Seven Taglines You Can’t Repeat Without Sounding Like an Asshole

There’s hardly a spokesasshole in the world of tech who doesn’t throw around some kind of tagline. And that’s fine because it’s his job, but there’s no reason for you to repeat those taglines. Especially any of these seven.

Droid Does

Verizon’s Droid commercials haven’t been around very long, but I already keep seeing various combination of “iDon’t” and “Droid does” being incorporated into everything from tweets to articles. (Hell, even we couldn’t resist it once or twice.)

I can sort of forgive occurrences of the tagline slipping into reviews or posts about the actual gadget, but several days ago I found myself overhearing a fellow practically reciting the first Droid commercial to mock his buddy’s iPhone preference. I seriously hope that I was in some sort of bizarro coffee shop or that maybe this guy was just an oddity. Please just skip this tagline, because I assure you: That guy sounded like a complete asshole.

There’s an App for That

C’mon. Be honest. How often have you slipped this gem of a tagline into a comment? And how often have you groaned or rolled your eyes because you saw someone else remark that there is in fact an app for that? It was barely funny the first few times, but at this point even your grandma is using it and that oughta tell you something.

And no, changing a word doesn’t make you sound like less of an asshole.

Think Different

Once upon a time, Apple’s “Think Different” commercial made me smile at its cleverness. Then I saw the commercial a second time and I cringed. It’s actually kinda cheesy and the tagline isn’t much better. No matter what the concept behind it is, it basically feels like it’s a nicely cut down version of the trite and overused “think outside of the box” and hearing it used feels just as irritating.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Unless you’re genuinely wondering if the person you’re talking to can hear you, there’s no way to not sound like an asshole when using the “Can you hear me now?” tagline. Not even in an ironic look-at-me-I’m-so-cool-that-I-can-say-this-to-mock-it way.

Besides, while I’m certain that he’s a nice fellow, do you really want to associate yourself with the slightly dorky-looking Verizon Guy?

It Keeps Going, and Going, and Going…

Last weekend I asked a friend how her date went. She remarked that he was like an Energizer bunny. And, as she thought I was confused by the expression, she continued to explain that he “kept going, and going, and going…” and it took me quite some willpower to not break down in tears on the spot. Someone so clever and lovely insisted on using a reference and a tagline so incredibly cliched that I’d initially thought I’d heard wrong. Please. Think of a better description for these things. (Especially since it’s probably inaccurate in that scenario since hardly gentlemen really manage to keep up with that darned bunny rabbit.)

Where Do You Want to Go Today?

Oh, as much as Microsoft’s good old “where do you want to go today?” annoys me, I actually crave to hear it sometimes. Such as in place of that grunt and nod I get from cab drivers. As with the “can you hear me now?” tagline, this one should only be used when you mean it literally and aren’t attempting to make an allusion to the commercial.

Intel Inside

I’ve seen “baby inside,” “beauty inside,” “goddess inside,” “whiskey inside,” and who-knows-what-else inside tshirts, bumper stickers, and undies. Unless I’m seriously mistaken, those are spin-offs to the ancient “Intel inside” and they’re not exactly funny anymore. I doubt that anyone can show me a single example of play on that tagline that won’t make me roll my eyes (but feel free to try). In the meantime: Let’s just not add to the ridiculousness.

Brutally Honest Ads: A More Honest Luke Wilson Shills for AT&T

The original Luke Wilson AT&T ads always struck me as a bit sketchy, like they weren’t really telling the whole truth. So I fixed that. Here’s the original for reference if you’re lucky enough to be unfamiliar.

Verizon ad confirms Droid is a not-quite pretty ‘racehorse duct taped to a Scud missile’

There’s something peculiar about Verizon‘s latest addition to its promotional Droid onslaught. Sure, we get the expected Mad Libs-esque hyperboles like “it rips through the web like a circular saw through a ripe banana,” but other nods seem to indicate an acknowledgement that, well, it’s not the prettiest of flagship phone princesses. “Should [a phone be] be a tiara-wearing digitally clueless beauty pageant queen?” (Wonder who that’s a reference to.) Listen Verizon, trading “hairdo for can do” is great and all, but why can’t we simply have both brains and beauty? Still, it’s nice to know the fighting words haven’t all but left the industry. See the ad for yourself after the break.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

Continue reading Verizon ad confirms Droid is a not-quite pretty ‘racehorse duct taped to a Scud missile’

Verizon ad confirms Droid is a not-quite pretty ‘racehorse duct taped to a Scud missile’ originally appeared on Engadget on Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:08:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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USB Inserts bring ads into the print age and back again… or something

Be honest: you really want to crack open a magazine and find one of these paper-thin USB key ads, right? No? Well… here’s the thing. We really think this is a cool concept — made to order, super slim, die cut USB drives that can be tucked in the pages of a newspaper or magazine (if you know what those are) — with whatever content a company wants to throw on there. However, we’re also not really sure the inserts would be compelling enough for us to ever consider loading up whatever content was on it. Regardless, that phone on the right sure seems to be familiar

USB Inserts bring ads into the print age and back again… or something originally appeared on Engadget on Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:04:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Verizon goes after Sprint’s ‘most dependable 3G network’ ad claim

Looks like Verizon’s addicted to the sweet taste of success: following its victory over AT&T regarding the Map For That ads, Big Red’s complaining to the The National Advertising Division of the Council of Better Business Bureaus about Sprint’s “America’s most dependable 3G network” tagline. Verizon says that a recent Nielsen survey shows its network drops fewer calls than Sprint’s, and for now the bureaucrats agree — the board’s asked Sprint to stop airing the ads. For its part, Sprint says one study doesn’t tell the whole tale, and it’s going to keep showing the ads while it appeals to the National Advertising Review Board. In other news, Verizon’s lawyers were seen heading to the local BMW dealership late last night, following a run-in with Sprint’s attorneys at the Mercedes-Benz showroom.

Continue reading Verizon goes after Sprint’s ‘most dependable 3G network’ ad claim

Verizon goes after Sprint’s ‘most dependable 3G network’ ad claim originally appeared on Engadget on Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:21:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Google and TiVo partner to analyze viewer data, sell ads, get filthy rich

We’re actually sort of surprised that this hasn’t happened earlier, but TiVo and Google announced a data-sharing partnership today that’ll give the Google TV team access to TiVo’s second-by-second viewing data — anonymized, of course. That means advertisers who buy their TV ads through Google will only have to pay for the ads that customers actually watch — a system the networks obviously aren’t so keen on, but which makes total sense given Google’s pay-per-impression online advertising model. Google’s already processing a billion remote clicks a day as part of a similar deal it’s had with Dish Network since April, so the new TiVo data should just help Mountain View inch its claws even deeper into our everyday lives. Happy future.

Google and TiVo partner to analyze viewer data, sell ads, get filthy rich originally appeared on Engadget on Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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AT&T loses request for injunction against Verizon’s Map for That ads

Looks like AT&T’s not getting its holiday wish after all — a federal judge just ruled against Ma Bell’s request to have Verizon’s Map For That ads pulled off the air. That doesn’t mean that this whole thing is over, though: the judge called the ads “sneaky” and said that it was possible people might misunderstand them because “most people who are watching TV are semi-catatonic.” Whether or not that’s enough to support a legal conclusion that the ads are misleading is a fight for another day — specifically December 16th, when AT&T will have a second chance to argue its case. Still, this is a big win for Verizon — everyone ready to be inundated with these ads for the next month?

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AT&T loses request for injunction against Verizon’s Map for That ads originally appeared on Engadget on Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:07:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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AT&T responds to Verizon’s 3G ad campaign — by bragging about EDGE


My iPhone 3GS, in downtown Chicago, as I wrote this post.

Verizon certainly seems to be getting under AT&T’s skin with its ads focused on comparing 3G coverage — not only is Ma Bell suing over ’em, it’s now issuing PR to clarify what it sees as the inaccuracies of the entire campaign. If you’ll recall, AT&T thinks Verizon’s 1:1 comparison of 3G coverage maps makes it look like AT&T doesn’t have any coverage at all across most of the country — which means that our nation’s largest wireless carrier is now in the sad position of pimping its gigantic EDGE network in response. Let’s all gloss over the absolutely huge difference in 3G versus EDGE together, shall we?

With both 3G and EDGE coverage, customers can access the Internet, send e-mail, surf the Web, stream music, download videos, send photos, text, talk and more. The only difference – with some data applications, 3G is faster than EDGE.

Right, right — the only difference. That must be why Apple named it the iPhone EDGE Slightly Faster.

Now, AT&T has a valid point when it says that its 3G map covers 75 percent of the nation’s population, and that Verizon’s conflation of total 3G coverage with actual network quality is slightly misleading. But you know what? We watch our iPhones drop from 3G to EDGE and even to GPRS all day long in New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, and that has nothing to do with the damn map, and everything to do with AT&T’s actual network quality. Let’s put it this way: Verizon’s ad campaign would be totally ineffective if it didn’t ring so true, and the best way for AT&T to counter these ads is to build a rock-solid network, not filing lawsuits and issuing press releases bragging about freaking EDGE. We all clear on this? Good.

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AT&T responds to Verizon’s 3G ad campaign — by bragging about EDGE originally appeared on Engadget on Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:17:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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AT&T adds Verizon’s Island of Misfit Toys holiday ads to lawsuit, demands they be yanked off the air

Well, you knew this was coming — AT&T’s amended its advertising lawsuit against Verizon to include Big Red’s new holiday ads, including that oh-so-cute Island of Misfit Toys spot, and demanded that they be taken off the air. At question is the same map of AT&T’s 3G coverage used in the other commercial, which Ma Bell says misleads customers into thinking it has no service at all in large swaths of the country. Best part? AT&T’s lawyers had to describe the ad in their new filing, leading to passages like this:

The spotted elephant, in a surprised manner, asks the iPhone “What are you doing here? You can download apps and browse the web!” and a Dolly for Sue asserts that “Yeah. People will love you [the iPhone].”

Happy holidays, folks.

Read – Digital Daily
Read – AT&T’s amended complaint [PDF]

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AT&T adds Verizon’s Island of Misfit Toys holiday ads to lawsuit, demands they be yanked off the air originally appeared on Engadget on Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:03:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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New DROID ads show off Android, will make a man out of you


“A robot is a thing that does…” Verizon / Google / Motorola are taking their ad onslaught to new heights and in a new direction, with three new ads (which will hit “soon,” according to our tipster), two of which actually show off Android functionality. It’s a bold new vision for a hyperbole-filled, guytastic campaign which shows no sign of letting up, and seems more than anything to be the complete antithesis to Palm’s coma-inducing spots instead of an antidote for Apple’s everyhipster sensibilities. Check out the three new DROID ads after the break.

[Thanks, DroidDoesItAll]

Continue reading New DROID ads show off Android, will make a man out of you

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New DROID ads show off Android, will make a man out of you originally appeared on Engadget on Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:23:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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