Hasta La Gadget!

As a loyal iPod user, you’d have thought that Queen Elizabeth II would have seen fit to bestow an honorary knighthood on a certain Steven Paul Jobs by now. After all, Sir Bill received his back in 2005 even though his company couldn’t quite get its cellphone or tablet strategies to stick with consumers. According to an anonymous senior Labour MP who left Parliament in the last election, Jobs had reached the final stages of approval for “services to technology” only to be rejected in 2009 by the then-Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Why? Well, according to The Telegraph, Jobs had the audacity to turn down an offer to speak at Labour’s annual conference. In retaliation we hear that Apple is holding Jony Ive — himself, an honorary Commander of the British Empire — hostage in an infinitely looping orange grove somewhere in northern California.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

Steve Jobs’ knighthood rejected by Gordon Brown? originally appeared on Engadget on Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:16:00 EDT. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Barack Obama is a president well known for being in touch with technology, so it’s no surprise to see him wining and dining the industry’s biggest decision makers. Larry Ellison, Eric Schmidt, Carol Bartz, Mark Zuckerberg, and yes, even Steve Jobs joined el presidente for an informal dinner on Thursday to discuss important things like jobs, education, and research spending. We’re not here for that, though, we’re here to drop zingers about one all-powerful dude and his big-time CEO buddies.

Thomas: “Here’s to project Soylent Green.”
Joe: “This sure beats the Four Loko Summit we held last summer on the White House lawn.”
Chris: “So let’s just jam through this dinner real quick.”
Josh T: “I hope no one authorizes a ‘kill switch’ on this party.”
Paul: “At this very moment we’re millions of miles from a doomed planet Earth!”
Nilay: “Gentlemen, Ballmer has neutralized the Finnish threat.”
Richard Lai: “Drink up, kids — it’s Dance Central time!”
Tim: “Zuck, it’s like Final Club, except with the President.”

Caption Contest: Obama has dinner with tech industry CEOs originally appeared on Engadget on Fri, 18 Feb 2011 11:30:00 EDT. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The latest report on the health of Apple head Steve Jobs comes from no less reputable a source than that bastion of journalistic integrity, The National Enquire. Yep, the CEO, who has been largely absent from the company after taking sick leave back in January, is right there on the cover, next to a story about an Elizabeth Taylor’s “Secret Heart Operation” and a think piece entitled “Hollywood Out of Control.”

The tabloid published some admittedly brutal shots of Jobs, who reportedly weighs around 130 pounds. Oh, also the testimonial of a doctor “with 40 years experience,”

He is terminal. What you are seeing is extreme muscle wasting from calorie deprivation, most likely caused by cancer. He has no muscle left in his buttocks, which is the last place to go. He definitely appears to be in the terminal stages of his life from these photos. I would be surprised if he weighed more than 130 lbs.

Steve Jobs is still around, he’s just working from home. Three weeks after temporarily turning the company’s reigns over to COO Tim Cook, Apple’s founder’s is still playing an integral part in the running of the company–according to The Wall Street Journal‘s usual roundup of anonymous sources.

Apple PR confirmed Jobs’s continued role within the company, stating, “Steve is the CEO of Apple and during his medical leave he’ll continue to be involved in major strategic decisions.”

Jobs, 55, took leave of the company in mid-January, citing unspecified reasons. The executive has been plagued by health concerns for the past, having undergone treatment for pancreatic cancer and a liver transplant.

In spite of his most recent absence, Jobs has been spotted on Apple’s Cupertino campus in the past few weeks.