All right, I know that yesterday was April Fool’s day, and we sure as heck covered our fair share of crazy gizmos that will never see the light of day (or will they? We shudder at the thought), so while we are in full swing where April 2nd is concerned, here is my last take for April Fool’s this year – with the $299.99 Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp, of course.
This is one idea that would definitely score points with fanboys should it be released to the masses, but unfortunately, as of right now, it will remain within the figments of one’s imagination, just like the fantasy storyline that the building itself is based on. The Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp is touted to be an exact model of Barad-dûr, the Fortress of Sauron, where it has been expertly recreated from the movie, all the way down to the finest detail. The roving eye will continue to make sure you give your best at work, and this thing, without an eyelid, sure as heck is creepy! No way Incognito mode on your Chrome browser is going to let you off the hook now when it comes to visiting questionable websites while you are at work.
In the latest round of April fools, a number of high-profile companies have worked hard to make us smile at the office. We’ve selected our favorite gags of the day (with a tech twist obviously!) and while Google gets a commendation for being very prolific, others have done great April Fools gags too, here are our favorites, in no particular order:
Virgin Glass-Bottom Plane
The title says it all, really, but Virgin has come up with an interesting (or terrifying) concept with this glass-bottom plane. Can you imagine what it would be see through that bottom while you are at 10,000ft in the air? Actually, the landing would probably be the most interesting part of the trip — let us know which one you prefer in the comments. Can read the fake announcement from Richard Brandson. (more…)
April Fools’ Day is tough. Believe us. We know. It’s 24 hours of fake news, bad jokes and Gangnam Style references. But not all of it is the internet equivalent to lining a toilet with plastic wrap. Sometimes, good stuff manages to slip through the proverbial cracks in the web. After the break, check out some of the holiday’s highlights. If you dare.
With the introduction of Google’s Chrome and stepped-up games from the likes of Internet Explorer and Safari, Firefox is arguably not quite the darling of the browser wars it was when it first hit the scene in 2003. And while Mozilla has certainly made progress on that front, the organization understands that diversifying is an important factor in the future success of the company, first through Thunderbird and more recently through the Firefox OS, a mobile operating system targeted toward users in developing nations. G-Fox, meanwhile, marks a decidedly different direction for the foundation, which has made its name in the world of software. It’s an adorable attempt, perhaps, to take the world’s bedrooms and playrooms by storm.
The plush is the real-world port of G-Fox, Mozilla Online China’s large-headed, big-eyed take on the American mascot, Kit. The fox was first spotted in the wild at last year’s Mobile Asia Expo in Shanghai. Mozilla Online wasn’t talking it up too much at the event, but naturally, we couldn’t wait to get our hands on an early build. And for a first-generation product in a new space, we have to say, in the whole time we’ve been playing around with G-Fox, we’ve yet to encounter a single crash or slowdown in spite of extensive squeezing, head patting and tossing up in the air, adorably.
This has been a year of fundamental changes for BlackBerry; shifts in the company’s core, beginning with a change in name from Research in Motion to the far less cumbersome — and more familiar — BlackBerry. The change to BlackBerry also brought the introduction of BB 10, a more advanced and modern operating system that aims to put the smartphone pioneer on an equal footing with the likes of iOS and Android, OSes that have robbed it of a good deal of market share with BlackBerry’s efforts apparently focused elsewhere.
The Z10, the first handset to take advantage of the new operating system, has earned decent to good reviews, though reviewers and consumers alike seem intent on holding out for its counterpart, the Q10, which harnesses that core competency that has helped the company maintain so many loyal users: the QWERTY keyboard. And then there’s this, the BlackBtrry Water Game (pronounced, we assume, “BlackBattery”), a strange, typoed beast, which may mark yet another fundamental shift for the smartphone market as we know it.
So you want to be a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist, but lack the looks, smarts and money to play the role? Never mind then, you can always dress up in Tony Stark’s alter ego, the mechanized Iron Man who seems to be invincible when it comes to taking in all the heavy hittin’ from enemies, regardless of which dimension that they come from. In a nutshell, this Iron Man suit might just be the only weapon you will ever need, although it still puzzles me where does Tony Stark go when he wants to relieve himself in the midst of battle. This Iron Man suit will not come cheap either, as it carries a price tag of £250,000, which is a relative bargain when you compare to what it offers. I would dare say that a full fledged Iron Man suit packs far more firepower than a couple of F-35s, and yet to cost a mere drop in the ocean compared to those futuristic jet fighters? It is a steal.
Specially crafted from a mix of steel and carbon, it will also ensure that the iconic red/gold Iron Man colors are featured for easy identification. The Mark XLVII headset utilizes projected holographic technology, while the presence of hand-mounted stabilization jets ensures that you do not simply fall out from the sky. Those will work in tandem with the thigh-mounted flare development system, helping deliver optimum flight control, while there are cameras located on the shoulders as well as wrists for improved flight-safety.
All right, so it sounds so out of this world, that there might just be a sliver of truth to it, no? Unfortunately, our dear readers, this Iron Man suit that you have just read about is as real as Tony Stark himself – both of them do not exist in our reality other than being a figment of our overactive imagination. Imagine how many of such suits would the rich of the world purchase if it were to be true!
Well, well, what do we have here? It seems that Nokia, the smartphone company from Finland that used to dominate the mobile phone market, is about to take the plunge into the home appliances market with a microwave, of all products. I say, why not? After all, the humble microwave might not be a centerpiece in your newly renovated kitchen, but it sure as heck is one of the most important pieces of the kitchen puzzle. After all, it is the microwave that helps you heat things up in the blink of an eye, making sure that those TV dinners which you bought would taste absolutely delicious in a matter of minutes. This microwave is called the Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, which happens to be a touch-screen microwave oven – perhaps it is a sign that expertise from their Windows Phone 8-powered smartphones being handed down?
The Nokia Constellation will set itself apart with a superfast, water-cooled 8-core high-voltage transformer, where it is capable of delivering a combined performance of 5,000 watts to end-users, allowing one to heat up turnkey meal solutions in a matter of seconds. Olavi Huhtikuu, Nokia’s director of household innovation, said, “Nokia has a proven track record and extensive IPR in working with microwave radios, so for us this was a logical next step. We can attack our competition in their core business. That’s why we developed the highly innovative 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, which will revolutionize everything from single households to canteen kitchens”
Other innovative features in the new Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 include eye-tracking technology that ensures food will stop rotating whenever you look at it, and it will even be able to adjust the temperature automatically, depending on just how hungry you look. Expect the Constellation to ship from Q2 onwards at a suggested retail price of €399 a pop.
Just in case you were wondering whether this sounds way too good to be true, or that it is just a hoot to hear the Finnish smartphone company venturing into the consumer electronics and home appliance segments of the market, do remember that today is April 1st, and what you have just read is, indeed, too good to be true.
Listen, when you work hard (and play hard) the way we do, your hands are going to get dirty from time to time. In fact, if we’ve got one piece of advice for frequent trade show attendees, it would be: wash your hands. A lot. Of course, a clean water source isn’t always waiting for you between booths — when that happens, there’s no beating a well-placed bottle of hand sanitizer. But while the likes of Purell and its ilk have traditionally done the trick, we’ve always longed for a solution that could combine our sanitization obsessions with our passion for casual gaming. That wait, mercifully, is now over, thanks to a groundbreaking partnership between the fowl flingers at Rovio and those Ph.D.s in oral care products (the Firefly Hello Kitty toothbrush, anyone?): Dr. Fresh.
Part of the industry-leading Infectiguard Kids line, Angry Birds Hand Sanitizer offers a slim and slick profile, perfect for tiny hands. The twist-off lid is located at the bottom of the bottle, pointing in a downward orientation when positioned as intended. The whole thing is supported by a carabiner laced through a loop in the top of the skinny bottle, so the sanitizer can be suspended from a backpack, messenger bag or other carrying case for easy access to its cleansing contents. And at 1.8 fluid ounces, the whole thing comes in well under the TSA’s carry-on liquid restrictions.
Happy April First, errybody! Yes, that’s right, we’ve reached that special, inimitable time of year. April Fools Day 2013. At TechCrunch, we have a long history of taking April Fools seriously. Deadly, deadly seriously. So, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to create a master list (which will be updated throughout the day) with the best tomfoolery, pranks, WTFs and LOLs the Internet and the tech industry have to offer.
All night and all day, whatever it takes. If a company close to you happens to break out its clown shoes in what can only be an eye-rolling effort at being funny (really, the one time of year we indulge terrible nerd jokes publicly), please alert us in the comment section. And, again, thank you for your help in advance.
We’ve tried to separate the good from the bad and the ugly — and highlight the stuff that’s actually funny — sometimes with success, sometimes not.
So here they are.
(And, again, for our annual disclaimer: If you’re one of those folks who finds April Fools stressful because you’re constantly subject to punkings courtesy of your co-workers, rest assured that we at TechCrunch would never do that to you. Never. Never ever.)
The Best:
Google Nose
You have to give Google props. They always take April Fools Day pretty seriously, and cats are usually involved. But this year Google is poking fun of its Glass Project with some olfactory goodness. Google Nose. Smells galore. You’ve probably been wondering what Google does with all that information that it tirelessly indexes for its search engine, combing the Web with Page Rank to serve you moderately usable results. Well, it’s also been collecting scents.
Now, as Greg reports, instead of paying hundreds or thousands for its newest piece of sexy hardware, Google is now letting you type your favorite scent into its search engine, tap the “smell button” and inhale to your hearts content. Just try not to sneeze on your monitor.
YouTube? More like NOTube, amirite?
That’s right. You heard it here first. Jordan broke the news Google has decided to shut down YouTube. After eight years, the company revealed that the whole thing has actually been an American Idol-like competition. Thank god, because for those of us that were taught that life is a competition — no enjoyment necessary — well, we’ve been a little suspicious of YouTube.
But the company has finally revealed that the competition that we know as YouTube is coming to a close, and that an expert panel of judges — YouTube celebrities themselves — will choose the winners. But don’t expect the winners to be announced any time soon. The judges will spend the next decade sifting through YouTube videos to choose said winners. Tomorrow, at midnight, the site will shut down and all content will be deleted. When it reopens in 2023, the only remaining video will be the winner. Frankly, it all makes perfect sense.
The hits just keep coming for The Googs. Next stop on the April Fools Google Train? “Gmail Blue.” That should explain itself, but just in case, it took Google “six years to develop the technology” to turn Gmail blue. Google turns nine tomorrow, and it might as well just go for it.
A poke at Facebook? Who’s to say?
You Got Vowels? Give Twitter Money.
Twitter has announced Twttr. Who needs vowels, am I right? Not you. Or Twitter. Twitter’s new “two-tiered” service includes a free portion called “Twttr” where each tweet (or “twt”) shall contain nary-a-vowel. But just in case that has you up in arms, you can have your stinkin’ vowels back, but it will cost you $5/month.
Pretty minimal price to pay for the fundamental building blocks of, you know, the English language and all. But because Twitter is ever-the-beneficent social network, it will offer the “sometimes Y” free of charge. Well, isn’t that precious? Oh, and thankfully URL vowels are free. Twitter’s not into the whole “hidden fees” thing, you understand. It’s almost like that April Fools joke where Facebook tried to make you pay $1 to message strangers. Oh wait, that actually happened.
It seems like an angry intern has wiggled his way into Netflix’s genre system, with all sorts of new genres popping up for the first time today.
Other family favorites include “Movies That Are In English But Still Require Subtitles”, “Movies With Epic Nicolas Cage Meltdowns”, and my favorite, “Surreal Ballets Based on a William Shatner Album” which just lists William Shatner’s Gonzo Ballet 50 times.
The White House
This is the best April Fools of all. Maybe all time.
Square + Box = ?
What do you get when you add a square to a box?
WRONG.
And if you said, four dimensions, a hypercube, cubity-cube, a “Squa-ox” or a “Buh-square” you were especially wrong — and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, what you actually get is a Polyhedron. [Memorize that: Because it will be a question on technical interviews at both Square and Box.] That’s right. Today, @levie and @jack two random dudes of the evil masterminds behind Box and Square have decided to merge their companies into one strangely-shaped geometric phenomenon known as a Polyhedron.
As the announcement explains, drawing on ancient and long-forgotten texts, only the greatest of Business Gurus understand the deep interplay between Shapes and Startups:
Sometimes companies merge because of strategic fit, culture, and shared vision. And while we think these are certainly compelling reasons to join forces, sometimes the real strategic value is in similar names.
Om. Let the wisdom wash over you, small business owners and enterprise CIOs. Building a lasting business is all about understanding the interplay of shapes within free markets. Look it up. So, clearly, we can expect great things from Polyhedron.
The blog post continues:
This is just the beginning. In the future, we will look to aggressively roll up other shape-inclined companies. And while we’re biased towards right angles, that will not limit our ambitions.
After all, simplicity isn’t just about focus. It’s about disrupting traditional ways of thinking about all the shapes around us, and how these shapes can fit together.
Following Samsung’s lead, Jack and I will be looking for a third co-CEO, given that triangles are the optimal executive shape. Polyhedron will be located in Union Square in San Francisco.
To all aspiring founders out there, take the above nugget of wisdom, put it next to your ear and let it whisper truth into your brain. Yes, the true power of leadership and management is derived from the almighty love triangle. Let it be known. Amen.
A Brief History Of Uber Time
Today, Uber has released the first true, authorized history of how it came to be. In a chronology that reaches back through the ages, the Uber Elders teach us that the concept that has defined a generation of on-demand luxury car rides first landed in America in the year of our Lord, 1849. It was at this point that: “Jeremiah T. Uber and his three sons arrive in the port of San Francisco from Panama. They open Uber & Sons, a modest dry goods store catering to gold miners and prospectors. With his venture capital funding running low, Jeremiah pivots the business into providing on-demand horse-drawn carriages.”
But hard times were ahead, thanks to the Great Depression:
1929: The Great Depression nearly sinks Uber’s business when a stock market crash and 25% unemployment severely curtails public desire for private chauffeurs.
A desperate foray into on-demand food delivery backfires when Uber is criticized for using dynamic pricing to charge more for turkey on Thanksgiving.
Glass-bottomed boats are so last year. That’s why Virgin is stepping it up a notch with the world’s first-ever glass-bottomed plane. Richard Branson proves himself to be a peerless innovator yet again:
We hope to trial the glass bottom technology with other Virgin airlines in time and have asked other Virgin companies to support this innovative trial and launch our new domestic Scottish route. This really is a team effort from all corners of Virgin.
Speechless.
Sony For Pets
Sony is releasing a new “Animalia” line of products for your tech product-starved pets. And they’re really “stoked” about it. As are your pets, no doubt. Because your hamsters need to test out those Beats headphones you bought them for Christmas.
According to Sony:
The introductory line-up includes Sony-branded products targeted at owners with dogs, cats and hamsters, with additional devices and networked services slated for release later this year. Check out this video to learn all about our new K9 4K TV, M3-OW KittyCans, and In-Cage Speakers.
ThinkGeek
ThinkGeek has a whole new line of April Fools products that are fun for the whole family. Like this “Eye Of Sauron Desk Lamp.” My apologies if your order doesn’t go through. I’ve already bought 50 of them.
Archeological analysis has confirmed that our Google Maps Street View team has indeed found one of history’s long lost relics: a treasure map belonging to the infamous pirate, William “Captain” Kidd.
The map was found on a recent expedition in the Indian Ocean, as part of a deep-water dive to expand our underwater Street View collection. Captain Kidd was rumored to have buried his treasure around the world, and tales of a long-lost treasure map have lingered for generations.
Google+ Photos And +Emotion
Google+ now lets you add real emotions to your photos. This would be hilarious if 25 startups weren’t currently working on/pitching this idea — outside of Google+. Because the best Google+ April Fools joke is, really, well, Google+.
Google Analytics
Some users of Google Analytics may begin noticing that they have a few new international visitors checking out their sites. I’m just glad Google didn’t say that they were “totally out of this world.” Google is now including active visitors from the International Space Station, Control Room, who clearly have nothing better to do than to check out your WordPress blog. Here’s Carl to explain.
Is your house looking a bit tired and shabby? Want to make your narky step-aunt jealous? Trying to keep up with the Joneses but don’t have the money to complete an expensive reno?
Now you can give your house a lick of fresh paint for free on Street View with Google SCHMICK (Simple Complete House Makeover Internet Conversion Kit). Forgot to mow the nature strip? Deck it out with some fresh buffalo grass. Front steps falling down? Swap them out for doric columns and a pergola. Graffiti on the front fence? Cover it with so many palm trees people will think they’re on the Vegas strip.
Google’s Levity Algorithm
For your Google Apps pleasures:
Toshiba Gets A Console
That’s right. Today, Toshiba is announcing its first-ever gaming console: The Shibasphere. Look out, every gaming console ever made, past, present or future. The Shibasphere is here.
The Shibasphere features unprecedented computing power, a completely controller-free interface, and Logical Aggression Monitoring that deploys positive therapeutics to prevent emotionally devastating rage-quits. Available accessories include the Shibadome, Shibasuit and Shibatote that enhance the sound, motion detection and portability of the console, and also features:
12 core 3.5 Ghz Processors 8192 MB GDDR5 RAM Graphics Card 809.3b Infrared Motion Detection 1080p Full HD 7.1 Channel Surround Sound 5 Stereo Mini Jacks 8 HDMI Ports AC Power
SoundCloud’s Dropometer
Sometimes you just don’t know when “the drop” is going to hit in a song. Not sure what I’m talking about? If you’ve ever seen a Harlem Shake video, it’s that very short, euphoric moment where the music drops out for a second and suddenly everyone is dancing/humping something. (See a notable example from my alma mater here.) Well, now, using its patent-pending algorithm, SoundCloud will tell you when that “unpredictable and surprising moment” is going to happen, via The Dropometer:
… The Dropometer is designed to help you prepare yourself for the big moment, whether that means getting in the mental space where you can really break it down, or fixing yourself a fortifying snack.
While we first innovated the Dropometer around dubstep, we’ve identified broad utility for this new functionality across all genres. Look to the Dropometer to find out when to expect a key crescendo in a 17th-century symphony or the emotional climax in an episode of This American Life.
Love with Food Gon’ Get You High
Love With Food is announcing a new product line called Love With WEED — a monthly subscription that delivers a new high every month. For every box sent, we’ll plant a cannabis shrub along CA Route 1. It’s like Tom’s, but greener. Here it is.
Sphero PeaceKeeper
Robotics takes a step forward today with “Sphero — Peacekeeper Edition.” The robotics maker is now offering a super-sized version of Sphero that you can control from your smartphone or tablet. And cats love it. It measures 3-feet in diameter, weighs over 150 pounds but is totally fun and lightweight and agile. The future is now, people. GoSphero.
StumbleUpon
StumbleUpon has put together a big list of things you can to do prank your colleagues, family members and loved ones. See it here.
RunKeeper
The next revolution in running is here. Now. And it’s really big.
Despite the best efforts of my administration, prolonged partisan debates in Congress are preventing us from a solution to our mounting national debt. Instead of bickering over taxes, we’re taking a new approach: asking everyday Americans to chip in so we can pay off our debt once and for all.
With your help, it’s time to act. HELP PAY OFF our NATIONAL DEBT
Samsung’s Eco Trees
Really hilarious, Samsung: “Samsung Electronics announced Eco Trees, a smart, eco-friendly air purifier that runs on solar energy.” Get it? Chlorophyll? More like Bore-ophyll. Here are all of their fresh new Eco Tree products.
We are delighted to announce a significant new extension to Nokia’s product offering with the Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, a touch-screen microwave oven. The Constellation sets itself apart with a superfast, water-cooled 8-core high-voltage transformer, which brings a combined performance of 5,000 watts to end-users, letting them heat up turnkey meal solutions within seconds. ‘Nokia has a proven track record and extensive IPR in working with microwave radios, so for us this was a logical next step. We can attack our competition in their core business,’ says Olavi Huhtikuu, Nokia’s director of household innovation.
‘That’s why we developed the highly innovative 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, which will revolutionize everything from single households to canteen kitchens.’
The new Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 has even more innovative features. The device comes with the latest eye-tracking technology, which stops the food from rotating when you look at it, and it automatically adjusts the temperature depending on how hungry you look.
BMW Gets Into Strollers
With a royal baby due this summer, we are proud to announce the launch of our limited edition BMW P.R.A.M. (Postnatal Royal Auto Mobile). Available in Princess Pink or Royal Blue, this soft-top convertible has been designed using our EfficientDynamics technology. With two or four-wheel-drive, it rides as smoothly on a polo field as it does down The Mall and comes with air conditioning and built-in extendable flagpoles as standard. For those who are ‘too posh to push’ this masterpiece of motherhood even comes fitted with N.A.P.P.I.E. (Nanny-Assisting Petrol-Powered Injection Engine).
Roku Streaming Shades
You like streaming media? Do you like cool shades? Well, my friend, Roku has just the thing for you. Today, the company is announcing its so-called “Roku Streaming Shades,” the first “wearable Roku player.” Isn’t that essentially the idea behind Google Glass, you ask? You quiet down there, peanut gallery.
The company says that it designed its Roku Streaming Shades were designed with on-the-move TV watcher in mind: “Comfortable, silicone nose pads keep the lightweight frame securely in place on even the smallest-featured of faces. Our industrial designers worked side-by-side with fashion designers to create a frame that looks smart wherever you want to watch a movie secretly, whether it’s a dull work presentation or your child’s piano recital … Simple voice commands put you in control of Roku Streaming Shades.”
Oh, there’s more:
Roku Streaming Shades will support over 100 Roku channels at launch, with more to be added. Video is the star. Our research shows that users don’t want to use head-mounted displays to send text messages to people 10 feet away, learn the length of the Brooklyn Bridge or creep friends out by live casting a party. They want to veg out to marathon sessions of Homeland.
Two models of Roku Streaming Shades will be available:
Roku Streaming Shades – Plastic frames in tortoise shell, mulberry or onyx. Up to 720p video. 801.11 a/b/g/n. Bluetooth 4.0. Roku Streaming Shades XS – Aluminum frames in ultramarine, persimmon, cornsilk or dust storm. Up to 1080p video. 801.11 a/b/g/n (801.11n in 2.4 GHz and 5.0 GHz. GSM/EDGE, LTE connections (data plan $50/month for 50GB from to-be-announced wireless carrier). Bluetooth 4.0. Both models support voice commands via a built-in microphone and audio output with speakers and a stereo headphone mini-jack. A mini bluetooth Roku remote makes it simple to skip songs on Pandora when you don’t want to appear to be talking to yourself. The rechargeable lithium-ion battery provides up to 10 hours of video streaming bliss.
Microsoft’s Sad Bing Entry
Google has some 100 April Fools jokes, and here’s Microsoft/Bing’s. How many managers do you think this had to go through before finally getting approved?
Every day on the Bing homepage, we strive to bring you a picture of the world that you’ve never seen before. Just a single image a day, but always something memorable and beautiful. But for all the variety we’ve explored through the thousands of images we’ve showcased on our homepage since 2009, there are still internet searchers for whom full motion videos of South Pacific beaches, images of exploding geysers or 3-D underwater scenes are just too engaging. Indeed we’ve been told many people come to Bing to find the name of the movie with tom cruise and a unicorn only to get lost for days clicking around the homepage image.
So we ran some numbers on this unique online behavior, did some ethnographic research to study habits and tastes; and then took a shot at redesigning Bing’s homepage to discourage this behavior of exploration and discovery. So today we’re running a special test, where if you visit bing.com and enter a certain telltale query, you’ll get something a little more bland. We decided to go back to basics, to the dawn of the Internet, to reimagine Bing with more of a 1997, dial-up sensibility in mind. We may see some uptick in our numbers based on this test, but the main goal here is just to learn more about how our world would look if we hadn’t evolved.
We probably won’t be going in this direction long-term, but we’re always interested in your thoughts, so please let us know what you think by hitting us @bing and use #bingredo if you’re feeling fancy.
– Michael Kroll, Principal UX Manager, Bing
Bonobos: The Girlfriend Jean
Bonobos, the men’s luxury apparel company, has come out with a new line today called “The Girlfriend Jean,” which purports to take everything a “woman looks for in jeans, and stitches it together in a way men can understand. Because sometimes a guy’s favorite pair of jeans aren’t guy jeans at all.” Confusing, we know, but your girlfriend’s gonna love it.
AnyRoad
Travel startup AnyRoad has a Kim Jong Il tour for $25 million Japanese yen. Just so you know. The image below makes it worth it.
Juniper
Juniper, “a startup that is providing monthly deliveries of items that a huge segment of the population absolutely needs on a monthly basis: Tampons and sanitary napkins,” according to Colleen’s recent coverage, doesn’t want to leave guys out of the equation.
Today, it’s releasing a limited time “Man Pack” that has all that many stuff that you need to be a man. No, not Old Spice, but industrial-grade lighters, motor oil, beard trimmers and presumably other stuff to cut, maul or stab things. Find it here.
Mixpanel
Mixpanel, the realtime web analytics platform, is announcing today that it has identified a little market opportunity. A little market opportunity called Big Data. Of course, Mixpanel hasn’t been the only one to get excited about Big Data. So, three years after graduating from YC, Mixpanel is pivoting. Pivoting big time, shifting its focus from “Big Data to Bigger Data.” Yep, that’s right. You heard it here first.
Simple’s CA$H$IMPLE
Online banking service, Simple, has a lot of cash just lying around. You know how it is. C.R.E.A.T. So, the startup created a new tool that lets you take a picture of your cash, and presto, instantly deposit that cash into your account. Technology! What do they call this thing of beauty? Why, CA$H$IMPLE, of course.
Here’s their explanation:
Until now, Simple customers had to turn cash into money orders, and then deposit using Photo Check Deposit. As one very clever Twitter follower of ours has noted, that’s not very Simple! We agree, and that’s why today, we’re thrilled to announce CA$H$IMPLE!
CA$H$IMPLE is the perfect way to keep your cash in order. Just like all the tools we’ve built, CA$H$IMPLE has the beauty and simplicity of use you’ve come to expect from our team. It works like this: just stack your cash (US Dollars only, Bitcoin support is in beta) in denomination from lowest to highest, then tap “Deposit Cash” on your Simple Activity screen. From there, enter the amount, snap a photo, and boom! Cash in your account. Immediately!
We know you’ll love how absolutely effortless it is to fund your account in this way
Social media has proven to be more than just a trend or a fad; even regulated industries like banks and government agencies are establishing social strategies to help them join the online conversation.
Executives crave a secure way to roll out a social media plan that benefits both the company and its customers. In response to demand for a simpler, more robust security solution, HootSuite has created a new product that is already flying off the shelves:
TripAdvisor/SniqueAway
TripAdvisor and SniqueAway are offering you a grandiose little vacation to Aunt Gerdie’s house. It’s just around the corner. Here’s the description:
One step through the squeaky screen door and you’ll know why you came to Aunt Gertie’s House: character. A screen-porch dining area allows for suburban views of Mr. Wilson’s hourly leaf-blowing demonstration, while sampling freezer-to-table fare is perfect for practicing that “Mmm, I swear it’s good” face. An outdoor above-ground pool makes enjoying the unkempt landscaping that much easier. And when it’s time to retire (like most of the permanent residents), “guest rooms” with Twin beds that “aren’t that bad” make anyone wonder how the term “bed” can be used so loosely.
True + Co’s Remote Control Bra
Online bra depot, True + Company, has released a new app today that allows you to “tap a button on your iPhone to remote control your cleavage.” Yes, it’s a Bluetooth-enabled bra “with built-in pump technology.” The “Max” setting is perfect for first dates, while “Light” allows you to take it down a notch for those more professional contexts. Check it out here.
At least once per decade (I’ve been at this evangelism thing for a long time), a potential customer will ask me1 if we have ever thought of building a cloud of mainframe computers. They recognize the benefits of cloud computing, but are reluctant to give up their Job Control Language, their decks of punched cards, their flowchart templates, and the incredible sense of job security that comes along with being the world’s oldest COBOL programmer.
In order to address this customer segment, we are launching our new Punched Card Cloud, or PC2 for short.
Beginning this spring, Seamless will launch “Deluxe Delivery” to give customers the ability to select who will deliver their food. Don’t be surprised when a supermodel gently knocks on the door, whispering, “Your food is here.” And when they say “supermodel,” they really mean …
Revision3
In the wake of G4′s recent rebranding as Esquire, Revision3 was faced with a difficult question: What is the future of media today? We’re happy to announce that the future of media today is here NOW! And it’s magazines! That’s right! Rev3 is rebranding itself as magazines. And not just any magazines… ALL MAGAZINES! Say goodbye to tech reviews, video game analysis and science news. And say hello to the paper cut free online magazine experience!
Instacart Puppies
Unlimited puppies delivered, on-demand to your doorstep? Even the most heartless and jaded among us have to enjoy that idea. Well, thanks to Instacart, you just got puppies.
A New Look For Highlight
Today, Highlight is looking to address what is clearly the most controversial part of its business: That blurry logo. In a blog post today, Highlight shared the latest incarnation of its notorious logo.
The company explains:
…You probably know that the Highlight logo is a controversial piece of design. Many designers praise it and debate its merits on Quora, while others protest its existence through comments on blog posts, subtle URLs and tool tips, and nuanced opinion pieces. It’s like visual cilantro: You either love it or it feels like soap in your eyes.
In an effort to keep the brand fresh, we’ve been hard at work on a visual redesign of the logo that we are thrilled to share with you today:
Find an elucidation of the particulars and deep design theory that went into the production of this whizbang new logo here.
Today, Hulu is announcing that it is releasing a new slate of classic TV shows, and, just in case you thought Netflix or Amazon might already be on top of it, this content is totally exclusive. Starting today, you’ll be able to binge on every episode from any season of sci-fi cult classic “Inspector Spacetime,” uber-bloody children’s series “The Itchy & Scratchy Show,” compulsively watchable “MILF Island,” and more.
According to Hulu, it also has another top-billing surprise:
In an effort to bolster our movie line-up, we’re also proud to bring you “The Rural Juror,” winner of multiple awards including “Most Unpronounceable Film” at the Cannes Film Festival and “The Daytona High School Movie Night Participation Award.”
Coursera Gets A New Course
Coursera is really stepping up its game today. Some have mocked MOOCs and online education as trivial, a passing fancy and have said that they’re “of low quality.” Well, Coursera wants to show you what’s what with the newest addition to its roster of free, online courses: Underwater Basketweaving. Yep, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried to weave wicker in the deep end during public swim.
Birchbox Gets All Meta
At long last, there’s a Birchbox for boxes. That’s right. A box of boxes. Box-ception, if you will.
Queueing Theory Lets Any App Offer A Mailbox-Like Reservation System (Even If It’s Just For Building Buzz) — This was a great one. In this post, Sarah shows that she is well-skilled in the Art of Parody. Just to break it down for you … True: This startup isn’t real, and, yes, about 200 people signed up for the beta. Possibly True: We will be teaching a class called “Sarcasm, Satire And You” for anyone audacious enough to sign up. Also, Sarah may or may not take this business idea to VCs to see if she can prove/disprove the Series A Crunch. False: This startup is real.
Facebook In Talks To Buy Bang With Friends — Even if this isn’t exactly true, I wouldn’t be surprised if Zuck/Facebook churns out a clone in the next month or so. Hey, they did it for Snapchat, and that’s just a sext-ing app, right?
YouTube and GoogleMaps are getting the ball rolling today. According to the release above, YouTube is not actually a video viewing and sharing site, but an 8-year contest to find the best video anyone can make. And GoogleMaps now has a treasure map layer. Nice, we see what you did there. [CNET] More »
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All right, I know that yesterday was April Fool’s day, and we sure as heck covered our fair share of crazy gizmos that will never see the light of day (or will they? We shudder at the thought), so while we are in full swing where April 2nd is concerned, here is my last take for April Fool’s this year – with the $299.99 Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp, of course.
