Hasta La Gadget!

Back in 2002, Bill O’Reilly asked his viewers to boycott Pepsi because the company was working with the hip-hop artist Ludacris.

“I’m calling for all responsible Americans to fight back and punish Pepsi for using a man who degrades women, who encourages substance abuse, and does all the things that hurt particularly the poor in our society,” the Fox News host said on “The O’Reilly Factor.”

It worked. Soon after O’Reilly’s call to arms, Pepsi pulled all of its ads featuring Ludacris and stopped working with him entirely ― for what reason is still difficult to discern.

Flash forward 15 years, and the situation not only seems particularly ridiculous, but just drips with irony. 

The beverage company recently found itself embroiled in yet another ad-related controversy. This time, however, the ad was actually offensive, making light of political protests depicting Kendall Jenner walking through a protest to deliver a can of Pepsi to a police officer and receive cheers all around. On April 5, Pepsi pulled the ad and apologized.

Just days earlier, on April 1, The New York Times published an investigation that found it was, in fact, O’Reilly who had been degrading women, not Ludacris. All told, Fox News and O’Reilly had paid out $13 million to five women because of his allegedly inappropriate behavior toward them, The Times found. 

The revelation would lead to calls for O’Reilly’s ouster at Fox News. Asked about the controversy a little over a week later, Ludacris only said that he hoped O’Reilly could learn from the controversy.

“It’s not my place to judge Bill O’Reilly the same way he judged me,” he said during an appearance on radio show “The Breakfast Club.” “I’m thriving in life right now. All I can do is hope that Bill O’Reilly settles these issues and learns from whatever mistakes he may have made ― and also thrives.”

“But,” he added, “it is definitely ironic that Pepsi and Bill O’Reilly are under fire right now.” 

O’Reilly was never able to settle his issues. On Wednesday, Fox News announced that “The O’Reilly Factor” host would not return to the network as a result of his treatment of women, leaving him with all the time in the world to go catch the No. 1 movie in America right now: “The Fate of the Furious,” featuring who else but Ludacris.

Ludacris appeared to subtly address the news Wednesday, just 30 minutes after it came out that O’Reilly was gone. 

Now, I ask you: If that’s not a cherry on top, what is?

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When Sarit Luban, a 27-year-old writer from Boston starts dating someone new, there’s a conversation she has to have first.

Luban, who has genital herpes, says she has a couple of different approaches to disclosing her sexually transmitted infection. Sometimes she introduces herpes casually, as one of many facts about herself. Other times, she opens up the conversation by talking about STIs generally, and asking about the last time her partner was tested.

“I don’t apologize, and I don’t go into how I got it,” she says. “It can be as simple as, ‘Hey, I want to have sex with you. If you’re into that, I want you to know first that I have genital herpes.’ I like to give people space to ask questions, and I frame it as a discussion that we can have together.” 

Luban has had some time to come to terms with this aspect of her dating life, but it hasn’t always been this easy. We don’t have models for how to have this conversation, she noted, and since it’s so taboo most people are overwhelmed by panic after a diagnosis.

“So many people, myself included, are diagnosed and terrified not necessarily because [having an STI] is so bad, but because it’s like entering this big unknown,” she said.

No matter how a sexually transmitted infection diagnosis comes up, it will probably bring with it a few uncomfortable emotions. But if you’re in a relationship — committed, casual or otherwise — the knowledge that you must now share your diagnosis with your partner is likely weighing heavily on your mind.

Don’t beat yourself up over these feelings — you’re not alone. After all, nearly half of American adults will contract an STI in their lifetimes.

Telling your partner you’ve been diagnosed may seem terrifying, but sharing the news honestly, directly and clearly will start the conversation off on the right foot.

Dr. Alyssa Dweck, a gynecologist in New York and author of the forthcoming book The Complete A to Z for your V, recommends getting straight to the point and giving your partner all the information they need to process the news.

Get right to the point

“We recommend a direct conversation with your partner,” she says. “Just let them know, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with this infection, I’m getting treated. You need to be treated [and tested] as well.’”

Depending on what state you live in, she added, your gynecologist may be able to expedite your partner’s treatment.

Dr. Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship expert and author of The New Monogamy, agrees.

“Use simple language they can understand,” she says. “If you know how this happened, tell them. If you are as surprised as they are, be open about that. Tell them, ‘I thought something was strange, but honestly, I figured it was only a funny side effect of a medication I was on, so I didn’t think to tell you.’ Most people appreciate honesty and will relate to your naiveté, so don’t go into the conversation with any hidden agenda.”

If the infection is permanent, say so

If you’ve been diagnosed with something like chlamydia or gonorrhea, the conversation will be easier since treatment is available and those infections go away. If you have something like herpes or HPV, however—infections that have longer-lasting implications—the conversation may be more difficult.

“Honesty and trust should be expected on both sides,” Dweck said. “Especially for these infections where they’re not returnable [like herpes]…You can alter your sexual practices based on the potential for giving or getting an infection, so there’s something you can do about it.”

Consider having the conversation in your doctor’s office. Having a neutral third party in the room can help to make the conversation more straightforward, and remove some of the stigma of an STI infection since your doctor will be able to answer your partner’s questions calmly and with confidence.

Dweck says that her patients sometimes bring their partners to her office to share their diagnosis, or to have a follow-up conversation about testing and treatment where the partner can ask questions.

Try not to get defensive with your partner

Approach the conversation from a straightforward, medical place, even if you suspect your partner is the source of your infection ― or even that infidelity was involved. Dweck and Nelson agree that your health is most important at this point, and you will need to have many conversations about your relationship. For now, though, both partners need to focus on getting tested and treated.

“Be empathetic and try not to be defensive,” says Nelson. “Remember, someone gave this to you, and you are probably angry with them. And keep in mind that anger is many times a cover up feeling for fear. Your partner is probably scared.”

Try to ease your stress as much as possible too, Nelson added.

“Stress compounds any infection in your body, so make sure you do what you need to do for yourself to make these conversations as caring and honest as you can, but take time to heal yourself as well,” she said.

An STI diagnosis doesn’t have to end a relationship

“Some couples survive an STI diagnosis just fine. And depending on the infection, some clear up with correct treatment and follow up,” says Nelson.

On the other hand, an STI diagnosis could provide an opportunity to end a relationship that’s been rocky. “Other infections and other couples may see this as the can opener that gets them out of a relationship that wasn’t working well anyway,” Nelson added.

Luban says that, in general, her partners have handled her disclosure well, though it helps to frame the conversation positively and not go into it anticipating rejection. She suggests giving your partner space to process the news and ask questions. And, she adds, “it can be helpful to have answers to some of people’s most common questions about [the STI] or be able to point them in the direction of a couple good resources if that’s something they need.”

Start the conversation early

If you don’t have an STI to disclose, why not open up that conversation early in your relationship by suggesting getting tested together? It can be a healthy way to bond with your partner; you’ll get to know each other better, and find out how your love interest handles difficult conversations.

As Nelson and Dweck point out, STIs are a reality, and talking about them openly and without shame is the best way to end the stigma.

“As I got more used to the idea that I had herpes and gained experience with talking about it, disclosing became easier and easier,” Luban says. “And, fortunately, everyone I’ve disclosed to has been super cool about it.”

Stephanie Hallett is a lifestyle writer in Los Angeles and weekend editor at HelloGiggles.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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