Yes, better than canned beer. Those are the sacrilegious words of MEDEA co-founder Matt Sandy, speaking in this wonderfully chintzy spot on ABC about his company’s gimmicky vodka bottle. The hook? The bottle has a scrolling LED display on the side, with messages of up to 255-letters programmable by the user. If you’re a fan of low-quality TV, and awkward-looking men in badly-fitting suits, take a look:
At first the idea seems doomed. Who on Earth would pay $40 for a bottle as tacky as this one? And then you realize just how dumb and horny people get when they drink. You see the shot in the promo video where the guy walks off with a girl under one arm and a bottle in his hand? That’s what this is all about: getting laid. The boys will order this in a bottle-service bar for a few hundred dollars and start sending messages to the ladies. Here’s the proof, in the form of the tagline from the MEDEA site: “Unleash your inner poet, your inner poet, your inner philosopher, your inner flirt.” Terrifying.
Here’s where you expect me to point out the flaws, and you will not be disappointed. I give you exhibit A, the programming instructions. As you read, remember that these steps need to be carried out whilst intoxicated:
Step 1: Press the ON/OFF button
Step 2: Press the ENTER button to enter programming mode
Step 3: Press the P-U (UP) to select line (1-6) to save message in
Step 4: Press ENTER to confirm the line where the message will appear
Step 5: Press the P-U and P-D buttons to find the first character of your message, and press ENTER to save after each character selection. Note: space can be found after the letter Z.
Step 6: To finish, after you have selected the last character, wait until you see a blinking “A”, then press the ON/OFF to save the entire message.
You’re all set! Your message will now begin to scroll on the ticker.
Note: Do not leave the display on in the programming mode. Press either the P-U (DOWN) or the ON/OFF button to exit the programming mode.
What could possibly go wrong?
The vodka inside comes from Holland, a country well known for its vodka, and is triple-distilled like any other premium vodka. The ‘Worlds first customizable, programmable bottle’ is available in South Carolina and tacky bars all over the US.
MEDEA product page [MEDEA. Thanks, Valerie!]
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