Hey there, this is your old friend the Cassette Tape writing in. I just want to say that I got a raw deal in the canon of audio formats. Everybody loved the CD because it was soooooooo technologically advanced. And people still love the LP because it’s the purest representation of analog sound or some nonsense like that. But what about me, huh? WHAT ABOUT ME?! All I’m stuck with these days are a bunch of kids who weren’t even born when I dominated music store shelves and only like me because they think I sound all “LO-FI” and shit. Well guess what: I SOUND GREAT. When I get all jammed up and spill my guts all over the place, THAT ONLY MAKES THE MUSIC SOUND BETTER.

Furthermore, I don’t appreciate people going out and making cassette players that will transfer my noise to that holier-than-though MP3 format. What in the hell is that anyways? You can’t even hold it in your hand. Anyone who pays $13 bucks for this thing is a fool in my book. My day will come again. I can promise you that. [Note: Gizmodo does not endorse the views of the Cassette Tape.] -AC

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You’re late. Again. You’re going to lose your job. Your wife. Your husband. Do you have both? That’s illegal. You’re going to lose it all because you couldn’t haul your bloated hide out of bed in time. Again. Oh, you just wanted to sleep in. A bit of snoozing. Just a few more Zs. That seemed fair. But now you’ve really screwed up. Your dog’s in the kennel. Who will get Dr. Cocoa? Why did you name her that? Why did you add the A? Where did she get her doctorate? Why did she choose anthropology? None of that matters now. You’re too late. Too late for any of it to matter. Don’t let it happen again. Buy a Buzz Lightyear alarm clock for $13. Its arms and legs move. This will get you out of bed. -SB More »

When I was in about 4th grade, I used to go to my friend Max’s house pretty frequently to play Prince of Persia. We’d sit by his old Mac, watching each other run through stone passageways—slicing, leaping, adventuring. We were young and eager to simulate Medieval violence. Youth has since left us—divorce, substance abuse, visions of war, disease—and yet Prince of Persia will always be synonymous with youth. My youth, and yours. AND YOURS. That’s right. There’s a little bit of the prince in all of us—maybe directly, if he impregnated one of your ancestors. Why not get back in touch—in Lego form? This Prince of Persia Quest Against Time brick set is just $30 with free shipping. Never forget the prince. -SB More »

10 years ago, people would have laughed if you suggested that Google would someday be in the cellphone business. Now look at them. Android is becoming a power player. In that vein, here are a list of predictions of new ventures google will dominate a decade from now: More »

I have an awesome idea. I’m going to buy an apartment, I’m thinking probably in Miami or Tampa cause the weather’s great. And then I’m going to outfit the whole house with hidden ‘security’ cams to PROTECT it. You know from creeps on the outside so I can creep all I want on the inside. And then I’m going to get two really hot girls, preferably in their young 20’s and definitely from a different country to rent my beach-side apartment and then…oh wait…shit nevermind! More »