The Issue With Wishing Someone A 'Happy And Healthy' Baby

A thought-provoking Instagram post is highlighting a side effect of wishing expectant parents a “happy and healthy” baby. 

Michelle Elman is a UK-based blogger, body confidence coach and activist. On June 14, she posted two photos of herself on Instagram ― one from her childhood and one from the present. Over each photo, she added the words “happy not healthy.”

“’Wishing you a happy and healthy baby!’ ‘We don’t mind if we have a boy or girl, as long as my baby’s healthy.’ That’s all parents dream of, right? Happy and healthy,” Elman began the post.

“Well that’s unfortunately not what my parents got,” she added.

In her 23 years of life, Elman’s had 15 surgeries, a brain tumor, punctured intestine, obstructed bowel, cyst in her brain and a condition called hydrocephalus. 

Elman wrote that she used to feel heartbroken when she realized how hard her health struggles have been for her parents. Hearing phrases like “Wishing you a happy and healthy baby” affected her as well.  

“Every time someone would say this in front of me, I used to wonder if my parents were disappointed when I was born,” she said, adding that she knew they weren’t because they have always been so wonderful.

“But each time I was hospitalized, I would see the pain their eyes and wonder if their life would be easier without me?” she continued. “They wouldn’t have had such a burden. I wouldn’t have caused all this pain to see me in pain. I wouldn’t have caused all the anxiety every time I got ill. Every time I went into surgery, I used to worry how they would spend the time waiting and how much stress they must be under.”

Over time, Elman said she bottled up these thoughts and fears and opted not to talk to her parents about her feelings because she didn’t want to add to the burden.

“But that wasn’t the solution,” she concluded. “Never keep it bottled in, please talk to someone! No, my parents didn’t get ‘happy and healthy.’ But they definitely got happy. Enough happy to overcompensate for the lack of healthy. And enough wisdom to know there is nothing to compensate for.”

Elman’s post received over 7,500 likes. She told HuffPost this topic had been on her mind for awhile, as she’s always paid attention to the impact of her health problems on her friends and family. A baby shopping trip with a friend brought back memories about how alone she felt at the time.

Elman runs a body positivity-focused campaign called “Scarred Not Scared,” through which she’s shared her health struggles and confidence journey. The guilt she felt has been an integral part of this journey, she noted. 

Elman told HuffPost she wrote the post for anyone else who’s felt this kind of guilt. 

“Often times when you are hospitalized as a child, you don’t completely understand the medical situations that are surrounding you, but you do see the emotional impact that it’s having on the people around you,” she explained.

“I wanted to speak to that and reassure those that were going through it that they aren’t alone and to speak about it,” she added. “When you feel guilty about something that you know isn’t logical or rational, it can be hard to reach out ― so I wanted my followers to know that it’s OK to having feelings around your illnesses and chronic pain that don’t always make sense.”

H/T CafeMom

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6 Tactics For Dealing With Political Stress

Back in February, an annual survey by the American Psychological Association found that 57 percent of Americans — Democrats and Republicans alike — said they considered the nation’s political climate a significant source of stress.

Also, it reported “the first significant increase” in the overall average stress level among Americans since the survey began 10 years ago, based on responses from last August to January.

Since then, there’s been little reason to think those stress levels have been alleviated. “At the individual level, there is absolutely greater collective distress regarding our country, the presidency, and the future [right now],” said Dr. Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and co-host of radio show “The Web.”

“This ranges from [Donald] Trump supporters concerned that the country is not united behind the presidency, to those who believe the president is taking the country down an ill-advised path,” he said.

The source of much of this collective unrest is change.

“Changes in how our government is run, changes between individuals and their beliefs, and the interpretation of what those changes mean” can all play a role in contributing to anxiety, Klapow said.

Additionally, social media and the 24-hour news cycle have made it easier than ever to be an omnivorous consumer of information, obsessively gathering facts and opinions until you feel increasingly frustrated and helpless.

The good news is that it’s possible to manage your stress around politics without deleting your social media apps or escaping to a remote island. Follow these six practical strategies to find a healthy balance between staying informed and staying sane:

1. Identify your triggers

“Chart out how much time you spend reading, listening, watching, and engaging in political rhetoric,” Klapow advised. Do you check every news update that lands in your inbox? Spend all your stolen minutes reading articles on Facebook? Watch the evening news for three hours after work?

Unless you’re a media personality, politician, or policy maker, Klapow said spending more than a couple hours a day immersed in politics can throw you off balance. Instead of tuning in on autopilot, stop and pay attention to how and when you’re engaging in politics. Analyzing your habits can help you pinpoint your primary source of stress and develop a plan to ease it.

2. Be proactive

If you’re concerned or upset about a particular political decision or movement, find a way to get involved outside your online bubble.

“Responding to a Facebook post or tweet does little to no good, other than to vent your feelings,” Klapow said. Instead, “it often provokes further arguments that are fueled by miscommunication and misunderstanding.”

Feel free to share an article or tweet an important message, but once you do, get offline and look for concrete ways you can contribute to your community and the causes that matter to you.

Call your representatives and senators to voice your opinion on hot-button issues, volunteer with local organizations, raise awareness about a specific event by speaking at your city council meeting, donate money to an organization whose work you value, or start a community support group for like-minded people.

“This is a deeper level of engagement that will allow you to be involved without being pulled into a communication battle,” Klapow said.

3. Seek out multiple news sources

“The more we gravitate to one news source, the more our inherent biases will be strengthened, and the less likely we are to see the perspectives of others,” Klapow said. That’s why it’s crucial to explore the world outside your own echo chamber; when you seek to understand people whose values and beliefs differ from yours, you can help dissipate the tension and conflict that stems from political opposition.

That doesn’t mean you need to devote extra time to participating in politics, though. Just switch up your current routine: tune in to a different nightly news channel once a week, subscribe to multiple news outlets, or make a point to read about controversial political developments from two different, unaffiliated publications.

4. Narrow your focus

When you feel overwhelmed by the abstract, uncertain world of politics, it’s helpful to redirect your attention to something immediate and tangible. ”[Remind] yourself of what is critical to your day-to-day living and well-being,” Klapow said. “A sound-bite, news headline, interview, or tweet likely does not immediately drive how you do your job, treat your co-workers, parent, or contribute to your family and community.”

To refocus your energy and gain a sense of control over your surroundings, Klapow suggested asking yourself this question: What can I do today to improve the day for myself, my family, my friends, and my community? Come up with an answer — whether it’s signing up for a local march, bringing breakfast to the office for your co-workers, or spending time with loved ones — then carry it out.

5. Establish politics-free zones

“Politics is dominating our environment right now,” Klapow said. “It’s up to you to create a steady state,” and to “be informed but well-rounded,” he added.

To do that, it’s smart to establish boundaries for engaging in political rhetoric. Maybe that means disconnecting from social media in the evening, limiting your news catch-up to 20 minutes a day, or enjoying a family dinner free of political discussion or debate.

Though it may occasionally be difficult to disengage, especially if a recent event or decision directly affects you and your loved ones, it’s healthy ― vital, even ―to take breaks from being plugged into the political pulse.

6. Prioritize self-care

You can’t be a proactive, aware citizen, nor can you successfully help others, if you don’t take care of yourself first.

“You may feel as if you are simply dedicated to the cause,” Klapow said, “but the reality is you [cannot] think as clearly if your physical needs, emotional needs, and social needs are not being met.”

For your physical and mental health, make sure to log seven solid hours of sleep a night and to schedule regular exercise, which research shows can help reduce anxiety levels. To boost your emotional well-being, spend quality time with loved ones and devote at least half an hour a day to downtime. Do whatever you find relaxing, whether it’s reading, meditating, watching the sunset or starting a new Netflix series.

The more time you carve out for yourself, the more energized, capable, and motivated you’ll feel to step into battle when it matters.

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New Dashcam Video Shows Philando Castile Warning Officer He Had A Firearm

Philando Castile very clearly said he had a firearm.

Officials in Ramsey County, Minnesota, released video on Tuesday that shows the interaction Castile had with St. Anthony Police Officer Jeronimo Yanez before Castile was shot to death during a traffic stop in July.

In the video, Yanez tells Castile that he’s being pulled over because he has a brake light out. (Audio later used as evidence in the case against Yanez ― and also released Tuesday ― shows the officer actually thought Castile and his girlfriend “just look like people that were involved in a robbery.”)

“Sir, I have to tell you, I do have a firearm on me,” Castile says in the graphic video, embedded below.

“OK, don’t reach for it then,” Yanez says. “Don’t pull it out.”

Castile appears to say that he’s not pulling out the gun, and then Yanez shoots him.

WARNING: The video below is uncensored and may be disturbing to some viewers.

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Yanez can be heard screaming profanities and sobbing after the shooting. He keeps his gun pointed at a dying Castile as he calls for backup and waits for other officers to arrive.

Later in the video, when Yanez is interviewed by another officer, he admits that he didn’t actually see Castile grab for a gun. He notes, however, that he was nervous after he asked to see Castile’s license, and Castile “had his grip a lot wider than a wallet.”

Yanez says:

“I didn’t know where the gun was, he didn’t tell me where the fuckin’ gun was, and then it was just gettin’ hanky. He was just staring straight ahead, and I was gettin’ fuckin’ nervous and then … I told him to get his fuckin’ hand off his gun … Fuck.”

Castile’s girlfriend, Diamond Reynolds, and her 4-year-old daughter were in the car at the time. Reynolds live-streamed the aftermath of the shooting, which brought worldwide attention to the case.

A jury on Friday found Yanez not guilty on a charge of second-degree manslaughter and two counts of reckless discharge of a firearm. 

Tuesday’s video release quickly drew more attention to the acquittal, which prompted thousands of protesters to March through Saint Paul over the weekend.

“It’s just like, a punch in my stomach, it’s a punch in the gut,” Castile’s friend, John Thompson, told HuffPost Tuesday. “Look what happened to Philando for doing all the right things. It hurts. Every time I talk about it, it hurts.

“I’m so tired of being tired, I’m so tired of being sad, I’m so tired of being angry at this system.” 

 This is a developing story. Check back for updates.

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The Most Luxurious (but Sneakily Affordable) Vacation Spots Across The Globe

You want all the “Roman Holiday” Audrey Hepburn vacation vibes (oversize sunnies, silk scarf, vintage convertible), but let’s be real: You’re going to have to pick and choose between lavish splurges in a city like Rome. Good news: A trip abroad doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut the luxe out of your stay. These ten destinations are proof that you can have your opulent vacation cake and eat it, too… possibly in a convertible.

Related: How to Travel on the Cheap When You’re Not in Your 20s Anymore

TOULOUSE, FRANCE

Average Daily Cost: $130

This border city is home to both French and Spanish culture — see? You’re already getting more for your money. But seriously, think: ski slopes, beaches, thermal baths and amazing food. (Yep, you can hop between authentic Spanish tapas and French cuisine like Candied violets, a regional specialty.) If you’re after designer bargains, make sure you visit consignment shop Le Grenier d’Anaïs. Best of all, you can do it all for a whole lot less than Paris.

NAXOS, GREECE

Average Daily Cost: $95

Cheaper than Santorini and far less touristy, Naxos is just as picturesque and historic (see: the unfinished Greek Portara Temple of Apollo). Spend your afternoons swimming in the Mediterranean and your evenings sipping ouzo and eating fresh seafood while watching the most stunning sunsets in the world.

GIETHOORN, HOLLAND

Average Daily Cost: $150

Nicknamed the Venice of the North, this adorable Dutch town was built without a single solid road — so if you want to get around, it’s all about the waterways. A room at one of the thatched roof cottages goes for about $85 a night, and a private boat rental will set you back about $16 an hour. If you get bored of the floral-lined canals (impossible), visit the Museum de Oude Aarde or The Histomobil, a rare car museum. Then head straight back to the water.

PHNOM PENH, CAMBODIA

Average Daily Cost: $210

With the average daily cost of food, transportation and activities totaling just $50, it really doesn’t get more affordably luxurious than this. And where else can you find five-star accommodations for just $160 a night? (Hello, Raffles Hotel.) Get a sense of the local flavor with a tasting menu at The Tiger’s Eye, but be prepared to go early. Because many restaurants shutter just after 9 p.m., you don’t need an excuse to turn in early and get plenty of rest. 

CASABLANCA, MOROCCO

Average Daily Cost: $130

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, Casablanca’s Sky28 bar boasts the most gorgeous views of the coastal city. The signature cocktails and tapas served there are certainly worth the splurge, especially since most of your days can be spent lounging in the beach district La Corniche or wandering through the old medina marketplace. Both activities are totally free, as is the Villa des Arts, the largest contemporary arts museum in the city.

Related: Moroccos Is Stunning, and Here Are 15 Beautiful Instagrams to Prove It

PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA

Average Daily Cost: $140

Two words: off season. Head to the retro desert town between March and October for major steals at glam spots like the mid-century modern Ace Hotel. And if you ever decide to step off the grounds of your swanky digs (no judgment if you don’t), there are vineyards, golf, spas and gorgeous hikes all around. You’ll just have to decide if it’s worth leaving the pool. Decisions, decisions.

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND

Average Daily Cost: $240

Reykjavík is small enough to wander around entirely on foot, but big enough to keep you on your toes. Leave room in your suitcase for the super-cool hand-crafted goods you’ll no doubt buy from the graffiti-decorated shops in the center of town, and spend an evening enjoying live local music and brew from Einstök at Kex Hostel. Of course, no luxury trip to Iceland would be complete without a youth-restoring dip in the hot springs at the Blue Lagoon Geothermal Spa.

Related: 13 Things You Need to Do in Reykjavik

SARDINIA, ITALY

Average Daily Cost: $200

If the crystal blue waters aren’t enough to sell you on this place, then maybe the promise of endless carafes of affordable Italian wine will do the job. Renting a car to get around the island is a must, as is splurging on a private boat rental for a day tour up the coast. There are, of course, plenty of upscale restaurants in the glitzy Costa Smeralda region, but taking a picnic of assorted local treats like salami, artichokes and red wine means more time spent exploring the white shores and rocky coastal caves.

Related: How to Do Florence for $75 a Day

VICTORIA, CANADA

Average Daily Cost: $140

Touted as North America’s most English city, Victoria is way cheaper than a trip to London with just as much British charm and plenty to do without breaking the bank. Start with afternoon tea at The Empress, served with china designed exclusively for Queen Elizabeth I, before heading out on a royal carriage tour or trip to Craigdarroch Castle. End the day with a waterfront dinner at Red Fish Blue Fish for a view that definitely tops any sunset London has to offer.

Related: 9 Totally Free Things to Do in London

GOTLAND, SWEDEN

Average Daily Cost: $140

Okay, so getting to this tiny island off the coast of Sweden isn’t super cheap, but once you’re there, you can live like a queen… or Viking queen. The coastal city Visby still maintains many of the structures built there by Vikings, including a 3.5-kilometer-long wall you can freely hike all the way down to the water. History buffs will love the time-worn fishing villages and archaeological wonders dating back some 8,000 years prior.

DUBROVNIK, CROATIA

Average Daily Cost: $235

Between the marble streets, old stone buildings and glistening Adriatic Sea, Dubrovnik is truly awe-inspiring. Take it all in with a cable car ride up Mount Srđ before you dive in to city’s Renaissance relics, shops and food. Hop on a ferry for a romantic day trip to islands like Lokrum, Sipan and the Elafiti. Perhaps the best part: you didn’t break the bank.

Related:

The 17 Most Drop-Dead Gorgeous Places in Europe

How to Avoid Roaming Charges When You Travel Internationally

7 Amazing Underwater Hotels Around the World

The 15 Most Beautiful Cities in the Entire World

How to Spend the Perfect Long Weekend in London

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Adorable New Photos Of Will And Kate Will Give You Royal Wedding Déjà Vu

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We’d all love to repeatedly relive the magic that was Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding. And it looks like they’ve done just that.

Will and the former Kate Middleton attended the Royal Ascot in Ascot, England on Tuesday in looks that were only slightly less fancy than what they wore to their nuptials in 2011.  

Kate even stuck to wearing Alexander McQueen, the fashion house that designed her iconic wedding gown, for the occasion. She looked lovely in a white lace dress and matching fascinator. Will looked like a groom handsome in a suit and large top hat. 

When Will and Kate weren’t busy looking painfully adorable, Kate was engaging in one of her other strong suits, managing to kiss people hello while also wearing an elaborate headpiece. 

Can you say “vow renewals?”

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Daniel Day-Lewis Announces Retirement From Acting

Daniel Day-Lewis, three-time Oscar winner and perhaps the “greatest actor alive,” is retiring from acting

“Daniel Day-Lewis will no longer be working as an actor,” a spokesperson for the “Lincoln” star said in a statement to Variety. “He is immensely grateful to all of his collaborators and audiences over the many years. This is a private decision and neither he nor his representatives will make any further comment on this subject.” 

Day-Lewis, 60, currently has one film in post-production, Paul Thomas Anderson’s “Phantom Thread,” which is set to hit theaters this Christmas. The movie follows a dressmaker in London in the 1950s who’s commissioned to design clothing for members of high society and the royal family. Day-Lewis will reportedly promote the film, an individual familiar with his plans told Variety. 

The “Gangs of New York” actor, whose career in Hollywood has spanned decades, has been praised for his talent and ability to get lost in his roles.

He is the first actor to ever win three Best Actor Oscars ― first, for his role in “My Left Foot: The Story of Christy Brown,” then, for playing an oil man in “There Will Be Blood,” and finally, for playing President Lincoln in “Lincoln.” He was also nominated for his roles in “Gangs of New York” and “In the Name of the Father.”

As Variety notes, Day-Lewis also took a break from acting in the late ’90s to reportedly work as a cobbler

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Um, Michael Phelps Is Racing An Actual Shark On TV

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Michael Phelps, it seems, has lived at least one day of his life like Shark Week.

In a program dubbed “Great Gold vs. Great White,” the 23-time Olympic gold medalist will be racing a shark as part of the Discovery Channel’s annual weeklong celebration of cartilaginous fish. The showdown is set to air July 23. 

“An event so monumental no one has ever attempted it before,” reads a press release. “The world’s most decorated athlete takes on the ocean’s most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark — the race is on!”

While Phelps is known for his superhuman, made-for-swimming wingspan, great white sharks can grow up to 15 feet in length and reach speeds as high as 35 mph (they generally cruise at around 5 mph, though). Phelps’ fastest swim was clocked in by ESPN at 6 mph, for comparison. 

Still, we have some questions. Does the shark know the parameters of a race, for example? Will there be a protective cage of sorts involved? Will Phelps wear flippers in order to make things a little more even? Can the shark actually agree to this? What??

Shark Week will return to Discovery Channel the week of July 23.

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Dad Celebrates Win After Church Adds Changing Table To Men's Bathroom

A dad in Oregon has helped out many other fathers by encouraging his church to add a changing table to the men’s bathroom.

Clint Edwards, the dad of three behind “No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog,” wrote on Facebook on June 16 that his church didn’t have a changing table in the men’s bathroom, which frustrated him.

“As a father with a young child I really hate when I can’t change my kid,” he wrote. “This isn’t to say that I enjoy changing a squirmy poopy toddler. I don’t. No one does. But I dislike placing the full burden of changing every single diaper on my wife even more. This whole parenting gig is a partnership.”

In October, former President Barack Obama required both men’s and women’s bathrooms in publicly accessible federal buildings to have changing tables after he signed the Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, also known as the BABIES Act, into law. In 2015, Ashton Kutcher started a Change.org petition asking Target and Costco to ensure both their men’s and women’s bathrooms had changing tables.

However, Edwards told HuffPost it’s still “pretty common” for him to go into men’s bathrooms in other buildings and discover there isn’t a changing table. In his post, he pointed out that he realized not all women’s bathrooms included changing tables, but they commonly have one more often than men’s bathrooms. 

Edwards told HuffPost he mentioned the lack of a changing table to some of his church leaders about a month ago in a meeting. He said everyone quickly “got on board” with his idea.

“I was one of two younger fathers in the room, and we were both frustrated by the situation,” he told HuffPost. “The mothers in the room were thrilled with the idea of adding a changing table. It actually went a lot smoother than I thought. I honestly just needed to speak up. Although, I don’t know if it’s always this easy.”

According to Edwards, the church installed the changing table last week. In his post, he celebrated the change, calling it “a win.”

“It’s one men’s room out of a million,” he wrote. “But for me, as an active father with a desire to care for my child, it was a serious victory.”

The HuffPost Parents newsletter, So You Want To Raise A Feminist, offers the latest stories and news in progressive parenting.  

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Trump Budget Director Wants To Slash Spending For Agencies — Except His Own

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WASHINGTON ― While President Donald Trump and Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney propose deep cuts to the social safety net ― as well as thousands of fewer jobs at agencies like the Department of State and the Environmental Protection Agency ― Mulvaney is asking Congress to increase one aspect the federal bureaucracy: his own office.

When Mulvaney goes before a House appropriations subcommittee on Wednesday, he will be asking for modest increases to the OMB budget and the office’s full-time employees. He wants to boost the OMB budget 8.4 percent, from $95 million to $103 million, and add 30 employees to the staff of about 465.

Mulvaney’s spokespeople did not respond to requests for comment. Democrats, however, were happy to point out the apparent hypocrisy.

“With 30 additional people, hopefully the OMB will have enough employees to double-check its math and realize the extreme harm the Trump Administration’s budget will inflict upon millions of Americans,” Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.), an Appropriations Committee member and Trump budget hater, told HuffPost in an emailed statement.

Mulvaney’s request isn’t far out of line with what former OMB Director Shaun Donovan sought in the last Obama budget. Donovan wanted $101 million, and 10 additional full-time employees.

But Donovan didn’t simultaneously want to slash spending elsewhere.

Throughout his time as a member of Congress, Mulvaney branded himself as a fiscal hawk, and during his short time as Trump’s OMB director, he hasn’t shied away from proposing deep cuts at other federal agencies.

The Trump budget would cut 3,800 jobs from the EPA alone, as well as 2,000 from the State Department ― 25 percent and 8 percent respectively. The Department of Agriculture would get a 20.5 percent funding reduction, and the Department of Labor 19.8 percent. In fact, every Cabinet-level agency except the Department of Defense, the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Veterans Affairs would see a substantial reduction in funding.  

Just because Trump’s budget suggests these funding levels doesn’t mean they are likely to become law. Those top lines do, however, serve as a starting point for congressional appropriators, who will craft the funding legislation that could eventually wind up on the president’s desk. In other words, the Trump budget recommendations don’t have much of an impact on Congress, but they do influence discussion.

Republicans haven’t said what they plan to do with their own budget ― the House GOP plans to discuss it on Wednesday. If they want tax reform through reconciliation, most paths lead to lawmakers agreeing to their own spending blueprint first. And to achieve the balance that Republicans generally aim for, Budget Committee Chairwoman Diane Black (R-Tenn.) has hinted she will ask committees to follow through with severe cuts to federal agencies.

We’ll see if she asks the same of OMB.

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The Internet Made Lucy Hale Apologize For Body-Shaming Herself

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Never underestimate the sleuthing skills of a “Pretty Little Liars” fan. 

Lucy Hale landed herself in hot water this week after she body-shamed herself in the comments of a throwback Instagram.

The 28-year-old star wrote, “ugh I was so fat,” under a photo with her father, sparking an internet backlash about the kind of message Hale was sending to her mostly young female fans.

A post shared by Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) on Jun 18, 2017 at 2:39pm PDT

“Extremely disappointing to see someone that I consider a role model refer to themselves as ‘fat’ on a public platform where other girls can also see it,” one follower wrote. 

“Lucy I love you but please, you have never been fat in your entire life, there are people who are really fat and really struggle with their weight and maybe they look up to you so please do not say these things even as a joke,” another added. 

On Monday night, the actress and singer took to Twitter to address the backlash and apologize for the poorly received comment. The controversy, she admitted, served as an important reminder that her actions have a larger impact than she might realize. 

“Sometimes I forget that people are watching everything I do and I say things I don’t mean,” Hale wrote. “I’m extremely sorry if my comment about my weight offended anyone. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. I know people look up to me and I should be way more aware of what I say sometimes. Thanks for all the love and support. Hope y’all can forgive me.”

Hale has been outspoken about body image issues in the past, revealing that she overcame an eating disorder earlier in her career. 

“I’ve never really talked about this, but I would go days without eating. Or maybe I’d have some fruit and then go to the gym for three hours,” she said. I knew I had a problem … It was a gradual process but I changed myself.”

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