Are You Your Family History? Advice For Creating Healthy Relationships

We’ve all heard it before: “I can’t believe I married my father!” (or mother). In a sense, it could be argued that we all are in relationships with our father or mother. But what do we mean by that?

We form our notions of a partner based upon our childhood family structure. Those notions run far more deeply than we can imagine. We are drawn to what is familiar. For that reason, we tend to gravitate towards people who have the characteristics of a parent. But perhaps even more so, we push our partner into that role. We subconsciously expect them to act a certain way, and we accommodate, support, and enable that behavior.

Certainly, there are parts of our childhood family dynamic that we like and parts that we dislike. We are not nearly as capable of detaching ourselves from our heritage as we may like to believe. It is all too ingrained. Instead of denying that it’s true, we do better to acknowledge the truth and find ways to work with it constructively.

There are aspects of our family heritage that we love and that are supportive to our lives. This can include positive qualities of our father, mother, or siblings. Our father may have been very loving and family oriented, for example. Our mother may have been understanding and patient. We do well to embrace these attributes and enjoy them. These good qualities can be passed down through the generations as they are ingrained on a cellular level.

We also need to acknowledge and work with the qualities of our heritage that we feel are unhealthy or inappropriate. We need to see how we may recreate our childhood family dynamics through falling into an old role or pushing our partner into a certain way of behaving. Working with these issues is not an easy thing to do. One of our parents may have been controlling or needy. Perhaps they were angry and abusive. Very few people understand that they push their partner into being their mother or father. But for the dynamic to heal, it must be perceived and our part in it must be recognized. Such self-honesty is a challenge. When a particular situation happens and we observe a behavior of our spouse that reminds us of our parent, we might do well to ask ourselves how we enable, invite, or encourage the behavior.

The simple truth is we are largely a product of our heritage. To completely extract ourselves from it is not realistic. However, we can be discerning and nurture the attributes we love and that provide support our lives. We can use these positive traits to help cultivate a relationship that is fulfilling.

The bottom line is that we do well to acknowledge and embrace the aspects of our family heritage that are of value, and build upon them. At the same time, we can acknowledge the detrimental qualities so we don’t fall into their trap and, meanwhile, work to heal them. Ideally, we support our partner in this process without blame, without judgment, and hold the relationship as a union of the best of both heritages.

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Dear Selena And Anyone With Panic Attacks: Try This Empowering Mind Trick

This post was originally published for Self-Therapy Month on Techealthiest.

If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you would know that the experience is sheer terror.

It’s so bad that the anticipation of future panic attacks is enough to trigger the panic itself.

That’s pretty awful to say the least.

Throw in the fact that panic can have such a profoundly negative effect on daily life that many people begin to develop symptoms of depression as well.

Sometimes a physical condition leads to a painful mix of panic and depression, especially if you’re the high achiever type who suddenly feels limited, vulnerable and trapped.

Pop sensation Selena Gomez recently announced that she’s taking a break from her tour to recover from her panic attacks, anxiety and depression related to her struggle with lupus.

As a Selena fan, I’m proud of her for making such a bold and responsible move and for allowing her struggle to be public. My hope is that she will inspire everyone from celebrities to all other people who struggle with panic to take care of their mental health before things get worse, and to know that panic attacks are more common and treatable than you might think.

As a psychologist who works on a daily basis with New Yorkers who suffer from panic attacks, I’ve learned a thing or two about how to conquer this vicious emotional challenge.

Something I’ve noticed through my work is that most people who have panic attacks feel ashamed of and embarrassed by their problem, which leads them to avoid openly discussing their struggle with people who care for them most.

They worry that panic will be viewed as a sign of weakness or craziness. As a result, sufferers of panic often don’t get the emotional support they need during such a tough challenge.

This is why I’m seizing the opportunity to talk about panic attacks. My hope is that if enough people in the public eye discuss their struggle with panic, then other people won’t be so reluctant and embarrassed to seek support from their friends, family and coworkers.

Basically, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you have panic attacks.

In fact, for the record, most of the people who I’ve helped to overcome panic tend to be the most balanced, humble, stable, driven, high energy, dynamic, achievement-oriented people on the planet.

Panic often skips over the Type B, lazy, couch potato type. They have other problems to deal with.

Ok, now for the mind trick that you’ve probably never heard of. There’s also a good chance that if you’re already in therapy for panic, your therapist never suggested this. That’s okay. Don’t be too hard on your therapist. Just suggest that you try the following strategy:

Since anxiety and anger are generally incompatible emotions in consciousness, one technique is to flip your anxiety into anger. Then channel your anger toward empowering yourself to act boldly.

This might be confusing for some people because anger can actually come from a sudden wave of anxiety, especially if something happened that made you feel like just lost control, but trust me, you want to think about moving from a state of anxiety to a state of anger… even annoyance.

Let’s use a commonly reported place where New Yorkers often panic — on the subway. (FYI, my patients usually report having panic attacks in one of four places: on the subway, at an arena or a theater, before or during an important meeting or during a sudden interruption of the sleep cycle.)

So you’re sitting on the subway during a scorching hot summer day and the train comes to a sudden halt between stations. The dreaded overhead announcement informs you that you’re waiting for the train ahead of yours to clear. In a flash, a devastating wave of panic overtakes you and irrational fears hijack your mind. “There’s not enough air on the train,” you convince yourself. “What if I faint? Who will take care of me?”

You feel the need to escape the situation, a trademark element of panic.

Okay freeze…

Here’s how you reverse your panic: Start to get pissed off that you’re stuck in this situation. How dare they do this to you and the other riders. Get angry but don’t take it out on anyone. Keep it in the world of thoughts, unless you want to turn to the stranger next to you and say, “This totally sucks!!!!!”

Then, look around the subway car and identify the most frail-looking person. Imagine how hard it would be for him or her if you all had to leave the train in an emergency and walk on the tracks to safety. Channel your empathy for this physically compromised individual into anger about the situation.

Now a crucial element — the empowerment.

Decide that you’re committed to helping that frail person deal with the situation. You have the power to get out of your head and help them if needed.

Envision being being a superhero, an altruist, a savior. Let you anger make you decide on potential action so you can outside of your panic and take care of someone else’s situation, a great strategy for reducing panic.

Then, if needed, distract yourself with the pictures on your phone or some other simple pleasure to keep your mind busy but stay angry and embolden yourself to take action if necessary.

In that supercharged mindset of a subway superhero, you’ll start to feel more in control.

This strategy might sound simplistic or silly, but it works for many people… but not everyone.

So Selena and all of you wonderful people, since you’re already a superhero, think of how you can step outside of the current moment and get angry about the state of someone around you, or get pissed about your medical condition. Yell at your lupus and at your panic. Declare that it doesn’t control you. Enter the mindset of the unstoppable superhuman that you are.

Don’t feel ashamed. Probably 50% of the go-getters of the world also suffer from panic attacks. Seek the help of your support network. You shouldn’t have to deal with such a painful problem on your own.

Please also know that therapy can be highly effective for eliminating panic attacks.

Good luck to you.

Feel free to ask questions or share your experiences and opinions below.

Techealthiest is an exciting blog dedicated to teaching the technology of health and happiness. Learn innovative tips and strategies for improving your relationship, including the impact of your digital world on love and marriage.

Dr. Greg Kushnick is a Manhattan psychologist in private practice. He employs enhanced CBT techniques to help one New Yorker at a time. He has extensive experience working with people to alleviate their anxiety, panic and depression.

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Maine Senate Leaders Will Not Seek Special Session To Reprimand Governor

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BOSTON, Sept 2 (Reuters) – The president of Maine’s state Senate on Friday said he would not pursue a special session to censure Governor Paul LePage for leaving a profanity-laden voicemail message for a lawmaker amid a dispute about the governor’s comments on race and drug dealing.

Senator Michael Thibodeau, who like LePage is a Republican, earlier in the week had said he was interested in a one-day special session to officially reprimand the two-term governor for calling a Democratic state legislator a “little son-of-a-bitch, socialist cocksucker.”

But on Friday he said he would not follow the lead of state House Speaker Mark Eves, who began polling lawmakers in his chamber as to whether they were ready to call a special session “to take action regarding the Governor’s conduct.”

“He is unfit to serve as Governor and must resign or be removed from office,” Eves said of LePage in a statement on Friday.

That query, Thibodeau said, went further than Senate Republicans were willing to go, adding that his party had been ready to vote for a one-day session to vote on an official censure of LePage, whose current term extends through 2018.

“We’re not interested in coming back for impeachment,” Thibodeau told reporters.

The state House and Senate both adjourned in April and are not due to meet again until after the November elections.

LePage has faced a flurry of criticism over the past week for saying that members of minority groups from out of state were responsible for the lion’s share of the heroin trade in Maine. He drew further criticism after leaving a profane and widely circulated voicemail for a lawmaker that he believed had called him a racist.

Earlier in the week he mused during a 15-minute radio interview about the idea of not finishing out his term, only to come back a day later to say that he would not resign.

Earlier this year a group of lawmakers started an effort to impeach him, contending the governor overstepped his authority by threatening to withhold funds from a nonprofit group that hired a political rival, but that effort collapsed before making it to the full House.

Under Maine’s constitution, Thibodeau would have been first in line to succeed LePage if he stepped down or was removed from office.

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The Rise Of Bitcoin And Its Influence On Online Gaming – Why Operators Should Use It

Bitcoin has been enjoying a preposterous and an unbelievable journey since its origin in 2007, reaching noteworthy peaks and crossing obstacles before finally becoming a mainstream concept. This is the place where Bitcoin sits presently as hard-nosed administrative measures and reputed applications still afford the credibility of this crypto-currency. There is a change in the industry from those dark days when Bitcoin was leveraged as a tool for laundering money to buy illegitimate items from the popular yet infamous Silk Road. Clearly from the threshold of extinction, it has risen like a Phoenix and can now be deemed as a viable currency with humongous potential.

Influence of online gaming and the rise of Bitcoin

Perusing the success of Bitcoin, the first question that comes to mind is whom should Bitcoin thank for their success? Well, considering Bitcoin’s recent growth and popularity, it has much to thank the online gaming realms. In 2015, traditional casinos in Las Vegas started accepting Bitcoin for buying small items before they introduced it as a more acceptable payment option. Currently the online slot makers and such other games are even introducing Bitcoin payments, driving immediate withdrawals and deposits and making it simpler for the players to manage their bank payments.

With this in kind, there can be many similarities drawn between virtual reality and Bitcoin. Both were fanciful concepts initially which enjoys ups and downs since their origin. Both the concepts also direly needed practical application guide their development and online gaming offered this through VR headsets and Bitcoin. This even allowed the regulators to create guidelines which create mainstream technical concepts.

Bitcoin has successfully made a scene in the online gaming industry

With the inception of Bitcoin, the online gaming industry eventually experienced the promising market for Bitcoin gambling. Currently Bitcoin makes its presence felt more strongly and the newly found market reaches its stage of maturity with the advancements of technology. Customers have increased manifold and gaming sites tripled in number within the last 3 months.

This was purely predictable because Bitcoin seems to be perfect for the industry, particularly due to its benefit to the gambling operators on the web. There are some, who believe that even though Bitcoin fails to taste success in the mainstream market, yet it will definitely find a secured place in the arena of online gaming. The future success of Bitcoin is uncertain but its impact on the business perspective of online gaming is huge and gamers should add Bitcoin technology to their gaming services more than ever as they ought to benefit.

Valid reasons behind operators using Bitcoin

The uniqueness of Bitcoin lies in its technology and this is what makes it perfect for the market and lucrative for the stakeholders of the online gaming industry like affiliates, players and operators. Keeping in mind the Bitcoin innovations which are beneficial for gaming operators, it gets clear why more and more Bitcoin casinos, poker rooms, sports betting websites and gaming sites were launched in the industry. Here are some valid and worthy reasons to use Bitcoin.

  1. Starting off with a Bitcoin gaming business is simpler than engaging in the online gaming industry which is operated through fiat, in terms of market, time, operation expenses and setup costs.
  2. Transaction fees are zero, if not zero, then negligible as compared to the fees that you’re familiar with in the online gaming industry. Operators can offer better odds and higher payouts due to the absence of hefty fees.
  3. You can widen the market reach through Bitcoin as anyone can use this peer-to-peer crypto-currency anywhere as long as he has internet access. Amongst a large pool of gambling enthusiasts, Bitcoin casinos can effortlessly attract players. Also keep in mind that due to regulations and laws, you might not be allowed to access certain Bitcoin gambling platforms.
  4. Bitcoin transactions are usually non-reversible and hence there are no chargebacks. Operators will benefit as it eliminates chargebacks, which is usually dreaded by the online gaming operators. All withdrawals and deposits are considered final with Bitcoin and it has new ways of challenging the fraud team as well.
  5. The best part is that you don’t require a gambling license. Although Spain has legalized the Spanish gaming sites which wished to use bitcoins and asked them to apply for a license, yet it hasn’t been still considered as a currency in the US which means there’s no need of a license.

Within few years, Bitcoin gambling is anticipated to reach its zenith of success and until them there will be some more noteworthy developments taking place in this niche. The future success of Bitcoin is pretty imminent but that doesn’t mean that Bitcoin technologies can only guarantee it. This is probably why gaming operators would require help in maintaining their brands and in marketing.

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Making Better Predictions by Keeping It Simple

A few days ago, I heard a story on NPR.com that offered a great tip about making predictions. I strongly recommend that you listen to the story, “Want to Make Better Predictions? Researchers Explore How.” In under three minutes, it provides valuable insights into predictions and acting on them.

Shankar Vedantam, host of the Hidden Brain podcast, pointed out an interesting element of our irrationality. When we try to predict things, we quickly reach a point where additional analysis becomes counterproductive. “We break predictions into their elements …. People are not very good at weighing different details in a prediction.”

Once we get below the surface level, there can be a lot of moving parts affecting the prediction. We generally think breaking a decision into component parts improves our process, but it can backfire because we aren’t good at intuitively understanding the relationship between the parts.

For instance, for an upcoming football game, we may think we’re been thorough in picking the winner because we’ve analyzed two decisive advantages that team has: their defense produces lots of turnovers and their offense is high scoring. Because we skip over the possible relationship between those two things – defensive turnovers gives the offense more scoring opportunities – we could be double-counting the same advantage, or over-weighing its influence.

This problem doesn’t apply solely to picking winners in sporting events. When you think of it, many of our decisions depend on predictions: at work, we have to predict how long it will take to finish a task in allocating our time; at home, we have to predict the reaction of family members in deciding whether to overlook or confront a particular situation; in our financial lives, buying a home depends on predicting the overall costs, our other expenses, and our earning ability.

How can we improve our predictions? The long answer, of course, would involve having or being an expert predictor. The reason it’s possible to beat prediction markets (like the stock market or sports betting) is that the best predictors understand the interrelationships among component parts of predictions.

But for those of us without access to precise regression analyses, it might makes more sense to focus our prediction on one thing we do know: how things have turned out in the past. In the NPR story, Theresa Kelly, who studies consumer behavior at Washington University in St. Louis, explained how she applies to estimating time to complete an assignment: “Rather than try to think about all the circumstances surrounding this present attempt to complete the assignment, I’ll just say, ‘Well how long has it taken me to complete similar assignments in the past?’ In general, that’s a better way to make predictions because there’s all kinds of reasons why thinking through the details of the case at hand can lead you astray.”

Simplifying your decision process in that way can makes sense, especially when the component parts might be difficult to tease apart. Look at what experience tells us. And, in the future, keep track of the results of experience.

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This Is Why I Breastfeed My Toddler

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I cuddle and hold her and for this one moment in our entire day she seems like a tiny girl again. She tries so hard to be a big girl, like her big sister. She is a big girl — and then she asks me to nurse.

Hearing an almost-2-year-old ask to nurse is possibly the cutest thing ever. Sure, she doesn’t need my body for food, the way she did when I fed her as an infant. I try to show her also that we can snuggle, and that I can comfort her, without having to breastfeed. But she wants to nurse, and I want her to.

To be fair, she didn’t want to stop nursing during the day, but I forced it. It was sad at first, and upsetting for both of us, but she was showing signs that it was time to give it up, so I led her. Now, however, she still happily breastfeeds in the morning and at night. I know it’s not much, and even this will probably be given up soon, but she likes it and I do, too.

She’s my second child. I breastfed her big sister until she was over 2 as well. People don’t want to talk about breastfeeding toddlers, and I don’t think it’s completely a “taboo” thing, so much as most of the people I try to bring it up with just don’t do it. But I do — we do.

Nursing a toddler is nothing like nursing an infant. Instead, it’s special and awesome and wonderful in its own way.

I breastfeed my toddler, in part, because I’m lucky enough to be able to. I’m overjoyed that we both took to nursing in the first place and that it’s something we’ve kept up. This once in the morning and once at night routine of ours is familiar and soothing for both of us, and yet it’s not as straightforward and “easy” to nurse a toddler.

I hold her and she sometimes kicks me in the throat, or she moves and wriggles. Occasionally she tries to sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” while nursing. Last night she insisted on putting a sock on as a glove before we had our nightly session. She has a mind of her own and, because of this, nursing an almost-2-year-old is nothing like nursing a smaller baby.

Nursing a toddler is nothing like nursing an infant. Instead, it’s special and awesome and wonderful in its own way.

More, as I reach the end of our experience — and as I recognize this might be the last time I breastfeed a child — I can’t help but reflect back on why exactly I’ve loved doing this for both of my children so much.

I’ve loved this connection — I’ve loved how special and unique it is with each of my daughters. In many ways their personalities are nothing alike, and nursing them has been completely different. I’ll admit I’ve loved being needed, especially as my toddlers grew and began to assert independence whenever possible — I’ve enjoyed being reminded I’m “Mom,” and I’m a necessary part of their lives.

This isn’t to say other moms who don’t nurse, much less into toddlerhood, are any less of a needed mother. It is to offer that many nursing moms feel excluded when we get in public and everyone’s pulling out bottles and snacks and we know what our babies want, and we either have to become OK with being — what feels like — confrontational, or we have to simply accept that we need to be brave, and loving.

In my house, it means I have a self-imposed curfew when I get invited out, but I need to be home to nurse my child. It means my family’s morning routine is centered around our children; on my oldest having to get to school and my toddler wanting to nurse when she wakes up. But this is my choice. I know I’m not alone in this choice.

The reason I breastfeed my toddler is simple — it’s because I love her.

It shouldn’t be confrontational or unusual to care for our children in the ways that work best for them and for us as parents. It shouldn’t feel so weird to talk about nursing my not-quite-2-year-old. It shouldn’t be strange, but often it is.

And the reason I breastfeed my toddler is simple — it’s because I love her. It’s because these waning moments in my day, when I hold her warm little body so close to mine, are ones I hope to hold inside of my mother breast long after they’re physically gone.

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These Latinos Nail Why U.S. Citizens Aren’t The Only Americans

The term “American” means different things to different folks.

Though the Americas consists of North America, Central America, South America and the Caribbean, the dominant assumption is that the term “American” describes someone who is from the United States.

However, many ―  including some of the Americans featured in Pero Like’s video “Who Is Really ‘American’?” ― take issue with that particular correlation.

In the video, shared on YouTube Sept. 1, Latinos explain why the assumption that the term “American” only applies to people from the U.S. isn’t just incorrect, it’s also pretty frustrating.

“Living here in the United States, it seems like ‘Americans’ think America’s just the United States,” explains Jessica Lima, who was born and raised in Guatemala.

“People are upset because it’s, like I said before, geographically incorrect. So that bothers a lot of people because… they’re excluding the rest of the American continent from being Americans,” she later adds. 

Though many of the individuals featured in the video say they understand that people are socialized to correlate American identity with the U.S., some say they still find the practice insulting and exclusive.

“To everyone from Central and South America, Latin America, yes the term ‘American’ is very exclusive,” explained Fred Diego, who was raised in Indiana and is of Mexican descent. “It does omit you and your people and your countrymen from the Americas.”

Do you agree? Watch the video in its entirety above, and let us know what the term “American” means to you in the comment section below.

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Dreaming To Grow

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Someday your kids will leave home, and by then they will have had tens of thousands of dreams. How many of these will they have shared? Paying attention to their dreams can be fascinating, considering that they are, among other things, a reflection of their desires, fears and day-to-day worries. By taking an interest in your children’s dreams, you will encourage them to take an interest, too. The best thing about this is that recalling and playfully exploring dreams helps kids develop their emotional intelligence: it gives them life-long access to a kind of natural intuition and an inexhaustible source of creativity.

Dream-sharing has many clear benefits for children:

  • Knowing that adults are listening to their dreams strengthens their self-esteem by allowing them to see the relevance of their emotions, their longings and ultimately their entire inner world. This makes them more conscious people, with greater judgment and resilience to external pressures.

  • It does wonders for their creativity. Dreams are the greatest proof that we are creative by nature: every night our mind takes us to a surprising new world! If you want to help your kids become what they really want to be, you need to make sure they are in touch with all of their resources, and dreams will empower them to do just that. Some parents suspect that when kids explain their dreams, a good amount of what they say is made up. That’s just fine–they’re training their imagination, and imagination needs listening ears if it’s going to take flight.

  • By explaining their dreams, children can express their fears and desires through metaphor. This is much easier for them than explaining what they are feeling directly, and it is just as freeing. Bear in mind that dreams can touch on emotionally delicate subjects for little boys and girls, such as the distress they feel about certain academic expectations or how they are affected by their parents’ arguments. They may even indicate that they are victims of bullying. Listening to their dreams can help you better understand how they feel about this kind of situation. It’s not uncommon that a seemingly banal conversation about dreams ends up bending towards topics that are important for kids. If this happens, it’s a great opportunity for you to find creative solutions to these everyday challenges.

In many societies around the world, dreams are considered an essential part of children’s education. But in our culture, even though more and more parents are sure that dream-sharing improves family communication and psychologists insist that exploring dreams can do tremendous good for personal maturity, certain prejudices still prevail. One of the strongest prejudices is the parallel that we draw between dreams and nightmares (and, of course, if the only thing we dream is unpleasant, it’s best to forget.) It’s true that nightmares are easier to remember, and this might lead us to believe that our nights belong exclusively to them. However, after sharing dreams, you and your kids will start remembering them better, and you’ll see with increasing clarity that many of your dreams are deeply stimulating and actually quite pleasant.

That said, it’s true that children have nightmares more often than adults. All around the world, certain themes seem to be common to all children: dreams of flying and falling, being naked or ridiculously dressed in public, passing a test, and so on. These dreams are commonplace in children and, generally speaking, they shouldn’t be cause for alarm. They are part of natural psychological development. If the same dream comes up time and again, it might be worth considering what situation or personal relationship is distressing them, especially if we don’t notice the dreams improving over time.

For example, it is common to have nightmares about feeling trapped. Like all unpleasant dreams, it might reflect an experience from the day before (a visiting aunt’s too-tight hug, the pressure of a seatbelt) but it may also reflect a psychologically distressing situation (such as a relationship at school that the child does not know how to navigate, leading them to feel metaphorically trapped). But the most common nightmare among kids across the globe is the one about being threatened by an animal. Like all oneiric threats, it could be indicative of a troubling situation in a child’s life. In my clinical experience, if the real-life difficulties get worse, the pursuing animal in the dreams may become a monster or an abstract being. It is worth asking your child to give you details when they are explaining their dream, even if they woke you up. For example, ask your child to describe the animal or monster. Does it remind them of anyone they know? Where does the pursuit take place? Explaining the details might help your child relax, in addition to giving you some clues as to the dream’s roots. If your son or daughter doesn’t feel like speaking, don’t insist. Maybe after a tough-to-digest dream, the best thing is just to give them a loving hug.

It’s important to remember that, unlike with adults, interpreting kids’ dreams doesn’t do much good. If we try, they usually close off shortly thereafter to protect themselves from what they perceive as meddling or judgement. It is much more effective to explore kids’ dreams through active listening by giving them questions about their feelings, asking them for a detailed description of the story’s different aspects and nuances. Most importantly, be sure to do it all with total respect. Remember that, as unrealistic as the dream may seem to you, for them it was a “real” experience, and it’ll do little good to drop the age-old expression “don’t worry, it was just a dream.” Children know that the terror they have felt is real.

In any case, regardless of whether the dream was unpleasant, hilarious, magical or bizarre, the next day, a lot can be done with it. Remember that, regardless of what you set out to do, it is useful to explore the dream in a playful way. A few options might include:

  • Giving your child their first dream diary (if they don’t yet know how to write, they can tell you what happened and you can write it down).

  • Give them the chance to draw a picture of the dream, or of the most important parts.

  • Have them act out the dream: recreate what it sounded like when they were flying, jump like the blue kangaroo, pounce on Mom or Dad while trying to make a face like the monster. This is especially effective with younger children.

  • Represent the dream through dance, making the movements that the characters would make if they could dance.

  • Make puppets or clay figures of the main characters.

  • Dream the dream forward: suggest that they continue the story and add whatever new elements they would like.

  • Change the ending: this is especially interesting with nightmares, since it gives the child a sense of control over what has happened.

  • Write a poem based on the dream.

You should also tell them about the dreams that you can remember. In fact, it is especially good for your kids to know that you also have nightmares (if you do.) Instead of feeling their insecurity heighten, they’ll feel like they are not alone and realize that having such unpleasant dreams isn’t such a big deal. So, insofar as its possible for you, tell them about your nightly travels. You might even find that their comments are surprising and revealing!

In fact, sharing dreams as a family can be a powerful way to strengthen the family bond, since you’re considering deeply meaningful images–perhaps even images that are unique to your “tribe.” Time after time, I’ve encountered families who discovered common elements in all of their dreams, as if they were patterns unique to those families. In any case, if you open the door to your dreams, be ready for any surprise.

So, if you’re up for it, keep these tips in mind:

1- At night: before bedtime, tell your kids that it’s possible to remember dreams (everyone has several dreams every night, though sometimes we don’t remember them). Together you can write a note that says something to the effect of “Tonight I’ll have a lovely dream,” and leave it under their pillow. Suggest that, when they wake up, they lie in bed for minute with their eyes closed, just to see if images from their dreams reappear. It is best to do all of this without pressuring them. Expectations that are too high might block the memory and lead to frustration.

2- The next day, if you can, share your dreams (at breakfast, for example), since if you try to do it later, you’ll probably have forgotten most of them. Remember to listen to your children’s dreams with empathy and without trying to interpret. Instead, try to be mindful of the reactions or feelings that their dreams arouse.

Here’s a good exercise that will help you prepare to share dreams with your kids: draw a picture of the oldest dream you can remember. This can be a very powerful experience, and it can take you back to times long-past very easily. Dreams that remain etched in our memories are often associated with crucial moments in our development and, often, they act as a sort of internal rite of passage that helps us transition from one stage of life to a very different one. Taking your time with this exercise might put you in touch with the feelings and perspective you had when you were a child in an uncertain and changing world. This will help you to better understand your child’s current perspective. And, as a bonus, when you show your children your drawing, it might motivate them to do the same with their own dreams.

Every night, just like Alice in Wonderland, you fall down the rabbit hole and end up, time and again, among your dreams, in a magic world where everything’s possible. Maybe in one of your current dreams, you find yourself surrounded by surprisingly large objects. When this happens, you might want to consider whether your mind is subconsciously expressing something about your first years of life (when your surroundings were much larger than they are today). Not all dreams come from childhood, but you cannot deny that our early experiences transcend our adult lives. As a child, you probably wished that the adults who were looking out for you would pay attention to your dreams and to your inner world. Now you have the chance to do this for your own kids and, sooner or later, they’ll thank you for it.

About the author:
Jordi Borràs García is a psychologist, a Advisory Board Member at DreamsCloud, the founder of the mondesomnis and a Board Member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Why Is An Obscure Study About Lyme Disease-Causing Bacteria So Popular Online?

“Who knew there would be so much interest in a biomechanics paper??!!”

Those are the words–and the multiple exclamation points–of Tara Moriarty, proprietor of the Moriarty Lab, an infectious diseases research lab that studies primarily Borrelia burgdorferi (Bb) the bacterium that causes Lyme disease. Moriarty is the principal investigator of a new academic paper from the University of Toronto that details the mechanism by which Bb “crawl” through the body.

Scientific American is among the many mainstream outlets that discussed the findings, which may represent a major step in making the ever-gray world of Lyme disease science more black and white.

Understanding the movement of an infectious disease agent may seem unnecessarily technical to many people, but Lyme disease patients and specialists see hope in this would-be obscure study–and despite Moriarty’s surprise over the popularity of her paper (now among the top three percent of all papers ever tracked by Altmetric, a service that analyzes online activity surrounding scholarly research publications), she knows it’s not because of a latent popular interest in the mechanics of disease-causing microbes.

“All of the interest,” Moriarty says, “is because it’s [about] Lyme disease, and although there are some biomechanics folks following it, all other followers are biologists (mainly microbiologists), and hugely, members of the Lyme disease advocacy and support communities.”

Under Our Skin 2: Emergence is a documentary that addresses the complexities and controversies surrounding the Lyme disease epidemic. Understanding the behavior of the bacterium that causes Lyme disease is essential to figuring out how to treat it effectively–just as figuring out how HIV works was essential to preventing the development of AIDS.

A little context for the uninitiated: Lyme disease is a complex illness that is arguably the most politically controversial disease since the emergence of HIV/AIDS–and one of the most widespread.

I interviewed Moriarty by e-mail, and that interview follows, but before I get to it, here are a few Lyme basics to lend context to the discussion.

In summary, Lyme disease is the most rapidly spreading infectious disease in the country, newly infecting over 300,000 Americans every year. The CDC-endorsed blood tests miss a great number of infections for various reasons, which has resulted in states such as Virginia passing laws that require physicians disclose to their patients that a negative Lyme disease test does not necessarily mean that a patient does not have Lyme disease. For that reason and because of the great variation among patients’ symptoms, a huge number of Lyme disease infections go undiagnosed and untreated.

2016-08-30-1472560428-8942749-lyme_and_syphilis_spirochetes.jpg
Lyme disease (left) and syphilis bacteria: “They look alike, they talk alike, at times they even walk alike.”

The bacterium that causes Lyme disease is related to the one that causes syphilis, and the symptoms of untreated, progressive Lyme unsurprisingly are likewise similar, ranging from nerve pain and arthritis to severe neuropsychiatric dysfunction and deadly sudden heart failure.

The last of these symptoms is still thought to be very rare; however, in 2012 and 2013, the deaths of three relatively young Massachusetts residents (ages 26-38) were discovered by a coroner to have been caused by Lyme disease. None of these patients had been diagnosed with Lyme while alive, although one was prescribed medication to treat sudden-onset severe anxiety (a common and commonly dismissed Lyme symptom) the very day before his sudden death.

Many people who live with Lyme disease (in full disclosure, I belong to this group) report a vast array of symptoms that often are far more severe and life-affecting than a casual broadcast news viewer would be led to believe–and more severe and life-affecting than public health services such as the CDC in the United States and national health agencies in many other countries, including the United Kingdom and especially Australia, acknowledge.

All of this is simply an explanation for why an academic paper about the biomechanics of the Borrelia burgdorferi bacterium is among the most-read online scholarly articles. People are suffering and, probably in many more cases than are reported, dying from Lyme disease–and those at risk want to know why. Moriarty and her coauthors are helping us to understand that.

Scientific American reported that your study found “The tiny, spiral-shaped bacterium called Borrelia burgdorferi can quickly grapple along the inner surfaces of blood vessels to get to vulnerable tissues or to hiding places where it can hole up beyond the reach of drugs.” Have any other bacteria or invasive pathogens shown similar behavior/movement?

2016-08-30-1472560623-5362214-Moriartyheadshot2013938x938.jpg
Tara Moriarty

Moriarty: Unfortunately, in our interview for this article, we didn’t actually say that B. burgdorferi can use dissemination to reach hiding places beyond the reach of drugs. The structure of the sentence in this article sounds as if we did say this, but we didn’t actually study how dissemination affects vulnerability of these bacteria to drugs, or intend to say that dissemination affects susceptibility to treatment (please see below about this concern too).

We were studying the biomechanics of how B. burgdorferi adhere to blood vessel surfaces. In theory, yes, something that makes it easier for bacteria to stick to blood vessels under high force might make it easier to get to some tissues. For example, the force caused by blood flow is higher in the brain than in many tissues. However, we did not conduct our studies at the range of force found in brain blood vessels, so the mechanisms we found are probably more important for blood vessels in other tissues and organs. We know, for example, that white blood cells use special mechanisms to adhere to blood vessels in the brain. It’s likely that Borrelia would need something special to do this too, but this mechanism hasn’t been discovered yet.

It is well known that many antibiotics do not cross the blood-brain barrier very effectively, and that some antibiotics don’t penetrate bone, which can make antibiotic treatment in these tissues more challenging. Generally, when the efficacy of antibiotics in treating specific infections is studied, if these infections affect the brain and bone, early studies to determine correct dosing also look at the efficacy of antibiotics in these tissues, to ensure that the dose is high enough to be effective there.

Lots of bacteria can disseminate via the bloodstream, but we don’t know much about exactly how most bacteria do this, and we certainly don’t know how other bacteria move when they’re in the process of sticking to these surfaces, or how they overcome the force caused by blood flow. It’s the insight into how the bacteria move and overcome the force of blood flow that is really unique about our study. And we’ve developed methods which will probably be useful for studying how other bacteria stick to blood vessel walls under flow.

We do know some things about how other bacteria stick to blood vessel walls, however, even if we don’t know as much as we now know about Borrelia. We don’t understand how the bacteria initially stick, but once they’re there, they often start making sticky substances which form a kind of glue that attracts more bacteria, and which encases the bacteria that are present in a sticky mass called a vegetative mass or a biofilm that can’t be washed off the heart valve by blood flow. Figuring out how bacteria stick to surfaces under flow is hugely important for treatment of some of the most serious consequences of some infections.

How does this special movement affect the bacterium’s survival in the body?

We didn’t directly study how this special movement affects bacterial survival in the body. It took us 5 years just to figure out how the bacteria stick to blood vessel surfaces! We haven’t even got to the stage of measuring survival, although we’re starting to work on this now. We know that in people and in mice, Borrelia burgdorferi and related Lyme disease-causing species are found in the bloodstream early in infection, but don’t stay there for very long. We don’t actually have direct proof of why this happens, but the theory has always been that the blood is a pretty hostile and unprotected environment for these and most bacteria, since the blood is being circulated through major filtration sites in the body (lung, liver, spleen) many times/minute, and the chances of the bacteria being trapped and killed by immune cells in the filtering organs is much higher the longer they live in the blood stream. Also, the blood may not have some of the nutrients the bacteria need to survive and proliferate, at least for B. burgdorferi, which may not be as metabolically adapted to living in the blood stream as the Borrelia which cause relapsing fever, for example. So, according to these assumptions, the ability of Borrelia to stick to blood vessel surfaces using this form of movement and then to escape out into the tissues outside of the blood vessels probably helps the bacteria to survive for longer in the host than they would if they couldn’t leave the bloodstream, because they can access sites where they may be more protected than they are in the bloodstream. Long story short–this movement probably is very important for longterm survival of the bacteria, but there’s still a lot to do to test this idea scientifically.

Above: Video of Borrelia burgdorferi bacteria showing “swimming” in a corkscrewing movement typical of Lyme disease, syphilis, and other spirochete-type bacteria. The new study describes a different kind of movement by which the bacteria “glue” one end to a blood vessel, detach and then attach the other end, and inch along the vessel in a caterpillar-type movement that may prevent it from being swept away by blood flow and therefore making it more resilient inside the body.

Prior to your study, was it thought that all Bb bacteria were “free swimming” in the blood, or was there any evidence that the bacteria might be able to evade blood flow?

That’s a really good question. There’s actually been quite a bit of evidence that Borrelia sticks to blood vessel walls. What was special about the study we’re discussing is that we figured out some aspects of exactly how they manage to stick.

We’ve known dating back more than 30 years now that B. burgdorferi can stick to the cells which line blood vessels, endothelial cells, if you grow these cells in a dish and add the bacteria to them without any kind of flow. There were some early, amazing electron microscopy and other studies which demonstrated that these interactions occurred. Then, as time went on, researchers started using other kinds of methods to figure out how Borrelia stuck to endothelial cells, but none of these studies were conducted under the kinds of flow-induced force conditions that are actually present in the vasculature (although some of the findings of these earlier studies turn out to also apply to B. burgdorferi interactions with endothelial cells under flow too).

There’s lots of previous direct and indirect evidence that these bacteria can evade blood flow by sticking to endothelial cells, and we even knew some of the proteins that were involved in this. The trick was that we still didn’t know exactly how this sticking happened, and how exactly the bacteria moved when this was happening. This sounds like a trivial detail, but it’s not, because it’s the seemingly tiny details of how something like this happens that are actually key to figuring out how to stop it from happening.

This interview was abridged for brevity and to streamline some of the more technical information. In the second part of my interview with Moriarty, we will discuss a bit more of what most people want to know: how this study’s findings may impact the Lyme disease epidemic.

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Is Facebook's Free Internet Plan Totally Doomed?

Thursday’s Falcon 9 explosion prompted headaches for two very powerful people. The first was Elon Musk, SpaceX’s founder, whose company’s future is now in question
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