the Qur’an, making it increasingly difficult for reformists to challenge extremist ideas.

The conditioning of women is vital to the Islamist propaganda because it silences an entire section of society that could otherwise potentially create problems in a misogynistic utopia.

This new proposal will seem ridiculous and unsubstantial to many, and is more than likely to be rubbished after an initial reading in the Punjab Assembly where it is set to be propositioned soon. Yet this bill is no joke.

The fact that this is the state of the official constitutional body that advises the government on religious matters is extremely disturbing and requires serious scrutiny.

How are these people, who hold the belief that it is acceptable to physically harm another human being for not wanting to sleep with them, elected to this position? What are their qualifications? What makes them worthy of making decisions on my behalf? And how much do they really understand the Islam they claim to represent?

The human rights of Pakistani women are not up for debate. Their bodies are not at your mercy, their minds are not yours to condition, and they certainly do not require the CII to tell them how to speak or when to shower.

Crowdsourcing the struggle for human rights. Be part of the solution at Movements.org. The views expressed are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the views of Movements.

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The presidential primary season may be over and done with, but people are getting in their political fix anyway they can–even if that means byway of fictional political television shows. The CenturyLink team researched the top politically-charged television shows from the past decade and used Google Trends data to determine which state loves which political shows most.

Some of their most interesting findings are as follows:

• Predominantly republican states love Scandal.
• Predominantly democrat states love 24 (yes, even still).
• DC is a fan of watching shows based in DC. House of Cards, West Wing, Veep, Commander in Chief, and The Americans all fall in DC’s top five list.
• Midwesterners loves political comedies more than political dramas.
• Nevada, home to Sin City, loves crime­-focused shows like 24 and The Wire.

Take a look for yourself:

Are you surprised by your state’s favorite political television shows? Somehow we weren’t too shocked to see that the home region of Southern Belle Mellie Grant has a solid Scandal fan base in southeastern states. Go here for a full report of each state’s top five favorite political dramas and comedies.

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