MODESTO, CA: Goodyear Satire Company–
Donald Trump told voters in Modesto, California last night that he has a solution to the Pythagorean theorem because there are “plenty of numbers.”
Trump made the shocking claim that he alone can determine the length of the diagonal of a right angle just by knowing the length of each of the sides. The problem has bedeviled generations of eighth graders.
“I will conquer Al Gebra,” Trump confidently predicted, and the crowd lept to its feet in cheers of USA! USA!.
Voters were clearly impressed.”Trump is a great businessman,” said long-haul driver Hank Treebranch of nearby Stockton. “Given two terms, I think he can even solve the Poincaré conjecture.”
Trump has previously promised to solve the problems of health care, immigration and radical Islamic terrorism through the sheer force of his mighty will. Rival Hillary Clinton has been much more cautious, meekly saying she will “try.”
Trump also teased that within his first 100 days in office he would explain why time only goes forward. “Or seems to,” he said with a knowing wink in his eye.
“The democrats don’t want to solve those problems because if they do, they won’t be needed anymore,” said the golden-haired septuagenarian child-king.
“Elect me and we won’t be dealing with these old problems,” Trump told voters. “We’ll have all new problems.”
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