Olympic Speed Skating Would Be a Lot Better if It Was Like Mario Kart

After two weeks of hearing about sports you’ve never cared to follow in the past four years, you’ve probably wondered why the short track skaters don’t just … you know … throw a blue shell at the end? And here we can see what would happen if they did.

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The Great and Secret Salt Heist That Saved the Sochi Olympics

The Great and Secret Salt Heist That Saved the Sochi Olympics

Believe it or not, salt is an incredibly important tool when you’re trying to keep a ski mountain running during a warm spell. Unfortunately, the organizers of the Sochi Games did not believe this fact, and late last week, that oversight almost ruined the Olympics.

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Why Olympic Mascots Are Always So Goddamn Creepy

Why Olympic Mascots Are Always So Goddamn Creepy

Every two years, the world takes part in a figurative dance that’s been decades in the making. First, it’s the iconic passing of the torch. Then, an epic, national-pride-filled opening ceremony. And, finally, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The holiest and most timeless of Olympic traditions: It’s time to mock the mascots.

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U.S. Bobsledder Busts Through a Door to Escape His Sochi Bathroom

U.S. Bobsledder Busts Through a Door to Escape His Sochi Bathroom

Team USA bobsledder Johnny Quinn got trapped in his Sochi bathroom while taking a shower when his door jammed and wouldn’t open. Luckily, the former NFL football player turned slider had more than enough muscle to breach what looks like a rather flimsy door.

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8 Viral Sochi Olympics Photos That Are Total Lies

8 Viral Sochi Olympics Photos That Are Total Lies

Thousands of images are pouring out of Sochi in the lead-up to the Olympics. And things don’t look great. There are unfinished buildings, a lack of winter weather, and an abundance of trash. But don’t believe every image you see. Like so much of what gets passed on social media these days, a lot of them aren’t exactly what they claim.

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How Sochi Is Making It Snow in a Subtropical Resort

How Sochi Is Making It Snow in a Subtropical Resort

So far, the Sochi Olympics has had its share of difficulties. But there might be a sort of reasonable explanation for that! You see, while Sochi’s organizers were letting everything else fall to the wayside, they were busy perfecting the one thing totally out of their control: the weather. Here’s how Sochi—which is reaching a high of 50 today—made it snow.

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Sochi’s Olympic Village Is Half-Built and Full of Trash

Sochi's Olympic Village Is Half-Built and Full of Trash

Sochi’s in bad shape. With two weeks to go before the most expensive Olympic Games ever, the sleepy city on the Black Sea sort of looks like a giant garbage dump. All it needs now is a giant torch to start a giant tire fire.

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Jamaican Bobsled Team Boosts Dogecoin’s Exchange Rate by 50 Percent

Jamaican Bobsled Team Boosts Dogecoin's Exchange Rate by 50 Percent

In an unusual convergence of Olympic sports, cryptocurrency, and 90s nostalgia, the Jamaican bobsled team is Dogecoin’s biggest hero this week. The team turned to the joke currency to raise money for its trip to the Sochi Olympics and, in doing so, raised the Dogecoin to Bitcoin exchange rate by 50 percent in just 12 hours.

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