The Ript Fusion is a “Revolutionary Torso-Enhancing Undershirt”. You, though, fat slob that you are, may call it a fake six-pack, or a man-girdle.
The idea is simple: instead of losing weight or geting off your butt to exercise, you buy a $60 undershirt that both squeezes in the floppier, flabbier parts of your upper body and at the same fakes sculpted abs and pert pectorals with a spandex and polyester “body panel”. Think of it as a padded boy-bra mixed with a tubular support bandage.
I need one. My six-pack was replaced by a fleshy party-keg a long time ago, and my chest, far from being the taut, flat pair of plates I used to sport, is now just wobbly and floppy enough to suggest the excess of rich, soft French cheeses that I gobbled down to gain such a fine physique. In short, I am the target customer.
But I won’t be buying one, and not only because I’d rather spend my $60 on beer than on body-sculpting underwear. No, I’m just too honest, and I would fear the embarrassment of getting my date home and then pulling the shirt off my “toned” body, only to see her face transforming from tantalized anticipation to revolted disappointment as my sausage-like trunk burst from its hi-tech casing.
Product page [Ript Fusion via Uncrate]
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