Dark Knight Motorcycle Suit for Bondage-Loving Bikers

tdk_promoEver taken your car or motorcycle for a spin and pretended that you’re Batman, racing through the dark streets of Gotham to release your anger by beating petty criminals to pulp? Then we may be able to interest you in the Dark Knight Leather Motorcycle Suit, an officially licensed replica of Batman’s S&M getup from the last two movies.

This suit is tailor-made for our own Brian X. Chen, who splits his days equally between personality-building activities: Kittens (shows sensitive side), work (what better place to practise your Twittering skills?) and searching the internet for leather biker boots ([redacted]). Chen would appreciate the cordura and spandex base, the removable body-armor and the molded leather and Kevlar sections. And it isn’t just the kinky boots he so craves: the suit is made up of jacket, pants, boots and gloves.

The suit isn’t on sale yet, but you can be it will be rather costly. Hopefully Brian will have some cash left over for a pointy-eared helmet and a nerdy utility belt.

Product page [Universal Designs via Geekologie]


Wallets Made From Old Moneybags

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Question: You have a stack of old, vintage moneybags, and a yen to make something out of them. What do you do? If you’re Etsy seller Rikkianne (aka. chakrapennywhistle), you do nothing. Conceptually, at least.

These wallets have gone from holding big stacks of cash to smaller stacks of cash, and are fashioned from old banking moneybags. Because the worn cotton sacks are all different, the wallets are too, although they have some features in common: double card pockets and a billfold at the back. The wallets are $35 each, so you should still have some cash left to put in them when you’ve bought one. Out of stock right now on Etsy, they should be back on sale next week.

Product page [Chakra Penny Whistle via Uncrate]


Ript Boy-Bra Sculpts Slobs Into Supermen

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The Ript Fusion is a “Revolutionary Torso-Enhancing Undershirt”. You, though, fat slob that you are, may call it a fake six-pack, or a man-girdle.

The idea is simple: instead of losing weight or geting off your butt to exercise, you buy a $60 undershirt that both squeezes in the floppier, flabbier parts of your upper body and at the same fakes sculpted abs and pert pectorals with a spandex and polyester “body panel”. Think of it as a padded boy-bra mixed with a tubular support bandage.

I need one. My six-pack was replaced by a fleshy party-keg a long time ago, and my chest, far from being the taut, flat pair of plates I used to sport, is now just wobbly and floppy enough to suggest the excess of rich, soft French cheeses that I gobbled down to gain such a fine physique. In short, I am the target customer.

But I won’t be buying one, and not only because I’d rather spend my $60 on beer than on body-sculpting underwear. No, I’m just too honest, and I would fear the embarrassment of getting my date home and then pulling the shirt off my “toned” body, only to see her face transforming from tantalized anticipation to revolted disappointment as my sausage-like trunk burst from its hi-tech casing.

Product page [Ript Fusion via Uncrate]


Solar Vest Charges Gadgets, Shreds Cred

solar vest

This is the Solar Vest. If you didn’t know that it was a solar vest, may we draw your attention to the giant, two-inch high letters on the back which spell out “SOLAR VEST”. This is, incredibly, touted on the product site:

In case your friends think this is only an ultra-fashionable vest, the words “SOLAR VEST” in big stitched lettering on the back let them know this is really a high-tech solar battery.

The vest, as you’d expect, is covered in expandable “nerd-pockets”, suitable for all kinds of devices, including the honking great charger and battery pack that comes with it. Also supplied are various tips to hook this charger up to your devices, and the pack will output 5V, 6V, 9V and 12-20V from its 8800mAh battery (roughly equivalent in storage to a nine-cell netbook battery).

It’s easy to scoff, but if you think of this as a replacement for a be-pocketed photo vest, only with added charging power, then it comes out looking a lot better, and at €100 ($140) it is actually quite a deal, considering I paid around that for just a netbook battery. Available now, possibly not washable, and with the following endorsement from the FAQ page:

Are chicks attracted to this solar vest?

Like moths to a light bulb.

Product page [Chinavasion via Geeky Gadgets. Thanks, Roland!]


Video: Parkour With Robots

This (fake) Nike ad is all kinds of awesome, but the thing that strikes me is that even parkour-busting robots wear hoodies, which appear to be the free-runner’s uniform. This, ironically, means that they can’t enter the malls which are the home of Nike stores, or not in the UK at least: Some years ago an unofficial ban came into effect after knee-jerking do-gooders kicked themselves in the teeth whilst frothing about the dangers of hoodie-wearing youths.

Why? Because wearing a hood and baseball cap hides your face from the CCTV cameras, something unthinkable in a surveillance state. Still, the ad rocks, especially as it is already two years old. It’s called “Exploit Yourself and was animated without commision by the Big Lazy Robot visual effects studio (who also worked on Transformers — the first, good, Transformers) and directed by Carl Rinsch.

Product page [Big Lazy Robot]


Transformer Cufflinks

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“Transformers, robots in the sky!” as I erroneously sang back in the schoolyard. These Transfomer cufflinks from Etsy maker Finkstudio do not, sadly, soar through the stratosphere, but they do transform from silver plated Decepticon and Autobot trinkets to silver plated Decepticon and Autobot cuff-fastenings. Let’s see the giant Optimun Prime manage that.

At just $20 the pair they’re almost criminally cheap, and this particular design has sold out. Check out Finkstudio’s store, though, and you’ll find all manner of geeky jewellery. Batman cufflinks, anyone?

Product page [Etsy via Geeky Gadgets. Thanks, Roland!]


Wrap Strap Cellphone Holder Repels Women

bluestrap

Along with the fanny-pack, nothing says “I’ve given up” like dorky cellphone holders. Wear any of the myriad nerd-holsters available today and you are essentially ruling out the possibility of sex for the rest of your life.

Take a look at this king of anti-aphrodisiacs, the Wrap Strap, from the people who brought you the awful Cell-Wrap. It’s a neck-strap which holds your cellphone at chest level, so you can fire up the speaker-phone and natter away without having to actually hold the handset. Promised benefits include “No more tired arms and hands” and “No more painful neck and ears”. Unmentioned side-effects include “No more credibility amongst friends” and “Guaranteed hatred of every commuter on the subway”.

The Wrap Strap will even work with cordless home phones, if you still have one. And at “just” $12 for what is essentially a length of webbing with a couple of velcro pads, you could afford one in each of the three colors.

Product page [Universal Cell Wrap]


Wrists-On With Casio’s Old-School Calculator Watch

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This is my new watch, acquired after an experiment in riding a fixed-gear bike whilst drunk resulted in the loss and/or theft of my old, twin-dialled watch.

Faced with buying a replacement, my geek-genes immediately kicked in and I picked up something I first yearned for as a d20-rolling, miniature-painting, ZX Spectrum-programming schoolboy: The Casio Calculator Watch. This is, according to the almost inch-thick instruction manual, the DBC-32. It cost me €35.

So, how is it? In short, it’s a fragile piece of junk, but I love it.

As you can see from the pictures, the watch, although barely a few days old, has already received some dings: both the the glass and to the bezel down below the keypad. The metal itself, chosen because it looked both classier and tougher than the plastic models, has more in common with a foil cupcake casing than actual metal. This has the advantage of making the watch very light, but the disadvantage of bruising as easily as a haemophiliac in a mosh-pit. In fact, the “brushed metal” finish is already well on its way to becoming a “scarred metal” finish.

But it’s all made up for in the functionality, right? Well, sort of. Apart from the obvious calculator mode, you also get a stopwatch (itself infinitely less useful day-to-day than a countdown timer), dual time, an alarm and a rather quaint “database” for storing “up to” 25 phone numbers. I didn’t buy this watch for any of these additions — I got it purely for the aesthetic — which is probably just as well. Modern interfaces, touch interfaces especially, have spoiled us. I still have the muscle memory from my digital watch-wearing school days to control this but faced with anything harder than switching on the backlight I reach in my pocket for my iPod Touch.

And about that light. You can set it to come on automatically when you tilt the watch to look at the screen. But there is a rather tiresome safety measure — if you choose the auto mode, it actually switches off after six hours to save on batteries. This is, of course, admitting that the function doesn’t work properly to begin with.

I tested the calculator. 2+2. The answer? Inexplicably, 2+2=1, until you realize that the plus and the division signs are rendered so as to be almost identical. I tried again and achieved the more usual answer of four. There’s a rumor on the street of an Orwell Edition which gives the answer five, although this is unsubstantiated.

Do I recommend this watch? Not really. I’d spring a little more and go for a more sturdy model, one which is perhaps water resistant, too. But it looks good, and despite the flaws it works perfectly as a timepiece. The final joke, though, is visible in tiny letters above the watch’s screen. Look closely and you’ll see the legend “10 Year Battery”. As if there would still be anything left to power in a decade’s time. $70.

Product page [Casio]


QR Buckle Advertises Your Web Site Above Your Crotch

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Remember QR codes? “Q what, you say?” You know, those blocky, two-dimensional “Quick Response” barcodes containing URLs, which direct your smartphone to said web site after you snap a photo of the code.

Oh, wait — QR codes aren’t very popular outside Japan, where most phones are shipped with QR-reading software — so you might not have heard of them. The technology isn’t very popular in Europe either, which is why an Austrian company called Fluid Forms is aiming to bring QR codes into the mainstream with custom laser-cut QR jewelry.

The company is starting with the QR Belt Buckle pictured above. That means you’ll be able to visit Fluid-Forms.com and enter a URL you’d like to advertise above your private parts. Then, the company will laser-cut your QR code into the buckle and ship it to you.

Nerdy and pretty cool. The belt buckle will be available May 27, followed by an entire line of QR jewelry including rings, brooches and cufflinks. No word on pricing yet, but the cheapest product on the site is 30 euros (about $40), so expect to pay at least that.

See Also:

Company Page [Fluid Forms]

Photo: Courtesy of Fluid Forms


Cocoon Bags for Ultimate OCD Organization

cocoon-bag

We like the look of these gadget bags from Cocoon, mostly because you can waste so much time configuring them to fit your gear. The Laptop Case (above) for example, is about as modular as can be. The 15” neoprene sleeve is removable, and the top half of the case contains one of Cocoon’s “Grid It” sheets, a flat panel covered with interwoven rubberized elastic strips. This is the smart part, and those strips let you strectch an select just the right place to secure your smaller gear. Imagine never digging around in the bottom of the bag for you emergency ethernet cable and you’ll see why we like it.

The Grid Its are available alone or combined in cases, messenger bags and totes. Prices run from around $30 for plain sleeves up to $130 for the full-on, all-inclusive model in the picture.

Product page [Cocoon via Uncrate]