Hasta La Gadget!

This monstrosity is the Casio G-Shock MAN BOX, and it is the ugliest watch you will see. Ever.

The plastic timepiece, possibly conceived after a Casio designer accidentally drank a box of crayons and then vomited, is shock resistant, waterproof to 20 meters (65-feet) and anti-magnetic (?). That line-up of ruggedized features means that when you inevitably try to smash this thing to tiny, single-colored pieces, you will fail. In fact, if someone buys this for you as a gift, the two year battery life dictates the minimum period you will have to wear the MAN BOX before being able to legitimately toss it away.

There are other functions built-in, too, from the time (apparently), some alarms and a stopwatch. These will remain unused, however, as the face is so frickin’ cluttered that it is impossible to make out anything other than the eye-searing colors.

Amusingly, Casio seems equally embarrassed by the design. When I tried to drag the product shot to my desktop for this post, I found that it had been covered up by a transparent 1×1 pixel gif. Oh, and that MAN BOX name? It’s not what you think: There is actually a little plastic, identically-colored man in the box with the watch. The insults continue with the price, which is an equally eye-popping ¥19,000, or $210.

Finally, the inevitable, and tortuous, pun, trading on the product description (”embody the fusion of art and technology”), the name (”MAN BOX”) and the hideous splashing colors. To sum up, “art”, “MAN BOX”, colors: It really is a load of old Pollocks.

G-SHOCK MAN BOX [Casio via Akihabara News]

At first glance, Lace-amatic seems like a terrible idea, bringing needless complexity to something that is so simple we do it without thinking: tying your shoelaces. Consider it for a little longer, and Lace-amatic still seems bad, although the name is retro-fantastic.

The informercial-ready device consists of two sections. One is a peg with a slot and a handle. You slide the loosely-tied laces into the slot, and then slide the second section of the device – a flat plate – behind the laces. This plate holds the peg in place. When you want to tighten the shoe, just flip the lever. The peg turns and twists the laces with it. Once installed, you can flip the lever open and closed with your feet, so you don’t even have to bend down.

Buy one of these and you have just wasted $10. You might have more fun just burning the money. Seriously, it takes seconds to knot your laces. And before you all leave comments about people with stiff old bones who have trouble bending down, I’ll just say this: slip-on shoes. There’s no need to embarrass yourselves by adding a pointless plastic widget to your sneakers. Unless, of course, it matches your cellphone-holster and elastic-waisted jeans. In that case, go ahead. And can I interest you in a never-used fanny-pack?

Lace-amatic [Lace-amatic via Oh Gizmo!]

File under “Only in Japan”. On March 6th, if you are in the Akihabara district of Tokyo and you look up, you’ll see hundreds of pairs of girls’ panties. No, you haven’t shrunken into a tiny, homoncular, up-skirt pervert. Instead, you will be “enjoying” the launch of a thousand ornithopters fashioned from underwear.

Ornithopters are flying machines which flap their wings instead of spinning a propellor, and these panty-copters are powered by rubber bands. You will be able to buy a kit and send your own pair of panties into the Tokyo skies. We’d suggest making your own, but the idea is a little too disgusting.

It’s a publicity stunt, of course, and it will promote Japanese manga cartoon Sora no Otoshimono (What Fell from the Sky). The ornithopters will be launched as part of a larger event, the Sky Festival, which takes place down Akihabara way on that day. The Sky Festival will also see thousands of other model flying machines buzzing the heavens. If you are these, take photos and send them in to the Gadget Lab, and we’ll post them here.

Rumors that used panty-thopters will be packaged by schoolgirls and sold in vending machines are unfounded.

Ornithopter flying or Panties?! Humor Japanese manga [Hobby Media. Thanks, Francesco!]

See Also:

• Grandmaster Flashed: Kasparov Attacked by Flying Penis-Copter …
• Chinese Farmer Builds His Own Flying Machine
• Terrify Your Pets With WowWee's Toy Ornithopter
• GeekKids & Ornithopters
• Build an Ornithopher
• Japanese Schoolgirl Watch: Pervert-Proof Panties
• The World's Weirdest Vending Machines
• Pervert Alert: Japanese IPhone Shutter Sound Cannot Be Switched …

If you were to visit the Wired.com offices, you’d see more than one Timbuk2 bag slung carelessly on the floor, its owner off to grab a beverage from the Beer Robot to start the day. What you wouldn’t see is this new model, the Hidden messenger bag. Why? Seriously, are you asking that? Because it’s hidden, of course.

The Hidden is similar in concept to the foldable, stow-able shopping bags beloved of old ladies the world over. Only instead of being lame pleather-and-polyester pouches, the Hidden is a cool, recycled PET messenger bag, the kind of bag the hipsters love.

The Hidden starts off as package the size of a (large) wallet, and quickly expands into a shoulder bag, complete with cinch-able closures and adjustable shoulder strap. It’s perfect as an emergency bag, although it probably won’t take the punishment a regular Timbuk2 is happy to soak up. It is also just $30, so you could keep one inside you other messenger bag at all times, just in case.

Hidden Messenger [Timbuk2 via Oh Gizmo!]

There comes a time in every TV series when you know the show is desperately fighting cancelation. No, it’s not the episode where the main character meets their doppelgänger (although that is a good indication). It’s the one where the hero is saved from a deadly bullet to the heart by a cigarette-case/book/cellphone luckily placed in the breast-pocket.

As ever, when a home-made solution becomes well-known, it is quickly commoditized, and the The Damned is just such a product. The Damned is a bulletproof pocket handkerchief designed to protect the heart of the gentleman from well-aimed or wayward projectiles. The 270 x 270mm (10.6-inch) square woven from “ballistic strength aramid fiber”, a material similar to Kevlar. But can a small fold of fabric really stop a bullet? From the blurb:

If a gun is aimed at you, fired, and the slug hits you, you will be hurt despite the properties of the square; The impact of the projectile itself is likely to fracture, crack or break your bones bones and bruise you. According to the specifications of the textile, a ballistic projectile such as a bullet will not pass through thirty two layers of this material. We take NO responsibility for those who feel compelled to test the endurance or resistance of the textile in any way.

We certainly won’t be calling this one in for a Gadget Lab review. Not through fear, you understand. No, we don’t need it because we already know a foolproof way to protect a gentleman’s heart: Stay away from girls. €95 ($137).

The Damned [Sruli Recht via