I can’t do it. These photographs by photographer Jimmy Kong are absolutely fantastic in capturing the venomous detail of spiders in their habitat. They look positively alien and almost peaceful. But don’t you dare think that. Not for a second. Because once you think these fur ball mini aliens come in peace, the spiders are going to leap off the screen and rip your freaking head off.
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Almost everything looks cooler when it’s filmed in slow motion, right? Explosions, athletic feats of achievement, glass breaking, water pouring, fireworks shooting, highlights happening, fighting and pretty much everything else in the world. Except one thing. Beatboxing. It looks positively explicit in slow motion.
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I love the work artist/designer/mad doctor Jason Freeny. His Moist Productions shop has been showing us the fascinating humanoid anatomy of toys, animated characters and other objects for years. His new creations have reached new awesomely gross heights. Here’s a collection of some of his masterworks:
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Say hi to the Portuguese man o’ war. It’s purple, it’s clear, it looks like a balloon, it’s painfully venomous, but it’s not a jellyfish and you wouldn’t have to convince me too hard that it’s from an alien world. This Portuguese man o’ war, which other than being a fantastic name, washed up on a beach to freak people out (and to expose the alien hideout that is the ocean).
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Be careful when you go around smelling flowers now, you never know when that pretty pink thing is actually a mantis looking to strangle your nostrils to death. Like this Orchid Mantis. It looks like a perfect pink orchid but is actually a mantis in disguise that strangles the hell out of its prey.
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The New York Times has a great little short about ants, specifically their ability to both flow like a liquid and become a solid ball. It’s kind of gross but also pretty awesome in how twisted the duality is. Look at it above. On the left, it’s a thick, syrupy liquid. On the right, it’s a tight rubber ball.
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Crabs are red alien water tarantulas who regenerate like mutants. Just look at this crab literally climb out of its old shell and toss away that used exoskeleton like it’s a dirty pair of pants. So gross but so cool. I kind of wish I could shed skin like this. It’d probably be the most refreshing feeling ever.
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Get ready to hold a little vom down in your throat. These carpet-looking thingamajigs are actually cheese made with human bacteria, such as the kind you’d find in your belly button or in your nose or in your salty tears or on your skin or on your toe. It’s beyond gross and, if you really really think about it, makes the very idea of cheese seem disgusting.
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If you were Queen Tiye of Egypt’s parents you wouldn’t want to go to the Otherworld just with some bread and beer and wine and jewelry. You would like to eat a good ribeye beef steak, prepared with a mixture of fat, beeswax, and Pistacia resin.
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It’s not the visuals. Awesome astronaut Chris Hadfield told Conan that Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity perfectly captured the spectacular beauty of space. This is a man who actually spacewalked, people! We gotta trust his opinion since we’ll probably never see space. But one thing that wasn’t realistic? Sandra Bullock’s underwear.
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