What Would Happen If Microsoft Owned Firefox?

This article was written on October 26, 2006 by CyberNet.

Microsoft Firefox It has crossed all of our minds at one point or another but this is a more official idea on what would happen if Microsoft owned Firefox. In fact, there is a website dedicated to it:  MSFirefox.com.

Every application has some minimum requirements and this one wouldn’t be an exception:

  • A Credit Card
  • Microsoft(R) Windows(TM)/Vista Operating System
  • Microsoft(R) Mouse & Keyboard (Hyperlinks will NOT work without these)
  • Live(TM) Messenger (Required API to maintain dangerous CPU temperatures)
  • Microsoft(R) Office 2007 (Provides the ability to scroll webpages)
  • Quad Core Processor (For loading Hotmail.com)
  • Any SLI Configured Graphics Card > 512mb (TO Display High Definition GIF Images)
  • 1024 MB of RAM (Compensation for Frequent Memory Leaks)
  • 483MB Disk Space

What kind of features does it have?

  • Enjoy a Better Web Experience
    MS Firefox 2007 delivers a dramatic boost in the download speeds of online pornography. By utilising a proprietary dynamic algorithm – anything that remotely resembles a tit or a boob will download up to 10 times faster. Fun at the speed of light!
  • Stay Secure on the Web
    Firefox 2007′s new TakeOver(TM) technology protects the Windows Kernel by automatically recognizing all McAfee and Symantec programs as viruses. Downloading has never been safer.
  • Interactive Multimedia
    Microsoft’s AKobe Phlash(TM) Plugin delivers awesome online interactive content; anything from music, videos to games. (Lawsuit from Adobe pending)
  • Personalize Your Browser
    Choose from three excellent browsing styles! Minimized, Maximized and Fullscreen!

And there are of course a few bugs that for some reason just can’t be squashed. Visiting the following sites using MS Firefox 2007 will cause your computer to shut down unexpectedly:

  • www.google.com
  • www.gmail.com
  • www.apple.com
  • www.itunes.com
  • www.yahoo.com
  • Any sites with the phrase: microsoft/windows/explorer/vista/bill sucks

Ahh, that was definitely a good laugh for today. At the bottom of the site it gives a donation link that takes you to Mozilla’s donation location. However, the disappointing thing was that the actual download links for the browser are for IE 7! Come on, I would have thought for sure Firefox 2 would be on there.

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